https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 05 May 2026 09:02:48 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-sahms-get-post-nuptial-agreements#post-1290068 Wed, 18 Dec 2013 19:30:55 +0000 MrsSCB 1290068@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@deerylou: That's a good point -- like I usually think of pre-nups being more useful for people with lots of money and disposable income (aka not me, lol).</p> <p>@MsMamaBear: Agreed, I think that if you don't have significant assets of your own coming into marriage, it seems unromantic and kind of a downer. But if you do have assets a prenup is smart! Neither my H nor I came into our marriage with anything significant, but if I had something to protect, I definitely would have :-) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-sahms-get-post-nuptial-agreements#post-1290061 Wed, 18 Dec 2013 19:27:20 +0000 deerylou 1290061@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsSCB: Got it! In that case, that makes much more sense. However, I'm not sure my husband could ever afford to cushion me, say, a year's salary, up front, so this almost sounds like an arrangement for those with a relatively high income. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-sahms-get-post-nuptial-agreements#post-1290059 Wed, 18 Dec 2013 19:27:05 +0000 mrs. bird 1290059@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>i think it's a great idea. for myself, i am strongly against divorce, but who's to say when i'm 45 my husband isn't going to go through some midlife crisis &amp; leave me for a 22 year old?? i'm strongly considering a post-nup right now, our entire downpayment for a home is mine, money he had nothing to do with, without me he wouldn't be looking at houses, but since the house will be in his name, i want to make sure if he leaves me, i don't get left homeless. i'm all for spelling out expectations and making sure you protect yourself. you never know what life can bring and i don't think anyone who was screwed by a former spouse saw it coming, no one ever sees it coming, that's why you married them in the first place, because you thought you could trust them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-sahms-get-post-nuptial-agreements#post-1290054 Wed, 18 Dec 2013 19:24:08 +0000 MsMamaBear 1290054@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I used to feel the same way about prenups that some here do, before I had any assests. It may seem like it's a exit strategy, but I see it as, if we end our marriage, you're leaving with what you came with. None of my inheritance is going with you. May seem like a bad way to go into marriage, but I'd rather be safe than sorry, especially when everything will go to my daughter when I die. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-sahms-get-post-nuptial-agreements#post-1290053 Wed, 18 Dec 2013 19:23:42 +0000 MrsSCB 1290053@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@deerylou: I think the intention is more to give you a cushion while you look for a job after being out of the work force for so long, not so you can continue to stay home as a single mom. That was my impression anyway! Because I totally agree that if a couple in which the mom (or dad) SAH were to get divorced, I don't think it would be fair for the SAH parent to expect to continue to do that and not get a job to support herself and her child. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-sahms-get-post-nuptial-agreements#post-1290051 Wed, 18 Dec 2013 19:17:49 +0000 LindsayInNY 1290051@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@DillonLion: Unfortunately, no. Alimony laws vary from state to state and there are all sorts of factors to consider (or ignore!): <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alimony#Factors_affecting_alimony_in_the_United_States" rel="nofollow">http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alimony#Factors_affecting_alimony_in_the_United_States</a><br /> <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alimony#Alimony_reform_in_the_United_States" rel="nofollow">http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alimony#Alimony_reform_in_the_United_States</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-sahms-get-post-nuptial-agreements#post-1290050 Wed, 18 Dec 2013 19:17:32 +0000 deerylou 1290050@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have really mixed feelings about this. On one hand, it may be a smart, financial decision, but on the other, I feel that the arrangement of a SAH parent is one that exists within a relationship. Obviously, married or not, a working parent should still provide for their children, in the highest capacity. However, I would have a hard time accepting payment for my winter coats, haircuts, and lattes if my husband and I were to divorce. He may provide that now, but it's part of the shared income perk we have established, as a couple. My husband's income might afford my personal necessities, but I also provide a service by keeping our shared home in order, caring for our child, maintaining a well stocked kitchen, and staying on top of our finances. If we were to separate, these services would be up to him. While our children remain his responsibility, I don't believe I would. </p> <p>I could just have trouble relating. Although I'm currently a SAHM, I have every intention of returning once DD is a toddler, and attempt to stay updated and well versed in my field. I just feel safer when I feel self sufficient, and personally find that frame of mind acts as better protection that any kind of formal, financial security arrangeent. Of course, this is merely what works for me and my personality. </p> <p>In the end, I think it comes down to personal belief, and preferences. Women should feel secure and empowered to plan for the future how they see fit. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-sahms-get-post-nuptial-agreements#post-1290031 Wed, 18 Dec 2013 18:59:50 +0000 Foodnerd81 1290031@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Makes me squeamish too. I see why it's really smart, but I'm one of those who thinks it won't happen to us anyway (which I know everyone thinks!). Even if both parents want one to sah, sh!t happens and from what I hear, partners can get nasty in a divorce. </p> <p>That said, I'm a sahm and we don't have one. Then again, Dh always made a lot more than me anyway, but we still wouldn't have done this. Heck we haven't even done a will yet.., </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-sahms-get-post-nuptial-agreements#post-1290025 Wed, 18 Dec 2013 18:57:59 +0000 mlm2934 1290025@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm in the camp that pre- and post-nups both make feel icky bc of the message they send. I know that goes against wise, logical financial planning, but I don't want to have anything that represents that I'm less than 100% committed to a lasting marriage, regardless of the financial risk that may represent. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-sahms-get-post-nuptial-agreements#post-1290020 Wed, 18 Dec 2013 18:54:40 +0000 DillonLion 1290020@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I thought alimony already resolved this issue. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-sahms-get-post-nuptial-agreements#post-1290013 Wed, 18 Dec 2013 18:51:01 +0000 LindsayInNY 1290013@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LovelyPlum: @Ree723: I see where you're both coming from... DH and I talked a *lot* about a pre-nup but eventually ended up not getting one. We talked about it mostly because we're both lawyers and it's almost a given in some instances. But, we didn't have any assets at the time besides a dog and debt so it didn't really make the most sense. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-sahms-get-post-nuptial-agreements#post-1290008 Wed, 18 Dec 2013 18:42:55 +0000 Dandelion 1290008@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jedeve: Agreed...it would be very awkward to bring it up...especially if there wasn't a pre-nup. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-sahms-get-post-nuptial-agreements#post-1290005 Wed, 18 Dec 2013 18:41:38 +0000 jedeve 1290005@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm surprised at how many people are for this! Is anyone actually doing it?</p> <p>I kind of get pre-nups, but feel like this would be even more odd to bring up post-marriage. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-sahms-get-post-nuptial-agreements#post-1289971 Wed, 18 Dec 2013 18:05:33 +0000 LovelyPlum 1289971@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Ree723: this! It's the message it sends. I just feel like, how committed can you really be when you have an exit strategy ready at a moment's notice? I think people should be smart, but I have a hard time with this one. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-sahms-get-post-nuptial-agreements#post-1289962 Wed, 18 Dec 2013 18:00:22 +0000 Ree723 1289962@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't know, this just makes me feel squeamish. I don't like the idea of prenups to begin with, although in the case where one party has significantly more assets, I can see the desire to have one. To sign a post nuptial agreement just seems like you're setting yourself up for failure. Maybe if one partner asked the other to give up their career and stay home, against their desires, I could see that, but in my experience, people usually become SAHPs because it is what both parents want.</p> <p>I also would hope that if a couple breaks up, both parents would care enough about their children to ensure that whoever is going to be the primary caregiver of the children is adequately supported. I know it doesn't always work out that way but that's where I would hope the courts would do their part!</p> <p>To each their own, but I would never get a pre or post nuptial agreement, I just don't like the message it sends... :-/ </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-sahms-get-post-nuptial-agreements#post-1289954 Wed, 18 Dec 2013 17:58:08 +0000 LovelyPlum 1289954@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I see how this might make some financial sense, but I don't know, as a general rule, I dislike the idea of pre-nups. But maybe there is some sense to doing it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-sahms-get-post-nuptial-agreements#post-1289942 Wed, 18 Dec 2013 17:45:49 +0000 Boheme 1289942@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Its not the most romantic thing in the world, but it certainly is smart. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-sahms-get-post-nuptial-agreements#post-1289937 Wed, 18 Dec 2013 17:39:50 +0000 pui 1289937@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think this is a good idea, but I probably wouldn't bother. We were going to get a prenup but after speaking to our lawyer about it we decided not to because it would have just be a lot of money in legal fees for not much benefit. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-sahms-get-post-nuptial-agreements#post-1289924 Wed, 18 Dec 2013 17:32:30 +0000 MsMamaBear 1289924@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>GREAT idea! I'm ALL for prenups, so yeah, I'm for this. I'd prefer to put it in a prenup, so there's no need to even go here later. </p> <p>I'm not a SAHM, but I've always been one to remember you NEVER know the future so plan accordingly. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-sahms-get-post-nuptial-agreements#post-1289800 Wed, 18 Dec 2013 16:31:19 +0000 LindsayInNY 1289800@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: I actually was in Court the other month where something similar was going on... Woman was divorced, got money. Met a boyfriend. They decide to buy a condo. She puts in her divorce money for the downpayment, wealthy boyfriend contributes greater amount. She says the agreement was that she wouldn't work and would take care of the house. He says otherwise. They break up, sell condo and can't decide how to divide proceeds now. She wants the divorce money she contributed and then some to compensate her for taking care of the house. He disagreed. I wish I knew the outcome, LOL. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-sahms-get-post-nuptial-agreements#post-1289794 Wed, 18 Dec 2013 16:29:11 +0000 looch 1289794@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LindsayInNY: I see, okay. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-sahms-get-post-nuptial-agreements#post-1289790 Wed, 18 Dec 2013 16:27:51 +0000 LindsayInNY 1289790@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: The agreement would basically eliminate the he said/she said if the couple ever divorced. To make it easier I'm going to say SAHM/she and WOH(Dad)/he... It's not uncommon for the SAHM to say the "deal" was she would stay home, raise kids, take care of house and WOH(Dad) would support monetarily. So basically the SAHM provides a non-monetary benefit to the household. The he said part would be that the WOH(Dad) denies that and says that SAHM was only suppose to stay home for a little bit before going back to work (or something along those lines). That can sometimes be a factor in granting alimony and how much. An agreement would eliminate that he-said, she-said by spelling the arrangement out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-sahms-get-post-nuptial-agreements#post-1289780 Wed, 18 Dec 2013 16:24:05 +0000 yoursilverlining 1289780@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: Maybe it would look more like guaranteed alimony payment? (since alimony isn't awarded as often as it used to be to women upon divorce) It wouldn't replace everything you would have made had you kept working, but might provide a cushion to get on your feet with? Its a good question! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-sahms-get-post-nuptial-agreements#post-1289773 Wed, 18 Dec 2013 16:20:33 +0000 deactivated_account 1289773@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MamaMoose: Dads get the shaft so often. But I think its a safe assumption that any man or woman signing a prenup or a postnup isn't fully clueless so whatever works and best of luck to all! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-sahms-get-post-nuptial-agreements#post-1289772 Wed, 18 Dec 2013 16:19:49 +0000 looch 1289772@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am just having trouble with how it would work...the working partner would have to put money aside to equal to the other partner's potential wages, bonus, 401k contributions and matches, etc? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-sahms-get-post-nuptial-agreements#post-1289768 Wed, 18 Dec 2013 16:16:35 +0000 MamaMoose 1289768@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsMcD: @T.H.O.U.: I think the driving force behind the decision should be taken in to account when the specifics of the agreement are drawn up, but I don't think the mom shouldn't get any benefit of financial protection just because she felt staying home was the best thing for her family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-sahms-get-post-nuptial-agreements#post-1289765 Wed, 18 Dec 2013 16:15:34 +0000 looch 1289765@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@T.H.O.U.: yes, true. It could also be a joint decision for one parent to stay at home. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-sahms-get-post-nuptial-agreements#post-1289762 Wed, 18 Dec 2013 16:14:17 +0000 T.H.O.U. 1289762@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I also think this depends on who is wanting to SAH. If the mom is pushing for it as her "dream" versus the husband asking her to give it up and stay home. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-sahms-get-post-nuptial-agreements#post-1289758 Wed, 18 Dec 2013 16:12:59 +0000 yoursilverlining 1289758@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's a smart idea. Leaves from the workforce come with consequences, no shame or harm in protecting yourself and your children. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/should-sahms-get-post-nuptial-agreements#post-1289755 Wed, 18 Dec 2013 16:12:01 +0000 mrskc 1289755@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's a good idea for women who will be staying at home. </p> <p>@looch: yes, you can contribute to an IRA if you file jointly. I'm leaving my job (well, I'll be working part time from home) and I'm planning to aim to contribute the max to a Roth IRA. </p>