https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 24 Apr 2026 09:21:11 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-ignore-my-15-mo-old-to-make-him-better-at-independent-play#post-2681708 Tue, 17 Jan 2017 18:20:03 +0000 mrswin 2681708@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@justjules: I agree with many of the other ladies that some of it is just personality. We try and encourage my DD to play independently on a regular basis. When she is whiny or clingy I try and promt her to move onto a new activity. For example if we are trying to prep dinner and she is wanting to be picked up or entertained I will put her down, turn on some music and ask her if she can show me how she dances. Or I will ask her if she can go read a book to her bear or suggest she go cook something for me in her play kitchen. Once she has something to do she will usually play independently for a while. She is only 21 months but this method seems to work as her receptive language is very good.</p> <p>The other thing we have started letting her do is set the table. I hand her one fork at a time and ask her to put it on the table, then we do napkins and then plates, etc. She thinks it is a great game and easily takes her 5-10 minutes to accomplish. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-ignore-my-15-mo-old-to-make-him-better-at-independent-play#post-2681701 Tue, 17 Jan 2017 18:09:32 +0000 justjules 2681701@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sarac: I need to keep that in mind. I think it's just the whole mom guilt thing :bummed: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-ignore-my-15-mo-old-to-make-him-better-at-independent-play#post-2681678 Tue, 17 Jan 2017 17:25:33 +0000 sarac 2681678@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think it's 'indulgent' or 'neglect' to require your child to play on their own at times - I think it's a good way to teach them to be independent. Also, to demonstrate that you don't exist solely to entertain them - that you have work to do, and also that you have things you enjoy doing that aren't just playing with them. And I'm an attachment parent. </p> <p>So much of this is personality. My first daughter played moderately well on her own, but constantly wants to be talking to someone. My toddler plays very well on her own. With both I've set the expectation that sometimes mama plays with them, and some times Mama reads a book, because Mama enjoys reading. There are certainly tears and grumpiness at times, but they both well understand that I enjoy and deserve to do things other than just play with them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-ignore-my-15-mo-old-to-make-him-better-at-independent-play#post-2681636 Tue, 17 Jan 2017 16:34:14 +0000 Cole 2681636@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My daughter tends toward being a clingy child. I've found that he ability to play independently goes in phases, sometimes she's great at it and sometimes (like right now) she's terrible at it. It helps if I rearrange and rotate her toys when she's struggling. I also set up "invitations to play" best places I'll be working. So if I need to fold laundry in my room I'll put a baby doll and blanket in my room for her to come across or I'll set out stickers and paper in the kitchen for when I need to cook dinner. It isn't a perfect system but it helps. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-ignore-my-15-mo-old-to-make-him-better-at-independent-play#post-2681563 Tue, 17 Jan 2017 15:29:26 +0000 justjules 2681563@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: that's a good point about newborns needing less attention. Though I am worried that E will get jealous over nursing since he is just now weaning. </p> <p>@Kemma: he goes to the YMCA day care 4-5x a week for several hours and we have play dates 1-2x a week. Hopefully those times without me help foster independent play </p> <p>@gingerbebe: @Mrs. Pickle: I like the idea of a safe space. We live in such a small apartment though, I don't know where that would be! I guess I would have to buy those play pen gate things? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-ignore-my-15-mo-old-to-make-him-better-at-independent-play#post-2681490 Tue, 17 Jan 2017 14:23:23 +0000 oliviaoblivia 2681490@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My three are all pretty good at independent play. I can cook a meal and empty the dishwasher without them needed me.<br /> I just make sure they're set up with things that hold their interest. A little neglect I guess but my big girl (4y) will play by herself all day if I don't intervene.<br /> Mine are close in age 12 months apart and 23 months apart. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-ignore-my-15-mo-old-to-make-him-better-at-independent-play#post-2681481 Tue, 17 Jan 2017 14:20:40 +0000 Mrs. Pickle 2681481@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: I don't feel guilty! I figure I do plenty and need down time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-ignore-my-15-mo-old-to-make-him-better-at-independent-play#post-2681474 Tue, 17 Jan 2017 14:17:38 +0000 brownepiano 2681474@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I definitely think that it is partially learned and partially personality. My first was terrible at playing by himself forever even though I regularly tried to ignore him and do some housework. My second is only 7 months old but will play by himself pretty happily for 20 minutes or more. </p> <p>As I got more pregnant I would tell my kid to play by himself for a little while as I rested on the couch. He started to do better at it the more I did it, but he was also older than your son is. I think it is OK for him to learn it now, but will get easier as he gets older. Either creating 'yes' spaces or having baskets with toys for him in each room will help facilitate independent play. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-ignore-my-15-mo-old-to-make-him-better-at-independent-play#post-2681455 Tue, 17 Jan 2017 14:04:57 +0000 Anagram 2681455@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Pickle: don't feel bad about getting some lazy time in while your kid is playing! My oldest will play alone for 2 hours at a go sometimes, and I just let her be. When she was my only, I would catch up on a show or do stuff online or read--no guilt!</p> <p>Now that I have the clinger, it's much harder. Boooooo </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-ignore-my-15-mo-old-to-make-him-better-at-independent-play#post-2681446 Tue, 17 Jan 2017 14:01:20 +0000 Mrs. Pickle 2681446@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My DD is the same age as your LO. I'm home with her 3 days a week. She's really good at independent play. I'm sure some of it is personality. Here's what we do. I really like the RIE concept of a safe/yes space and for us that's the living room. I have it completely gated off and baby proofed. I know while she's in the living room she's safe and I don't have to keep an eye on her, tell her no, constantly redirect, etc. Most of her toys are in here, her anywhere chair, some puzzles, and some books. She'll happily play while I do other things. Sometimes she brings me a toy and wants me to play with her. When she asks I do try to make time, since it's not constant. There are times where I'm on the couch on my phone or reading a book while she's playing in the same room. Sure, it's indulgent. That doesn't bother me though. I think they have to practice playing independently and then work up to doing it longer stretches. </p> <p>I should probably add that I'm not sitting on the couch ignoring my child all day. :p On Tuesdays we go to story time, then run errands and have lunch out. Either Wednesday or Friday we have a play date or attend an activity with a local meet up group. Monday and Thursday I'm at work so she's in a Mother's Day Out program. We really just have one day a week that we spend at home. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-ignore-my-15-mo-old-to-make-him-better-at-independent-play#post-2681426 Tue, 17 Jan 2017 13:48:12 +0000 gingerbebe 2681426@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We worked on independent play with both kiddos since very young but the method is still the same. Pick a time and a place or location that is safe and secure, within earshot but out of sight from mom. Put kid in there with toys and activities for a set amount of time. Say you will come back in a few minutes and have fun. Go in at the end of play time with lots of praise and cheer.</p> <p>You can start with as little as 5 minutes and increase the time as the kid learns to play nicely. At your kids age a timer is helpful - set a kitchen timer and come as soon as it goes off with lots of cheering. It also can teach cleaning up - we had our son clean up his toys with me at the end of each play time and soon he would start doing it as a habit. </p> <p>You can start with a PNP in the dining room or a secured bedroom with a baby gate. </p> <p>This was super helpful to me because my eldest had no problems with his baby brother EXCEPT when I was feeding him. Which as a newborn is all the time. So I needed at least one time of day when he could entertain himself so I could feed the baby. DH helped in the mornings and evenings, and one feeding always happened during DS1's nap, but there was at least one feeding where I needed him to be occupied. He could do 45 minutes of room play at that point and it was a lifesaver. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-ignore-my-15-mo-old-to-make-him-better-at-independent-play#post-2681417 Tue, 17 Jan 2017 13:37:44 +0000 Kemma 2681417@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Do you take your toddler out to playgroup or lesson time at the library or anything like that? I've found that those sorts of activities are great for encouraging independent play and they'll also be a lifesaver once your second arrives! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-ignore-my-15-mo-old-to-make-him-better-at-independent-play#post-2681410 Tue, 17 Jan 2017 13:32:47 +0000 Anagram 2681410@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@justjules: also, I think that outside of nursing, it's easier to "ignore" the baby if you are ignoring either of them. Newborns will just be sleeping or content to stare at a ceiling fan--your toddler will require a ton of attention. Maybe even more attention, since they will be dealing with the transition of having a sibling.</p> <p>Even during nursing, I had to have activities my oldest could do right next to me. Sometimes I would sit on the floor next to my oldest LOs play table and nurse the baby while the older one was painting. And then I was there to hand her more paper, or make sure she didn't paint on the wall, etc. And then I would put the baby down and let her be content to do nothing while I focused my attention on my oldest. I would kind of "save up" the times I needed her to play independently for when the newborn was more around 3 months old and starting to need a quiet place to nap. Then I would nurse in the living room where I could interact with LO1, and then leave LO1 to play alone for just 5-10 minutes while I then put LO2 to sleep in another room. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-ignore-my-15-mo-old-to-make-him-better-at-independent-play#post-2681408 Tue, 17 Jan 2017 13:29:17 +0000 Anagram 2681408@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@justjules: I'm sure you'll get varying responses, but I think a lot of this comes down to you, what kind of parent you want to be, and your child's personality.</p> <p>Like, are you into attachment parenting, or gentle parenting, or REI parenting, or traditional parenting or something else? How comfortable are you with tears/distress?</p> <p>For me--I feel like 80% of this is the child's personality. My first has always been good at independent play and still is. When I only had 1 kid, I think I used to give myself a lot of mental pats on the back for how well I "taught" her how to play independently. Ha. Ha. And then I had a second kid who is now 17 months old and still doesn't want to play independently for more than 3 seconds, is a stage 5 clinger, will hold my leg and wail if I can't hold her while doing something like cutting raw chicken, and only wants to be held 24/7 while being a chunky 25 lbs. And who throws epic, epic tantrums several times daily when she doesn't get what she wants. So the joke is on me. </p> <p>My parenting isn't different--if anything, kid 2 has had even LESS attention from me from birth onwards. But their personalities are just different. I aspire to be a gentleISH/attachmentISH parent. If my kids need me, physically or emotionally, I want to be there for them. But I said 'ish' because I have my limits and my limit is that things have to happen in my life--I have to work, keep a fairly clean house, cook dinners, do chores, etc. And so if I can't soothe a kid in 5-10 minutes, then I go back to doing what needs to be done and they can follow along clinging to my leg and crying, and I don't really feel guilty about that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-ignore-my-15-mo-old-to-make-him-better-at-independent-play#post-2681368 Tue, 17 Jan 2017 12:57:39 +0000 justjules 2681368@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The title seems a bit dramatic but here is the situation: </p> <p>E is almost 15 months and is generally a happy content kid. However, being a stay at home mom means I spend a lot of time with him- reading books over and over, playing cars, chasing him around the park etc etc. There are times during the day when I'm not available- most notably when I'm doing them dishes (we don't have a dishwasher so this happens after every meal) or cooking. I tell him that I can't play right now and his responses vary. Sometimes he play happily on his own for a while, sometimes he cries a bit then goes and play, sometimes it's a full cry while he clings to my legs for the whole time. </p> <p>Here's the catch. I'm due in 3.5 months in which suddenly I will be very much unavailable during the day nursing, taking care of new baby etc. I want to prep E for that as much as can. Right now I feel like his "independent play" threshold is pretty low since I am so available to play with him most of the day. But I feel bad saying no when I don't really have anything urgent to do. Like "no... go play by yourself while I sit on the couch and read a book (or look at my phone)" seems indulgent. But I don't know how else to make him More comfortable at playing by himself without my undivided attention. </p> <p>What do you all think? Mamas of two (especially those so close in age) iwas this ever something you had to work on? </p>