https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 19 May 2026 21:42:58 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sister-expects-me-to-pay-more-because-im-married/page/2#post-2409588 Tue, 05 Jan 2016 01:23:58 +0000 HLK208 2409588@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>But they're your parents not DH's?! </p> <p>We split evenly for the most part. Occasionally, if it's an expensive gift, we'll put more money in just because we're financially stable - but not because we're married. My sisters make less than half of what DH does so I don't want them to feel strained. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sister-expects-me-to-pay-more-because-im-married/page/2#post-2409526 Mon, 04 Jan 2016 22:38:06 +0000 mrbee 2409526@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Does your DH have family of his own to gift to? Because then the math wouldn't work in her favor! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sister-expects-me-to-pay-more-because-im-married/page/2#post-2409518 Mon, 04 Jan 2016 22:31:11 +0000 Keybee 2409518@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My sister did the same thing to me for Christmas this year. I told her I would get my own gift. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sister-expects-me-to-pay-more-because-im-married/page/2#post-2408921 Mon, 04 Jan 2016 14:45:36 +0000 BabyBoecksMom 2408921@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think that's odd..... We're married, but we have more expenses because we're married - we have two families to buy for. Is she usually like that with things? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sister-expects-me-to-pay-more-because-im-married/page/2#post-2408895 Mon, 04 Jan 2016 14:31:14 +0000 Meowkers 2408895@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>urgh these types of situations is exactly why i refuse to split gifts with people. I think there is an argument for doing it either way. If the gift is from your sister, you and your DH, then it's technically from three people and should be split 3 ways in terms of cost. If it is just from you and your sister, then I think it's appropriate to go 50/50.</p> <p>My vote is separate gifts! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sister-expects-me-to-pay-more-because-im-married#post-2408885 Mon, 04 Jan 2016 14:28:28 +0000 catomd00 2408885@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Idk it's a bit forward of her to ask, but with my little sister we always "assign" her a lower amount since she's single and less established. A lot of times we just tell her not to worry about it. I think it depends more on financial situation than marital status though. You can always decline and tell her you'll get your own gift this year. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sister-expects-me-to-pay-more-because-im-married#post-2408856 Mon, 04 Jan 2016 14:12:34 +0000 MaryM 2408856@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@T.H.O.U.: I agree. I think the method of "paying per head" should only be applied when something costs extra per head...like a meal or an experience (show or sporting event) or something that costs more the more people you include. In that case, each person should have to cover their costs. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sister-expects-me-to-pay-more-because-im-married#post-2408847 Mon, 04 Jan 2016 14:09:17 +0000 erinbaderin 2408847@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@T.H.O.U.: That's a good point. Plus think of who would be buying her a gift if you weren't married. Really the gift is coming from the daughters.</p> <p>For the first of our friends to get married, a bunch of us went in on a video camera for them. We asked everybody to contribute $50. My boyfriend and I each contributed separately because we were both friends with them, and that made sense to me, even though we were a couple and would have bought them a gift together if we hadn't done it this way. But the husband, in this instance, wouldn't be buying a gift on his own s. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sister-expects-me-to-pay-more-because-im-married#post-2408816 Mon, 04 Jan 2016 13:56:49 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2408816@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: I would guess the confusion is that we buy gifts for people from our "household". Meaning "we" buy a gift for my mom, I dont buy her a gift and my DH buy her a gift. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sister-expects-me-to-pay-more-because-im-married#post-2408815 Mon, 04 Jan 2016 13:56:30 +0000 avivoca 2408815@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Um, no. That's ridiculous. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sister-expects-me-to-pay-more-because-im-married#post-2408805 Mon, 04 Jan 2016 13:53:49 +0000 babypugs 2408805@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No way! In some situations I could see it (young, unemployed sibling) but in this situation, I'd offer to split 50/50 or just tell her she's on her own. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sister-expects-me-to-pay-more-because-im-married#post-2408804 Mon, 04 Jan 2016 13:53:27 +0000 fancyfunction 2408804@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No - my SIL tried to pull that once saying her 2 brothers were married so should pay more - essentially splitting the cost 5 ways. I shot her down saying your mother has 3 kids who will be splitting the cost 3 ways. I think she was being ridiculous!! ;) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sister-expects-me-to-pay-more-because-im-married#post-2408798 Mon, 04 Jan 2016 13:50:20 +0000 skipra 2408798@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can see this when there is a single sibling and a married sibling where both work and don't have kids. I wouldn't pay extra though being on unpaid leave and having costs of daycare. I would personally just tell her that money is tight with the new baby and you can only split it equally. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sister-expects-me-to-pay-more-because-im-married#post-2408794 Mon, 04 Jan 2016 13:47:52 +0000 lamariniere 2408794@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>With my brother and I, the understanding is 50/50. Occasionally one or the other of us will just pick up the whole cost or the majority, but we don't squabble about it. We are both married though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sister-expects-me-to-pay-more-because-im-married#post-2408793 Mon, 04 Jan 2016 13:47:39 +0000 youboots 2408793@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Nope. This would not fly, FWIW I did order a calendar from both of our families for my parents for Christmas and she did not offer and I did not ask for 1/2. But we don't nickel and dime each other and I think we are equally generous with each other.</p> <p>ETA I think it's that she's put so much thought into justifying this that bothers me. I vote separate gifts. I don't even get my parents a card. They got a text and IG shoutout 😂 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sister-expects-me-to-pay-more-because-im-married#post-2408792 Mon, 04 Jan 2016 13:46:07 +0000 Autumnmama79 2408792@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm always happy to pay more than my share now that I am well established in my career. My younger brother is still starting out and I'm happy to pick up the slack. </p> <p>BUT, that is because I am the one offering, he is not asking or demanding. I think being asked to pay more than my share would bother me too. It would put me off just the way your sisters request has you. What did you say to her to are planning to say? @alphagam84: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sister-expects-me-to-pay-more-because-im-married#post-2408780 Mon, 04 Jan 2016 13:40:39 +0000 looch 2408780@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: My husband's family does it this way (meaning you pay by the head, not the family unit). They've been doing this forever, so I guess it's just normal to them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sister-expects-me-to-pay-more-because-im-married#post-2408776 Mon, 04 Jan 2016 13:37:53 +0000 ms.line 2408776@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I always contribute more toward gifts than my brother (who is unmarried)... but after reading these comments, I'm reconsidering! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sister-expects-me-to-pay-more-because-im-married#post-2408762 Mon, 04 Jan 2016 13:30:58 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2408762@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Greentea: I ended up editing out some of my original post. The fact your sister treats you as well is awesome. My bro didn't ever treat and it wasn't that I expect same like kind and quality just a little reciprocation every now and again. I have definitely felt taken advantage of (or for granted) by the baby in the family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sister-expects-me-to-pay-more-because-im-married#post-2408757 Mon, 04 Jan 2016 13:26:33 +0000 psw27 2408757@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I mean, I guess if she is literally looking at it as a gift from 3 people - you, DH and her - then it is isn't the strangest thing to say.... BUT in reality, I would never divide things up this way. I totally get the younger sibling who is in college or HS still not paying as much, but otherwise no. I would just say what I could contribute and let it be. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sister-expects-me-to-pay-more-because-im-married#post-2408745 Mon, 04 Jan 2016 13:20:46 +0000 Greentea 2408745@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs.KMM: yeah, that's what I was saying- it is about finances more than marriage. </p> <p>I also just don't get put off by these things. When I have things to share, I do it freely and they tend to be the same. (In the past I have paid for my sister's flight and let her live with me, for example, she had treated me to dinner, etc.) But maybe that's just us! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sister-expects-me-to-pay-more-because-im-married#post-2408735 Mon, 04 Jan 2016 13:15:43 +0000 Mrs.KMM 2408735@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Maybe I am the oddball out but we do this with my brother all the time. DH and I and my sister and her husband each make a little over 4x what my single brother makes. He is not in the same position financially as we are so when we go in on gifts together with him, we always contribute more than he does. He contributes what he can afford and we do as well. But it is a budget/financial situation thing, not due to the fact that we are married. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sister-expects-me-to-pay-more-because-im-married#post-2408731 Mon, 04 Jan 2016 13:15:00 +0000 Mrs. Oatmeal 2408731@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Nope, we split evenly most of the time. My sister used to chip in a bit less when she was in school but now we're both married and in the same financial situation. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sister-expects-me-to-pay-more-because-im-married#post-2408725 Mon, 04 Jan 2016 13:11:39 +0000 erinbaderin 2408725@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We kind of do, but that's because I know my brother's approximate budget for gifts, and I know mine, and so I add those together, find something in that price range, and ask him to contribute his budget. I wouldn't ask him to go over his budget. And I would never ask somebody else to pay a bigger portion than I was paying, no matter how many people are in their family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sister-expects-me-to-pay-more-because-im-married#post-2408723 Mon, 04 Jan 2016 13:10:59 +0000 edelweiss 2408723@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>for a while my sister and husband would pay more than me, but they would offer, i never asked for it. and i never picked a gift banking on the assumption that they would pay more. i think this is more about how she handled it, as opposed to who pays for how much. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sister-expects-me-to-pay-more-because-im-married#post-2408720 Mon, 04 Jan 2016 13:08:07 +0000 Anagram 2408720@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: That's interesting! In my family (I'm one of 6 adult kids), we rarely split stuff unless it's totally voluntary...but when we do split gifts for my mom, each sibling splits, and the spouses or partners or lack of partners are not factored in at all. I'm the 5th kid and was married at the oldest age, so I was usually the single one and was happy with that arrangement.</p> <p>eta: not factored in financially......they were still included in the "this gift is from all of us" part. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sister-expects-me-to-pay-more-because-im-married#post-2408710 Mon, 04 Jan 2016 13:00:53 +0000 looch 2408710@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I must be crazy because I can totally see why a person would come to this conclusion in the payments, if you have three people going in on a gift, then you split it three ways. If two of the people happen to be from the same family, the expectation is to pay two thirds. But my solution is to just not give gifts when people hardball me.</p> <p>But in this situation, I'd just say here's what I would like to pay, can we find a gift in that price range? Or suggest getting separate gifts. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sister-expects-me-to-pay-more-because-im-married#post-2408695 Mon, 04 Jan 2016 12:55:01 +0000 Charm54 2408695@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Nope. That's crazy.</p> <p>I do spend a bit more on SIL's Christmas gift, but only because she is buying gifts for myself, DH and both DDs so I feel badly that she is giving 4 gifts but only getting 1 gift in return (if that makes sense)</p> <p>But when I go splits with family for gifts we definitely split it equally!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sister-expects-me-to-pay-more-because-im-married#post-2408694 Mon, 04 Jan 2016 12:54:37 +0000 Torchwood 2408694@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That's ridiculous. As has been pointed out, you have twice as many people to buy gifts for now! The only difference in how much we put in for parent gifts is if someone is having a hard time financially. DH and his sister are much better off than their brothers, so the brothers usually don't contribute as much. But when they can afford it they do! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sister-expects-me-to-pay-more-because-im-married#post-2408690 Mon, 04 Jan 2016 12:51:39 +0000 Anagram 2408690@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>She's crazy. But probably just clueless as to what it costs to have kids and unpaid maternity leaves. I had WAY more spending money before I got married and had kids.</p> <p>But I've had a similar issue with a sibling thinking that I can afford all kinds of things I can't--I don't know why, because I have two kids and have had two totally unpaid mat leaves in two years. Whereas he is totally single, unmarried, and has no kids. Sometimes people are dense...that's the only explanation I can think of. </p>