https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 05 Apr 2026 07:45:28 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/solo-parenting-during-mat-leave/page/3#post-2446365 Tue, 02 Feb 2016 13:51:53 +0000 RLCeigh 2446365@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I think your plan sounds great! With tiny babies its survival mode, so you can all bond later.<br /> What helped me-- having a reason to attempt to shower/get dressed/smell OK-- mine was a cute dog walker! :) Ha! He came every weekday and I knew I needed to be presentable by noon, kept me from not putting on clothes/a little make-up for the entire week.<br /> I had my routine and I knew every step I needed to do-- giving baby a bath by the kitchen sink meant removing his clothes/diaper in the kitchen and throwing them on the floor- no one to hold the baby while I did things, but I knew after bath I would have some time to put him in the swing and clean up. I was super organized! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/solo-parenting-during-mat-leave/page/3#post-2446353 Tue, 02 Feb 2016 13:42:09 +0000 nana87 2446353@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I haven't read all the comments, but I'm so glad your mom will be there with you! I had a baby that would really only sleep in my arms so not having another set of hands would mean not showering, not eating much that I could prep with one hand, not cleaning, etc and not sleeping! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/solo-parenting-during-mat-leave/page/3#post-2446350 Tue, 02 Feb 2016 13:40:50 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2446350@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@RLCeigh: oh wow! :grin: Thank you so much for sharing your experience! Very encouraging! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/solo-parenting-during-mat-leave/page/3#post-2446320 Tue, 02 Feb 2016 13:21:04 +0000 RLCeigh 2446320@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: Chiming in to say, I did it and survived :)<br /> And I had an unexpected C-section. My LO was born in August and my husband works in college admissions so he travels all fall recruiting students (we live in MA and his territory was IL, WI, MO- so a flight away at least). He would be gone for 2 weeks at a time and then come home for a quick weekend. It lasted until October 31st and we have no family living close-- my mom did come and stay for a week, it was amazing!!<br /> My BIL lives about an hour away and he brought me a veggie lasagna that I really appreciated (I may have eaten Halloween candy for bfast/lunch/dinner on some low days). We had a daily dog walker and a weekly cleaning lady so that was awesome. I tried to go out every day-- it was the fall in New England so perfect weather for it. I felt really empowered that I could do it-- only once I remember texting my husband that I didn't think I could make it alone, I needed help (I think there was a lot of crying that day)- but overall I think back fondly to my solo time, I really bonded with my LO and we had a great routine. Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/solo-parenting-during-mat-leave/page/3#post-2446275 Tue, 02 Feb 2016 12:48:18 +0000 sapphire 2446275@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We got a lot of advice to only have my DH home for 2 weeks and save his other 2 weeks for when I went back to work. We didn't do this - he stayed home with me for the first month. Honestly I can't imagine it differently. I really needed him and I felt like it was so important for our family bonding. And we had help too for the first 10 days. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/solo-parenting-during-mat-leave/page/3#post-2446229 Tue, 02 Feb 2016 12:16:19 +0000 Zbug 2446229@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH went back to work at two weeks and all was fine. The evenings were more difficult though, so I was glad to have him there. Maybe you could get some evening help? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/solo-parenting-during-mat-leave/page/3#post-2446196 Tue, 02 Feb 2016 11:49:46 +0000 Autumnmama79 2446196@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>While I agree that it wouldn't be ideal, my DH didn't really do much for the first few weeks! Not because he didn't want to but because baby nursed every 1.5 hours throughout the day and night. He may have changed a few dipes but thats about all he could do! We mainly ordered food in and sometimes family brought food. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/solo-parenting-during-mat-leave/page/3#post-2446077 Tue, 02 Feb 2016 10:32:34 +0000 pwnstar 2446077@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I think you have the right idea . . . to focus on what you can do! There's no way to know how things will go in the early weeks . . . it's not an ideal situation, but y'all will make the best of it. I would find resources now and test them out . . . like grocery delivery services, meal delivery services, a maid service every other week or so, etc., to make it as easy on yourself as possible. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/solo-parenting-during-mat-leave/page/3#post-2446076 Tue, 02 Feb 2016 10:32:20 +0000 avivoca 2446076@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I solo parented for 36 hours on my maternity leave. If I had to, I could do it for many weeks with a newborn but I wouldn't want to. If you will have help, that's great! I wouldn't have had any help because my family still works. I know it isn't ideal but people in the military do it all the time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/solo-parenting-during-mat-leave/page/3#post-2446069 Tue, 02 Feb 2016 10:28:14 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2446069@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mediagirl: well my mom will come. She will delay her visit so that she'll be there when my husband leaves for his assignment. At first she was planning to come back as soon as she got the call the baby was coming. Since that would double up on help for me the new plan will spread it out.</p> <p>As for other family that can just come stay with me. Likely not. I don't think my bro or his gf would want to camp out at my house and deal with a much longer commute to get to work. My dad would be way back up option, but I can forsee his presence stressing me out more and interfering with weekend family bonding. I wouldn't be able to just have him pack up each week and return since he's older and gets warn out with the travel involved. </p> <p>We don't mind throwing money at the problem with helpers. @Mamacate: my husband's idea of helping me with the groceries is a Hello Fresh subcription.</p> <p>@Shootingstar: I totally hear what you're saying. As much as we would both love for the timing of this rotation to better where he could take his 6 weeks paternity leave once the baby arrives it's not. I don't think less of him as a parent for not cancelling the rotation. If I asked him to he would in a heartbeat. I'm focusing on how in the evenings we plan to Skype as the three of us and what fun the he &amp; LO will have on the weekends. Then, at some point this year he gets to finally take his leave and create some weekday solo memories of his own. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/solo-parenting-during-mat-leave/page/3#post-2446035 Tue, 02 Feb 2016 10:00:53 +0000 ShootingStar 2446035@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would have really struggled on my own. Working on 2 hour chunks of sleep made me kind of desperate at times for a break. And DS had a witching hour at 6pm that made me crazy. </p> <p>I also thought things like grocery shopping would be no big deal, but I only managed to do it once on my own. I wore DS and then had such trouble getting anything lower down off the shelves. And I had to have someone come out with me and load my car. </p> <p>Also, I have no interest in being a solo parent, and neither does DH. We are BOTH parents, I would not feel it was any more appropriate for him to miss the first few months of baby's life than it would be for me. But that's just my take on it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/solo-parenting-during-mat-leave/page/3#post-2446033 Tue, 02 Feb 2016 09:59:58 +0000 Chillybear 2446033@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think its more easily mananged while you are home on maternity leave than if you were back at work... My husband had to go on mandatory 12hr night shift 7 days a week for 27 days a month after i went back to work. It was extremely hard. i would leave for work before he came home and he would leave before I got home. The only time he saw our daughter was on Sat, Sun, and Mon afternoons when he got up to go back to work.</p> <p>My advice would be to plan for friends/ family to visit a couple nights a week just for some company. Try to go to bed when you put the baby down to sleep, and have a couple numbers for handymen, or people you can call if something goes wrong at the house and just be willing to throw money at the problem. We had a winter storm during all this and a tree fell on our house, we lost power and our basement flooded. Murphy's law if something can go wrong it will. Another night I was by myself and I was coming home from work and I got a flat (with the baby with me) Luckily my BIL was able to come help me out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/solo-parenting-during-mat-leave/page/3#post-2446006 Tue, 02 Feb 2016 09:46:45 +0000 MamaCate 2446006@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: maybe you could work on DH learning how to grocery shop with you between now and your due date? I don't think I went to the store for at least the first six weeks either time. Freezer meals are a great idea too! I think the new mama needs to focus on feeding the baby, bonding with the baby and recovering from delivery and that pretty much fills your day. So everything other than that can be delegated if possible. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/solo-parenting-during-mat-leave/page/2#post-2445989 Tue, 02 Feb 2016 09:35:16 +0000 Adira 2445989@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I mean... it's doable... in the sense that you've gotta do what you've gotta do, so you'll do it and get through it. But it'll suck.</p> <p>I wouldn't say that I had PPD, but I definitely struggled with the baby blues and actually had pretty bad anxiety at the thought of my husband going back to work. He ended up staying home with us for 4 weeks and then working from home two days a week for another 4 weeks. It wasn't until around 8 weeks that I started to feel better/normal. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/solo-parenting-during-mat-leave/page/2#post-2445974 Tue, 02 Feb 2016 09:25:09 +0000 mediagirl 2445974@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I think having him gone during the nights will be the toughest part. Can you have a family member come help? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/solo-parenting-during-mat-leave/page/2#post-2445963 Tue, 02 Feb 2016 09:16:32 +0000 snowjewelz 2445963@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH took 2 weeks off then went back to work. And my mom wasn't always available, so I def did it myself, but probably for a few hours during the day at most. It was really daunting as an emotional new mom! But I got through it.</p> <p>DH had to go on a 2 night trip after she turned 2 mo. My mom stayed with me, but I can't remember if she got up with me MOTN too or not. </p> <p>It was tough! But more just emotional for me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/solo-parenting-during-mat-leave/page/2#post-2445901 Tue, 02 Feb 2016 08:32:40 +0000 Bubbles 2445901@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think like all hard things in life, you could do it if you had to - but it would be tough. My baby was really difficult, but I think even with the easiest baby in the world it would be very easy to feel isolated through lack of adult conversation and interaction, especially if you are used to WOH. Glad your mum is going to come and help! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/solo-parenting-during-mat-leave/page/2#post-2445883 Tue, 02 Feb 2016 08:22:35 +0000 Anagram 2445883@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with all the pps who are suggesting a mother's helper. My other suggestion is an occasional night nurse. I have a friend here who had a 1 year old when she found out she was pregnant with twins (not planned). She was totally freaking out, but her husband agreed to hire a night nurse....and the twins are now 6 months old and they still have the night nurse! She still comes 3-4 nights a week so the parents get a break (babies are ff).</p> <p>I know some people manage to have 3 under 2 without help, but if you CAN get help, do! She found her night nurse on care.com and seems to really love her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/solo-parenting-during-mat-leave/page/2#post-2445864 Tue, 02 Feb 2016 07:57:04 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2445864@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MamaCate: in fact when she comes back in March (she's lined up doctor appointments for a week) she's going to help me make freezer meals!</p> <p>ETA: ha I wish food duties were shared among my hubby &amp; I. I may be able to convince him to grocery shop for me to pick up the heavy things, but that literally means me taking a picture of the item I want and telling him the aisle. It's easier for me just to ask the store employees for assistance. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/solo-parenting-during-mat-leave/page/2#post-2445861 Tue, 02 Feb 2016 07:54:26 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2445861@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Maybe I should stop hoping to go 42 weeks :silly: that way DH will have more time at home. </p> <p>When we interviewed doulas there were a few that were post partum doulas and one in particular I really liked. She actually uses my doula as her back up. I'll get in touch with her and check out the Mother's Helper section further on Care.com. After the first 4-5 weeks it gets better right?</p> <p>Obviously when DH is home on the weekend I'll have to use my time wisely- grocery shop and prep meals while he has solo bonding with baby. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/solo-parenting-during-mat-leave/page/2#post-2445850 Tue, 02 Feb 2016 07:37:19 +0000 SweetiePie 2445850@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@YouGotMe: same! I couldn't have done it but I was dealing with a lot of emotional stuff too. I'm still not totally sure if it was PPD or if I just had a harder time adjusting. But no way I could have done 2 straight months solo. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/solo-parenting-during-mat-leave/page/2#post-2445842 Tue, 02 Feb 2016 07:24:25 +0000 MamaCate 2445842@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I am glad your mom will come for a while! I had a high needs baby for LO1 and had both DH and my mom with me for most of the first month. Even then it was hard. LO2 is a much more chill baby but even then it was great to have my parents here for two weeks and hand off the baby once a day to take a nap. The other thing that made a big difference was letting someone else think about and plan for meals. If DH can do grocery shopping and maybe meal prep while he is home on the weekends and then your mom can cook during the week that would help a lot. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/solo-parenting-during-mat-leave/page/2#post-2445815 Tue, 02 Feb 2016 06:26:22 +0000 ValentineMommy 2445815@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I guess if I had to, I would/could, but I definitely wouldn't want to, especially since I had c-sections. Any help you can get would be beneficial. I had a hard time just parenting alone during the day! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/solo-parenting-during-mat-leave/page/2#post-2445787 Tue, 02 Feb 2016 04:33:15 +0000 Pumuckl 2445787@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hmm I guess one can do it but doing it with help is a lot easier. My DH went back to work immediately after both births. He was out of town with our second M-F (so your scenario). My mom was here for the first two weeks and that helped a lot especially since I had a 21m old to care for too. So with some help in the really early days you can do it. And if you have help from DH for the first two weeks and then your mom for the next three weeks I think your DH should go for it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/solo-parenting-during-mat-leave/page/2#post-2445782 Tue, 02 Feb 2016 03:33:18 +0000 lamariniere 2445782@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would definitely want help, especially since it's your first and you have no idea what you are getting into. :wink: </p> <p>My first LO was a very difficult newborn. He cried a lot, we had MAJOR BF issues and he barely slept other than 20 min catnaps. I needed my husband not only for emotional and hands on support, but because of the BF issues I needed to pump and I could not do it when I was alone. It was extremely stressful and I suspect I had some medium-level PP anxiety. If I had been alone 24/7 with him, well, it would have been bad. That said, my second LO was a complete angel. She rarely cried, no BF issues at all and slept all the time the first three months. My DH had a month of paternity leave for our 2nd and basically felt like he didn't do anything during that month since I barely needed help and she was such an easy baby. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/solo-parenting-during-mat-leave/page/2#post-2445778 Tue, 02 Feb 2016 03:03:40 +0000 Cherrybee 2445778@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm glad your mum is coming to help. I couldn't have handled this at all. I counted down the hours until DH got home in the evenings. Those first few weeks were really hard for me - this time I'm going to accept more help from my inlaws and make more plans with friends so I'm not alone so much. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/solo-parenting-during-mat-leave/page/2#post-2445744 Tue, 02 Feb 2016 01:25:45 +0000 iheartleopardprint 2445744@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For sure! It wouldn't be ideal, for dad and baby bonding, but I could totally do it. My recovery after LO1 was a bit rough with stitches, and I think I still could have managed alone.</p> <p>FI travels a fair bit for projects for work, and with LO3 on the way this is something I have had to consider too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/solo-parenting-during-mat-leave/page/2#post-2445740 Tue, 02 Feb 2016 01:16:52 +0000 gingerbebe 2445740@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would look into finding a few babysitters and mommy's helpers to be able to call for help in case you need back-up. You might be able to push through a rough day and night, but you'll feel better if someone can come the next day while you catch up on some sleep. </p> <p>My son was extremely colicky from day 1 and ended up also having silent reflux and the first 10-11 weeks of his life were a complete nightmare. As far as PP help, my husband was around but had a very long 150 mile commute a few days a week so I wasn't okay with him doing any MOTN wakings since I was attempting to BF anyway although my mom helped the first 3 weeks. Between the two of them, I had someone to hold my son while he screamed once or twice day, during which I would either leave the house for some silence or TRY to sleep for an hour or two (it was hard because he screamed so loudly). I had such severe sleep deprivation that I ended up with PPA/PPD even with placenta encapsulation. If I was completely alone during that time, I would have lost it for sure and would have had to get help immediately.</p> <p>Obviously, some newborns are more normal and will just eat and sleep and you may be able to get away with just having friends visit regularly and hold the baby for a little while, but that just wasn't the case for us. I'm pregnant with #2 now and because of how hard DS1 was last time, my husband has been adamant about me contracting with this nanny referral service in town so that I can speed-dial help if this baby follows in his brother's footsteps. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/solo-parenting-during-mat-leave/page/2#post-2445738 Tue, 02 Feb 2016 01:13:53 +0000 LindsayLou 2445738@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I did this. My husband was out of town Monday to Friday, from the time baby was 5 weeks til she was 9 weeks. It was not ideal. I have an easy baby who started sleeping through the night at 5 weeks, I had an easy recovery, and I love the newborn days. But it was still rough. I needed a few minutes to myself, to not be her sole caregiver. My mom visited a lot, and that helped. But it was still hard. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/solo-parenting-during-mat-leave/page/2#post-2445653 Mon, 01 Feb 2016 22:54:12 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2445653@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@birdofafeather: That was his first thought too when I told him my mom's current/anticipated schedule. I'm sure he could get out of it, but I'm encouraging him not to. He had to apply for this rotation almost a year ago before we became pregnant. When he was selected he received his second choice of when to attend and there isn't a guarantee he'll have this opportunity again. He needs to go! </p>