https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 13 Apr 2026 13:33:15 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/so-this-kind-of-thing-is-why-we-ultimately-didnt-go-the-nanny-route/page/2#post-1220127 Fri, 15 Nov 2013 19:17:35 +0000 googly-eyes 1220127@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SAHM0811: ah I see.. I read that wrong, oops! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/so-this-kind-of-thing-is-why-we-ultimately-didnt-go-the-nanny-route/page/2#post-1219825 Fri, 15 Nov 2013 15:47:52 +0000 raintreebee 1219825@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wish daycare was an option for us, but I am in a part of Brooklyn where the daycare waitlists are 14 months+. Nannies are only option unless we are willing to commute just for drop off and pick up. I have to think that there are good nanny options out there as well. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/so-this-kind-of-thing-is-why-we-ultimately-didnt-go-the-nanny-route/page/2#post-1219813 Fri, 15 Nov 2013 15:42:07 +0000 plantains 1219813@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Honestly, I have met a few really lovely nannies, but living in NYC also, I must say that I did relate to a lot of the OP's post. I have had two nannies and now DD is in daycare and I much prefer the daycare route. I will never do nanny again unless we move to another part of the country.</p> <p>My first nanny was a flipping nigtmare, constantly complaining about how all teh other nannies got much nicer gifts and bonuses than she did and were paid. more. Our next nanny was even worse as she just up and left one day with zero notice. Both of them had paid metrocards and extra money for coffee, activities etc. </p> <p>Neither of them did any cooking or cleaning whatsoever. Daycare pickup and dropoff is a little hectic but I don;t care, I'll take it. At LO's daycare the ration is 2:1 or 3:1 teachers to kids and she gets music, yoga, art etc. I'll take that anyday over the nanny headache in NYC.</p> <p>eta: I know we have some incredible nannies on the board, please don't take offense, I'm just bitter, cynical and jaded after my experiences. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/so-this-kind-of-thing-is-why-we-ultimately-didnt-go-the-nanny-route/page/2#post-1219545 Fri, 15 Nov 2013 14:14:12 +0000 Tidybee 1219545@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Being in a very similar town (almost too similar - do we live in the same town!?), I have heard the same horror stories about nannies. Plus, the cost is exorbitant and relatively prohibitive for us. Being at home during maternity leave and now being a SAHM (only 4 days in), I am surrounded by nannies with the kids they are caring for, and I'm glad we didn't go the nanny route. It sure would have been nice to have the extra hand around the house, but I've been so pleased with the level of care she has gotten at daycare and her socialization is just amazing. I know a lot of parents who have nannies for the first year who switch to daycare and are much happier. I have my own personal reasons for choosing daycare over a nanny, which i won't go into here out of respect for other people, but just wanted to chime in. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/so-this-kind-of-thing-is-why-we-ultimately-didnt-go-the-nanny-route/page/2#post-1219531 Fri, 15 Nov 2013 14:09:15 +0000 SAHM0811 1219531@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@googly-eyes: yes that's true... I guess what I mean to say is, there's more variety in who's watching your child. "More eyes" isn't a good way to put it... I should've phrased it differently. It's just that what I liked about daycare is that you're not just solely trusting one other person to their care, it's an entire center, a variety of teachers, etc... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/so-this-kind-of-thing-is-why-we-ultimately-didnt-go-the-nanny-route/page/2#post-1219504 Fri, 15 Nov 2013 13:59:44 +0000 mrs. bird 1219504@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@rachiecakes: i don't think i'm the greatest nanny ever, different families want different things, so i work for families i click with, that want something i think i can offer. for the most part, i have a lot of love to give and i LOVE my job- i get paid to fall madly in love, and i do! then, i get to go home and have my own space, it's kind of amazing and i feel so fortunate to have such a beautiful extended family of families i've worked with. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/so-this-kind-of-thing-is-why-we-ultimately-didnt-go-the-nanny-route/page/2#post-1219495 Fri, 15 Nov 2013 13:55:43 +0000 Mrs Green Grass 1219495@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow, those comments are sad and scary! Our first nanny didn't work out, but it wasn't for any huge reason. I love our second nanny. We negotiated quite a bit about pay before she started, but now everything is nice and smooth. I will give her something for Christmas, but I doubt she's expecting much. I imagine it really depends on where you live. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/so-this-kind-of-thing-is-why-we-ultimately-didnt-go-the-nanny-route/page/2#post-1219458 Fri, 15 Nov 2013 13:42:15 +0000 Happygal 1219458@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If they're demanding that much, it's because someone is paying for it! I think the drama is unfortunate. </p> <p>I also don't think that salary is very high if it's 40 hours a week and a trained professional--someone with an education/early childhood ed background, CPR certified, etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/so-this-kind-of-thing-is-why-we-ultimately-didnt-go-the-nanny-route/page/2#post-1219449 Fri, 15 Nov 2013 13:37:11 +0000 sorrycharlie 1219449@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: holy geez. I'm a nanny currently and while I obviously have interest in how much I'm being paid (after all, this is my job and I have a family to help support) I certainly wouldn't demand certain things, or refuse to do things because I didn't "like" someone. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/so-this-kind-of-thing-is-why-we-ultimately-didnt-go-the-nanny-route/page/2#post-1219446 Fri, 15 Nov 2013 13:34:58 +0000 rachiecakes 1219446@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrs. bird: you are such a great nanny! :heart: </p> <p>We have a part time nanny that is a college student. She's great, not crazy-expensive or ridiculous with requests, she loves J and we love having her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/so-this-kind-of-thing-is-why-we-ultimately-didnt-go-the-nanny-route/page/2#post-1219420 Fri, 15 Nov 2013 13:26:03 +0000 googly-eyes 1219420@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Those just sound like bad nannies. 800/week doesn't seem outrageous compared to 2200/month for daycare if we're talking about a great nanny but those benefits are crazy. @SAHM0811: the one thing I'd say is that while there may be more sets of eyes at daycare, the ratio of adults to children is lower so it's not necessarily more eyes on your LO. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/so-this-kind-of-thing-is-why-we-ultimately-didnt-go-the-nanny-route#post-1219196 Fri, 15 Nov 2013 12:22:11 +0000 mrbee 1219196@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Totally agree with @mrsjazz: . We had a great experience with nannies, and have met a lot of really great nannies! There are some nannies that aren't that good, but they're in the minority.</p> <p>Nannies are a special type of employee... and at the end of the day, some employees are fantastic, some are just ok, and a few are awful. I think the same thing applies to nannies! If you interview carefully and use referrals (just like you would when hiring any employee), the odds that you'll find a great nanny are pretty high.</p> <p>I think some families find a fit with nannies, and others don't. That's totally ok, I think! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/so-this-kind-of-thing-is-why-we-ultimately-didnt-go-the-nanny-route#post-1219184 Fri, 15 Nov 2013 12:19:07 +0000 SAHM0811 1219184@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The materialistic types of nannies didn't scare me when I lived in the city. It was the fact that I was trusting one sole person to care of my baby in my own home for 40-50 hours a week... We're pretty private people and I just didn't feel comfortable with that type of situation and level of trust as a FTM. We opted for daycare at the end of my maternity leave (at around 7 months pp).</p> <p>As DD grew older though, we DID end up going the nanny route. One, because she was getting really sick from daycare, and I met a nanny through an agency who I had to use for back-up a few times. I thought, since I found someone I actually liked and trusted, and to save DD's health a bit, let's go for it. It worked out for a few months until we ended up finding an even more EXCELLENT live-in nanny from the Philippines (where our parents were raised). So we had a live-in for almost a year until DD was old enough for preschool. So I went from being super anti-nanny, to having a really awesome nanny situation. </p> <p>Our live-in was the exact opposite of these nannies you are describing. She was a very simple and humble woman who nannied/housekept for over 30-40 years since the age of 16. She took care of us as a family, and she was a part of our family. It was great because our families were 3,000 miles away at the time. </p> <p>I have a feeling this blog you posted is just written by some crazy nanny who needs to get her thoughts and demands out there online for someone to read. When we were on the UWS, tons of moms followed and kept up with a blog named "I saw your nanny" where they'd post nannies talking on cell phones at the park or being rough with kids out in public. Nannies backlashed and started blogs about what it's like to nanny for some families and how they are treated day-to-day. It just seems like the voice behind this blog is just someone trying to get her side of the "nanny/mommy wars" out there.</p> <p>There are good nannies everywhere, you just have to look in the right circles. It can be hard since you're new to the area and have just started building social connections. We were in the same boat at first until we got lucky with our live-in referral (we got through a family member's friend). But yes, daycare is a great option for babies and toddlers... More eyes on the child, and socialization is built right in! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/so-this-kind-of-thing-is-why-we-ultimately-didnt-go-the-nanny-route#post-1219069 Fri, 15 Nov 2013 11:48:29 +0000 mrsjazz 1219069@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: We live in Brooklyn and haven't had this experience at all. I've seen a lot of great nannies in my neighborhood. It's funny because a lot of the things people accuse nannies of doing (always on the phone, not paying attention) I see more parents doing than nannies. When I was home with LO for part of the time during the summer I met so many nice nannies who seemed to genuinely care about their kiddies.</p> <p>For our nanny share we do pay for her Metrocard but she didn't ask for it, the other family (who hired her first) offered to pay for it since they were paying her below market rate. I don't know what we are going to do about a Christmas gift but our nanny doesn't request things like what you mentioned above. There aren't a ton of free things to do around here--not when the nanny is taking care of two kids and not in the fall/winter so we do have a membership to the local Y, which the nanny takes the girls to every day for tumbling and story time. I wanted to sign up for a music class but the other family didn't want to so we couldn't. I know lots of families who sign up for classes or drop-in programs for their nannies and babies--not because it was requested.</p> <p>I think you can find the bad in every situation--whether that's daycare or nannies. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/so-this-kind-of-thing-is-why-we-ultimately-didnt-go-the-nanny-route#post-1218938 Fri, 15 Nov 2013 11:13:45 +0000 cascademom 1218938@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm in a big nanny city (Chicago) and have heard similar stories. We almost did a nanny share for LO, but lucked out with our daycare which I got our spot right near the end of my maternity leave. I got hooked up with a possible nanny share thanks to a neighborhood website which is an invaluable resource for Chicago parents.</p> <p>I have a friend whose a former nanny. She said that the nanny share is the hardest thing ever. When I went to afternoon tea about 2.5 months pp, she gave me amazing tips on tummy time and sleep for LO when we were in our desperate sleep phase. </p> <p>I hate hearing childcare workers talk about "raising your child." It's really unfair to the working parents who grapple enough with guilt of working. Another thing that annoys me is the talk of colds in the daycare environment versus nanny. We have friends whose husband stayed at home with son until he reached preschool age recently. He's been complaining on FB about his son's colds. We suffered through months of daycare colds and survived. It sucks, but it's the reality of kids in a public environment. End rant.</p> <p>For our daycare teachers, my mom made some bags. I plan on giving giftcards and chocolates in them for Christmas. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/so-this-kind-of-thing-is-why-we-ultimately-didnt-go-the-nanny-route#post-1218874 Fri, 15 Nov 2013 10:58:55 +0000 Anagram 1218874@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrs. bird: You make a good point. But I think that's why a nanny isn't for me. I'm the parent and I drive the equivalent of a cheap little Corolla (actually a 2001 Honda Accord). And not because we couldn't potentially afford better, but because we live somewhat frugally. On purpose. Like, when I commute to work, I purposely take a longer route to avoid paying tolls because it saves me $12 a week. My husband walks from 33rd to 49th street twice a day, rain sleet or snow, to avoid paying for two public transit tickets to save that money. And again, not because we couldn't afford for him to pay for the subway tickets, but just because he likes to save money.</p> <p>And I totally understand why people who don't have family nearby might need someone to take care of them after chemo, but we both have very close knit families who would do that for us. I would never in a million years want a nanny there during a time like that.</p> <p>So not saying nannies are bad at all. Just saying that I found out that I don't think the "nanny lifestyle" is for me. Which kind of sucks, because there's definitely a convenience factor and it's awesome to think of my LO having more of a caregiver's attention and getting sick less. But some of the other expectations in nanny culture (just around this area) are a little much for me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/so-this-kind-of-thing-is-why-we-ultimately-didnt-go-the-nanny-route#post-1218851 Fri, 15 Nov 2013 10:47:03 +0000 mrs. bird 1218851@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sorry so many people have negative views of nannies. Nannies are not for everyone &amp; for the average family, cost prohibitive. I don't see anything wrong with requesting a living wage. Nannies have bills, too. It's expected that I drive a nice car to transport the kids in, I can't drive a cheap little corolla. I don't get breaks where I can run out &amp; taking a sick day is a huge deal, so I can't take a random day off like most people. Your nanny can make your life run so much more smoothly, you take care of her &amp; she'll take care of you. The families I worked for, we've gone through so much, daycare &lt;edited&gt;, won't rock you dog during thunder storms and give it seizure meds every couple hours, they won't be there for every birthday party and recital, they don't make sure dinner is on the table each night, that the perfect gift is bought &amp; wrapped for parties &amp; they don't memorize all your kids' favorite stories- I do. There are crappy nannies out there, I know many! But there are lots of great nannies. Not everyone is looking for someone to fill all those rolls, that's okay, because there are other people who need a nanny, and I will fall madly in love with them as a family &amp; do whatever I can for them, and they will appreciate what I do, often they show it with generous gifts and a living wage. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/so-this-kind-of-thing-is-why-we-ultimately-didnt-go-the-nanny-route#post-1218799 Fri, 15 Nov 2013 10:28:27 +0000 Anagram 1218799@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Sadieloo: I've heard good things about care.com...but my husband is against it. He's suspicious of "random nannies". This is one of the things we disagree about most, actually. Do you mind walling me the rate you discussed with the JC woman? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/so-this-kind-of-thing-is-why-we-ultimately-didnt-go-the-nanny-route#post-1218786 Fri, 15 Nov 2013 10:25:54 +0000 Sadieloo 1218786@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: who knew so many hoboken Mom's on here! We moved from hoboken to Montclair in August, to have our first baby and because we needed more space. I've heard nightmares about nannies in Hoboken and the crazy expense. In our nanny search in the burbs, we have yet to come across anyone with those demands. In fact, I interviewed someone from Jersey City yesterday and was surprised she wasn't looking in Hoboken where she could def make more money. I should note that we dont need anyone full time yet ( I work from home), so I feel most of the benefits don't pally. Anyhow, you should check out care.com, there are plenty of people looking for jobs and you will undoubtedly find someone who is reasonable. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/so-this-kind-of-thing-is-why-we-ultimately-didnt-go-the-nanny-route#post-1218757 Fri, 15 Nov 2013 10:17:32 +0000 Anagram 1218757@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MamaMoose: Sometimes I feel that way (definitely before having a baby myself). But one great thing about living here is that it's so easy to feel "connected" because there are so many mommy groups. We just moved here a year ago and I started a new job immediately so I didn't really have any close friends.</p> <p>Then I had my baby. And now I'm invited to play dates and mommy happy hours and group meetups all the time. Weirdly it's helped my social life a lot and now that I've gotten to know these women I see that even though a lot of them look so "together" from the outside (the designer gear, interesting jobs, skinny bodies 1 month post partum), we are all going through the same things and all have baby blues, sleepless nights, spitup in our hair, concerns about childcare.</p> <p>So in a lot of ways, I feel really grateful to be living here when I had my first child. I've gotten a lot of support as a new mom that I don't think I would have gotten living elsewhere. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/so-this-kind-of-thing-is-why-we-ultimately-didnt-go-the-nanny-route#post-1218754 Fri, 15 Nov 2013 10:15:53 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 1218754@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: SLC from big Mormon families (though our nanny isn't Mormon) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/so-this-kind-of-thing-is-why-we-ultimately-didnt-go-the-nanny-route#post-1218748 Fri, 15 Nov 2013 10:14:30 +0000 mrbee 1218748@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: yah it requires a lot of interviewing... we also got lucky with a great referral! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/so-this-kind-of-thing-is-why-we-ultimately-didnt-go-the-nanny-route#post-1218734 Fri, 15 Nov 2013 10:11:22 +0000 Cole 1218734@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh my. I really hate when nannies go and do things like that, it gives the rest of us a bad name. I used to work on the east coast through some very high end agencies and I worked for a few very well off families. The pool of "ideal" nannies is small, some people are very willing to pay extra for college educated, nannies who have English as a first language and early childhood education backgrounds in addition to experience and the ability to present themselves in a way that represents the family well. </p> <p>The jobs in that market are few and far between and EXTREMELY demanding. Most of the people making that kind of money and getting those perks are earning every red cent. The issue arises when the nannies forget that and decide they want an easy job and the same pay. (My guess is this nanny started off wonderful and became jaded, she wants the same pay/perks and none of the craziness.)</p> <p>I interviewed for a position that actually paid more than what you quoted but it would have been torture. It was 35 hours a week but you had to be on call 80 hours a week during which time you could be no more than 15 minutes from the house. The mom was very up front about the fact that if she got a phone call she would expect the nanny to just be there to intercept the child. </p> <p>Ultimately I settled on a position that paid a bit less but was still 55+ hours a week working a split shift Tues-Sat and frequently traveling for weeks at a time. In many ways it was wonderful, but it was also very hard. Working that type of schedule it is hard to go out with friends or travel for weekends to see family etc. It was worth it for me but I only did it for a few years.</p> <p>In short, those nannies are jaded-- and not the ones you want to hire. I now very happily work for about half of what I was once paid and I love it. I would not trade my current situation in for another one of the crazy situations for any amount of money. Great nannies who fit your needs are out there and I don't think many hide it if they have odd demands. I actually do tell parents up front that outside activities are a must for me-- I don't want to spend weeks getting settled with a family and telling other families I can't work for them only to find out that something that is a deal breaker for me isn't an option with them. (I do however seek out the free and super cheap options.)</p> <p>I hope you are able to find the perfect situation for your family! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/so-this-kind-of-thing-is-why-we-ultimately-didnt-go-the-nanny-route#post-1218732 Fri, 15 Nov 2013 10:11:12 +0000 Anagram 1218732@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: I'm sure I could find a good nanny if I interviewed several. It's just a daunting process for me and my husband has watched too many 20/20 episodes about abuses caught on nanny cams, so between the two of us...lol. For the record, he hates day cares too and would love to have his parents stay with us indefinitely to watch LO (in our 2 bedroom condo). I actually really like my In Laws, but that's too much even for me. :happy: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/so-this-kind-of-thing-is-why-we-ultimately-didnt-go-the-nanny-route#post-1218723 Fri, 15 Nov 2013 10:08:15 +0000 mrbee 1218723@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: We didn't experience either of those with anyone we've worked with? There are definitely bad nannies out there! Maybe we just got lucky... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/so-this-kind-of-thing-is-why-we-ultimately-didnt-go-the-nanny-route#post-1218678 Fri, 15 Nov 2013 10:00:16 +0000 Anagram 1218678@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: which part wasn't your experience? The cash-for-lunch? or the Christmas bonus? As I said, I know it isn't all nannies, but I don't really consider it second hand info when it's my close friends having these issues with their current nannies. It's not a "friend of a friend" situation. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/so-this-kind-of-thing-is-why-we-ultimately-didnt-go-the-nanny-route#post-1218664 Fri, 15 Nov 2013 09:57:56 +0000 Anagram 1218664@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jacks: Nannies from your town? why do they not drink? Edited to say: oh, SLC....because they are Mormon?</p> <p>I guess if I wanted a live-in, I could always bring up one of my distant cousins from Virginia. They are old German brethren (they are kind of like Amish people) and they are also used to kids from a young age, don't drink (or watch television or listen to radios or use the internet in any fashion). And for the most part, they are really good cooks. Too bad we live in a small place! =) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/so-this-kind-of-thing-is-why-we-ultimately-didnt-go-the-nanny-route#post-1218656 Fri, 15 Nov 2013 09:55:30 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 1218656@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yeesh! Where do you live?! People hire nannies from my town for all over the country because they 1) don't drink 2) are really nice 3) have tons of experience tending lots of kids from early ages. They start at $12/hr usually and are super sweet. My nanny did a stint in Michigan for a year and a half. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/so-this-kind-of-thing-is-why-we-ultimately-didnt-go-the-nanny-route#post-1218645 Fri, 15 Nov 2013 09:52:24 +0000 mrbee 1218645@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This wasn't our experience at all!! I think it can be tricky to generalize based on secondhand info! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/so-this-kind-of-thing-is-why-we-ultimately-didnt-go-the-nanny-route#post-1218641 Fri, 15 Nov 2013 09:51:25 +0000 Anagram 1218641@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I should also say that I know it swings both ways in this area. One of my friends has a girl in her building who somehow brought a woman over from her home country to be a live-in nanny. They have a 2 bedroom condo and the nanny sleeps in their babies room (with the baby). I think that's horrible to not even have a private space to sleep and I'm sure it's illegal.</p> <p>So I know the "taking advantage" can happen on both ends of the spectrum. Living here has been an eye opener in this regard, that's for sure. It does make me really consider staying home next year and taking in another child. I feel like I would happily charge less than the going rate (since I would have Lo with me) and still provide fun, educational activities that don't cost an arm and a leg. </p>