https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 06 Apr 2026 23:04:02 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleepoverbabysitting-debacle-with-family#post-2531560 Thu, 21 Apr 2016 19:56:10 +0000 Mama Bird 2531560@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JennyD: another vote for going with your gut, hurt feelings or not! </p> <p>I've been in a somewhat similar situation with a couple of people, so I sympathize. One of them is just a rude and tactless relative, and I don't let him watch the kids alone. The other one is a neighbor that sets off my creep meter, and that's a tough case, because DH regularly sees her when I'm still at work and is comfortable letting her watch DS when she offers. I can't tell him why she creeps me out, so I'm still struggling how to ask him to never leave them alone... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleepoverbabysitting-debacle-with-family#post-2531454 Thu, 21 Apr 2016 18:33:32 +0000 FannyMae 2531454@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JennyD: I worry about this too, teaching my kids to be assertive and say NO in the right context when they are uncomfortable with someone's presence or actions. I definitely think you did the right thing putting it out there to your sister about how you feel - I'm sure being married to your BIL she is aware of his personality/attitude as well. </p> <p>Im not saying these two things are connected in any way, but so many children are abused by family members and people they know, so mummy's gut instinct ALWAYS!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleepoverbabysitting-debacle-with-family#post-2531394 Thu, 21 Apr 2016 17:49:34 +0000 JennyD 2531394@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Tanjowen: man that's a tough situation. Sorry. </p> <p>Thanks fpr the support! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleepoverbabysitting-debacle-with-family#post-2531015 Thu, 21 Apr 2016 13:34:55 +0000 JennyD 2531015@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@psw27: stuff just came up for both of them. It sort of fell apart. But it's back on track now. My mom assured me she would be with my DD 24/7. </p> <p>My DD absolutely loves her Nammie and loves to spend time with her. And my mom totally adores my DD. Also, DD and my niece are the same age and they're the best of friends so it's really nice that they can spend this time together. Also my bil goes back to work out of town tonight. So it'll be lovely again for DD. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleepoverbabysitting-debacle-with-family#post-2531013 Thu, 21 Apr 2016 13:33:48 +0000 Tanjowen 2531013@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JennyD: My BIL is a huge hell no on keeping my kid alone. He has a temper and I don't like how he talks to his kids, and I don't spend time with him alone myself. I haven't had that talk with my sister, but we haven't had the situation arise and I there's generally an unspoken family agreement on this. I would try to be as kind as possible, but stick to your guns, and good for you for being honest with your sister, because that takes guts. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleepoverbabysitting-debacle-with-family#post-2531011 Thu, 21 Apr 2016 13:31:53 +0000 JennyD 2531011@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@T.H.O.U.: exactly. Stuff came up for both of them, so it just sorta happened, which I understand. I'm grateful today that we've got the ability to not be stuck in these situations. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleepoverbabysitting-debacle-with-family#post-2531010 Thu, 21 Apr 2016 13:30:44 +0000 JennyD 2531010@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@snowjewelz: I'm glad I did! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleepoverbabysitting-debacle-with-family#post-2531008 Thu, 21 Apr 2016 13:30:24 +0000 JennyD 2531008@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PinkElephant: I took her over this morning instead and my mom assured me that she would be home for the rest of the time DD is there :) so yes :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleepoverbabysitting-debacle-with-family#post-2531006 Thu, 21 Apr 2016 13:29:19 +0000 JennyD 2531006@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@catomd00: my side of the family is really terrible for "put up and shut up". We really struggle with boundaries. I know if I feel this way that it's legitimate but saying and doing what needs to be said and done is so hard! It's completely against everything I was ever taught growing up. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleepoverbabysitting-debacle-with-family#post-2531001 Thu, 21 Apr 2016 13:26:41 +0000 JennyD 2531001@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Boogs: thanks. I'm glad I'm not the only one out there. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleepoverbabysitting-debacle-with-family#post-2531000 Thu, 21 Apr 2016 13:26:03 +0000 JennyD 2531000@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@FannyMae: so that's what kept me up all night - wondering if she did have the tools to go tell somebody that she's uncomfortable with whatever. Now I'm hoping to help her with assertiveness and not just being polite and not making waves. And I don't just mean about my bil, I mean in general when her cousin won't share toys, etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleepoverbabysitting-debacle-with-family#post-2530610 Thu, 21 Apr 2016 09:42:59 +0000 psw27 2530610@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>First, go with your gut. I have the creeps just reading this. Who likes to scare little girls and shoves them? I'm surprised your LO even wants to go over there. </p> <p>Second, why did your mom and sister want to have this big sleepover if they ended up having to work? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleepoverbabysitting-debacle-with-family#post-2530578 Thu, 21 Apr 2016 09:23:20 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2530578@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yea it sounds like the point of the sleepover was also to spend time with grandma. So if grandma wasn't there, why go? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleepoverbabysitting-debacle-with-family#post-2530571 Thu, 21 Apr 2016 09:19:58 +0000 snowjewelz 2530571@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I too, understand since she's probably on the defensive. But trust your gut and your mommy instincts! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleepoverbabysitting-debacle-with-family#post-2530320 Thu, 21 Apr 2016 07:09:59 +0000 PinkElephant 2530320@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JennyD: I missed that part! 😊If it was for spending time and not because you needed help, can you just offer to cancel and bring DD back at another time to hang with her auntie? It's always easier to make it about the child's feelings, ie "She was really looking forward to seeing you!" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleepoverbabysitting-debacle-with-family#post-2530284 Thu, 21 Apr 2016 04:39:08 +0000 catomd00 2530284@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Family or not, my child wouldn't be spending time in his presence without me there. I don't really care if that made anyone upset either and wouldn't feel the need to tiptoe around the issue. Who shoves a kid?!?! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleepoverbabysitting-debacle-with-family#post-2530255 Wed, 20 Apr 2016 23:19:23 +0000 Boogs 2530255@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JennyD: You're so smart for going with your gut. I know exactly how you feel and I wouldn't leave my kid (I really don't) in that situation either. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleepoverbabysitting-debacle-with-family#post-2530249 Wed, 20 Apr 2016 23:01:40 +0000 FannyMae 2530249@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JennyD: totally go with your gut on this one. if it makes you uncomfortable the way he treats your kids, then it probably makes them uncomfortable too and they might not know how to say it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleepoverbabysitting-debacle-with-family#post-2530248 Wed, 20 Apr 2016 22:59:20 +0000 JennyD 2530248@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@youboots: I don't want to be paranoid. But my mom's rule of thumb was always "could you live with yourself if something happened?" And in this case, no, I could not. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleepoverbabysitting-debacle-with-family#post-2530247 Wed, 20 Apr 2016 22:56:54 +0000 JennyD 2530247@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: thanks :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleepoverbabysitting-debacle-with-family#post-2530246 Wed, 20 Apr 2016 22:56:25 +0000 JennyD 2530246@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PinkElephant: that's an interesting point about some families being tolerant of a husband watching kids while a wife went out. I certainly have friends where I wouldn't mind this situation. I think part of the part of it is that it's a spending time visit, not an "I need a babysitter visit". I don't think it's hokey at all to tag team parent. We very much do. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleepoverbabysitting-debacle-with-family#post-2530229 Wed, 20 Apr 2016 22:07:55 +0000 youboots 2530229@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Those can't put your finger on creeps I would pay attention to.</p> <p>Since you saw what I wrote I edited to delete the personal details. 💕 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleepoverbabysitting-debacle-with-family#post-2530223 Wed, 20 Apr 2016 21:51:32 +0000 Foodnerd81 2530223@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think going with your gut is smart here. But I also see how that would cause hurt feelings. </p> <p>BUT, I love my BIL, have no problem whatsoever with him, but I wouldn't expect that if I planned a sleepover with my sister, he would be home alone taking care of all the kids. Same for my DH. I mean for a couple of hours here or there maybe but I'd be really surprised if I found out last minute my sister wasn't even going to be there. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleepoverbabysitting-debacle-with-family#post-2530213 Wed, 20 Apr 2016 21:30:24 +0000 PinkElephant 2530213@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What a tricky situation - sorry you're having to deal with this. :(</p> <p>I totally understand where you're coming from, and think you have to go with your mama instinct on this...if something doesn't feel right, then it makes sense not to have your DD alone with your brother in law, and it doesn't matter if others think you are overreacting. But as others are saying, I think you have to expect that this will be really hurtful to your sister. I'd be crushed if a close friend or sibling told me they don't trust my DH with their kids - if you can site specific behaviors that upset you, I think that might help ease the tension.</p> <p>But to your point that if you were to offer to watch your sister's kids, you wouldn't leave them with your husband...I think that's probably a very family by family thing. It may sound hokey, but my husband and I really do parent as a unit. Particularly on a weekend, it's very likely that we'll be switching off all day so each adult gets some me time - I go to the gym and pick up groceries on the way home, he goes for a run or mows the lawn....I would assume that if I left my kids with a friend or family member, all adult members of the household capable of caring for kids would do the same sort of handoff...but I guess that the definition of "capable" is the issue in this case. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleepoverbabysitting-debacle-with-family#post-2530203 Wed, 20 Apr 2016 21:11:19 +0000 JennyD 2530203@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Corduroy: @hummusgirl: yes, good point. Hard because I generally dislike him. But specifically it is the carelessness that's a problem. I think he either doesn't know or care how mean he is. But I don't think that's a good discussion point. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleepoverbabysitting-debacle-with-family#post-2530183 Wed, 20 Apr 2016 20:37:02 +0000 hummusgirl 2530183@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You're not overreacting. He walks past her and just shoves her?! I would absolutely not let him watch my kid. </p> <p>I do agree with @Corduroy that you should stick to things you've observed, not just a general dislike. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleepoverbabysitting-debacle-with-family#post-2530177 Wed, 20 Apr 2016 20:20:53 +0000 Corduroy 2530177@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can picture my SIL having this conversation with me. I think focusing on specific behaviors helps and softens it. That way you're not saying he's bad, just that you don't approve of the rougher behavior. Different parenting styles. I could picture DH not caring at all if his babysitting wasn't up to SILs standards. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleepoverbabysitting-debacle-with-family#post-2530169 Wed, 20 Apr 2016 20:07:20 +0000 FaithFertility 2530169@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JennyD: it's so hard, I have a hard issue with a family member too, I think it might have caught your sister off guard but if you felt uncomfortable better to tell the truth now instead of cover ups that might lead to her being more hurt later on </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleepoverbabysitting-debacle-with-family#post-2530162 Wed, 20 Apr 2016 19:59:41 +0000 JennyD 2530162@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@FaithFertility: I've never told her outright, until today. Recently I had to tell her my LO couldn't stay over because my sister's sil was living with them and she's bad news. </p> <p>I feel badly for my sister because I'm sure it comes off as highly judgemental, as she's comfortable with these people. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sleepoverbabysitting-debacle-with-family#post-2530153 Wed, 20 Apr 2016 19:51:49 +0000 FaithFertility 2530153@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Have you told your sister before about how you feel?!<br /> It's hard but I think if you are uncomfortable then by all meams keep her home for the night! </p>