https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 08 Apr 2026 20:29:19 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-stick-it-out-with-our-part-time-nanny#post-2429716 Wed, 20 Jan 2016 15:17:16 +0000 shellio 2429716@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@winniebee: Thanks so much for sharing your experience. @winniebee: @Madison43: You're right, clear boundaries would really help DS. I think I'm better at this than DH is, maybe I should sit down and talk to him about it.</p> <p>@sooz: You raise an excellent point. One of the reasons we wanted to have someone here regularly is so that the kids would be used to a caregiver besides us so that we could have a sitter to call when we need to get out. Up until now we haven't had anybody for when a grandparent is not available (which is often). So I guess we see the temporary nature as sort of a benefit - if we love having a sitter, we can look for someone more permanent, but if we're sick of spending so much on child care and don't want to hire someone else, at least we will have someone to call for the weekend/evening help we sometimes need. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-stick-it-out-with-our-part-time-nanny#post-2429688 Wed, 20 Jan 2016 15:00:22 +0000 Madison43 2429688@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd stick it out. Our nanny has been with us for 18 months and my 2 YO loves loves loves her, but still can be a total cling on if my husband or I are at home. Our nanny is great about projecting the right energy and firmly (but nicely) guiding my daughter to another room or activity or just distracting her from us, but it still can be a challenge for everyone. And she's been with us for so long that we are all comfortable with her taking the lead. Maybe your nanny is still a little timid because she's uncomfortable taking charge while a parent is there? I think that just takes time to develop. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-stick-it-out-with-our-part-time-nanny#post-2429683 Wed, 20 Jan 2016 14:59:04 +0000 winniebee 2429683@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think you should give it time as long as you are satisfied with the care she's giving the kids. 4 weeks is not a long time for a bond to have formed, yet. </p> <p>I WAH and have a nanny three days / 30 hours a week. She watches DS2 (13 months) all three days. DS1 is in preschool 830-330 two of those days. Let me start by saying that she is excellent with both boys and has been with us for 4m. But, it was a real struggle for him being home with her while I was also home, at first. He was in preschool all three days at first but now it's just twice because we moved and he had to change schools. He tries to come looking for me sometimes (especially if he's a little sick or tired). But we are pushing forward and he's actually adjusted really well. I think the biggest thing was enforcing rules with him - when nanny is here, she is in charge. If he really needs me, I will attend to him for a few minutes and then send him on his way. (He resisted and cried at first, but now he might protest, but it's way better.) If it's a little both, or the boundaries are unclear to your 2 year old, I think it will be harder. Perhaps have your husband make set time during the day for each kid or something so that the rules and expectations for your 2 yo are more clear. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-stick-it-out-with-our-part-time-nanny#post-2429672 Wed, 20 Jan 2016 14:54:18 +0000 sooz 2429672@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would agree with the other posters and say wait it out IF you were going to keep her long term, but since this seems like a temporary arrangement, my suggestion would be to find someone else who'd be permanent and then try to deal with the separation anxiety issue. Why go through it once with this nanny and then again with a new one? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-stick-it-out-with-our-part-time-nanny#post-2429668 Wed, 20 Jan 2016 14:52:15 +0000 shellio 2429668@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JoJoGirl: Thanks, that is so reassuring. I know he will adjust eventually but its so painful to just hear him cry, I also feel bad for the nanny. She's very sweet. </p> <p>I just thought of another idea - I'm going to sit down and talk to her and just check in on how she feels things are going. This will keep the lines of communication open, and give her the opportunity to say goodbye if she is just tired of the arrangement. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-stick-it-out-with-our-part-time-nanny#post-2429657 Wed, 20 Jan 2016 14:47:37 +0000 JoJoGirl 2429657@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>our 2 year old has severe stranger anxiety as well, but I DEFINITELY would stick it out, it always goes away eventually! We find it easier when DH isn't working from home the days she's home with a new sitter - makes it easier to force her to deal. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-stick-it-out-with-our-part-time-nanny#post-2429656 Wed, 20 Jan 2016 14:46:29 +0000 shellio 2429656@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@T.H.O.U.: This is her 4th week with us, she comes twice a week but missed once for illness so she has come 6 times now.</p> <p>DH does leave the house, the issue is that we want to give her plenty of time with the 2yo to really focus on him without worrying about the baby and allow them to get to know each other. The 2yo would actually probably do better if the 4yo were here as well, but since he's in preschool that isn't usually possible. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-stick-it-out-with-our-part-time-nanny#post-2429627 Wed, 20 Jan 2016 14:32:38 +0000 Mamaof2 2429627@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would give it time - </p> <p>I also think your DH should leave the house one day - maybe go work at the library or something? Knowing he is in the house wont help your 2yr old adjust </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-stick-it-out-with-our-part-time-nanny#post-2429620 Wed, 20 Jan 2016 14:30:58 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2429620@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>How long has she been with you? </p> <p>You said you or DH are usually around, have you tried just letting her babysit? Or maybe babysit him alone so she can really focus on him (or maybe this would backfire and maybe he finds security in siblings being around). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-i-stick-it-out-with-our-part-time-nanny#post-2429610 Wed, 20 Jan 2016 14:27:20 +0000 shellio 2429610@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We hired a PT nanny for our 3 kids who has been with us about 4 weeks. My DH is mostly a SAHD who does some computer work from home when he can, so the idea was to give him some flexibility to do work and also tackle cleaning, errands, etc. We also wanted to have someone our kids were familiar with so we would be able to call her for date nights or other babysitting. She comes 2 days a week for 6-7 hours. We fully trust her and have no concerns about safety having her with our kids. Our 4 year old is mostly in preschool when she comes over but has no problem playing with her or even having her put him to bed. We also have a 3 mo old who is clearly adored by the nanny and obviously at 3 months she's cool with anybody. The problem is, the 2 year old has never been left with anybody except the occasional grandma care and has really had trouble adjusting. He is a stubborn guy and will cry and cry when she arrives, and cling to daddy or to me if I'm there. Eventually if we disappear the 2yo will come around and play with her, but will intermittently fuss and start looking for us. I'm sure this is normal 2yo behavior/stranger anxiety but it makes it challenging for DH to accomplish anything at home, and eliminates the flexibility for him to come and go to run errands alone but still get some bonding time with the baby for example. (Since when he leaves he feels that he needs to just stay away to minimize the trauma of the 2yo seeing him come home.) The nanny is very sweet, has a few years of experience with toddlers, and seems to enjoy playing with the kids. However she is also fairly timid and not at all firm with him. I think she just doesn't project the right energy (if that makes sense) to soothe an anxious 2yo. We want to give her the chance to bond with the 2yo so we haven't left her alone with both him and the baby for any length of time yet, but of course we need to be able to leave them at some point. </p> <p>We haven't specifically discussed the timeline of this arrangement with the nanny, she is a grad student and mentioned that she defends her thesis in May so I assume she will want a real FT job at that point. So my DH and I are viewing this as a temporary arrangement and figured that we will reassess our needs when she moves on and decide if we want to find someone else or what. However it is becoming a little painful to keep paying someone and not taking full advantage of her services (DH or I still usually around with the baby while waiting for her to really make that connection with the 2yo). She is really sweet and I don't want to just dismiss her, but I also recognize that this is a business arrangement and if it isn't working out it is ok to tell her we all need to move on. Thanks for reading - thoughts? </p>