https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 10 May 2026 16:17:09 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/so-and-transition-to-two-kids#post-2439816 Thu, 28 Jan 2016 10:16:30 +0000 avivoca 2439816@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: It's very hard for me to understand because I'm an introvert and a homebody, so I'm mostly okay with not hanging out with people or going out every night. I am definitely trying to work with him. I don't nag him to go to church with me and instead tell him to take that time to go for a long bike ride or do any of his other interests. I'm encouraging him to use the money he saved for a new bike frame on that instead of on bills (which may be smarter, but whatev).</p> <p>Part of the problem is that he doesn't like to miss time with H because he's already gone so much in the summer due to travel. I keep telling him that he has to make time for himself like I do (I go to exercise classes 1-2 times a week by myself) and when he does, things are so much better.</p> <p>I hope things get better for you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/so-and-transition-to-two-kids#post-2439813 Thu, 28 Jan 2016 10:15:35 +0000 AggieDaze 2439813@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@avivoca: definitely get ahead of these feelings! Like I said, I did not expect it. I thought he would be used to having little free time and that he would know that it'll get better in time once the baby naps regularly... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/so-and-transition-to-two-kids#post-2439810 Thu, 28 Jan 2016 10:14:26 +0000 AggieDaze 2439810@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just the commiseration from everyone helps greatly! </p> <p>I feel like we've hashed out his issue and it'll get better for a couple of days or a week and then we fall right back into our old ruts. For example, last week we made a deal that we were both going to try to cut back on the snarky comments but that we were also going to give each other the benefit of the doubt (ie if I say you should take Lo1s dirty diaper straight outside vs putting it in the diaper genie, assume that I'm saying it because I want to minimize the smell not because I'm attacked the way you do things). Our deal helped for a few days but now we are back to normal... Saying shitty things and assuming the person is doing so on purpose. </p> <p>@anagram: I was definitely like those moms you described at first after having LO1, but I feel like I'm doing a better job this time around because I realized that it took me 1 years after LO1 was born to feel like myself... I don't want that to be the case this time. </p> <p>@oliviaoblivia: we get Lo1 asleep at 8 and then LO2 tends to hang with us on the couch until I go to bed at 10. I'm going to start putting him in our room earlier so maybe we can have some solo time (though DH is often working during this time). </p> <p>@skipper2010: I'm scared about when I go back to work too... I work part time out of the house so inevitably more of the childcare and house stuff falls to me, but I don't think DH realizes how easier I make his life by working part time. </p> <p>@snowjewlz: you are absolutely right about open and honest communication. It's hard cus I don't want to fight during the small amount of alone time that we have... But it's necessary so I don't build up this anger. </p> <p>@septmomma12: we definitely need to institute date nights. It's hard since the baby is still so young but I know it would make our whole family unit more cohesive. </p> <p>All of this makes me really sad because I'd always envisioned us having 3 kids and DH was on board with that... But honestly, I'm not sure I want to test our marriage like that anymore (despite truly feeling like 3 is my number). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/so-and-transition-to-two-kids#post-2439773 Thu, 28 Jan 2016 09:59:55 +0000 snowjewelz 2439773@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>There are times when I could've written exactly this, and with 1 kid! I think what ultimately helped is to talk about your expectations, and help the other understand how you feel and what you are going through. A bad fight always breaks out after we both suppress our feelings for too long. </p> <p>I definitely used to resent that he gets more free time and sleep. And he used to think that he's doing so much b/c he solo parents Monday's and Friday mornings. </p> <p>So at some point before DD turned 1, we had a bad fight about this (during a bad sleep period too), and we both felt so much better just airing out all our feelings and why we feel resentment, bitterness, etc.</p> <p>Now, of course I still feel that sting once in a while. But I actively choose to think about all the things he does that I probably don't appreciate enough. And he definitely stepped up his game too in volunteering to help me at night, etc. </p> <p>So I think honest, but loving communication is really important. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/so-and-transition-to-two-kids#post-2439760 Thu, 28 Jan 2016 09:57:03 +0000 Anagram 2439760@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@avivoca: Your last two sentences are how I feel/felt about having kids. Your husband misses being able to go bike riding as long as he wants--well, I'm like your husband. My things are social--pre marriage and baby, I was super social and hung out with friends easily 4-5 times a week...happy hours, dinners, movie nights, just hanging out at each other's houses after work. </p> <p>And then I had kids and suddenly my whole life revolved around a baby and it was really hard for me, and plus, I have to deal with the extra baggage of me being the mom and being expected by society and everyone else to be happy about all these changes. I actually think my husband, who is a homebody, adjusted more easily to parenthood than I have.</p> <p>I guess the interesting this is, since I am a woman, this has translated to a more equitable split of parenting in my house, Whereas, I'm sure if I were the man, because of my personality, I'd be the husband off doing my own thing pulling less weight and I'd have a wife doing the majority of the childcare. Funny how that works. :silly: </p> <p>I'll never forget how a few months after having LO1, I was talking to my new mom friends and they were all having this big discussion about how nice it was to have a baby to use as an excuse to get out of going out with friends and go to weddings and stuff, because they were all saying they'd been "over" all that stuff for years. And I was just like.....I'd DIE to have a night out with friends and not worry about pumping or feeding a baby or dressing my weird postpartum body. But I felt like I was the only one, haha. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/so-and-transition-to-two-kids#post-2439734 Thu, 28 Jan 2016 09:51:10 +0000 SeptMomma12 2439734@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I could have written this post a few months ago. The transition from 1 to 2 was way easier for me personally than going from 0 to 1, but it was MUCH more difficult for DH and our marriage. I also struggle a lot with "keeping score" and will admit that I have not been the easiest person to live with in the 8.5 months since DD was born, especially since I've been back at work. But at the same time, DH has had a hard time dealing with less alone time and less attention from me and tends to take it out on our boundary-testing 3 year old.</p> <p>I don't have a magic solution either, but I will say things have gotten much better in the last month or two. We had a few nights where we really sat down and hashed things out. I was honest and said it makes me want to kill him when he's sitting watching TV at 10pm while I'm still making lunches, packing day care bags, etc. He said I'm always so stressed he's afraid to do anything and get yelled at for not doing it right. He's stepped up and helped out more and I've tried to tone down the OCD a bit. It's not perfect but it's definitely helping. </p> <p>I also committed to monthly date nights and make a conscious effort not to talk about the kids while we're out. Just the date nights alone have helped tremendously. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/so-and-transition-to-two-kids#post-2439731 Thu, 28 Jan 2016 09:50:26 +0000 Maysprout 2439731@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When there's time we take turns exercising. It might just be 30-40 min each but we get outside and go on a run and on weekends we each have more alone time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/so-and-transition-to-two-kids#post-2439730 Thu, 28 Jan 2016 09:50:04 +0000 oliviaoblivia 2439730@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've read that the transition from one to two is harder on the fathers than the mothers because generally the burden of care for number one is on mom until the baby shows up and then dad had to take over the oldest while mom tends to the newborn.<br /> Do you have anytime after the kids are asleep to devote to DH? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/so-and-transition-to-two-kids#post-2439726 Thu, 28 Jan 2016 09:49:25 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2439726@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Im sorry, it sounds like he is having some real issues and its not your fault. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/so-and-transition-to-two-kids#post-2439715 Thu, 28 Jan 2016 09:46:26 +0000 avivoca 2439715@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: I read and loved that book and it helped me before we had H. I really try not to keep score but sometimes it is so hard. I think my husband and I need to both read it and work on it before #2 gets here. Side note: Just this morning I got so aggravated with him because he got H up and didn't change her diaper, which added another five minutes to my routine because now I had to fight her to change her diaper in addition to trying to clothe her/tame her hair.</p> <p>@AggieDaze: This is something we are struggling with. I'm newly pregnant with #2 and I want to get ahead of those feelings. T (my husband) has had a really hard time adjusting to not having as much money to spend on himself and the time constraints he has now. He loves H and I, but he misses being able to go and bike for as long as he wants or buy new bike stuff all the time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/so-and-transition-to-two-kids#post-2439693 Thu, 28 Jan 2016 09:41:05 +0000 skipper2010 2439693@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@AggieDaze: I could have written this word for word. I also have a two month old and I haven't found going from 1-2 that difficult in terms of taking care of two kids, but it has def put a strain on our marriage. His biggest complaint is that he doesn't have enough alone time and then he gets in a mood and then we fight. I'm not ok with doing most of the work just because I'm the mother. To be fair he helps out A TON. He works 9-5 then comes home and cleans up after dinner, plays with toddler, helps out with baths, puts the toddler to bed etc. so I understand where he's coming from, but at the same time I never get a break either. Honestly we have our good days and our bad days, and I know it's just a little bump in the road and things will get easier. What helps is taking turns giving each other breaks. He's happiest when I give him a few hours on a weekend to do whatever "man stuff" he has to do in the basement, and he stays home with the kids so I can go out to dinner with my girlfriends. Date nights help too, but we don't get to do that too often because there are only certain people I feel comfortable leaving the baby with. I know in time we will have more of those too. What worries me is that I go back to work in a few weeks and he is going to have a lot more on his plate when that happens. Just know you are not alone in this, and you got through it once you can get through it again. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/so-and-transition-to-two-kids#post-2439668 Thu, 28 Jan 2016 09:34:44 +0000 Anagram 2439668@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>To an extent, maybe on a lesser level, and I'll be honest and say in my house, I am exactly on par with my husband in terms of grumpiness and sometimes feeling overwhelmed/sleep deprived.</p> <p>I don't have any good advice for you, but I've been thinking of ordering "How to babyproof your marriage", even though now we have 2 babies, haha.</p> <p>Part of me feels like it's a season, and we have two young kids so it's natural we are more stressed and shorter with each other. But another part of me feels like I'd rather address these issues and improve our relationship now--there's no reason we can't have a GREAT marriage, even with small kids. We just need to tweak a few things. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/so-and-transition-to-two-kids#post-2439640 Thu, 28 Jan 2016 09:25:28 +0000 AggieDaze 2439640@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The transition to two kids isn't going how I expected... I obviously was nervous and anticipated tough times with LO1 but I didn't expect it to be as difficult as it is on our marriage. </p> <p>As background.... after LO1 was born, there was a lot of resentment and fights about the amount of sleep we were each getting, who was doing what, etc. It seemed to subside shortly after 6 months though to be honest we've always been bad about keeping score and being resentful (perhaps its mostly me; but I HATE feeling like I'm carrying more of the weight and hate having to ask DH for help doing things that are both of our responsibilities). </p> <p>With LO2 (a little over 2 months old), I thought it would be easier for some reason. We've already done this, right?! Well, the transition was easy for me (minus the exhaustion) but it hasn't been for DH. He seems short tempered with both boys and resentful that he has no alone time (though he obviously has way more than I do). He makes a ton of snarky comments anytime I ask him for help and also has a lot of anxiety. He often seems like he'd prefer to be at work than at home with us. </p> <p>Did anyone else experience this? What did you do to deal? </p>