https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 12 May 2026 01:10:03 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/skippingcutting-down-on-gift-giving#post-1197173 Tue, 05 Nov 2013 12:37:56 +0000 sheskrafty 1197173@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've been trying to implement this on DH's side for a few years now. Just give gifts to the kids since the adults don't need anything. It wasn't received well. We got "don't worry about getting us gifts but we still want to give you gifts". So then we're jerks if we don't get them gifts. Total failure. So now I need to start brainstorming like 10 gifts each for his parents, sister and bro in law. Total waste of money. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/skippingcutting-down-on-gift-giving#post-1197105 Tue, 05 Nov 2013 12:15:57 +0000 immabeetoo 1197105@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@beaker: what about doing a secret santa "draw one" exchange?? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/skippingcutting-down-on-gift-giving#post-1197094 Tue, 05 Nov 2013 12:07:35 +0000 cascademom 1197094@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@beaker: I like the idea of food gifts. It's partly why we were sending Harry &amp; David boxes to the inlaws since they're impossible to shop for and generally indifferent. Since LO arrived, I haven't expected gifts. If anything, I tend to buy things I like because I have the money and a mean independent streak. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/skippingcutting-down-on-gift-giving#post-1195692 Mon, 04 Nov 2013 17:52:33 +0000 BananaPancakes 1195692@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@beaker: Honestly, I think you just have to do whats right for you guys. Maybe they'll be mad for a year or two, but hopefully they'll get over it and maybe then all eventually cut back. I've been trying to find some DIY gifts for this year to cut back even more, actually. I'd love for someone to gift me a tin of homemade fudge. Or bourbon balls. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/skippingcutting-down-on-gift-giving#post-1195666 Mon, 04 Nov 2013 17:38:29 +0000 Mae 1195666@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When I was a kid I had lots of cousins. The way my family did it was all the grandkids (cousin) had a gift exchange where we all picked names and only bought for 1 person. And all the adults did the same. I think my parents might have been the ones to suggest it because I know it was hard for them to buy for 14 cousins and they only had 2 kids! It was great. It was so fun as a kid to get to pick out a special gift for one cousin. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/skippingcutting-down-on-gift-giving#post-1195659 Mon, 04 Nov 2013 17:33:22 +0000 Mrs. Tiger 1195659@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks for all the ideas everyone! The main sticking point in my mind is actually my 60yo aunt, who passes around her amazon wishlist on thanksgiving every year... I'm with @BananaPancakes: and don't get the well off grown woman expecting gifts like that, but that's how it is.</p> <p> I suppose I might be better off making separate arrangements with my siblings, and just bake something for her/the other adults, and will mention that we need to cut back this year. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/skippingcutting-down-on-gift-giving#post-1195248 Mon, 04 Nov 2013 14:40:38 +0000 BananaPancakes 1195248@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@beaker: All kids get gifts from everyone if they're under 18. My older sister doesn't have kids, and neither does one of my aunts, but no one has ever felt slighted, as far as I know. The gifts for kids are usually in the $20-30 range and there's only 3 kids left in that age range this year. A cousin and my youngest sister aged out, so now they're in the family exchange. </p> <p>And it works similarly amongst my MIl's family. It's not as large as mine, and there's only my son as far as kids go, so that's not really an issue. Everyone knows they do not have to buy my kid anything if they don't want to. </p> <p>I personally don't understand people who would get upset about not getting a ton of presents. It just makes me uncomfortable, if I'm being honest. I'm a grown woman with a decent job; I don't need a bunch if gifts to know my family loves me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/skippingcutting-down-on-gift-giving#post-1195239 Mon, 04 Nov 2013 14:39:06 +0000 birdofafeather 1195239@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>we do a secret santa. my parents still get us tons of gifts, but i'm sure all of those gifts will now go to R. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/skippingcutting-down-on-gift-giving#post-1195224 Mon, 04 Nov 2013 14:35:04 +0000 2PeasinaPod 1195224@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We're trying this approach this year with my siblings. We just can't afford to keep buying so much for everyone! I don't think my parents are going to like it much (read: my mom), but the siblings are doing a Pollyanna and we're telling my mom to cut back. We have 4 kids in the family, so it's about their experience anyway!</p> <p>For my inlaws, we don't do much with them anyway, so I don't feel as if I'm going broke when I buy for them as I do for my family! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/skippingcutting-down-on-gift-giving#post-1195208 Mon, 04 Nov 2013 14:30:58 +0000 blackbird 1195208@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh, one thing we did with my SIL (that i hope we do again) is that we do something instead of giving. So last year, we did dinner and a show. </p> <p>So it's more of an experience done together instead of a gift you give and forget about </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/skippingcutting-down-on-gift-giving#post-1195204 Mon, 04 Nov 2013 14:30:06 +0000 Mrs. Train 1195204@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We did a family gift exchange for awhile. The grown ups participated while the kids (under 18) got gifts from everyone. It worked for awhile until my cousin stopped talking to some of us and then it kind of fell apart. I have an agreement with my sister to not do gifts for each other just our kids. So that works out. I think if everyone wants to still do gifts and you and can't come to an arrangement maybe something nice and homemade would be a good alternative to cut some costs. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/skippingcutting-down-on-gift-giving#post-1195184 Mon, 04 Nov 2013 14:22:21 +0000 LuLu Mom 1195184@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We do this on my side, and it went great (however, we all have kids.) We still do parents beacuse they help out so much throughout the year, but we don't exchange with siblings anymore. On DH we do a drawing for the adults to cut down on the amount of gifts so each person buys one gift, it goes over nicely. For his parents, we get together with his Bro &amp; SIL and we give a joint bigger gift. It's nice for sure. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/skippingcutting-down-on-gift-giving#post-1195178 Mon, 04 Nov 2013 14:19:55 +0000 lovehoneybee 1195178@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I posted in the other thread, but we do a Yankee Swap (or White Elephant) gift exchange in D's family (I send members of my family a card/cookies/fudge/something else baked). We set a $20 gift limit, and it's a ton of fun. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/skippingcutting-down-on-gift-giving#post-1195176 Mon, 04 Nov 2013 14:19:45 +0000 blackbird 1195176@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We buy for the kids and immediate family (my parents, his mom, his sister) and do a secret santa with everyone else. </p> <p>We TRIED to do a sponsor-a-family thing, but his aunt and uncle were Grinches about that and said we should "keep it in the family" *eye roll* </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/skippingcutting-down-on-gift-giving#post-1195172 Mon, 04 Nov 2013 14:18:36 +0000 T-Mom 1195172@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My in-law family decided to cut back on gift giving due to the number of siblings and grandkids. So now we do a secret santa among the grandchildren (there are over 10 kids, so it's really fun) and a secret santa among the adults. And every family gives a gift to my FIL, since he's the family patriarch (and MIL passed on many many years ago). I actually appreciate that they decided to cut back. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/skippingcutting-down-on-gift-giving#post-1195171 Mon, 04 Nov 2013 14:18:35 +0000 Mrs. Jump Rope 1195171@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We did this last year, and it worked out really well! My brother, his fiance, my sister and my husband all pitched in and got my parents something really nice instead of getting each other something small. We were spread so thin otherwise! </p> <p>I suggested the group gift around early November, and by Black Friday we'd all agreed on the gifts for mom &amp; dad, so I went out and bought them! Brother &amp; sister paid me back.</p> <p>I'm the only sibling with a child, so I felt silly saying "'let's focus on the kids!" but everyone insisted they get C something. </p> <p>We are doing the same thing this year! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/skippingcutting-down-on-gift-giving#post-1195169 Mon, 04 Nov 2013 14:18:03 +0000 looch 1195169@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@beaker: yes, that's pretty much how it works in my extended family. My older cousin has no kids, but he always gets something for my son, as does my aunt.</p> <p>They want to do it, I would prefer if they didn't, but it's more for them than it is for my son...I do anticipate that it will stop though, as my son gets older (he's 3). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/skippingcutting-down-on-gift-giving#post-1195168 Mon, 04 Nov 2013 14:18:01 +0000 BKCaribBaby 1195168@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We tried to do this with DH's family and it didn't work. We ended up getting gifts and had nothing for a few people. I don't think this will work until there are multiple grandchildren for each son. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/skippingcutting-down-on-gift-giving#post-1195165 Mon, 04 Nov 2013 14:16:23 +0000 cmomma17 1195165@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@deerylou: My go to gift for kids like that is i-tunes gift cards! wrap it up with a candy bar or something like that. </p> <p>Our bank actually has a rewards program where you earn points for purchases on debit purchases and one of the things you can redeem them for is itunes cards, so we kind of cheat there :) Maybe your bank has that? Or a credit card? Or you can do something like ebates or swagbucks (although I think swagbucks earns you digital giftcards).</p> <p>Darn spoiled brats!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/skippingcutting-down-on-gift-giving#post-1195148 Mon, 04 Nov 2013 14:11:16 +0000 cascademom 1195148@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Generally, I'm game for this. Last year, my MIL did this. However, it seemed suspect for several reasons. It came at a time when LO was 3 months old, so a little gift for him would have been nice. He didn't get anything from the inlaws last year. Also, it was soon after the huge blowup and she pushed for us to visit during that time. She saw our flight/time was a gift to them. So, we spent about $1,000 on airfare and time away from work as a gift to you....hmmm, yeah. Also, it got her out of gifting anything to myself and my extended family (my parents). I really think that she used the whole "no gifts" in a self serving way. I'm expecting this to happen again this year.</p> <p>My parents already have a wishlist in mind for LO with his new play kitchen and watching him love my husband's drill. I'm cool with my parents not gifting him and I anything. I'd rather focus on LO and my nephews. I generally keep a stash of gifts for everyone in the closet, so I'm pretty well done with Christmas shopping already. I like to give gifts, so more gifting for the kids is what I like, but I'm able to gift to family as well with my stash. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/skippingcutting-down-on-gift-giving#post-1195140 Mon, 04 Nov 2013 14:08:08 +0000 Mrs. Tiger 1195140@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: @Beebug: @BananaPancakes: do people with no kids still give gifts to kids? I am afraid it looks greedy if I say only kids when I'm kind of benefiting from it? Maybe a secret Santa amongst the adults would go better, although my ILs would probably just ignore it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/skippingcutting-down-on-gift-giving#post-1195125 Mon, 04 Nov 2013 14:02:57 +0000 BananaPancakes 1195125@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's really hard if not everyone wants to cut back, but I swear it's made the holidays so much more bearable. My whole family (aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc) chose to cut back years ago and just gift kids under 18. Everyone else draws a name and has a budget of $50. My MIL's family has done the same thing. It's awesome. Trying to come up with gifts for everyone, not to mention the money to pay for all those presents felt ridiculous and overwhelming before we switched. Now it feels simple and not so awfully materialistic. Would your family go for a gift exchange? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/skippingcutting-down-on-gift-giving#post-1195087 Mon, 04 Nov 2013 13:55:07 +0000 Beebug 1195087@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Two years ago we dropped buying gifts for everyone, but everyone was on board knowing kids/grandkids were coming. They 8 of us on DHs side (MIL/FIL, SIL/BIL x2, DH &amp;I) draw names and we buy one gift for who we drew, around $50 in value. DH and I even vowed to not buy for each other this year, and I drew his name, so I won't be tempted to cheat. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/skippingcutting-down-on-gift-giving#post-1195077 Mon, 04 Nov 2013 13:51:50 +0000 deerylou 1195077@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We're thinking about offering this idea to my husband's side of the family. He's one of six, and has tons of aunts and uncles, and it's just not in the cards for us, this year. I'd say, offer a secret Santa type thing amongst the adults!</p> <p>ETA: We kind of get screwed in the kid department, too. My husband's sisters each have multiple kids, and all they want is video games or the newest iPhone (they're all in elementary school, doh). I almost want to suggest a secret santa amongst the kids, too. We simply can't afford the type of gifts they all want, and frankly, as much as I adore those kids to death, they really aren't very appreciative. I can totally relate, @cmomma17: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/skippingcutting-down-on-gift-giving#post-1195056 Mon, 04 Nov 2013 13:46:26 +0000 cmomma17 1195056@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@beaker: I would love to do something like this, but fear the backlash if I initiate it.</p> <p>My mom and sister would both be offended. They both give out long lists of things they want each year. I also don't know how to tell them I don't want so many presents from them (for me) - I think they are shopaholics honestly.<br /> There are only 2 kids in our family - my LO who is 6 months and then my nephew who is soon to be 14. We can barely afford anything on nephews wishlist because he has expensive tastes/interests (like his mom). </p> <p>My in-laws are super easy. They moved here to be with us and LO and they will appreciate whatever we want to do/not do. I can see them being fine doing one gift per each of us adults and then more stuff for LO. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/skippingcutting-down-on-gift-giving#post-1195034 Mon, 04 Nov 2013 13:38:59 +0000 looch 1195034@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We did this last year and it didn't go over well at first....my brother was resistant to the idea, but I think he's secretly happy about it now!</p> <p>We do gifts for the kids.</p> <p>eta: oh jeez, I didn't answer fully! As for the adults with no children, they're mostly fine with it, but we do an exchange with my inlaws that we seriously don't need to even be doing. I don't get the point of it any more, but they want to do it, lol. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/skippingcutting-down-on-gift-giving#post-1195031 Mon, 04 Nov 2013 13:38:17 +0000 Mrs. Tiger 1195031@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We're super tight on funds this year, and I would prefer to just buy gifts for the kids in the family, ie nieces, nephews, and 11yo SIL. How to tell people this and ask them not to give stuff for us? For my siblings with kids I know theyll understand and reciprocate, but for older family members with no kids (or adult kids) will this be seen as a request for gifts for my boys in exchange for nothing? I'm ok to make some homemade cookies or something for each family, but both my family and the ILs tend to go gift crazy.</p> <p>If anyone else has successfully stopped/cut back on family gift giving I appreciate ideas! </p>