https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 03 Nov 2026 09:55:39 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/smoking-family-members-and-a-change-of-clothes#post-1430288 Mon, 17 Feb 2014 23:00:57 +0000 owlteach 1430288@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@fussygal: I don't think most people do right now, I think the research is pretty new! I actually learned about it from a student's speech. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/smoking-family-members-and-a-change-of-clothes#post-1430279 Mon, 17 Feb 2014 22:49:01 +0000 fussygal 1430279@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@debbiei8: separate outfits for DD is a good idea, too. </p> <p>@OpinionsLikeKittens: that's good that they've limited it to a few certain rooms at least. Something like that would definitely make me more comfortable to go over there for short visits. Sadly, I can't stand going to my parents because we always smell. DH has asthma and it bothers him so much I feel terrible when we're there longer than 5 minutes. </p> <p>@owlteach: sadly (and crazily), I'm not even sure that my step-dad knows about 3rd hand smoke! I feel like it will be a discussion and and a bit of an education... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/smoking-family-members-and-a-change-of-clothes#post-1430214 Mon, 17 Feb 2014 21:58:53 +0000 owlteach 1430214@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh, what a rough, painful issue and it's hard to give advice without knowing the ins and outs of someone's relationship! I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this.</p> <p>The research on 3rd hand smoke is kind of scary and points at maybe being worse than second hand smoke, and washing clothes doesn't remove the residue, just the scent (maybe). I don't really have any advice, but I hope that you have an experience like @mrsjyw: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/smoking-family-members-and-a-change-of-clothes#post-1430186 Mon, 17 Feb 2014 21:41:24 +0000 reverie 1430186@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is an issue close to my heart -- my whole family smokes and I hate it more than pretty much anything else on earth. Call me dramatic but whatever, I work in hospice and my mother already has a smoking related cancer (which was caught early and hopefully won't have lasting issues) but she still smokes. I went on a tirade when I was pregnant about rules, but as time went on and it became evident no one was going to stop smoking I loosened up. My parents have agreed not to smoke in their house other than the bedrooms so I bring my son there. When I leave I don't feel sick like I used to so limiting the smoking rooms have helped. At my house they have a separate shirt to smoke in or a receiving blanket. I kind of gave up on this for family holidays b/c it was too much with people smoking / wanting to hold the baby. This only happens once in a while and I just change him right before we leave so he at least doesn't have smokey clothes on himself.</p> <p>For what it's worth, I asked my obgyn about 3rd hand smoke and he asked me what it was! He said as long as they aren't smoking around him / as long as no one is smoking in our home we're really ok. Not quite the reaction I wanted; I wanted him to justify my tirade! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/smoking-family-members-and-a-change-of-clothes#post-1430135 Mon, 17 Feb 2014 21:14:48 +0000 blackbird 1430135@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hand washing and teeth brushing. Plus when my mom smokes, she wears a jacket and puts something over her hair. She knows smoking is bad for babies and has been very understanding. My dad opts to not hold her if it means having to wash his hands, so be prepared for that possibility (although I hope not because it's ass-ish). Everybody has been cool about it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/smoking-family-members-and-a-change-of-clothes#post-1430038 Mon, 17 Feb 2014 20:32:40 +0000 Boheme 1430038@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Our rule is that the smoker must always wash his hands, and there has to be a clean receiving blanket between him and LO. I was dreading the conversation, but I'm not choosing to accommodate someone's habit over my baby's health so I just put it out there. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/smoking-family-members-and-a-change-of-clothes#post-1430028 Mon, 17 Feb 2014 20:27:32 +0000 Vegmama 1430028@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm looking forward to more responses, and have found the above useful. My MIL is a HEAVY indoor smoker. We live 2,300 miles away, but we plan on going to visit this summer. We won't be spending the night with them, because I just know she won't stop smoking inside (at least not for the whole day). </p> <p>It's more than just our baby smelling like smoke ... Being around smoke can cause SIDS, so I guess I have no problem telling her we can't stay there.</p> <p>I REALLY like the idea of a blanket, as someone above mentioned. You can tell them why, but it saves the embarrassment of asking them to change. Good luck!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/smoking-family-members-and-a-change-of-clothes#post-1430007 Mon, 17 Feb 2014 20:16:17 +0000 bookwormmama 1430007@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What about having a specific outfit or two/blanket that DD uses while they are over? Then you can just change her when they leave and don't have to deal with them changing clothes? I think washing hands would be a must, but if it's only going to be a couple hours here and there maybe them changing clothes won't be necessary? I'm not well versed on the dangers of babies being in contact with smoker's clothing, but maybe if you change her right away and have a specific blanket around her skin it could help? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/smoking-family-members-and-a-change-of-clothes#post-1429981 Mon, 17 Feb 2014 20:06:03 +0000 Bookish 1429981@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yeah, it didn't work :( My ILs are very heavy smokers and LO will never be allowed in their house for any length of time. They are no longer allowed to smoke outside my house, and we do try to push the hand washing, but they are sooo sensitive and annoying about it, so asking them to wear clothes never panned out. It sucks! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/smoking-family-members-and-a-change-of-clothes#post-1429961 Mon, 17 Feb 2014 19:58:29 +0000 cmomma17 1429961@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is tough. My dad is the heavy smoker and dealing with all the related issues has definitely caused some strain in our relationship :( but we are firm in what we feel is best for our LO. We did visits at our house, wash hands, and laid a clean blanket over them in the early days. We are more lax now at ten months. But still don't go to their house, and still always ask them to wash hands. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/smoking-family-members-and-a-change-of-clothes#post-1429952 Mon, 17 Feb 2014 19:55:25 +0000 mrsjyw 1429952@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My dad is a smoker. he only smokes outside and didn't even hold DS til he was a month old (his choice). He always came over showered and in clean clothes. Now that DS is a bit older (15 months), he does stop over sometimes after he's smoked, but he still always washes his face, brushes his teeth, and changes his shirt when he's over. He's been tryiing to quit since I was pregnant but hasn't been able to, he takes every precaution himself, which I'm thankful for. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/smoking-family-members-and-a-change-of-clothes#post-1429891 Mon, 17 Feb 2014 19:24:43 +0000 fussygal 1429891@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@HolisticMama: I do like the blanket idea, too! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/smoking-family-members-and-a-change-of-clothes#post-1429889 Mon, 17 Feb 2014 19:20:49 +0000 HolisticMama 1429889@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My MIL smokes heavily. Someone recommended that in the future (when we have children) that we request she use a heavy receiving blanket on top of her clothes while holding the baby/children. It would be up to her to determine if she would like to change her clothes. </p> <p>I can only imagine that it will be a difficult conversation. She helped me bustle my wedding dress, but I had to tell her that the wedding dress could not stay in their home, because I couldn't risk it smelling like smoke. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/smoking-family-members-and-a-change-of-clothes#post-1429886 Mon, 17 Feb 2014 19:15:36 +0000 Ra 1429886@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My dad is a heavy smoker and we just ask him to wash his hands. He doesn't change his clothes and the smell has never transferred to LO. We don't go to his house because he smokes indoors and he is totally understanding about it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/smoking-family-members-and-a-change-of-clothes#post-1429882 Mon, 17 Feb 2014 19:09:59 +0000 fussygal 1429882@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Bao: @Dandelion: I was thinking of buying a shirt for them to wear over here (or having them give me an existing shirt I can wash and keep here) but I'm sure that is such an awkward subject to broach...ugh I hate this so much :( My mom is so excited for LO and I feel like this is going to make her sad.</p> <p>I'm also worried (although much less) about my step-dad's reaction since he has been pretty sensitive about these types of discussions in the past (e.g. when I was in high school and complained about reeking of smoke). I love him to death, but I hate that I'm worried about the reaction of someone who is already doing something offensive to ME. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/smoking-family-members-and-a-change-of-clothes#post-1429873 Mon, 17 Feb 2014 19:00:44 +0000 Bao 1429873@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Dandelion: that's why I figured there was no point because the "clean" clothes would still smell. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/smoking-family-members-and-a-change-of-clothes#post-1429871 Mon, 17 Feb 2014 18:59:17 +0000 Dandelion 1429871@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I told my MIL to bring a change of shirt for when she visits me and LO in the hospital...although, I'm not sure how much good it will do, since her car reeks of smoke and the "clean" shirt would be in there...and coming from their smoky apartment.</p> <p>They're going to need to really air out their place before I'm comfortable bringing LO over there. I already don't really like taking DS there, and I get uncomfortable there myself. I often go out on the balcony to get air. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/smoking-family-members-and-a-change-of-clothes#post-1429868 Mon, 17 Feb 2014 18:54:59 +0000 Reese 1429868@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think having them over at your own place would be sufficient. I would not have different clothes for them to change into at your house. I think it would be embarrassing for them and somewhat unnecessary. Hopefully they would get the point on WHY you wouldn't want your NB at their house and wear appropriate/clean clothes to your house. I would have the talk with them sooner than later so it doesn't come as too much of a shock. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/smoking-family-members-and-a-change-of-clothes#post-1429867 Mon, 17 Feb 2014 18:52:58 +0000 Bao 1429867@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sure you came across my posts regarding this. We never ended up doing the change of clothes thing because it was so hard to bring up. We did limit visits there the entire first year, and encouraged hand washing. We blamed everything on our pediatrician, per their permission. It's a sticky situation :/ </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/smoking-family-members-and-a-change-of-clothes#post-1429863 Mon, 17 Feb 2014 18:49:22 +0000 fussygal 1429863@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My step-dad is a heavy smoker and my parent's house always reeks of cigarette smoke. My mom doesn't smoke anymore but the smell obviously lingers all over her. I'm very close with my parents, and they live about 5 minutes away, but I've been limiting visits to their house since becoming pregnant for obvious reasons.</p> <p>It's going to be difficult but necessary to talk to them about the issue and I've been putting it off for 8 months now. With DD set to arrive in 6 weeks I feel I need to do it soon so they don't get their heart set on unrealistic expectations. We're definitely NOT bringing her over there (which makes me SO sad b/c I want them to have a close relationship with her), but this is my mom's first grandchild and I'm sure she'll want to come over here and snuggle her. </p> <p>I've been reading a few older posts about this issue and it looks like most people suggest washing hands and having clothes that stay at your house for smokers to put on. That still makes me so nervous and I can see myself panicking the entire time she's being held, but I guess it's the best solution since we're not willing to deny them holding her. </p> <p>If you took this approach, how did it go? Also, what kind of clothes did you have for them - a t-shirt they actually changed into or a button-up shirt that they put on over their clothes? Any other general advice for talking to them? </p>