https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 08 Apr 2026 04:50:54 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/single-mothers-by-choice/page/2#post-2479589 Tue, 01 Mar 2016 09:28:37 +0000 catomd00 2479589@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think a woman can do anything they set their mind to and she will be just fine. My BFF wasn't a SMBC but her very toxic fiancé left her while she was pregnant and she did it all alone for 4 years. She did great and didn't have a lot of extensive help or financial resources. I had an easy baby and was also expecting the worst, and I think I would have been just fine to go it alone. I wouldn't freak out for her if she isn't or at least don't let her know your feelings. Just be there to offer support in any way you can. I'm sure she will do great ! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/single-mothers-by-choice/page/2#post-2479541 Tue, 01 Mar 2016 09:03:48 +0000 Applesandbananas 2479541@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JoJoGirl: I would think just being there for her, emotionally and physically (showing up when she needs a visitor, helping with anything you can) would be the best thing you could do. You sound like an awesome friend! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/single-mothers-by-choice/page/2#post-2479507 Tue, 01 Mar 2016 08:47:16 +0000 JoJoGirl 2479507@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: She already has a meal train set up by one of her other friends, so that's good. Her sister actually lives a few towns over as well, so I think will be around to help at the beginning as she can! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/single-mothers-by-choice/page/2#post-2479480 Tue, 01 Mar 2016 08:33:29 +0000 Anagram 2479480@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh and one last thing, can you organize a meal train for her? If she's just one person, she may not need giant casseroles, but maybe different foods split into smaller containers and frozen? Or gift cards to local places that deliver?</p> <p>And as a gift, I would give her Amazon Prime, if she doesn't have it already. Everything else--living in boston, it will be easy peasy. She can have groceries delivered. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/single-mothers-by-choice#post-2479478 Tue, 01 Mar 2016 08:30:57 +0000 Anagram 2479478@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JoJoGirl: yeah, prices are high here, too, but I've found that on care.com, you can find really good people for less.</p> <p>But still, in her position, I would pay someone---babysitter or baby nurse--at least 10 hours a week for the first month. Just so I can rest. She doesn't have any siblings that could fly in for the first week or two?</p> <p>Let me text my friend and ask what she did immediately post partum. I met her when she was around 1 month pp and she was doing great by then--makeup, flat ironed hair, the works, haha. I should say, my friend's personality is extremely organized. We are all in the midst of pre-school orientations and registrations, and she keeps the rest of us apprised on new developments and procedures and place that run after care programs. She's completely on top of it all. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/single-mothers-by-choice#post-2479463 Tue, 01 Mar 2016 08:22:37 +0000 JoJoGirl 2479463@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: No, we're in Boston. And that's actually the going rate for pp doulas here! Regular nannies charge $20, pp doulas do a lot more so charge more. Overnight nurses are $300/night. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/single-mothers-by-choice#post-2479461 Tue, 01 Mar 2016 08:22:26 +0000 Anagram 2479461@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JoJoGirl: My single mom friend lives in a 1 bedroom with her now 2.5 year old daughter and has no plans to move any time soon.</p> <p>I actually work with a girl that grew up in the West Village (her parents still live there) in a 1 bedroom rent-controlled apartment. Her bed was in the front hallway. And she's totally normal, went to Stuy, went to an ivy league school. Not a problem that she didn't have her own room growing up. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/single-mothers-by-choice#post-2479457 Tue, 01 Mar 2016 08:20:41 +0000 Anagram 2479457@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JoJoGirl: $25 is super high. Wait, where does she live? In NYC? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/single-mothers-by-choice#post-2479439 Tue, 01 Mar 2016 08:09:25 +0000 JoJoGirl 2479439@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: I sent her the name of my post-partum doula, who also offers overnight help, but she's concerned about the cost ($25/hr). She lives in a 2 BR condo in the city so kicked out her roommate to make room for the au pair. Which of course leads me to ask where the baby is going to sleep, but I guess they'll room share? Hope that will work for both of them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/single-mothers-by-choice#post-2479438 Tue, 01 Mar 2016 08:07:39 +0000 Anagram 2479438@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JoJoGirl: getting an au pair is a perfect arrangement, if she lives in an area where she can afford a 3 bedroom house. She can also hire a baby nurse for the first few weeks--they don't have to work full time, she can hire one to just come 2-3 nights a week to give her a break. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/single-mothers-by-choice#post-2479415 Tue, 01 Mar 2016 07:43:23 +0000 JoJoGirl 2479415@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SugarplumsMom: She can't afford a nanny but I think is getting an au pair. Her mom is older (70+) since she is older so has offered 1 day/week of care but no overnight help. It's a really tricky situation :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/single-mothers-by-choice#post-2479365 Tue, 01 Mar 2016 02:55:45 +0000 SugarplumsMom 2479365@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If I were her, I'd hire a nanny or have her mom stay over for the first few weeks. Looking back, it was seriously, seriously rough for me and DH even stayed home for the first few weeks! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/single-mothers-by-choice#post-2479361 Tue, 01 Mar 2016 02:30:06 +0000 Cherrybee 2479361@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>A very good friend of mine didn't deliberately set out on this path her partner who left her when their baby was a few weeks old. She has loved every stage of her daughters life so far and copes really, really well. She definitely enjoys parenthood more than me :silly: and makes it look easy! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/single-mothers-by-choice#post-2479291 Mon, 29 Feb 2016 22:56:54 +0000 Finfan 2479291@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Silva: Amazing story! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/single-mothers-by-choice#post-2479160 Mon, 29 Feb 2016 20:26:14 +0000 mrsbubbletea 2479160@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Silva: so awesome! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/single-mothers-by-choice#post-2479153 Mon, 29 Feb 2016 20:20:28 +0000 Silva 2479153@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Our pediatrician is a single dad by choice. He has adopted five kids out of foster care. I love him and want to be BFF (he is also my husband's residency program director, so we get to go to some social events with him).<br /> He has a nanny, and seems to rock it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/single-mothers-by-choice#post-2479080 Mon, 29 Feb 2016 19:31:20 +0000 Nutella 2479080@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have a mum friend who fits this description - as in chose IVF with donor sperm as she simply couldn't wait any longer to meet a life partner (she's late 30s/early 40s) and is doing so well. She did move in with her mum, and so that was a bit of a help with the home/food side of things. </p> <p>Her relationship with her son is just beautiful though - they are so close and she is so present and gentle with him! It's awesome. As she was able to plan for this, she took a really long maternity leave &amp; is now back at work PT. we met through yoga, but I know she is part of a single mums support group and that has been great. Plus she seems to get some good help from her sister and dad as well. </p> <p>She's always inspiring me - especially since her son was/is a terrible sleeper and is quite needy! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/single-mothers-by-choice#post-2478971 Mon, 29 Feb 2016 17:31:24 +0000 Mrs. Microscope 2478971@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My aunt is one. And she basically ruined her son... Raised him saying no girl is ever going to be good enough for him, she is his whole world, etc. Now he is 34 and is a total mama's boy, and a total jerk. Single, of course, only has one night stands with college girls. </p> <p>But she did fine raising him, just emotionally ruined him. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/single-mothers-by-choice#post-2478957 Mon, 29 Feb 2016 17:24:12 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2478957@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't know any single moms by choice, but I know a lot of single moms, and they have had a lot more family help than any of us with husbands, so sometimes when my husband was less than helpful I thought to myself maybe that'd be easier in some respects!</p> <p>Her family may not be there every night, but hopefully they have a good relationship and they can come over some nights to give her a break. I'm sure she will figure it out like anyone else! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/single-mothers-by-choice#post-2478954 Mon, 29 Feb 2016 17:18:54 +0000 SweetiePie 2478954@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have a friend who had a baby on her own at 46 because she knew she was basically out of time. She did IVF. I'm not entirely sure if she had frozen eggs or embryos and who the father is (donor, ex, etc) because I don't want to pry too much. But I talk to her regularly on email and we see each other just about monthly. And she did way better than many of my mom friends! She has a HUGE support system though. (All family close by, nanny and housekeeper, and she runs her own successful business so she has very very flexible work hours).<br /> All that said, I still think that without her village she would have been ok. She was always emotionally in a better place than I was (we had our babies 1 month apart). She's definitely had some moments where she was really sad she didn't have a partner. But the actual baby stuff she's been awesome with.<br /> I think she's a rockstar! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/single-mothers-by-choice#post-2478948 Mon, 29 Feb 2016 17:15:11 +0000 JenGirl 2478948@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I know one woman who recently gave birth to a son she conceived with donor sperm. I don't know her well, but from what I've heard things are going well. Her mom lives in the same town and was staying with her for the first two weeks. She is a teacher, so she gets summers and holidays off. I'm sure it's hard, but just like any other parent, you figure it out.</p> <p>I also know a woman who got pregnant with a boyfriend who quickly left the picture, so she's mostly a SMBC. Her daughter is now 6ish and they're doing great. She has family but they're not in her town, so they only help out when the mom has to travel for work. She recently met another single mom that she trades childcare with. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/single-mothers-by-choice#post-2478941 Mon, 29 Feb 2016 17:12:43 +0000 iheartleopardprint 2478941@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have been a single parent (not by choice initially) of a 10 month old and a 2 year old. When having my LOs, I always asked myself if I was able to do this on my own if I had to. Being with a partner isn't always forever, kids are. I found parenting alone easier at times, less things to worry about and my bond with LOs really strengthened. </p> <p>Now I am with FI, I am never really dependant on him to help me cope. He works away for work a fair bit at times and being independent with 2 kids made me really confident in my abilities as a parent. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/single-mothers-by-choice#post-2478876 Mon, 29 Feb 2016 16:32:27 +0000 Truth Bombs 2478876@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Modern Daisy: when my LOs were brand new I remember constantly thinking "I would die if I had to do this without my husband". I'm just curious what it is about parenting alone that you think is easier? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/single-mothers-by-choice#post-2478874 Mon, 29 Feb 2016 16:31:55 +0000 Foodnerd81 2478874@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have a friend who was the same- getting older and wanted a baby so did it on her own. I met when our daughters were 6 months so I don't know how the beginning was- I can't imagine doing it alone. But her daughter seems to be doing great. Like some others mentioned, she has the means to hire help as needed, great daycare and after care, nannies. She has to travel for work occasionally and has to hire night baby sitters as well. </p> <p>I know one thing she mentioned was moms group meetings at night- like most of the mom left their kids at home with their partners but my friend didn't want to spend $50 on a babysitter on top of everything else. So I agree that taking the baby for a while so she can get out alone would be helpful. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/single-mothers-by-choice#post-2478870 Mon, 29 Feb 2016 16:27:39 +0000 Truth Bombs 2478870@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have a SMBC in our day care class and she is really really struggling. She honestly seems to resent her kid from the way she talks to her. I picked my daughter up recently and the little girl had puked at school 3 hours earlier and her mom still hadn't shown up to take her home. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/single-mothers-by-choice#post-2478862 Mon, 29 Feb 2016 16:22:11 +0000 catlady 2478862@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>There is a mom at our daycare who fits this description, as far as I know. I know that there is no partner in the picture and she has a 2 year old and another one on the way. Honestly, I was shocked when I found out that she is pregnant again, but I guess that means she is doing fine. She is older (I'd guess 40s), well-educated and a professional, and has no family help as far as I know. I do know that she relies on lots of paid help (a cleaner, backup care in addition to our daycare, and she has confessed to me that they eat a lot of takeout). </p> <p>The one hardship she has mentioned is that sometimes people judge (she previously lived in a smaller community that was less accepting of a single mom than the city where she lives now). I think the main thing is that she must be doing ok financially because all the help/daycare gets very expensive. Without that, I'm not sure how she'd be doing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/single-mothers-by-choice#post-2478834 Mon, 29 Feb 2016 16:12:03 +0000 MrsLonghorn 2478834@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>my cousin is a single mom by choice -- she was nearing 40 and decided to go for it! She is an executive in NYC and is absolutely rocking it. She is very public about it, and has been on tv discussing her experience (but i can't find the clip now!). Her son is 4 now.<br /> Your friend needs a village - but can definitely thrive. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/single-mothers-by-choice#post-2478821 Mon, 29 Feb 2016 16:08:09 +0000 Modern Daisy 2478821@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No but I personally think it's easier to parent alone so I am not so worried about this situation. Of course, run a house, be financially stable, companionship, etc. is easier done with a partner. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/single-mothers-by-choice#post-2478820 Mon, 29 Feb 2016 16:06:53 +0000 MoonMoon 2478820@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didn't vote, but I know a friend who's single and about to adopt a baby any day now! But I have no idea how it will go, other than being excited for her! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/single-mothers-by-choice#post-2478793 Mon, 29 Feb 2016 15:53:58 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2478793@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Single mom by choice at time of conception? No. (Pregnancy was unplanned) Single mom by circumstance? Yes</p> <p>The mom is very well-off. She's had hired help from the beginning and hands on family for help. </p> <p>I don't know any single moms that struggled both with money and extra hands for help. </p>