https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 30 Apr 2026 22:06:58 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sooono-shower-nice-way-to-explain-it#post-801180 Wed, 22 May 2013 14:08:50 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 801180@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@allison: @mrsjazz: @littlebug: I get it. If a shower is thrown I will just insist on books, no list. I doubt I will have to worry about showers since my would-be hostesses know we are not keen on showers. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sooono-shower-nice-way-to-explain-it#post-801116 Wed, 22 May 2013 13:52:09 +0000 littlebug 801116@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't really understand the stance myself, but you gotta do you. I do think, though, that if you're going to have a book party, you should just let people pick their own books. I'd be pretty put-off if I were told that I could only purchase a book off a predetermined list - you're basically telling me that you don't trust my taste in books, and think that I'm going to get something that isn't good enough for your baby. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sooono-shower-nice-way-to-explain-it#post-801115 Wed, 22 May 2013 13:51:57 +0000 looch 801115@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't like showers because I don't like to be the center of attention, especially at the gift opening time, which seems so fake, "Oh, watch me unwrap a pack and play I selected, wooohoo." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sooono-shower-nice-way-to-explain-it#post-801086 Wed, 22 May 2013 13:45:39 +0000 mrsjazz 801086@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: Just tell them you aren't having a shower and keep it moving! You don't have to explain.</p> <p>But I also think that you and your DH need to realize that you're going to get presents even if you don't request them because people love babies and if they love/like you guys they are most likely going to want to gift something.</p> <p>I agree with @allison: that to some people it might seem a little weird if you're saying you don't want a shower but then ask people to buy books that you pre-select. My friend had a great book party for her shower--she also didn't really want gifts but instead asked people to bring a copy of their favorite book from when they were younger to the shower with a personal note to the baby in it. It was cute to see all the books people selected. You may get duplicate books, but it's still a great idea. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sooono-shower-nice-way-to-explain-it#post-801047 Wed, 22 May 2013 13:34:15 +0000 littlebittyhouse 801047@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is such an exciting time for you and your family! I really loved my shower and not for the gifts but for the celebration of this new little life! We got a lot of off registry gifts and to be honest - we returned what we didn't need and donated the items that we couldn't return. I didn't feel bad about it - people wanted to shower the baby with love and we let them!</p> <p>I think if family offers to purchase things for the baby - let them! Yes, the baby is your responsibility but other do genuinely want to be involved.</p> <p>At the end of the day though you need to do what is right for you and your family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sooono-shower-nice-way-to-explain-it#post-793113 Sat, 18 May 2013 14:33:18 +0000 pl0508 793113@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@allison: we did the same thing... kept what worked for us, donated what didn't. We got a lot of great stuff at our showers! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sooono-shower-nice-way-to-explain-it#post-793049 Sat, 18 May 2013 13:26:44 +0000 allison 793049@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think you need to be careful that you don't come off rude when refusing a baby shower/registry/gifts but having a book shower with specified books. What's wrong with just letting folks bring whatever book they want?</p> <p>I agree that the point of a shower and/or gifts is to show love to the baby and family. I would graciously accept anything anyone offered to give me and donate what didn't work for us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sooono-shower-nice-way-to-explain-it#post-792991 Sat, 18 May 2013 12:39:51 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 792991@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@regberadaisy: I will try not to make anyone feel bad for giving us a gift, but I will not feel obligated to keep it at all. I plan to host my own sip &amp; see. I don't see why hosting a party for my own child is taboo. Birthday parties are hosted by the parents and the guest of honor at a sip &amp; see is a baby not the mother. If the baby was getting baptized and the patents host the after party. </p> <p>A shower seems like a lot of fun. I love shower games and eye candy that comes with those types of events. But, people can't help themselves when it comes to presents, so I don't mind skipping it.</p> <p>@kjpugs: We didn't have a large wedding nor the pre wedding festivities. Once DH and I moved in together I bought a gorgeous set of silverware and when my mom offered to buy additional sets for me I declined. I think she wanted to give us a housewarming present she knew I definitely liked, but it felt weird having her buy me something I could get myself.</p> <p>Would you be upset if someone didn't keep your off-registry, but totally thoughtful gift? I attended a shower where a woman was given a ceramic plate with Winnie the Pooh, it was a keep sake type of thing I guess and the same woman received a leather mini skirt outfit for her baby. Neither are my taste and would get donated. Why waste people's money? How would people see what I already purchased?</p> <p>@tlcbaby: Book party would be fun especially if people buy the books we pre-select. I don't mind having a library built by friends and family especially since they could write a note inside the book for the baby. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sooono-shower-nice-way-to-explain-it#post-792866 Sat, 18 May 2013 11:24:54 +0000 tlcbaby 792866@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Maybe it would be easier/better to have a shower or some kind of party to celebrate the baby and that way you can specifically request in the invitation that people donate to a charity or maybe only bring books or something similar?</p> <p>But now that I say that, it would probably backfire and people would bring gifts anyway. We originally had this stance when we were married, we didn't want it to be about gifts but I finally realized people will get gifts no matter what so by registering you can give them some guidance. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sooono-shower-nice-way-to-explain-it#post-792857 Sat, 18 May 2013 11:19:42 +0000 kjpugs 792857@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrsmate: I agree! You'll still get at least one surprise shower, and will DEFINITELY still get gifts. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sooono-shower-nice-way-to-explain-it#post-792853 Sat, 18 May 2013 11:16:55 +0000 kjpugs 792853@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can't get behind the no-shower, no-gifts, our responsibility stance. We didn't need anything when we got married (had already lived together) so we didn't register. We had only 2 parties (one engagement party, one shower/engagement party out of state mostly to see family) and that's it. As far as from engagement to wedding day, some people got us no gifts, some got us gift cards, some got creative (like I LOVED the coffee mugs my aunt got us, or bride and groom ornaments from my mom's friend.) But we didn't dictate what to get us or ask for gifts.</p> <p>I can see if you feel UNCOMFORTABLE with gifts, to not register. But the idea of a shower is not JUST for gifts, it's to celebrate you growing your family with people who matter to you. Just like you'd celebrate a holiday, or a birthday, etc. People want to throw a party to celebrate when they care about people. I think it would be fine to allow people to host a party but just to not register and not mention gifts. As a guest I'd be frustrated, but I'd just get you a gift card or something I loved. Part of the deal with a registry though is you can SEE what was purchased ("Oh, they have a pack n play, so I'll get them this swing they want.") So you'll probably get some stuff you don't want or need. You may just allow a shower and say that you have done a lot to prepare for baby, and gifts aren't required, but if they would like to give a gift you'd prefer gift cards to XXX store.</p> <p>Yes at the end of the day it's your responsibility to provide for your baby. If I don't get a stroller at a shower, we're going to have to buy one! Can't just say "oh well baby no leaving the house since no one bought you this." But it's supposed to be to celebrate and help you transition into this new part of your life. I think you could totally both bend and meet in the middle, see friends/family, celebrate, and maybe get a few gift cards. Gifts WILL come, so you might as well steer them in some direction! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sooono-shower-nice-way-to-explain-it#post-792809 Sat, 18 May 2013 10:51:31 +0000 birdofafeather 792809@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>i don't understand the stance either, but it's up to you guys! i would just say that while we appreciate the excitement, we'd prefer not to have a shower. Definitely leave out the part about the charity aspect. ;)</p> <p>people love to love on baby and momma though and hopefully even if you don't have a formal shower/registry, you and DH can graciously accept gifts, big and small. it would be a shame for someone to feel bad for getting you a present and TBH, with a hard line about presents like your DH seems to have, it might come off a little harsh? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sooono-shower-nice-way-to-explain-it#post-792694 Sat, 18 May 2013 09:06:11 +0000 regberadaisy 792694@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@littlepenguin: I agree.</p> <p>But I also think if you (DH) don't want one then just saying so is answer enough. People really shouldn't press further. I had a co-worker who was expecting TWINs and opted not to do a shower. But most of their gear still were gifted by family!<br /> What do you do then when family wants to buy you gifts?</p> <p>I feel like family and friends will still buy you gifts then they lose out on celebrating such a joyous occasion. I like the idea of hosting a sip and see. Hopefully you're not the host! How do you feel about not having a shower? Doesn't sound like you're as on board as your husband? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sooono-shower-nice-way-to-explain-it#post-792622 Sat, 18 May 2013 07:33:22 +0000 Beyond2 792622@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was set against having a shower. I explained to people that there is so much baby stuff out there that is unused that I just didn't see the point in having people gift us a bunch of new stuff. If they happened to come along free baby gear on the road or come into hand me downs I'd happily accept though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sooono-shower-nice-way-to-explain-it#post-792595 Sat, 18 May 2013 06:41:38 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 792595@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrsmate: Not exactly. If people buy a "one-off" gift we will graciously accept. If I like it we will keep it and if I don't we will likely donate it.since it would have been an extra something anyway. What we are not going to do is assign gear to friends and family. Such as my mom will buy the crib and bedding or DH's dad will get the stroller. Even if our parents volunteered to just pay for what we already picked out we will decline their offer. </p> <p>@littlepenguin: True, showers are about celebrating the mommy to be's new foray into motherhood. BUT registry info is usually mailed with the invite or the host follows up with it shortly. AND opening up gifts is the main event at showers. The best gift I could receive, besides a healthy baby, is everyone waiting to visit us until the sip &amp; see.</p> <p>@TurtleDoves: @Cherrybee: Thanks, I'll be better prepared next time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sooono-shower-nice-way-to-explain-it#post-792580 Sat, 18 May 2013 06:14:03 +0000 sea_bass 792580@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: we won't be having a shower. We feel like its tempting fate. I know, I know, superstitious.. People are welcome to give gifts, but after baby has safely arrived :-) When explained like that no one has questioned it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sooono-shower-nice-way-to-explain-it#post-792578 Sat, 18 May 2013 06:06:31 +0000 Cherrybee 792578@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You don't have to explain - just say you don't want one and leave it at that! If you really feel that you have to elaborate, you could just say "We don't need anything - we've got it all sorted! But thanks". You don't have to say how and why you've "got it all sorted". </p> <p>We don't really have them over here in the UK - some people have started throwing "baby showers" for their friends and family but there is never a registry or anything, people just bring little gifts (like baby clothes) if they want to and the event is more focused around spending time with each other and having a giggle. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sooono-shower-nice-way-to-explain-it#post-792541 Sat, 18 May 2013 00:55:32 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 792541@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I said I didn't want one and people respected our wishes. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sooono-shower-nice-way-to-explain-it#post-792522 Fri, 17 May 2013 23:47:00 +0000 CupQuakeWalk 792522@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I don't understand why you have to explain it! Just tell them you don't want it. People are so pushy sometimes...I understand they are only being nice, but if a mom says "no thanks, I've decided not to have one. But I will plan a meet the baby"....then I don't understand why people would push the matter. Don't worry about it! Just be assertive. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sooono-shower-nice-way-to-explain-it#post-792515 Fri, 17 May 2013 23:39:25 +0000 littlepenguin 792515@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't understand your DH's reasoning either. I don't think people have showers because they aren't able to financially be responsible for their baby and any gear they want. I think it's a way for people to show they care about you and share in the excitement of the arrival of new life. </p> <p>Anyways... if you don't want gifts, you could a) donate them to a charity b) ask for friends to donate to a charity or c) ask them to do something for you after the baby is born. Some of my coworkers made a meal schedule the first week we were home. It was really nice to be able to focus on the baby and get some extra sleep those first few days. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sooono-shower-nice-way-to-explain-it#post-792418 Fri, 17 May 2013 21:29:19 +0000 junebugmama 792418@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You can always send little cards asking people to donate to March of Dimes in lieu of gifts. You don't have to explain why then, you're just doing something nice for someone else :) </p> <p>You obviously could pick a local charity too that helps new Moms and babes </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sooono-shower-nice-way-to-explain-it#post-792274 Fri, 17 May 2013 20:00:35 +0000 Grace 792274@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>A friend of mine had the same thing happen. She kept explainations short and sweet: DH doesn't approve of showers and would rather we didn't have one. If she was pressed further, she just shrugged her shoulders. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sooono-shower-nice-way-to-explain-it#post-792226 Fri, 17 May 2013 19:38:40 +0000 mrsmate 792226@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have to admit I do not understand your DH's stance. So no one will be allowed to buy LO anything ever, not even birthday presents?</p> <p>BTW I feel like you have a surprise work shower in your future... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/sooono-shower-nice-way-to-explain-it#post-792190 Fri, 17 May 2013 19:17:17 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 792190@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was at a work event all last week and I was noticeably not drinking alcohol. Jokes were made all week that I may be pregnant and I copped to TTC. My female coworker demanded I invite her to the baby shower when the time comes. And I told her we aren't going to have a shower. Her reaction was "whaaat!? You get so many gifts!" And I explained that's why; DH is firm that a baby is our responsibility and we will pay for all of its gear. I used DH's term "charity" after she finished explaining how she received 80 gifts at her shower. I wish I hadn't used the word charity because I actually like baby showers and don't mind buying presents for friends. </p> <p>If you didn't have a shower (declined offers/ firm on surprises) how did you politely explain why? We aren't doing it for religious purposes so that is out. I know our stance is a bit odd because even wealthy people throw showers for each other. We, really me, plans to host a sip &amp; see, but not send registry or wish list info. I really want that event to just be about meeting the baby. I am sure people will give gifts such as grandparents and God parents, but we are not going to rely on them for necessities or frivolous gear. We don't want an event where gifts are expected. </p>