https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 07 Apr 2026 02:11:31 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleep-training-a-screamer#post-2874943 Mon, 04 Mar 2019 21:55:48 +0000 bhbee 2874943@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ChiCalGoBee: 😂😂😂</p> <p>@LCTBQE: yes that’s a good point about shifting to daytime calories. Actually I was thinking the other day I may be my own worst enemy here because instead of religiously feeding every 3 hours I’m like well we’re in a rush to do pickup we can wait an hour to feed ... I probably need to work on that until she gets solids figured out. I was just remembering that my unicorn nighttime sleeper (oldest) ate again an hour after wake up for probably just that reason. </p> <p>I think it’s becoming clear I just have to decide where my priorities lie ... if I want to keep daytime flexibility (feeding, bedtime, etc) I’m going to pay with night wakeups or I can be stricter on schedule and get nights better. Also we need some of your sleep training fortitude because we are huge cavers :silly: Basically I just need to get my sh*t in gear. :grin: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleep-training-a-screamer#post-2874910 Mon, 04 Mar 2019 16:48:40 +0000 LCTBQE 2874910@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ChiCalGoBee: did you make this?!</p> <p>@bhbee: well, if you don't mind the 3:30am wakeup, then I'm sure she'll drop it eventually and there's not really a problem :) if you DO mind it, then my argument for CIO is that hungry as she may be on night 1, she'll make up the calories during the day the next day and it'll sort itself out that she'll get her nutrition during waking hours instead of around the clock in very short order, right? I had (have) literally the exact same concerns about reflux and feeding schedule as you, but also have a 17-pounder at 6 months. no solution to the hating pumping except to say you could always do a formula bottle if you think it wouldn't ding your supply :meh: if you can get your oldest to feed her you win mom olympics. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleep-training-a-screamer#post-2874780 Mon, 04 Mar 2019 00:33:18 +0000 ChiCalGoBee 2874780@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LCTBQE: Hooray! Tank up bottles for everyone! :silly: </p> [attach=4643/19/pntu3i.600x442.Screen-Shot-2019-03-03-at-9.32.14-PM.png] https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleep-training-a-screamer#post-2874773 Sun, 03 Mar 2019 22:00:19 +0000 bhbee 2874773@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mama Bird: I agree ... I wish I knew if it was true hunger or habit! Tonight has been a total fail on trying earlier bedtime so maybe I should just start sleeping 8:30-4 myself and then get up to do stuff in peace and quiet :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleep-training-a-screamer#post-2874743 Sun, 03 Mar 2019 15:19:31 +0000 Mama Bird 2874743@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bhbee: if she's hungry, you're probably going to spend more effort fighting her than it's worth. Maybe you can try pushing the 4 am feeding later instead, little by little. She may stop being so hungry in the morning as she grows, and as solids become a bigger part of her diet, so it's hopefully a very temporary problem. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleep-training-a-screamer#post-2874698 Sun, 03 Mar 2019 10:26:54 +0000 bhbee 2874698@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LCTBQE: hey there! I totally forgot I posted this because I am brain dead. :silly:<br /> So on our end, I feel like we’re stuck in this halfway place (and we’re going to my mom’s for spring break so I’m not going to try fixing it yet). Her daytime and bedtime is now going great, the training for that was pretty easy. At night it’s been inconsistent and more like 8:30-3:30 with a wake up around 12 or so that is usually just giving her the paci back. Eventually I should work on that too. By the 3:30ish wake up she knows she wants to eat and I feel really conflicted about CIO then (even though I know it works and we did it before!). I told dh today we probably just have to be dedicated to try it and see what happens. </p> <p>I guess the wake up is habit, but the fact that a tank up bottle made an immediate difference in getting 7-8 hrs made me realize she really must have been hungry. So I feel bad letting her scream at 4am if she’s really hungry. I’ve been thinking more about her fussing at feedings and wondering how much she’s not eating then due to maybe reflux discomfort. That’s said she was 90th height and 93rd weight at her 6m ... so probably it’s just habit. It was pretty funny to see her pound that first 7-8oz bottle I tried for tank up - she loves to eat. I just hate pumping daily... </p> <p>I am totally an early bedtime believer and probably need to try it. We used to put my son to bed at 5:30 when we trained him! I haven’t set her up on a long bedtime routine because I often just can’t do it, but I’d still have to do some thinking about how to get that bottle into her ... maybe I can come up with a genius plan where I let my 7yo feed her while the big kids get their tv time and I make dinner and then I put her down at 6. If that would work it would be amazing. And it would test out the hunger factor I guess to see when she wakes. </p> <p>All good things to think about - thanks for the reply and ideas! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleep-training-a-screamer#post-2874678 Sun, 03 Mar 2019 07:24:24 +0000 LCTBQE 2874678@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bhbee: hi lady! I'm sorry I missed this, I've been spotty for the past few weeks-- just remembered when I was cleaning out my gmail inbox and saw the notification email. 8:30-5am is pretty good! so how's it going now that it's been another week?</p> <p>to answer your question, I phased the bedtime tank up bottle out with our son, basically, never--we did it throughout his babyhood, switched from a dr browns to a thinkbaby at 14 months, and then finally decreased ounces and dropped around his second birthday. (FWIW his ped was fine with us keeping it even longer even though he clearly didn't "need" it.) I don't anticipate phasing it out with the girl, either. we do a bedtime routine that @mrschampagne and @ChiCalGoBee: (thank you!!! it's not you seconding me, it's me seconding you!) taught me in 2016. I freaking love it, the bottle is the apex to that routine, and it helps them SO MUCH to be extra full. I dunno, I guess I'm of the mind that it's food, not a crutch, and it's not broken so why "fix" it. </p> <p>maybe I missed it above, but let me ask you--is it possible for you to make her bedtime a little earlier? I know your bigger kids are probably tearing around the house and don't know if you're solo during the witching hour, but I'm wondering if she went down with a full tummy at like, 7pm sharp (??) if she'd sleep longer for you than the 5am wakeup time. I know you probably have a good reason for the 8:30 bedtime, but just brainstorming on the weissbluth sleep begets sleep maxim. </p> <p>Also for commiseration/encouragement, our girl had RSV and broke her first tooth in the same week, and she was very sick for over two weeks--all the sleep training went totally out the window (I was up nursing and doing nose frida and breath counts) and then when she was finally better we were both dragging our feet about re-training because it sucks, even though she was back to her preferred FOUR night wakings. we dug in and went for it Friday night and there has been 16 minutes of crying total--12 minutes Friday and 4 last night--she STTN 7pm-6am. all this to say, I love CIO :) :)</p> <p>ETA sorry for the long-winded reply and hoping you don't even need it! and same reason as chicalgobee for the bottle, my supply is always at its lowest right at bedtime even though I generally have good supply. girl never complained about not getting enough nursing at bedtime, but I KNOW she's getting more with the bottle. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleep-training-a-screamer#post-2873629 Sat, 23 Feb 2019 15:28:14 +0000 bhbee 2873629@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ChiCalGoBee: ah glad I asked! I don't have supply issues (that I know of) but I do think she eats more when it's easy. I don't usually pump every day but maybe I could try nursing again in a couple weeks once she's used to going longer. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleep-training-a-screamer#post-2873628 Sat, 23 Feb 2019 15:22:27 +0000 ChiCalGoBee 2873628@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bhbee: To clarify, I phased out the last overnight feeding (11 P.M. dream feed) with a pumped bottle. The tank-up bottle before bedtime is different (for me!): a big pumped bottle that's the last feeding before she sleeps, which she gets every single night as her last feeding of the day. My supply with both kids at that time of day is/was low, so I personally find the pumped bottle to be a game changer for long overnight sleep. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleep-training-a-screamer#post-2873623 Sat, 23 Feb 2019 14:24:10 +0000 bhbee 2873623@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LCTBQE: so I finally started trying a tank up bottle and I have gotten two nights of 8:30-5 without eating which seems like a win! (Still not STTN but getting closer since she goes back to sleep without eating)<br /> I know this post is a bit old so I’m wondering if you phased it out and when/how?</p> <p>@ChiCalGoBee: so you phased out your tank up bottle over a couple weeks if I am reading that right? </p> <p>I’d so love to get 8-6 and it seems possible now! But ideally not keep pumping forever :happy: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleep-training-a-screamer#post-2870906 Fri, 08 Feb 2019 00:28:54 +0000 bhbee 2870906@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ALV91711: good to know!</p> <p>@pachamama: I am open to help for sure! My only concern is whether it will be too rigid ... I can’t manage a strict daytime or bedtime schedule since I am usually solo with all 3 and it’s too unpredictable. Might still be a good general structure though so I’ll definitely check them out. </p> <p>@brownepiano: not sure how to define night but generally she eats between 7-8 (which ideally would be the last!) and then 10-11ish ... I am feeding that one right now. And then usually there is a wake up (sometimes two, ugh) between 2-4ish and then I hope she sleeps until at least 6 (I can’t let her sleep past 6:30 if I want her to eat before school dropoff). I think my next step should be to try to drop anything after 11pm because feeding around 10 doesn’t impact my sleep too much and it would tank her up a bit. </p> <p>I’m feeling mildly optimistic overall because naps have been going pretty well with a 5m Ferber checkin plan - she’s mostly been asleep by 15 or so. She always takes at least one nap out so I’m not going for a clock schedule but just getting her in the crib before she falls asleep or gets too tired. I think she’s a little sick though so I may be getting less escalation than normal! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleep-training-a-screamer#post-2870897 Thu, 07 Feb 2019 22:37:11 +0000 ALV91711 2870897@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DS2 is 5.5 months and about a month ago I did the sleep lady shuffle to get him to put himself to sleep. It worked pretty good. He didn’t drop any night wakings/feedings but now a month later is starting to sleep in longer chunks. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleep-training-a-screamer#post-2870849 Thu, 07 Feb 2019 13:56:32 +0000 pachamama 2870849@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We had an "escalator" as well and didn't attempt CIO til he was like 15 months and got into wonky habits. It would have been torturous but I absolutely agree you need sleep😳😳<br /> What about that Taking Cara Babies or Sleep Lady Shuffle? I haven't used but I've heard good things from here and from my stepsister who used Taking Cara. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleep-training-a-screamer#post-2870844 Thu, 07 Feb 2019 13:44:15 +0000 brownepiano 2870844@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>How many night feeds are you doing? </p> <p>I cut night feedings slowly with ds1 because he was starting to wake up more frequently and not sleeping a long stretch at the beginning but I genuinely thought he couldn't make it all night without nursing. So at first our goal was no feedings before 1 am (6:30 bedtime). He screamed for an hour and 20 min the first night when he woke up around 8 or 9 but after that we were fine and dropping the other feedings was easier. We couldn't check on him or he would get more mad so it was literally all or nothing. When we dropped all feedings in general DH did the middle of the night wake ups for a little while. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleep-training-a-screamer#post-2870800 Thu, 07 Feb 2019 08:36:13 +0000 bhbee 2870800@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ChiCalGoBee: I definitely need to get dh more involved. He has been taking the big kid wakeups (which while not every night have been a thing lately) and we probably need to switch and hope she gets it. Right now her plan is scream until mommy comes even if he’s there 😬 but if I could get her to sleep 10-6 without eating I’d be very happy! I don’t think she has ever made it 8 hours ... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleep-training-a-screamer#post-2870786 Thu, 07 Feb 2019 00:31:32 +0000 ChiCalGoBee 2870786@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I second @LCTBQE: on the tank-up bottle right before bed. I've done it with both kids and it seemed to help us get over that hump. I night-weaned long before formally sleep training both kids, but the way I did that was to gradually offer a few minutes less during the last feeding (for both kids it was an 11 PM dream feed), and then ultimately pump that feeding and put it in a bottle, and drop it by half an ounce every couple of days. Once she was down to about an ounce I just stopped offering one night and that was that.</p> <p>Can your husband do the checks if she wants to nurse as soon as she sees you? I'm not great with this because, again, I'd night-weaned both kids when they were younger than 6 months, but I'm sure breaking the association that you walking in=food is part of it. Hopefully if he goes in she'll stop waiting for you and get the picture sooner rather than later! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleep-training-a-screamer#post-2870784 Wed, 06 Feb 2019 23:28:00 +0000 bhbee 2870784@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Turtle: glad to hear she figured it all out! They definitely all do things their own way. I think this last baby of ours just expects a lot of service in general vs being motivated to do it all herself! :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleep-training-a-screamer#post-2870781 Wed, 06 Feb 2019 22:44:29 +0000 Mrs. Turtle 2870781@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bhbee: Bummer, I was pleasantly surprised at how easily we got through it with N, because she was a total screaming mess if we tried to pick her up but not feed her. Now that she's night weaned, she does let us soothe her if she wakes up at night. Good news, she's rolling now, though not particularly often. She is also just about crawling. And she goes from sitting to hands and knees and back to sitting like a pro. And she is about to start pulling up too. 9 months yesterday. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleep-training-a-screamer#post-2870779 Wed, 06 Feb 2019 22:37:44 +0000 bhbee 2870779@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Turtle: we do have the same baby because I was just reading your post from a couple months ago about sitting but not rolling. :grin: I have that baby too, sat up early but zero interest in rolling!<br /> she definitely escalates at night if I try not to feed her. I'm pretty sure it's just a comfort thing, because of the super chunk (definitely not starving her!), but she's always been very food focused and would prefer a human (ideally me) with her at all times. hoping if I get serious about trying things we can figure it out. she slept so much better before 4m and the past two months have been rough. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleep-training-a-screamer#post-2870777 Wed, 06 Feb 2019 22:30:46 +0000 bhbee 2870777@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LCTBQE: I'm so jealous you're over the hump! it's the WORST on the first night, but we did pure extinction basically with my son. He was older and I was more desperate but that first night about killed me! I agree I don't know if nighttime checks will work. I think you get some kind of merit badge for making it through 8 nights! My son was STTN by night 3 and I was like WHY didn't we do this earlier?? so I'm trying not to repeat that mistake just to avoid a couple bad nights. I'm never going to get her daytime scheduled well with the two older kids but I have got to fix night.</p> <p>interesting idea about the bottle. I really think she doesn't need all the calories she's eating for comfort, so I'm hoping she can just drop the night eating but a bottle might be well worth it if it helps. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleep-training-a-screamer#post-2870776 Wed, 06 Feb 2019 22:26:09 +0000 periwinklebee 2870776@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bhbee: I know some people for whom going to sleep on their own cuts out the night feedings in and of itself. Probably depends on how much she is taking. </p> <p>I realized when I went away the first time overnight at around 8.5 months that he was taking a lot when I pumped 4 ounces right before bed at 10pm then woke up at 6 am and pumped another 15 ounces! And that's about how much he demanded in bottles from dh overnight. I thought my supply was shit but turned out he was just taking a lot of it at night. So needless to say, it was a major readjustment for us and we went the gradual route. But it also didn't bother me much until he outgrew cosleeping and concurrently became harder to get back to sleep, then I was over the night feedings pretty quickly :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleep-training-a-screamer#post-2870775 Wed, 06 Feb 2019 22:24:34 +0000 bhbee 2870775@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@annem1990: I would love that result! I got her to do a ferber-ish nap today - fell asleep around 15 min after 2 prior checks that didn't make her mad. but bedtime checks are a different animal where she gets madder and madder. I don't know guess I will just try different things for a while. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleep-training-a-screamer#post-2870773 Wed, 06 Feb 2019 22:18:06 +0000 bhbee 2870773@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@periwinklebee: honestly I think I need to do both, but would settle for going to sleep on her own first. I think if she could figure that out it might cut down the night feedings. maybe not though! that kid loves to nurse! I'd really like her to sleep all night soon but could probably live with nursing at night for a while longer if she would go back to sleep on her own. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleep-training-a-screamer#post-2870764 Wed, 06 Feb 2019 21:36:28 +0000 Mrs. Turtle 2870764@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Have you tried yet? We have the same baby, it seems. Super chunky, very, very quick to get incredibly upset and definitely sounds angry. However, we decided to night wean a couple months ago and she actually was really easy. She fussed at the first wake up for a long time, probably 45 min on and off, but actually never escalated to crying. The only thing that set her off was getting picked up but no bottle. We went in over and over and patted her back, etc. It wasn't nearly as big of a deal as we expected, given how demanding she can be during the day. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleep-training-a-screamer#post-2870761 Wed, 06 Feb 2019 21:22:37 +0000 LCTBQE 2870761@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bhbee: we *just* sleep trained (or rather, started the sleep training process) ten days ago with our August girl, @sweetiepie held my hand big time throughout because I kind of forgot how to do it and was super scared to rip the band aid off. we did pure extinction, zero checks--with our baby (and with my son as well) checks just made them more upset and frantic, as they usually wanted to nurse or comfort nurse or at least be held--but being talked to and not picked up, no dice. sounds like your girl might be similar. we did our son at 4.5 months and our daughter at 5 months. both were up to 3-4 night wakings per night, with both we just closed the door and painstakingly waited out the shitstorm and then were all MUCH better off getting good long-term sleep after a few bad nights. </p> <p>from your comment, are you thinking that you're going to night wean as well? I don't really have a lot of tips for sleep training but continuing to night feed (I've never really understood how to decide which wake up you're nursing for and which you're riding out??) but can offer a lot of commiseration for waiting out the crying. it SUCKS, it is so heartbreaking. my babies both screamed for 1-2 hours a night, the boy took 3 nights and the girl took an excruciating 8. nights 9-10 she suddenly sttn happy as a clam, we're on night 11 now and I'm hopeful but def not popping the champagne yet. </p> <p>the best suggestion I have for setting her up for success is a big tank-up bottle for her bedtime feeding. our girl is taking about 7oz (which I also put gripe water in) which she was definitely not getting when I was nursing for bedtime. I really miss that nursing session, but obvz what's more important is that she's not hungry. it took a few shitty days but she has started drinking more during the day to make up for what she's not getting at night anymore. so she's still taking the same calories, just during the day :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleep-training-a-screamer#post-2870757 Wed, 06 Feb 2019 21:03:36 +0000 annem1990 2870757@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ferber(ish) really worked for us. He usually responded well to the checks and it didn't make him more mad. I focused just on bedtime and didn't try to drop feeds at that time. If he woke up in the middle of the night, we still fed him but put him right back in bed awake. He was falling asleep on his own for bedtime within 3 days and was also able to for naps as well without actually "training." It hugely reduced night-wakings because he then could figure out how to sleep on his own. I never forced night-weaning. He just stopped that on his own around a year. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleep-training-a-screamer#post-2870750 Wed, 06 Feb 2019 20:50:33 +0000 periwinklebee 2870750@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My son is like this. He also can take hours to go back to sleep once he is angry. He really loves people - wants to be right next to us at all times - and really, really loves to bf. And no one in the house is sleeping when he's upset. </p> <p>Do you want to teach her to fall asleep on her own? Or night wean? Or both? </p> <p>Night weaning I went with a very gradual approach (we started around 10.5 months) cutting down the time on the breast at each feed until he naturally dropped them. It worked pretty well with fairly minimal screaming, though there definitely was some. It took around a month, though we are still having problems two months later with really frequent 4:45/5am wakings that don't seem to be going away no matter what. Ugh. ugh. For falling asleep on his own, we did some CIO combined with singing and playing music for him when he was in his crib to comfort him, around 5 months. He got the hang of that pretty quickly. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleep-training-a-screamer#post-2870717 Wed, 06 Feb 2019 16:50:58 +0000 bhbee 2870717@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@castilrm: I’m not really sure what to do with this one! When we sleep trained my son I let him cry without checkins mostly but he didn’t get so upset. I’m going to look into your suggestion! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleep-training-a-screamer#post-2870714 Wed, 06 Feb 2019 16:47:26 +0000 castilrm 2870714@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Have you thought about what method you’re using? We did Ferber which is essentially crying it out with interval check-ins. My oldest was tough to sleep train in part bc she would cry and get incredibly upset (angry?) if you didn’t respond immediately to her crying. What worked for us was doing Ferber with check ins up to 10 min intervals. If we let her cry for more than 10 mins, it became almost impossible to calm her down and she wouldn’t fall asleep. But as long as checked in on her at least every 5-10 min, that seemed to keep her calm enough to fall asleep within 30 min of being put down. It took some time to sleep through the night but it got easier for her to fall asleep without fussing after a couple weeks. Good luck! If you’re interested in Ferber, you can either read the couple relevant chapters in the book or just look online (a ton of resources summarize it and include a chart of the suggested intervals). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleep-training-a-screamer#post-2870710 Wed, 06 Feb 2019 16:24:08 +0000 bhbee 2870710@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We need to sleep train and I’m ready to try (6m this week) but she is such a loud and angry crier! Has been since day 1 basically. Logically I know it’s just how she communicates but it sounds like we are hurting her or something. But I don’t think she’s really in pain because she stops on a dime when she gets what she wants (held by mommy or wanting to nurse is mostly what she gets upset about ... but she’s a super chunk and probably needs to drop the nighttime feeding!). If she doesn’t get what she wants, other soothing doesn’t seem to make a dent. </p> <p>Anyway any tips for making it through? Seems like she just gets madder and madder if you ignore her and I’m dreading it but I want to SLEEP. :bummed: She also has a very strong mommy preference right now. Thanks for any tips!! </p>