https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 14 Apr 2026 13:47:24 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/since-i-apparently-suck-at-woman-woman-friendships-advice#post-2887702 Wed, 12 Jun 2019 18:14:49 +0000 autumnleaves 2887702@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Ajsmommy: I agree it seems like the old friend is distancing herself but you never know if she is going through something. I would continue to try to make plans with both of them but like others have said I would not talk about your friendship concerns with the new coworker. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/since-i-apparently-suck-at-woman-woman-friendships-advice#post-2887688 Wed, 12 Jun 2019 14:29:16 +0000 Ajsmommy 2887688@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@crazydoglady: The new co worker and I do have more in common..<br /> @nana87: we never really did stuff outside of work and I know from before the "split" that she has no time to do anything bc all of her free time is taken up by her new hobby of running (she had issues with that and her DH). She isn't into doing girls night and she doesn't go to lunch during the week..... LOL.. it literally sounds like I am making excuses but it's just the truth. I guess the only thing we did have in common were our kids being the same ages and now it's just not enough to keep the friendship alive<br /> @erinbaderin: well the new coworker came in and kinda joined our friendship.. we have a group text that is us three and she is like one of us. Her and I go to lunch every day so we talk. My old friend still goes into her cube to talk to her.... she has noticed the difference too. As for wanting to maintain the friendship.. I mean I guess I kinda do but honestly it's not overly important to me in that I am not going to go out of my way.... so maybe that answers it??? Idk.... and yes I am all of those things but I do promise I try to remain respectful and tactful :wink: I also realize I am not going to be everyone's cup of tea and I'm ok with that. HOnestly, I'd almost rather it be something like that.. like "ajsmommy, you said or did xyz and it bothered me or made me think of you differently" but as of now there is no real reason..... and neither of us is caring enough to figure it out.</p> <p>Also to add in.. I did invite both old friend and new friend to do a ladies paint night thing... old friend made excuse while new friend and I went and had fun. Also old friend knows new friend and I always go to lunch so she could come any day but never does....</p> <p>ETA: also on Monday old friend texted me, while at work asking for a ride to work on Friday.... I said sure.. but we were both at work.. she could have come over and asked me but didn't... ODD?? and then this morning she texted me saying she didn't need one afterall.. again why couldn't she come talk to me instead of texting? So weird.. I just don't get it. LOL </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/since-i-apparently-suck-at-woman-woman-friendships-advice#post-2887685 Wed, 12 Jun 2019 14:14:13 +0000 erinbaderin 2887685@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree that I don't understand why you're talking to the new coworker about your friendship with the other coworker. The other thing is that it seems that you're jealous of the new coworker - I wonder if you're projecting that? Sometimes when people get into a new hobby they get a little obsessed and it seems like she's really bonded with these people who share her running love. I agree with what @nana87: said - if you want to maintain the friendship, you might need to put a little more effort in (not that you're not already, just that you might need to be the one who keeps it going for a while). If you go by and she's talking to somebody else send her an email, or make plans in advance to go for a walk or get coffee.</p> <p>This comment also stuck out: "I am blunt, honest and probably rude sometimes. I tell it how it is and that's that." This is good self-awareness but have you considered how that affects other people, and maybe thought about trying to change that? You can be honest without being blunt or rude. It might help more of your relationships last. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/since-i-apparently-suck-at-woman-woman-friendships-advice#post-2887684 Wed, 12 Jun 2019 14:06:52 +0000 nana87 2887684@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn't talk to the new coworker about your friendship anymore, but I think I'd try to put more effort into your original friendship before writing it off. You're saying she doesn't make an effort, but have you tried to yourself? Aside from chatting at work? Like, maybe just see if she wants to grab coffee or lunch or whatever outside the office, or try to set up a playdate. You could ask her directly (like "hey, I noticed we haven't been as close lately, is there any thing we should talk about?"), but even just initiating hanging out more explicitly could also help bridge the distance </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/since-i-apparently-suck-at-woman-woman-friendships-advice#post-2887673 Wed, 12 Jun 2019 13:25:17 +0000 crazydoglady 2887673@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>First of all, I would remove coworker from the middle. (I'm not saying you put her there!) But it's making the situation worse.<br /> Back to friend 1, I am wondering if maybe your friendship reminds her of the difficulties in her marriage. I'm guessing she patched things up with her spouse? Either way, I guess I feel like I am at a point in life where I don't want to force friendships. I just want them to be easy and enjoyable. Not to say that there isn't still work, but if she isn't willing to put forth ANY effort? Let that ish go. The new coworker sounds like a better friend. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/since-i-apparently-suck-at-woman-woman-friendships-advice#post-2887668 Wed, 12 Jun 2019 13:11:54 +0000 Ajsmommy 2887668@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So I admit that I am not good at female friendships. Never have been and I've commented before about this affliction... LOL.... I am blunt, honest and probably rude sometimes. I tell it how it is and that's that. I do not drink alcohol. In the past I've gotten along better with men then woman. I have had lots of girl friends and usually what ends up happening is that they move on and slowly cut me out... I end up being the one seeing them on fb doing things while I am at home. </p> <p>I'm ok with this for the most part and it only occasionally hurts. </p> <p>I find myself in a situation now and I am hurt and annoyed and my gut is telling me to just cut ties and forget it. But bc I suck at this stuff I thought I'd run it by some others.. lucky you's!! </p> <p>Co worker, known each other for approx. 6 yrs. Had first kids within 6 mos of eachother and really bonded. Talked all the time, texted, went to first bday parties, met up to play a few times. I went through infertility and she was supportive and understood, her and her DH went through a rough patch and I was in turn there for her so much so as to even offer her a place to stay if she ended up needing/wanting it. We ended up pregnant with our second lo's and had same sex kids again. So for 5 years we are what I consider good friends... like probably my closest friend bc I see her daily. </p> <p>Well the last year has changed. She started to run (ie marathons, 5k's etc) I don't.... however I kept up the friendship UNTIL I noticed that she wasn't coming to talk to me anymore and if I went to talk to her she was often talking to someone else ( a new co worker who came in last year or another co worker who runs). Every time I'd go try to talk to her she'd be with other people. Ok.. that's fine but she completely stopped talking to me. Then when her DD's bday came around she told the new co worker that she wasn't inviting us bc her DD only wanted school friends.. which is TOTALLY OK, but she never even mentioned it to me. Why would she tell this new, not so close friend but not me who's been friends for 5+ years and who's been to every one of your DD's parties?? This is when I really started to take note of the fact that she completely stopped talking to me. She'll talk to me if I go to her but she's making NO effort to seek me out.</p> <p>I feel hurt and annoyed. I don't want to have to seek out a friend!! And I'm hurt that she's now talking more to the new girl than me when we have all of this close history. </p> <p>Anyway the new girl said my friend has told her there is no issue and she thinks the issue is mine.. I said I'm over it and i'll just move on..... </p> <p>Thoughts.. am I mishandling the situation? Am I being hurt bc of my history? Am I too quick to say I don't care, i'll move on? Should I broach the subject or just let it go........ </p>