https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 21 May 2026 23:33:47 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sil-and-her-boyfriend#post-755664 Wed, 01 May 2013 21:52:30 +0000 tequiero21 755664@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>She seems really naive. Unfortunately nothing u can do except be there for her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sil-and-her-boyfriend#post-755606 Wed, 01 May 2013 20:51:32 +0000 LaughLines 755606@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LINDSAYINNYC I agree. DH tried to explain the 100% liability to the loan thing. She gets it, but she thinks it doesn't really apply to her because nothing bad is ever going to happen so she won't end up owing anything. sigh. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sil-and-her-boyfriend#post-754782 Wed, 01 May 2013 13:40:45 +0000 heffalump 754782@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That's rough. My BIL has dated (and married) girls that aren't good for him, aren't nice to him, etc. But he's willing to listen to advice, even if he doesn't follow it. </p> <p>In the end I don't think there's anything you can do. Your DH tried, but if he keeps it up and she never talks to him again that's not helpful either. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sil-and-her-boyfriend#post-754568 Wed, 01 May 2013 12:02:05 +0000 LindsayInNY 754568@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Aside from all the financial issues, I am strongly against purchasing property (or refinancing, etc.) with a non-married significant other! I realize not everyone gets married or can get married, but that's just my general statement (there are exceptions). It's just SUCH a bad idea. If he runs off, stops paying, anything, she will be equally as liable to repay 100% of the loan as he would be. She's not just signing up for 1/2 of it. Doesn't work that way. Is there any way you can talk to her candidly, in more of a friend way? What is her reasoning for refinancing to put her name on it? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sil-and-her-boyfriend#post-754484 Wed, 01 May 2013 11:19:59 +0000 LaughLines 754484@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MsLipGloss we talked about that and she's not just on the deed, she's on the actual mortgage that they're refinancing. </p> <p>I think this will be such a hard part about parenting. When do you let someone learn from natural consequences? Is debt a good natural consequence? Is marrying the wrong person a good natural consequence? How can you protect someone from making those decisions if they still want to make them? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sil-and-her-boyfriend#post-754476 Wed, 01 May 2013 11:17:06 +0000 MsLipGloss 754476@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LaughLines: It is possible for your SIL's name to be on the deed and not on the mortgage. It is my understanding that being on the mortgage is not the same as being on the mortgage note . . . that the mortgage note is the actual obligation to pay back the loan, and that the mortgage is the security instrument. By signing the mortgage, she is agreeing that the lender would have the right to foreclose on the property in the event that her boyfriend does not repay the note . . . </p> <p>I don't know that that helps, and you would really have to talk to your SIL to know exactly what it is that she intends to sign, which would then determine her obligations regarding the mortgage, etc. </p> <p>Sometimes you just have to let people do what they want to do . . . even when you know, or at least strongly suspect, that it is the wrong decision. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sil-and-her-boyfriend#post-754384 Wed, 01 May 2013 10:46:54 +0000 LaughLines 754384@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Now she is saying she's going to get the documents without him (he does her taxes, so he has all the stuff on his computer) because he is not supporting her life decisions. She has shut down and isn't responding to him explaining the financial implications (not even mentioning about not liking the boyfriend) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sil-and-her-boyfriend#post-754208 Wed, 01 May 2013 09:44:13 +0000 T.H.O.U. 754208@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It sounds like what your DH is doing is the right step. Make sure she knows exactly what she's getting into. You may not be able to see him for what he really is right now but at least help her not be locked up in something like a house loan she can't get out of. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sil-and-her-boyfriend#post-754185 Wed, 01 May 2013 09:33:19 +0000 LaughLines 754185@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I absolutely love my in-laws and really feel I am blessed to have joined this amazing family. However, there is one downside. My incredible, smart, beautiful, kind, generous SIL is dating an absolute loser. Really a jerk. He is not nice to her, he refuses to do anything with the family (showed up at Easter for less than 10 minutes, didn't go to her birthday dinner, etc). When she wanted to put up Christmas lights/decorations he said he wasn't interested so if she wanted to she'd have to do it herself (which she did). When she wanted to paint the house to help it sell faster he said he didn't think it needed to be repainted so if she wanted to do it she'd have to do it herself (which she did). And not to sound shallow but he is also not attractive and also doesn't make much money (she helps support him). Really, i just don't know what the positives are that are drawing her to this relationship. I even asked her that once and her answer was that "she's comfortable with him" which i think is a terrible answer. It's like she's staying with him because it's easier than breaking up with him. </p> <p>My MIL is "too nice" to have a frank discussion with her (she's tried a couple times, but SIL always cries and it goes no where). My DH has tried too, but never seriously enough. My FIL has also tried as have I. Each time she just cries and shuts down the conversation and never takes any action. </p> <p>NOW, he's wanting to refinance the house and put her name on it. She was asking my DH for some tax documents to help do so and he is resisting and asking questions and she doesn't even realize that means she's liable for the loan, she only thinks it means the house is partially hers, not the loan too, so DH is trying to explain it all to her. </p> <p>I don't know where to go from here. I'm really worried he's taking advantage of her and she's not happy but it's easier than breaking up and being single in her mind. </p> <p>Any advice?! My heart hurts today just thinking about it </p>