https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 07 May 2026 15:02:09 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleep-lady-shuffle-help-gentle-sleep-training#post-2603070 Fri, 12 Aug 2016 07:35:23 +0000 MrsADS 2603070@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@fliegepilzhut I just replied to your thread about daycare naps! We're in a very similar situation.</p> <p>@faithfertility thanks for sharing your story.</p> <p>Update - we gave up on sleep lady or any sleep training because my LO's reflux was flaring up again. Knock on wood, the last week and a half/two weeks have been somewhat better. Most nights only 1 wake up which I can deal with. Although I am still nursing and rocking to sleep. I would love to get him to fall asleep independently still but I'm less stressed about it. He had a lot of wake ups last night but he's teething.</p> <p>Edit forgot to add: he has been eating solids a little bit better, so I am wondering if that is helping him during the night (not waking up as much due to being hungry). Also he usually slept on his back/side.... he's started sleeping on his tummy. I guess he finally figured out how to get there. I think he sleeps better that way. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleep-lady-shuffle-help-gentle-sleep-training#post-2600063 Sun, 07 Aug 2016 06:24:30 +0000 FaithFertility 2600063@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsADS: How is it going?<br /> I just wanted to chime in and say my DD was nursed to sleep until 11 months and STTN regularly<br /> She at 19 months goes down drowsy and still will wake to come in our bed I think with some kids the falling asleep on there own has no correlation to MOTN wakes </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleep-lady-shuffle-help-gentle-sleep-training#post-2600031 Sat, 06 Aug 2016 22:08:31 +0000 FliegepilzHut 2600031@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsADS: Our little guys are the same age, I think, and we are still suffering with you. Currently, we read books, then nurse until drowsy, then sway until he is sleepy enough to go down in the crib without a fight...then patting, shushing, sometimes pick-up/put-down as needed. We have not tried many overnights in the crib...but that is because I need to get whatever sleep I can (we co-sleep) to remain functional, he has only recently begun connecting 45min sleep cycles reasonably well, and out bedroom is across the house, night nursing, etc, etc.</p> <p>Did you find a strategy that worked for you? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleep-lady-shuffle-help-gentle-sleep-training#post-2589004 Wed, 20 Jul 2016 11:09:01 +0000 MrsADS 2589004@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hocuspocus hugs mama. I feel your pain...</p> <p>@sapphire (and anyone else interested) well, we basically gave up on sleep training for now. We just nursed and then rocked to sleep. And go figure, the last 2 nights he's only had 1 wake up. Who knows.</p> <p>We also rearranged some stuff in his room and now the camera for the video monitor ended up right next to the sound machine. I didn't do it on purpose, but what it means is that I can definitely hear him fuss or cry, but if he's just making little sounds or whatever it's hard for me to hear at night while I'm asleep. Which means I'm sleeping better. </p> <p>We will probably revisit the sleep training at some point. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleep-lady-shuffle-help-gentle-sleep-training#post-2588660 Tue, 19 Jul 2016 20:00:21 +0000 sapphire 2588660@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsADS: how did it go last night?<br /> Could you try nursing for a bit but not until he is asleep? Nurse and then read some books?<br /> I think the fighting/hysterical part is in response to a change and I bet it will be temporary. It still might be worth putting him down fussy and come check in about 3 mins. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleep-lady-shuffle-help-gentle-sleep-training#post-2588638 Tue, 19 Jul 2016 18:36:02 +0000 hocuspocus 2588638@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No advice but I can definitely relate. DD is 13 mos and she's never been a great sleeper. ever. She's a major comfor nurser and never ever falls asleep on her own, CIO isn't for me either. She would just keep crying and it breaks my heart. We're Co sleeping for now and waking up 3-4 times a night. It's hard and I'm SO TIREd! I'm at my whits end too and beyond exhausted. Idk what to do anymore uuuugh I know I somehow have to stop nursing her at night but it's so hard when that's the only thing that works. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleep-lady-shuffle-help-gentle-sleep-training#post-2587817 Mon, 18 Jul 2016 12:52:26 +0000 MrsADS 2587817@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@shooting star yeah- good point. This would be way more awful with a toddler. Ugggh.</p> <p>@avivoca that's good to hear about the nursing. I sort of feel like one thing at a time, maybe first sleep, then nursing at night. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleep-lady-shuffle-help-gentle-sleep-training#post-2587811 Mon, 18 Jul 2016 12:46:53 +0000 Dahlia 2587811@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsADS: Good luck!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleep-lady-shuffle-help-gentle-sleep-training#post-2587801 Mon, 18 Jul 2016 12:29:07 +0000 avivoca 2587801@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsADS: Also, I want to let you know we only did CIO at that age so she would fall asleep. I still nursed through the night until she was 12-13 months old. A couple of weeks after she turned one, I night weaned her and it was pretty painless. But she was also a pretty easygoing baby/early toddler. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleep-lady-shuffle-help-gentle-sleep-training#post-2587799 Mon, 18 Jul 2016 12:28:48 +0000 ShootingStar 2587799@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsADS: I don't know that he's ever been hysterical when we've left, but he's definitely cried pretty hard. I agree with others, it sounds like he's getting overtired. Also, it could be that he knows what's coming next and is getting upset in anticipation.</p> <p>I'm not sure what the best answer for you is, except to say that some crying now may be worth it. My son sleeps 11-12 hours at night with virtually no wake ups, and he's so much better off for it. We still have some nights that we struggle to get away and it's so much worse with a toddler than an infant. An infant just cries, but a toddler begs, crying, "no leave me mommy. mommy stay. mommy stay next to me." And so I give in an spend 2 hours in his bed hoping he'll fall asleep :bummed: . Best thing we ever did as parents was sleep train him, because I could not deal with that every day, multiples wake ups a day. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleep-lady-shuffle-help-gentle-sleep-training#post-2587785 Mon, 18 Jul 2016 12:17:45 +0000 MrsADS 2587785@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mama bird a friend from my due date group just sent me the article about "tension increasers" last night. I think this could definitely be my son. BUT he also amps up the crying when we go in the room (like in the middle of the night), so I am not 100% sure. Thanks for your commiseration. I sort of feel like if I don't find a solution, something else will have to change (i.e. staying at home or something) - my current situation is untenable. It's tough.</p> <p>@dahlia yep I'm definitely going back to the old routine of nursing being the final thing before sleep. Everyone says not to do that but I think it was working better. He's definitely getting crankier about diaper and clothing changes at this age, like you said. Good to know re: sleep consultants. I am not really sure where I'm going yet. Agree re: it's a fine balance between being "tired enough" and overtired. </p> <p>I honestly don't mind nursing/rocking my son to sleep at bedtime. He usually goes down fast that way. The problem is all the night wake ups. And everything I've read basically says they have to learn to fall asleep independently to get past the night wake ups... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleep-lady-shuffle-help-gentle-sleep-training#post-2587746 Mon, 18 Jul 2016 11:31:38 +0000 Dahlia 2587746@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsADS: Oh, and I know everyone is saying early bedtime and make sure he's not overtired. That's all true and good, but for us that usually meant DD had more energy to fight it! We had to find the sweet spot of good and tired but not overtired.</p> <p>Also (sorry, I have lots of thoughts on baby sleep I guess!) have you noticed there's a certain time he falls asleep every night? When we tried to get DD to fall asleep on her own we figured out she always fell asleep at 7:21 no matter what we did - she'd cry for more if we put her down earlier, or cry for 2 minutes if she went down at 7:19. Once we found her natural bedtime, it was a lot easier to get her down. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleep-lady-shuffle-help-gentle-sleep-training#post-2587740 Mon, 18 Jul 2016 11:28:23 +0000 Dahlia 2587740@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsADS: We ended up doing CIO with checks because being in the room has always riled up DD. I agree with previous suggestions to nurse after PJs and diaper. We did nursing than PJs for months and it worked great, but last month (at 11 months) she started HATING getting diaper and clothing changes so I switched it to before nursing. We haven't had any problems with that order. </p> <p>Also, just a word of warning with sleep consultants. We hired one and it worked. BUT her strategy was CIO with checks, so if you're not comfortable with that you might have to shop around for a consultant. Lots of them are trained by Dana Obleman and so they do her strategy and that's really it. The sleep consultant worked for us because she gave us (me, really) the backbone and financial motivation to let DD cry and stick with it </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleep-lady-shuffle-help-gentle-sleep-training#post-2587719 Mon, 18 Jul 2016 10:56:12 +0000 Mama Bird 2587719@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ugh, I'm sorry. I totally get the exhaustion. I have had like five full nights of sleep in the year since DD was born. </p> <p>I've done a lot of googling about this, because what else can you do while nursing in the middle of the night. Apparently some babies are "tension increasers" - if you leave them to cry, even for a little bit, they get more and more wound up instead of calming down. Also 11 months is just a tough age to sleep train because they've got so much going on developmentally, it wakes them up.</p> <p>My son is a really good sleeper, but between my daughter's personality and just being more tired with two kids, I was never able to power through getting her to sleep in her crib. Now I think the moment has passed and I'm just waiting it out until she grows out of it... the few times she's slept well when she was not sick, teething, or learning something new give me hope.</p> <p>Hopefully you find something that works though! Good luck!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleep-lady-shuffle-help-gentle-sleep-training#post-2587710 Mon, 18 Jul 2016 10:36:56 +0000 MrsADS 2587710@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bluebonnet well I'm glad to know I'm not the only SLS failure! LOL. I do think us being there is escalating the situation. And he is overtired from the sleep training which is for sure making it worse. I'd say he cries while we put his PJs and sleep sack on probably 80-90% of the time but it's way worse when he's really tired. </p> <p>I really appreciate everyone's feedback. You've definitely given me some things to consider. I think tonight we will try:<br /> (1) EARLY bedtime<br /> (2) nurse after PJs/sleepsack in the dark (like we used to do)<br /> (3) put him down drowsy and not crying (he's always calm after nursing<br /> (4) leave and give him some time to settle down. I am not ok with hysterical crying on his own (like he was crying the last 2 nights), but some grumbling/fussing I can deal with. </p> <p>And if this doesn't work I will definitely consider a sleep consultant. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleep-lady-shuffle-help-gentle-sleep-training#post-2587706 Mon, 18 Jul 2016 10:21:12 +0000 Bluebonnet 2587706@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsADS: We did SLS with LO1 and it worked like a dream! We tried the same method with LO2 and failed miserably (being in her room riled her up more than if we left her room). We ended up doing a modified CIO (with checks) and that worked beautifully (previously I never would have done CIO, but I was desperate and LO2 really needed to learn how to put herself to sleep). </p> <p>Could you move up bedtime? Fighting sleep training means LO is getting less sleep and is likely overtired at bedtime (which makes it harder to sleep train). Has LO always started crying when its time for PJs/sleep sack?</p> <p>Sleep training is HARD. Know you are helping your LO learn and important life skill (falling asleep). You know your LO best. If you think LO is struggling more with you in the room, consider trying something different. If things are really bad, consider hiring a sleep consultant - its worked miracles for a number of friends. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleep-lady-shuffle-help-gentle-sleep-training#post-2587642 Mon, 18 Jul 2016 08:32:25 +0000 avivoca 2587642@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsADS: She was fine until I walked out of the room, then she would start crying. I sat outside of her door for five minutes, walked in, checked on her, and repeat. It wasn't too bad, only a couple of days before she caught on. But it's what worked for her. She was 9 months when I did that. It may be different for my next baby, I don't know, but it was worth the short term pain for the long-term gain (for my family). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleep-lady-shuffle-help-gentle-sleep-training#post-2587634 Mon, 18 Jul 2016 08:19:40 +0000 catlady 2587634@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My DD was significantly younger than yours (closer to 6 months) but we ended up having to do CIO with checks (Ferber). We tried several of the "gentle" methods including Sleep Lady to no avail, over a period of close to 2 months, and I feel like they all just made it worse. CIO took 2 days total. She has been sleeping like a champ ever since (she is almost 3 years old now). </p> <p>I know you don't feel comfortable with CIO but if the alternative is quitting your job, I would seriously think about it. It was life changing for both us and her (she was a cranky baby and her mood changed dramatically for the better once she started getting better sleep, plus her naps also got better). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleep-lady-shuffle-help-gentle-sleep-training#post-2587630 Mon, 18 Jul 2016 07:59:50 +0000 hilsy85 2587630@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsADS: will he take a bottle instead you nursing him? That might help determine if he's really hungry or just wants to comfort nurse. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleep-lady-shuffle-help-gentle-sleep-training#post-2587623 Mon, 18 Jul 2016 07:40:09 +0000 MrsADS 2587623@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks you guys for the reply.</p> <p>For those of you who say your LOs can't fall asleep with you in the room... @shootingstar @avivoca @sapphire @simplyfelicity how do you put them down before you leave the room? I don't feel like I can put him down if he is hysterical, you know? So I can't even get to that point. </p> <p>He enjoys bath time but the crying starts during putting diaper and PJs and sleep sack on - I think a lot of it is being tired, he just falls apart. And what I have always done is after that, we nurse, which calms him down, but I tried to nurse before diaper and PJs to break the "nurse to sleep" association, but then he's not calming down and we have hysterical crying for forever. </p> <p>@tanjowen the "fading" is basically the Sleep Lady method we've been trying. The first few nights are in a chair by the crib, then move the chair across the room, then in the doorway, then in the hallway, etc. but it's not going well. I don't know if us being there is the problem or if something else is the problem.</p> <p>Last night after almost 2 hours of crying and fighting sleep my husband basically just rocked him to sleep (around 8:30). But then starting at 9:30 he was awake basically every 20 minutes and crying until I finally gave up and nursed him around 11:45. Then he slept until 5am. So maybe he is hungry?! He is not a great solids eater. AAAGGH.</p> <p>I am an attorney and it seems crazy, but I am very seriously considering quitting my job because I can't cope with the sleep deprivation and my commute and my job. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleep-lady-shuffle-help-gentle-sleep-training#post-2587587 Sun, 17 Jul 2016 22:59:49 +0000 simplyfelicity 2587587@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsADS: I'm sorry. This sounds so stressful. :sad: I know that with DS, he will not fall asleep if I am in the room with him because he knows the possibility of me picking him up is "right there." We had to do straight up CIO but I always listen to the tone of his cries (he often cries when he is put down.) If he just sounds angry/whiny, I let him CIO and he falls asleep pretty fast. If he ever sounds scared or desperate, I go and get him and we try again. Let us know how tonight goes! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleep-lady-shuffle-help-gentle-sleep-training#post-2587572 Sun, 17 Jul 2016 21:37:48 +0000 sapphire 2587572@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We did CIO but what I will say is that like others, my LO cannot fall asleep in her crib with me in the room. She would just stand up in there and want to play. I know you said you didn't want to do CIO but you also mentioned that your kid is hysterical - we did CIO with checks and LO never got to a point that I would call hysterical. It also only took 3 nights (although we did it at 6 months). So probably less crying than you are enduring. Just food for thought. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleep-lady-shuffle-help-gentle-sleep-training#post-2587555 Sun, 17 Jul 2016 20:31:16 +0000 mand4 2587555@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <br /><p><i>This comment has been deleted by the original poster.</i></p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleep-lady-shuffle-help-gentle-sleep-training#post-2587554 Sun, 17 Jul 2016 20:30:53 +0000 Tanjowen 2587554@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What worked for us was "fading" when we had a similar issue around 2 years old. Mr. Bee actually suggested it to me. We would sit in the doorway until LO fell asleep, and then over the course of a few weeks worked out way out the door. We totally ignored him and read a book or surfed online. It didn't work 100% of the time (and those nights one of us slept on a mattress by his crib), but most nights it went well. Now at night, we sit out in the hallway for about 5 minutes, then say goodnight and shut the door and he is fine. It's like he needs to know we are out there while he settles in for the night. Worth a try maybe. Sleep deprivation sucks, so sorry. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleep-lady-shuffle-help-gentle-sleep-training#post-2587543 Sun, 17 Jul 2016 20:08:24 +0000 mrsbubbletea 2587543@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Have you looked into the no cry sleep solution? She has some good tips. I also can't do cio, it's not for me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleep-lady-shuffle-help-gentle-sleep-training#post-2587526 Sun, 17 Jul 2016 19:43:19 +0000 avivoca 2587526@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I had to go cold turkey because she freaked out if I was in the room with her. I'm sorry. It sucks. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleep-lady-shuffle-help-gentle-sleep-training#post-2587525 Sun, 17 Jul 2016 19:38:57 +0000 ShootingStar 2587525@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>A lot of times sleep training gets worse the 2nd and 3rd nights before it gets better. And with some kids, you have to figure out what they need, not what you want to give them, unfortunately.</p> <p>For example, my son just can not fall asleep with me there. He needs me to leave the room. I've tried over and over again to sit with him until he falls asleep and he never does. But if I leave he'll cry for 5 minutes and fall asleep. I'd much prefer not making him cry, but I just distract him too much. And he constantly opens his eyes just to make sure I'm still there. </p> <p>He's an excellent sleeper and hasn't had a wake up in months and months. But last week he must've had a bad dream or something and at midnight was crying for me. I was in there next to him until 2am, he kept drifting off and as soon as I moved a muscle he woke up and begged me not to leave. But I'm 35w pregnant and just can not sleep next to him in his bed, so eventually I got up. I felt awful. And by the time I went to the bathroom, he'd settled down and was fine. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleep-lady-shuffle-help-gentle-sleep-training#post-2587518 Sun, 17 Jul 2016 19:17:33 +0000 MrsADS 2587518@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ok. My almost 11 month old has always been a horrible sleeper. Terrible reflux, etc. We are at our wits end. The reflux is finally getting under better control so we decided to try the Sleep Lady Shuffle method (the chair method - chair beside the crib for a few nights, then move further and further away). Right now we rock/nurse DS to sleep. He can't really fall asleep on his own, which is a problem because he wakes up a million times a night.</p> <p>Anyway, this was night #3 of Sleep Lady and we are FAILING! This is how it went:<br /> Night #1: I nursed him in the dark room as usual, put him in the crib sleepy. He flipped around, kicked, played in the crib for about 50 minutes and fussed some for about 10 minutes then fell asleep. I thought GREAT!<br /> Night #2 (last night): he was immediately crying in the crib. Very upset. Sleep Lady says pick up if he's hysterical. Even in our arms he was just inconsolable. For like an hour. Whenever he calmed down and we put him back in the crib - repeat. By this point it was like 9pm (normal bedtime is about 6:45!). My husband basically rocked him to sleep because we didn't know what else to do, he was not going to sleep.<br /> Tonight (night #3): repeat of night 2 except we couldn't even get him in the crib. He was freaking out and crying so hard before we even put him in there. </p> <p>Is my son just stubborn? Not ready? I am not comfortable with cold turkey CIO. Is he doing this because we're in the room? </p> <p>I don't know what to do. I'm working full time and so very tired. </p> <p>Any suggestions... or recommendations of a sleep consultant you like?! </p>