https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 08 May 2026 03:38:05 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/single-friends-lost-1#post-309293 Tue, 25 Sep 2012 09:20:29 +0000 JennyD 309293@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks everyone. I realize now (Thanks Ali!) that she is in a very different place right now, and it's not got anything to do with me or my baby. This is a friend who has been a GREAT friend for YEARS and who I hope will continue to be a good friend. It's just getting through these first few years when LO needs me so much. I think we'll both have to be patient with each other. After sleeping on it, I've decided I'm sure she doesn't mean any harm, but she doesn't realize what she's saying.</p> <p>I think we can do this.</p> <p>Sorry to everyone else who seems to have lost friends. It is hard to balance everything with a LO. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/single-friends-lost-1#post-309109 Tue, 25 Sep 2012 06:02:35 +0000 heffalump 309109@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I also had issues with my single friends. I had friends that took longer than a month to come see my lo after she was born. We have been friends since preschool and they cant make time to see the little human that I just grew inside of my belly? That's just not ok with me. And of course when their time comes they'll expect me to come to the hospital .....</p> <p>I'm sad about it but I just figure we're at different stages of life, they don't get it, and that's just life.</p> <p> I have some single friends who I started talking to alot only about their lives and dating and relationships and all that fun stuff. Once in awhile they'll ask how lo is, but for the most part we talk more about single life and I give advice and I actually think its nice to not talk about my lo for a few seconds in my life. I'm a sahm so my whole life is her. I'm sure my friends appreciate me still being able to be a part of their life too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/single-friends-lost-1#post-308871 Mon, 24 Sep 2012 20:59:19 +0000 chopsuey 308871@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've grown distant from extended family members in addition to friends. I think it's tough maintaining relationships when you're in different stages of life. It's definitely doable, but takes a lot of work.<br /> :T </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/single-friends-lost-1#post-308865 Mon, 24 Sep 2012 20:53:54 +0000 shopaholic 308865@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jennyd - Oh my! I guess my reply posted after a bunch of other posts. I didn't see your reply and her RUDE comments. Wow! I'm sorry if I sounded harsh (just trying to give the other side perspective) but her words and actions are quite abnormal for a real friend. Hope you can work things out eventually, though it may never work out, or it may take some time. Either way, the friends that want to be there for you will find a way. Good luck hun. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/single-friends-lost-1#post-308207 Mon, 24 Sep 2012 13:58:21 +0000 JennyD 308207@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sure we can sort this out. She must be feeling like she's going to be lost to me too. She's made comments since I got pregnant about how she's trying to find new friends that don't have kids. </p> <p>Any ideas on how to reassure her that I'm still committed to our friendship?</p> <p>The "Once a month" date sounds like a good idea. Formerly we met every friday for dinner. This did not end because I got pregnant/had the baby, it ended (or became less frequent) because I did a lot of field work and wasn't around a lot. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/single-friends-lost-1#post-308198 Mon, 24 Sep 2012 13:54:32 +0000 JennyD 308198@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Ali: That totally rings true. This may be how she's feeling as she is the only in our "group" not married, not dating, etc. This totally gives me a WAY better perspective. Thanks for your insight. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/single-friends-lost-1#post-308127 Mon, 24 Sep 2012 13:21:57 +0000 shopaholic 308127@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I also agree with Jojo's advice. I have been on the other side of being the friend who was basically dropped/ignored after different friends have had babies for a few years now. Though I always do try to consider the mom and baby's needs, it's often hard and harsh when a friend constantly blows you off for "the baby". I have another friend who has 2 kids and every time we get together, I feel like she's only asked me to come along so I can help her with another set of hands. Though I don't mind, and this might be a good option if you want to spend time with your friend AND baby, it becomes a bit redundant and feel used when it's time after time. I have other friends, who, though busy, do seem to strive for a mom/adult balance. Even if it's not face-to-face time, it's always nice to chat for a little while or email back and forth.<br /> The ones that seem "too attached" seem to have a)fallen off the face of the planet, or 2)constantly just talk about baby.<br /> I'm sure my perspective will change after I have my baby too, but I hope I can be like the mommy friends I admire, the ones that still try to make time for their friends, if even in the smallest ways. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/single-friends-lost-1#post-308039 Mon, 24 Sep 2012 12:47:46 +0000 GrapeCrush 308039@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>we dont get many invites anymore..... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/single-friends-lost-1#post-308008 Mon, 24 Sep 2012 12:30:13 +0000 meredithNYC 308008@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is a tough situation, though I agree that she's being a little harsh. It sounds like, as several others have noted, she just doesn't get it and it seems like you guys need to clear the air. I think it will be a pretty awkward situation, but you will need to be honest about LO being your main priority now. But, I would also say that if she is a really good friend, ask her how you can be a better friend, parenting responsibilities notwithstanding. Like, could you have a standing once-a-month "date" that you stick to no matter what? </p> <p>I am lucky that my friends are very understanding despite not having kids, but I also go out of my way to preserve my friendships and I try to do things with them that don't involve LO, even though they love her dearly. It's just important for me to have that time with friends when I'm more like my old self. I love it, in fact. That said, she needs to meet you half-way, too! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/single-friends-lost-1#post-307927 Mon, 24 Sep 2012 11:42:56 +0000 littlebug 307927@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am one of the last of my friends to have children, so I've been on the other side for years. It is hard to really understand that connection and "need" to see your baby. I used to think that hanging out with me was a welcome "break" for my friends and would get really insulted when they turned me down - like "Nice, getting pooped on is more appealing than hanging out with me." I would get really mad at my friends who wouldn't come out for happy hour because they had to get home to nurse - I was always thinking, "Gosh, can't you just pump an extra bottle and have your husband feed the baby?" Now that I'm pregnant, I understand it a bit better, and I'm sure that once LO arrives, I will understand it even more. It's just not an easy position to be in because you simply DON'T GET IT. I know it's hard, but try not to take it personally. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/single-friends-lost-1#post-307916 Mon, 24 Sep 2012 11:40:09 +0000 Cherrybee 307916@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JennyD: Honestly, it sounds like she is being a little unreasonable. Actually, quite a lot unreasonable.</p> <p>I don't know her and I don't know you - I can only speak from my experience and I was that child hater!! I was jealous of them for stealing my friends' attention and I was jealous of my friends that had kids because, deep down it was what I wanted. I didn't want to be single, I was scared that I'd never meet someone and settle down. It was easier to tell myself I hated kids and I loved my single life - and that my friends were "lame" - than to face up to the prospect that i'd never have any kids of my own. I bet I was a right b1tch. I was 28 when I met DH and 30 when we tied the knot - and the change was immediate. I can be much happier for and understanding of my mommy friends now. </p> <p>I really do hope you've read too much into her behaviour (hugs for your rough day xx) and you guys can sort this out. More hugs. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/single-friends-lost-1#post-307905 Mon, 24 Sep 2012 11:35:12 +0000 dagret 307905@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>at first I thought she just had word (or text) vomit but after seeing your latest reply...im not so sure. have you told her that calling you lame and saying the "thank god..." thing hurt your feelings? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/single-friends-lost-1#post-307849 Mon, 24 Sep 2012 11:16:26 +0000 JennyD 307849@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Ali: She hates kids. Despises them. And we totally discussed this while I was pregnant, like you described with your friend. And it seemed to be working so well. We've been out. Had girls' nights out. I am committed to making this friendship work. But she's been pushing lately. She wanted to go to a concert 8 hours away from home, and now I'm "lame" because I'm not leaving the baby for a weekend to go. And she's constantly saying "thank god you're only having one". </p> <p>Maybe I'm just having a rough day. I'm glad other people are experiencing this too. I thought I could make the friendship work. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/single-friends-lost-1#post-307817 Mon, 24 Sep 2012 11:08:06 +0000 Cherrybee 307817@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JennyD: It took me so long to write my response, you'd put your update while I was writing it! I think your offer was perfectly half way - I would have been delighted with that. Hmm, maybe she didn't mean it the way it sounded?? Yeah, I guess she doesn't understand.... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/single-friends-lost-1#post-307807 Mon, 24 Sep 2012 11:05:38 +0000 Cherrybee 307807@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wrote a blog post about this on another well known wedding/home/baby site a little while back. I wont link to it because, well, that's just rude isn't it (!!) but I'll summarise here: </p> <p>When my BFF told me she was pregnant, I was gutted. I cried for days!! I was scared that she'd change... that she'd no longer want to spend time with me and that, even if we did see each other, all she'd want to do is talk about her LO. I'm not embarrassed to say it - I was jealous of her baby for taking her away from me. We talked about it, we both cried - turns out she was just as scared as me about the changes that were happening to her and equally as scared of losing her non-mommy friends. Because we were honest with each other, we have been able to move forward and navigate the changes together. </p> <p>Perhaps that's how your friend feels? Pushed out? I agree that she needs to understand your attachment to your baby but I also think if you want to save the relationship you'll need to meet her half way (or hope she gets pregnant! Lol!) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/single-friends-lost-1#post-307795 Mon, 24 Sep 2012 11:00:53 +0000 Turd Ferguson 307795@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No baby yet, but DEFINITELY have noticed this just with getting married. I'm the only one in my "group" (and I use that term loosely, as I have individual friends, but none of them are really friends with each other...) to be engaged...let alone married...let alone gettin' going on babies right after! I find MYSELF kind of pulling away too, actually; their drinking/partying stories just...don't really do it for me anymore! :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/single-friends-lost-1#post-307762 Mon, 24 Sep 2012 10:47:55 +0000 JennyD 307762@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ok, so maybe I'm taking this a bit hard. </p> <p>For the record, I didn't bail on her, we have plans this coming friday. I just thought maybe my husband and baby could have dinner with us, and he could take her home after, and we'd have girl time. It was just her disbelief that I'd miss the baby, or even that I'd care that much that hurt. I know she doesn't understand. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/single-friends-lost-1#post-307731 Mon, 24 Sep 2012 10:31:55 +0000 autumnlove 307731@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yeah, I don't get invites that often anymore! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/single-friends-lost-1#post-307728 Mon, 24 Sep 2012 10:31:20 +0000 Ms. Fairy Wings 307728@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Aw, I'm sorry to hear this. I live in the South and I think people here are generally just more into babies. I tend to always bring my baby and my single friends dote on him. Most of them have more pics of him on their Facebook walls than I do!</p> <p>Maybe you could invite her to do something with your baby and give them an opportunity to bond? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/single-friends-lost-1#post-307715 Mon, 24 Sep 2012 10:27:35 +0000 ShootingStar 307715@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think that if you want to still be friends with her you should make suggestions for things that you're comfortable with. If you're not ok with going out on a Friday that's fine, but don't commit and then back out. Would a weekend day work better? Would it be easier to have her over (if she's ok with that) so you don't have to leave your LO? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/single-friends-lost-1#post-307696 Mon, 24 Sep 2012 10:16:54 +0000 Freckles 307696@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ever since having my LO, i find myself making more of an effort to see my single friends and making sure i don't cancel plans because of my LO (for inconsequential reasons). While they understand why i can't see them as often, i know they don't completely know what it's like. </p> <p>I know you were hurt by your friend's response, but she probably misses your company and may feel that one night away from your LO isn't asking for too much. I think JoJoGirl's advice is pretty good. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/single-friends-lost-1#post-307677 Mon, 24 Sep 2012 10:08:54 +0000 luckypenny 307677@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yup. One of my bridesmaids completely stopped talking to me and I barely get to see my BFF after DD was born (twice in 5 months?) but I have new mommy friends now am theyre great and so understanding! I think it's easier and while I'm sad for the loss, my life is pretty full and I don't find myself missing them </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/single-friends-lost-1#post-307663 Mon, 24 Sep 2012 10:03:24 +0000 JerricaBenton 307663@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I anticipate this being difficult as well. I agree with pps that you can't expect someone to understand if they don't have children. Honestly my husband and I are homebodies anyway so I'm sure it'll be even tougher to get motivated to hang out with friends after the baby comes. I do think it is important to keep plans you've made though. I think that would piss off a friend regardless of whether they have kids or not. You have to make an effort just as much as they do. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/single-friends-lost-1#post-307650 Mon, 24 Sep 2012 09:59:06 +0000 T.H.O.U. 307650@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think its really hard. We have a single friend who LOVES babies. She made a few comments this weekend about another mom friend that were a bit harsh. Things like, the baby sleeps with her and he's 5 months old, She hasn't come out with us for more than 2 hours, etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/single-friends-lost-1#post-307647 Mon, 24 Sep 2012 09:58:28 +0000 JoJoGirl 307647@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Sorry to hear this. I'm a bit "older" so most of my friends already have 2 kids, so I was on the other side of this for a long time. My best friend had her first 7 years ago and our relationship did have to take some time to adjust! Just don't expect it to be the same, but just like with marriage if you're committed to staying close with her under new circumstances, you will. Also - don't expect she'll just "get" what it's like to be a mom (ie that you don't want to be away from LO), because she won't get it. Maybe if you say "tonight won't work after all, can we reschedule for tomorrow?" then she won't feel blown off by the baby and will know you still prioritize her friendship. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/single-friends-lost-1#post-307642 Mon, 24 Sep 2012 09:56:29 +0000 Mrsbells 307642@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>if she doesnt have any kids, then she cant fully understand how it feels to be away from your baby all day. I dont think you should be hurt if she doesnt get it, because she hasnt really been in that position before. My single friends are the same and sometimes dont understand if I'd rather stay home with my baby or want to run things by my husband first. but I understand I was the same way too. I just try not to talk about my baby too much to them unless they ask. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/single-friends-lost-1#post-307635 Mon, 24 Sep 2012 09:52:06 +0000 JennyD 307635@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Anyone else lost or seeming to lose friends since they got pregnant or had their baby?</p> <p>My best friend for years (single, no kids) seems to be drifting away. Or maybe pushing away? Is anyone else experiencing this? How are you dealing with it? Do you think it's worth trying to salvage the relationship?</p> <p>I will miss this friend greatly. She's just not been terribly understanding AT ALL about my baby. She seems baffled and put off by my "attachment" to my baby. For example, we're supposed to meet for dinner friday (I'm back at work full-time now and don't see my baby much during the week). I texted her saturday and said, I don't know that I can go all day friday without seeing my baby (the plan was to meet after work friday). Her response was "Really?" That hurt. </p>