https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 24 Apr 2026 03:10:34 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/so-frustrated-4#post-2129130 Wed, 01 Apr 2015 09:28:32 +0000 Synchronicity 2129130@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: I absolutely agree. </p> <p>You need to figure out what you require of him, and what your kids require, and let him know very clearly. If he can't meet expectations, then it's up to you to change the situation. How much are you willing to put up with? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/so-frustrated-4#post-2129119 Wed, 01 Apr 2015 09:24:25 +0000 looch 2129119@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My experience is that you can't control whether or not other people change, what you can control is your reaction to their behaviour.</p> <p>I'd think long and hard about my feelings toward the situation, how does it impact me, how does it impact my child? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/so-frustrated-4#post-2129078 Wed, 01 Apr 2015 08:42:50 +0000 yoursilverlining 2129078@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think you need counseling (probably individually and couples) stat. You’ve said other things about him that are….well…..concerning to say the least – like the fact that he has to be ordered by a court to pay child support to you and then he expects you give him the $$ back. </p> <p>To be honest, it doesn’t sound like he is ready to settle down yet. Since he has children though, he needs to settle down some (doesn't mean he will). I would definitely stop talking baby names and things like that with him - it only shows him that you are OK with how things are and willing to continue. If he wants more babies, he needs to step up first. Good luck. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/so-frustrated-4#post-2129077 Wed, 01 Apr 2015 08:42:46 +0000 Peasinapod 2129077@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't know your history but this is how I'd approach it with my husband:</p> <p>Sit down with a calendar and make a schedule. When he gets boys night out, when you get girls nights, when you have date nights, planned family time. And plan actual events for these times ( even if it's father daughter ice cream and park evening) it's harder to skipout on pre planned and recorded events. </p> <p>But my husband reacts well to structure and if he was going out all the time it would be more from not realizing then not wanting to be around. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/so-frustrated-4#post-2129075 Wed, 01 Apr 2015 08:41:47 +0000 BandDmommy 2129075@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Agree with @Smurfette: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/so-frustrated-4#post-2129070 Wed, 01 Apr 2015 08:39:46 +0000 cascademom 2129070@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would definitely try counseling. It's tough, no joke, but can be really helpful to a marriage. Another do to is to suggest date nights or specific nights out with the guys instead of all of the time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/so-frustrated-4#post-2129065 Wed, 01 Apr 2015 08:35:25 +0000 Smurfette 2129065@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If I remember correctly you are both really young. But the moment that he became a father, he lost that right to act like a normal 21 year old. If he won't go to counseling and work on the issues, then yes I would move on. I would for sure put off the wedding till the issues are resolved and things are good for at least 6 months. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/so-frustrated-4#post-2129055 Wed, 01 Apr 2015 08:27:39 +0000 blackbird 2129055@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd want to know why he is more interested in drinking than being a father, or if there's some kind of alcoholism or depression going on. I would not beat around the bush or be wishy washy at all. This isn't a new problem. Your husband just doesn't seem interested in being a good husband or father. </p> <p>If he couldn't long term fix his shit, I'd leave him (and give him full warning of why i was) because, well....that isn't how *I* operate. I wouldn't want my children to grow up seeing that example of a relationship and thinking it is acceptable (and therefore, the cycle repeating). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/so-frustrated-4#post-2128896 Wed, 01 Apr 2015 00:32:09 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2128896@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just curious, have you tried asking him why he's pulling away? Is he stressed? Is he bored? Does he need attention? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/so-frustrated-4#post-2128866 Tue, 31 Mar 2015 22:29:23 +0000 ScarletBegonia 2128866@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So tough.<br /> I would talk to him again. If you haven't before, write out a list of your specific expectations of him and the consequences if they aren't met - for me, in that scenario, I might say something like, if you come home drunk more than once a (week/month/year), I am contacting a marriage counsellor and setting up an appointment. If you avoid spending time with your daughter more than (1/2/3/4/5) days a week, I want you to seek therapy (and follow up to ensure he does) to see what is driving you away. Basically, hopefully this would show that you want to fight for the relationship, but that you aren't going to put up with the way things are going. Maybe have an ultimate consequence in mind as well, like you will take kids and go live somewhere else for 2 weeks if he doesn't change anything and doesn't adhere to the consequences.<br /> It seems very cold as I'm writing it out, but I know for my husband and I and are relationship this would be the only way that it would work. Please feel free to disregard what I'm saying if it wouldn't fit at all for your family.<br /> I hope things get better. I would be extremely frustrated in your shoes. :crying: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/so-frustrated-4#post-2128865 Tue, 31 Mar 2015 22:26:38 +0000 Torchwood 2128865@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Agree with couples therapy. Possibly combining talking to him with the threat of leaving (if that's truly on your radar right now), or a trial separation. I would need to know more about what he's doing, and how long it's been going on, etc before I could say for sure what I would do. I will say it took DH threatening to leave me to fix my drinking, but I wasn't going out partying so I don't really know if his thing is the alcohol or the getting away. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/so-frustrated-4#post-2128860 Tue, 31 Mar 2015 22:04:41 +0000 youboots 2128860@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Sounds like couples therapy may be in order. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/so-frustrated-4#post-2128857 Tue, 31 Mar 2015 22:02:54 +0000 littleblessings 2128857@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I want to say I have a great SO but lately I'm realizing he is not as great as I thought. /: he has been going out and drinking with guys all the time. His great father aspect has turned into less than 24 hours with the kids and he leaves as soon as DD wakes up. I think I'm at the breaking point. Idk what to do anymore. I've tried talking things over with him and he changes for about a month and is back to the same crap. What would you do? </p>