https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 03 Apr 2026 21:49:47 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sibling-issues-new-baby#post-2744043 Mon, 05 Jun 2017 18:22:08 +0000 littlejoy 2744043@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@2PeasinaPod: Complementing the action is so smart!! We have to remember that when LO is "being bad" - to comment on the behavior, not a personality trait. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sibling-issues-new-baby#post-2743952 Mon, 05 Jun 2017 14:45:33 +0000 Alba4 2743952@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@rattles: I totally agree with all that everyone else said, plus having special dates or activities planned for just you and your older DS. It's big adjustment for DS1! Hang in there! It will get easier. Soon you'll be in the stage we're in where both boys want to play with the same toy at the same time! :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sibling-issues-new-baby#post-2743904 Mon, 05 Jun 2017 13:26:31 +0000 rattles 2743904@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We just added #3 around here, and one thing my 2.5 yr old seems to respond well to is when she feels I'm prioritizing her. Like if I'm helping her with something, I'll say to the baby (where she can hear), "now you'll have to wait, DS. I'm helping DD2 right now." That kind of thing (over and over) plus some planned attention or quick outings seemed to help DD1 when we added DD2 as well. Plus I agree with all of the comments re praise for the times he's kind or helpful. I'm sorry you're dealing with this! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sibling-issues-new-baby#post-2743902 Mon, 05 Jun 2017 13:26:03 +0000 2PeasinaPod 2743902@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@snowjewelz: Totally agree!</p> <p>@oskarsmommy: He's looking for attention, so calmly stopping him from doing anything to hurt the baby is obviously a must. The second part is to show him that his actions are having the opposite effect of his desired wishes. So lavishing the baby with attention if your older one does something out of spite is a good way to show him that he's not getting the attention he wants by doing something to harm the baby.</p> <p>Conversely, if he's sweet to the baby, gushing over the act of him being a great big brother could really help. My SIL described to me the idea of personas for your kids. Instead of saying, "You're such a great big brother." or "you're so brave!" You tell them that the action they took is demonstrative of being a good big brother or being a brave person. This way, they see that it was the action they took and not something that they are...so they do the action again. It's hard to explain, but hopefully you sort of got the gist of what I'm trying to say! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sibling-issues-new-baby#post-2743872 Mon, 05 Jun 2017 12:54:10 +0000 littlejoy 2743872@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd say to just confidently navigate each issue with a calm reaction - he's totally testing you!! :) </p> <p>Our LO told us she was going to cut the cat's head off ("but don't worry, I'll sew it back on!"), which sounds more psychotic than throwing brother in the trash, lolol. </p> <p>(also, I'm sorry - I am sure this is hard ... we're expecting LO2, and I assume LO1 will do this)</p> <p>I refer to Janet Lansbury for a lot of these transition issues. Here's a good article: <a href="http://www.janetlansbury.com/2013/04/helping-kids-adjust-to-life-with-the-new-baby/" rel="nofollow">http://www.janetlansbury.com/2013/04/helping-kids-adjust-to-life-with-the-new-baby/</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sibling-issues-new-baby#post-2743850 Mon, 05 Jun 2017 12:28:11 +0000 gingerbebe 2743850@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Sorry, no advice, but just assurance that this is all normal. My good friend had 2 boys the same age spread as you and she said her older kid was harder than the baby. He said during the pregnancy he didn't want a brother, he didn't like his brother, acted out a ton after the baby was born, etc. But it got a LOT better by the time the baby was a little bit older - like once the baby could sit up and laugh at the brother's antics. Now their baby is 15 months old and they are such buds.</p> <p>My boys are 20 months apart, so I missed a lot of the rougher transition issues, but we still have similar behavior where my oldest will try to hurt the baby for no reason on purpose, yank toys out of the baby's hands, insists on taking stuff that's the baby's (his bottle, the baby food spoon, etc). </p> <p>All you can do is just consistently reinforce being gentle and kind, consistently discipline when they hurt the baby intentionally, lavishly praise when they do something nice for the baby. Whenever our son picks up a dropped bib or something for the baby, we praise him directly and also gush to the baby about his older brother. "Baby, isn't S SO NICE?? Who is so lucky to have the nicest big brother? Can you say thank you baby? THANK YOU S!!!" We also brag on him to others in earshot so he gets lots of compliments about being a kind nice brother. We talk a LOT about how the baby is very small so we have to be careful, be gentle, be quiet, and be kind. So much so that our delayed speech toddler even says "Baby small. Gentle mommy, okay? Baby small." </p> <p>You're in the thick of it, so I know its so hard and seems so defeating, but I promise it will get better! My youngest just turned 1 year old and they've been SO good together since they can play more. I'd say around 10 months it got so much easier and I don't have to worry so much about my toddler killing the baby. You're doing a great job! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sibling-issues-new-baby#post-2743827 Mon, 05 Jun 2017 11:48:28 +0000 erinbaderin 2743827@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Some things that helped with us was to emphasize that W was B's little brother, he was the only person in the world who was the big brother to W, and that he had some responsibilities - try to give him a sense of ownership. We also talked about all the things he got to do now that he was a big brother that his little brother couldn't do. I also tried hard not to blame the baby for anything - no "We can't go to the park because W needs to take a nap", but instead "We can't go to the park right now because I need to make dinner" or something similar.</p> <p>Also, though, taping his sticker chart over the baby's face is pretty funny. :grin: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sibling-issues-new-baby#post-2743808 Mon, 05 Jun 2017 11:36:53 +0000 Shantuck 2743808@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We also spoke to the baby sometimes to tell her that we needed to help big brother (more for his benefit than hers) so that he felt like he wasn't always getting slighted for her wants and needs. Maybe big brother is acting out because he thinks he is getting less attention. If the baby was sitting happily in her chair and my bigger guy needed something, I would say "Now, baby, big brother needs me for a minute to help him get a snack so you will need to wait a minute." I think that really helped my bigger guy feel important. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sibling-issues-new-baby#post-2743807 Mon, 05 Jun 2017 11:34:48 +0000 danda 2743807@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>He is clearly doing it for attention, so I like the idea below of removing him from situation (time out) and otherwise reacting as little as possible.</p> <p>One thing I did with my two that I will recommend is to tell the baby that it has to wait its turn for all sorts of random things, just so older child knows baby isn't always being put first. I would even tell the sleeping baby that it was older siblings turn for xyz, baby would have to wait. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sibling-issues-new-baby#post-2743805 Mon, 05 Jun 2017 11:32:57 +0000 Shantuck 2743805@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What about getting a few small gifts (or one larger one) for big brother from the baby? I would talk it up and say that little brother wanted to get him this present because he is such a great big brother. I would also let big brother overhear you and your husband talk about what a great big brother he is and definitely be over the top when he does something good like being gentle with the baby, etc. Our bigger guy was a little older (almost 4.5) when baby sister arrived but we talked about what a great big brother he was and how much he was her favorite, etc. that he seemed to like the praise he was getting and would repeat the good behaviors to get more praise. We also bought him a large gift from his baby sister when we brought her home from the hospital and he frequently thanks her for the present. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sibling-issues-new-baby#post-2743797 Mon, 05 Jun 2017 11:28:10 +0000 snowjewelz 2743797@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>First I would physically stop him from doing that to the baby and say 'I will not let you hurt your little brother.' Then I would lavish the attention on the baby. </p> <p>I think he is def adjusting still... My DD was never aggressive towards the baby but she fought nap/bed time for like a month and I think that was her way of protesting/adjusting to the changes. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sibling-issues-new-baby#post-2743786 Mon, 05 Jun 2017 11:18:48 +0000 oskarsmommy 2743786@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So my oldest is 3yrs 3 months and the baby is 10 weeks. Both boys. The oldest was never into the idea of a brother, it's like he knew from the get go that this was gonna suck for him. The first few days home were magical, he was so sweet and gentle with him. But now, we are dealing with a lot of this kinda stuff:</p> <p>He pokes his fingers in his cheeks a little too hard<br /> Squeezes his arm jus to little too hard (like on purpose)<br /> He puts things on the baby's head (like he taped his sticker chart over the baby's face the other day)<br /> He says he wants to squish baby brother and put him in the trash </p> <p>He does all these things while watching me to see what I do. So he knows he is doing something bad - I am so bummed we are here. We definitely don't feel like a family at this point and I am at a loss for what to do. I give my oldest lots of one on one time. I have tried ignoring the behavior but at a certain point I just can't. </p> <p>Any advice? </p>