https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 30 Apr 2026 01:23:21 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sick-grandma-wants-to-visit#post-751958 Tue, 30 Apr 2013 09:19:33 +0000 kjpugs 751958@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would just be firm and continue you/your mom saying ABSOLUTELY NOT per doctors. If she shows up at your house keep the door locked. You told her doctor's orders and if she still ignores them, well, his health is more important than her feelings, honestly! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sick-grandma-wants-to-visit#post-751949 Tue, 30 Apr 2013 09:16:50 +0000 2PeasinaPod 751949@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@septemberlove: Yeah, your healthy mom coming down to help you after the baby is born is much different than your grandma who has bronchitis coming solely to breathe germs on your premature baby. I know she doesn't mean it that way, but man she sounds like a real peach! </p> <p>I think you're doing the right thing by sticking to your guns. Lock her out for crying out loud! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sick-grandma-wants-to-visit#post-751922 Tue, 30 Apr 2013 09:06:49 +0000 lomom 751922@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@2PeasinaPod: honestly, she just wants something to talk to her senior apartment friends about. She's always butted into my life when something interesting is happening. She makes it blatantly obvious she doesn't like DH but when we were getting married, she wanted to plan the wedding (which DH and I paid for). So despite the bronchitis, she just wants to get here to be able to say she did. She's one of those people that thinks being a grandma/great grandma makes her super special, not that she actually wants to be involved in any of our lives. </p> <p>I'm going to talk to my mom again and tell her I'm thinking about calling and see what she thinks. </p> <p>And part of her not thinking visiting is a big deal is because my mom came down when I gave birth and helped DH and I (LO was a month early and we needed some help!) So she thinks that since my mom came, that means anyone can. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sick-grandma-wants-to-visit#post-751921 Tue, 30 Apr 2013 09:06:37 +0000 JerricaBenton 751921@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Maybe if you don't want to call her, you can send a note saying you're excited for her to meet LO 'one day' and maybe give some vague approximation of when you can bring him to her just to buy yourself some time. Explain how important it is that he not have visitors right now. Then I would feel completely justified turning her away if she just showed up. I know it's tough. My LO was born right on time and I was (am!) still a nut about keeping her away from sick people!</p> <p>ETA: Oh and send some picks she can show off to her buddies! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sick-grandma-wants-to-visit#post-751913 Tue, 30 Apr 2013 08:59:58 +0000 Modern Daisy 751913@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Do you think she would actually call YOU first to confirm before making the trip? Or would she try to arrange it with your Mom or other people secondhand? If she never reaches out to you directly then you really don't need to feel bad at all for turning her away. She has already heard secondhand that she can't visit while sick, so why would she assume you are going to let her into your house? That's her own fault if she does that.</p> <p>If she does call or email you directly, then just like everyone said - tell her that no visitors are allowed until the baby is 'full term' and no sick visitors at all. Tell her you're glad she contacted you because you wouldn't want her to drive all that way then have to turn right back around. Hopefully she'll get the message that you're serious. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sick-grandma-wants-to-visit#post-751897 Tue, 30 Apr 2013 08:54:31 +0000 2PeasinaPod 751897@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@septemberlove: Wow...she sounds so sweet! Erm...yeah, I'm right there with you. Why in the world does this miserable woman want to visit when she's so bitter about everything? I think you're right in turning her away if she shows up at your front door. Perhaps your mom should make that clear...that if she comes, she will not be let in. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sick-grandma-wants-to-visit#post-751894 Tue, 30 Apr 2013 08:53:35 +0000 mrbee 751894@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would be the bad guy and tell her that she can't visit until she's feeling better. If you don't feel comfortable doing that, then maybe you could ask your SO to call her?</p> <p>Sometimes people need to hear something really directly in order to take it to heart... unfortunately it sounds like that's the case here! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sick-grandma-wants-to-visit#post-751889 Tue, 30 Apr 2013 08:51:41 +0000 mrsjyw 751889@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>UGHHHHHHH. Totally not okay!!!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sick-grandma-wants-to-visit#post-751888 Tue, 30 Apr 2013 08:51:31 +0000 MsLipGloss 751888@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PrincessBaby: And yeah, when it comes to LO, there isn't anything I wouldn't do . . . including kickin' granny to the curb! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sick-grandma-wants-to-visit#post-751885 Tue, 30 Apr 2013 08:50:52 +0000 MsLipGloss 751885@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@septemberlove: I agree with @SorryCharlie and @Mrs.Yoyo . . . definitely call her and tell her not to come. This is a great chance for you to set up clear boundaries and to assert yourself as a mother. One of my earliest parenting decisions went over like a lead balloon (and led to serious fallout between me and my mom), but I knew it was best for LO and I wouldn't back down for a second. I was respectful, but firm, and to be honest, it really helped me feel more confident as a parent. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sick-grandma-wants-to-visit#post-751708 Tue, 30 Apr 2013 06:44:15 +0000 heffalump 751708@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would lie (or ask your mom to) again. Tell her someone visited with a cold (or be super obvious and say bronchitis) and gave it to LO so now he's really sick and back in the hospital, no visitors allowed there. You'll tell her when he's home again.... which can just happen to be when she is feeling better.</p> <p>I'm usually against lying, but it seems like that's the only thing that works with her. And I would really hate to have my grandma drive 4 hours for nothing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sick-grandma-wants-to-visit#post-751701 Tue, 30 Apr 2013 06:36:00 +0000 sorrycharlie 751701@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@septemberlove: she sounds like a piece of work! But I think what @Mrs. Yoyo: was saying is if you call and at least say your piece (regardless of how uncomfortable the phone call may be), if she shows up, you can say you told her not to come...as opposed to her claiming there was a misunderstanding, etc. personally, I see the phone call as the lesser of the two evils.. Stuff like this stinks. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sick-grandma-wants-to-visit#post-751700 Tue, 30 Apr 2013 06:29:28 +0000 lomom 751700@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>She and I are not close and we do not get along at all. She doesn't like DH (she and one aunt just don't like him, everyone elseLOVES DH) and she made it clear she wasn't thrilled about our pregnancy. She kept telling me I should've waited like my cousin did, which is ridiculous. My cousin was older than me, yes, but she was also divorced, living with her parents, and working a minimum wage retail job when she got pregnant. </p> <p>So speaking to her is something I'd prefer to avoid, I know she isn't going to listen to me and I know I'll get an earful of shit I don't want to hear. Every time she and my mom have talked, she's made snide remarks about how horrible being a mom is and how much I'm probably struggling.</p> <p>I love being a mom, I've never done anything better in my life. She's just miserable, I wish she'd drop this whole idea of visiting. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sick-grandma-wants-to-visit#post-751695 Tue, 30 Apr 2013 06:19:15 +0000 Mrs. Yoyo 751695@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree that it may be best for you to speak to her personally. That way, if she still shows, you can be absolutely sure there was no miscommunication when you turn her away. </p> <p>Sorry you have to go to these lengths :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sick-grandma-wants-to-visit#post-751691 Tue, 30 Apr 2013 06:10:19 +0000 swedishfish 751691@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>She's probably just really excited about meeting her great grandson. Maybe if you called and explained to her that you would appreciate that she wait until she's completely better that would help? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sick-grandma-wants-to-visit#post-751689 Tue, 30 Apr 2013 06:04:15 +0000 PrincessBaby 751689@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was paranoid about germs and sick people (I viewed everyone as a big Germ Bag) and I did not have a preemie. Therefore, if Grandma showed up at my door with effin' bronchitis, she would have had another thing coming as I walked her right back out to that car and put her in there for a 4 hour return trip. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sick-grandma-wants-to-visit#post-751684 Tue, 30 Apr 2013 05:49:03 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 751684@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Nice of your mom to play defense, but can you call your grandmother and tell her no? And then call her ride, so he knows the trip is just a gas and time waster? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sick-grandma-wants-to-visit#post-751683 Tue, 30 Apr 2013 05:43:46 +0000 lomom 751683@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My grandmother is really pissing me off. She has bronchitis and still wants to come visit LO. She nearly came while he was in NICU, but my mom lied to her about visitors allowed. </p> <p>Now that he's home, she is planning to have her ex-husband drive her the four hours to my house because she doesn't feel well enough to drive. </p> <p>My son was a late-term premature infant. He especially does not need sick visitors, though no newborn does! Our discharge information specifically said to limit visitors until his due date, which is still two and a half weeks away. </p> <p>My mom (it's her batshit crazy mother) has tried to explain several times that LO cannot have visitors, especially not sick ones but she keeps saying that it's her great grandchild and she'll visit if she damn well pleases. </p> <p>I haven't spoken to her and I hope to God she doesn't just show up on my front porch. I wouldn't let her in. I don't care if she thinks I'm a bitch, our pediatrician strongly reiterated everything the neonatologist said as part of discharge and said that if LO got sick in the first two months, it was an automatic two night stay in the regional children's hospital with full work-up, including spinal tap. I'm not risking that. </p> <p>Sorry, just a long vent. </p>