https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 15 Apr 2026 09:59:31 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spinoff-does-your-so-have-any-qualities-that-you-had-previously-thought-were-dealbreakers#post-34131 Wed, 14 Dec 2011 16:23:04 +0000 Maysprout 34131@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I never went to a frat in college so there's no way I thought I'd end up with a 'frat boy' let alone the president of his frat. Luckily we started dating after college. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spinoff-does-your-so-have-any-qualities-that-you-had-previously-thought-were-dealbreakers#post-34009 Wed, 14 Dec 2011 14:13:39 +0000 Mrs.KMM 34009@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Nope - DH doesn't have any of my dealbreakers.</p> <p>As a part of my youth group, I made a list when I was 16 or 17 of what I wanted in my future husband (~15 things). DH has every single one of those things and more! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spinoff-does-your-so-have-any-qualities-that-you-had-previously-thought-were-dealbreakers#post-31661 Sun, 11 Dec 2011 20:04:26 +0000 anonysquire 31661@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>He drank pretty heavily when I first met him. I didn't even really know the extent of it. We met online. Luckily he stopped drinking except like 1 or 2 drinks at a sports game or something. I am really proud of him and his health is doing so much better! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spinoff-does-your-so-have-any-qualities-that-you-had-previously-thought-were-dealbreakers#post-31629 Sun, 11 Dec 2011 19:30:19 +0000 pastemoo 31629@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Andrea: Hmm. People do change in many ways. I don't know. The biggest deal maker for me is that we really bring out the best in each other; we make each other be our BEST selves. We motivate each other to actually find and then DO what we want in life. So... he's awesome and worth it.<br /> But, he would never cheat (in part because of the way that we work together, neither of us would have an emotional capacity for it). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spinoff-does-your-so-have-any-qualities-that-you-had-previously-thought-were-dealbreakers#post-31541 Sun, 11 Dec 2011 14:21:55 +0000 looch 31541@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For me, it's age...my husband is three years younger, I always dated older or same aged guys. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spinoff-does-your-so-have-any-qualities-that-you-had-previously-thought-were-dealbreakers#post-31530 Sun, 11 Dec 2011 13:56:50 +0000 sorrycharlie 31530@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Green Thumb: I laughed out loud at the cookies thing. THAT is my husband! He hasn't been allowed to food shop in a long time. The terrible eating habits (he'd live on frozen pizza) and the fact that he doesn't look for sales or compare prices. He grabs the first thing he sees. We cut our grocery bill down almost $20/week when I took over the shopping! Sigh..</p> <p>Some things that I never thought I'd marry, but did, would be that my DH's family are Jehovah's Witnesses. DH is not, but it can be a source of tension (jabs and comments re: birthdays and holidays toward us), as well as many discussions trying to figure out how we'll deal with his family when we have kids (calling out Santa, etc). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spinoff-does-your-so-have-any-qualities-that-you-had-previously-thought-were-dealbreakers#post-31518 Sun, 11 Dec 2011 13:06:57 +0000 daniellemybelle 31518@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didn't really have any deal-breakers when I met DH. My standards were pretty low ("Do I want to make out with him? Yes? Let's go.") and I lucked out meeting a great guy. There are things about him I dislike for sure, though... I think if I had known how anal he can be about things, and how impatient he can be, it would have been a red flag... but I fell in love fast so at that point I didn't care! </p> <p>As far as my DH goes, I pretty much broke all his "rules," haha. He was always very straight laced and had strong opinions on things like drinking, smoking, drugs, etc. I was, er, quite the opposite. It was hard for him but eventually he became more open-minded, and I cleaned up my act, so that deal-breaker has resolved itself. </p> <p>The deal-breaker we still are working on though is that he never saw himself with someone that wasn't a Holly Homemaker, super neat &amp; clean individual like himself. I am messy and hate housework. It drives him crazy. We're both getting better (me on being less messy, him on being less anal) but it's definitely a challenge. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spinoff-does-your-so-have-any-qualities-that-you-had-previously-thought-were-dealbreakers#post-31492 Sun, 11 Dec 2011 11:33:33 +0000 Andrea 31492@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@pastemoo: maybe/maybe not. people change. or he could develop vices. or cheat on me - the ultimate deal breaker for me! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spinoff-does-your-so-have-any-qualities-that-you-had-previously-thought-were-dealbreakers#post-31486 Sun, 11 Dec 2011 10:52:12 +0000 Green Thumb 31486@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My deal-breakers that he has:<br /> nail-biter<br /> can be racist / misogynistic at times<br /> doesn't care about his health</p> <p>How we deal:<br /> 1. I try to ask him if he's okay when I catch him biting his nails. Most of the time he doesn't realize he's doing it and there's usually a reason behind it (he's anxious, scared, etc.) and we talk about it.</p> <p>2. When he starts making fun of people or making stereotypes / generalizations I call him out on it and ask him if he even knows the person he's stereotyping. Then I let him know it really bothers me. He's gotten a lot better</p> <p>3. I give him the proper portion of whatever it is and put away the rest. If he can't see it, he "forgets" about it. I also do the grocery shopping. When he goes to the grocery store he will bring home six packages of cookies and eat them in 2 days. He's done it on multiple occasions. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spinoff-does-your-so-have-any-qualities-that-you-had-previously-thought-were-dealbreakers#post-31437 Sat, 10 Dec 2011 23:43:53 +0000 mrsjyw 31437@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>They're not definitely "deal breakers," but he definitely wasn't what I had defined as my "type." He was a frat boy, loves sports (football in particular), loves video games, a typical guy's guy.</p> <p>I don't know if it's just because I love him so much, but I absolutely adore that about him now ;) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spinoff-does-your-so-have-any-qualities-that-you-had-previously-thought-were-dealbreakers#post-31400 Sat, 10 Dec 2011 21:38:49 +0000 ladyfingers 31400@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No real dealbreakers, though I've had plenty of moments like, "OMG he buys the wrong tomato sauce at the store" or, "I cannot believe he didn't throw out this soda can AGAIN." And then going where I think that means he's not for me. Hah! I've definitely chilled out on the "must-have" qualities as I got older, but it turns out he has every single must-have quality that was on my list, anyway :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spinoff-does-your-so-have-any-qualities-that-you-had-previously-thought-were-dealbreakers#post-31323 Sat, 10 Dec 2011 15:28:06 +0000 Boogs 31323@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I really can't think of any dealbreakers. Instead, I actually think I lucked out on how many dealmakers he has to offer! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spinoff-does-your-so-have-any-qualities-that-you-had-previously-thought-were-dealbreakers#post-31318 Sat, 10 Dec 2011 15:09:00 +0000 Mrs. Pickle 31318@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husbands dealbreakers were if his mom didn't like the person and not family oriented. His mom actually did not like me at first because I was so much younger. Maybe a better way of putting it is she didn't like the idea of me. Then she met me and now we are really close.</p> <p>After dating someone for years a finding out he was an atheist, my dealbreaker was someone who was not a Christian. My husband definitely is and that me so happy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spinoff-does-your-so-have-any-qualities-that-you-had-previously-thought-were-dealbreakers#post-31312 Sat, 10 Dec 2011 14:43:24 +0000 yoursilverlining 31312@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm with TKS, the older I got (and the more I dated) the more I wouldnt give "free passes" on my dealbreakers. The big dealbreakers for me were smoking, politics, and that he couldn't already have children. I also never got serious with someone who wasn't college educated, was an adventurous eater, and who didn't love to travel and explore the world; although I'm not sure if those are really dealbreakers, but, I guess they are. My husband obviously passed my dealbreakers "test"! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spinoff-does-your-so-have-any-qualities-that-you-had-previously-thought-were-dealbreakers#post-31281 Sat, 10 Dec 2011 13:40:23 +0000 Mrs. Armbender 31281@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The older I got, the more strict I got with those dealbreakers. I was uncompromising in them and end up getting exactly what I was looking for. He is not without flaws, but who is? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spinoff-does-your-so-have-any-qualities-that-you-had-previously-thought-were-dealbreakers#post-31279 Sat, 10 Dec 2011 13:19:46 +0000 MegWag 31279@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I always said not being a college graduate was a deal breaker. And that I hated "entrepreneur-type" guys. My wonderful husband didn't graduate from college and is an entrepreneur :)<br /> (He sort of gets a pass on the college thing because he's British and there's a cultural difference, so the fact that he even went to University counts-ish...) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spinoff-does-your-so-have-any-qualities-that-you-had-previously-thought-were-dealbreakers#post-31278 Sat, 10 Dec 2011 13:18:08 +0000 skibobrown 31278@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hubs has 2 "dealbreakers" for me. He's an only child, and his parents are divorced. (Please don't get offended if you come from either of these two groups.) I was always under the impression that being an only child or a child of divorced parents were two qualities that could make you pretty dysfunctional in relationships. It turns out that is clearly not always true. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spinoff-does-your-so-have-any-qualities-that-you-had-previously-thought-were-dealbreakers#post-31263 Sat, 10 Dec 2011 12:27:46 +0000 chopsuey 31263@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>oops. I read the question incorrectly!! HAHAHA. Hubs doesn't have any deal breakers. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spinoff-does-your-so-have-any-qualities-that-you-had-previously-thought-were-dealbreakers#post-31257 Sat, 10 Dec 2011 12:23:06 +0000 runsyellowlites 31257@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Nope. After leaving DS's dad I made a REALLY extensive list of things I desired and knew I needed, then I waited..... for 5 years for a guy that had those things to come along.</p> <p>DH actually has ALL of them (2 pages worth) PLUS things that I didn't even think to put on there.</p> <p>I get the whole "idealistic" thing though b/c my best friend actually LAUGHED at me when I originally made the list said the guy didn't exist... but I held out and he found me. =D </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spinoff-does-your-so-have-any-qualities-that-you-had-previously-thought-were-dealbreakers#post-31256 Sat, 10 Dec 2011 12:22:45 +0000 chopsuey 31256@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The only deal breaker was if he wasn't Christian. Not only Christian, but he had to truly love and fear the Lord. There are so many men who are nominal Christians. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spinoff-does-your-so-have-any-qualities-that-you-had-previously-thought-were-dealbreakers#post-31249 Sat, 10 Dec 2011 12:12:25 +0000 Rubies 31249@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>A guy younger than me was a dealbreaker. HA, the hubs is almost 3 years younger. Shows how much I know, right!?? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spinoff-does-your-so-have-any-qualities-that-you-had-previously-thought-were-dealbreakers#post-31234 Sat, 10 Dec 2011 11:59:32 +0000 pastemoo 31234@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MsMamaBear: Aww!<br /> @artbee: So glad you found him!<br /> @MH.Abroad: Bummer about his family, but glad he's worth it.<br /> @Andrea: :) Hard to develop deal breakers with him by your side as you change together. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spinoff-does-your-so-have-any-qualities-that-you-had-previously-thought-were-dealbreakers#post-31233 Sat, 10 Dec 2011 11:57:50 +0000 pastemoo 31233@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: HAHHAH. This is totally a spin off from what I said before.<br /> My husband's deal breakers.<br /> 1. Not Jewish<br /> 2. Disagree in politics--quite severely<br /> 3. Drinks like a fish and doesn't appreciate the difference between alcohol and good alcohol worth drinking<br /> 4. Smoker (and dip, too! EEEWWW!)<br /> 5. Really unadventurous with food (and sometimes life)</p> <p>How we deal.<br /> 1. Easy, we have come up with a compromise that makes sense for us. I join a synagogue, he donates the same amount of $ to an organization of his choice. We both educate the kids, though he knows 90% of that will come from me he is ok with it.<br /> 2. Mutual education, and sometimes FIGHTING (oops)<br /> 3.My dad taught him to appreciate good alcohol (with my help) and he drinks like an adult now, not a college student.<br /> 4. He switched to electronic cigarettes (and loves it because now he can smoke *anywhere* even on airplanes if he needs to. Also his teeth are much nicer now (he's a little vain about that) :)<br /> 5. All I had to do was introduce him to real cheese and now he's much more open to *good* food. Turns out the variety he had seen was all just bad.</p> <p>And I know the first 2 were deal breakers for him with me. Not sure how he is with the rest of me, but we work together really well now. :) The only thing we fight about is politics. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spinoff-does-your-so-have-any-qualities-that-you-had-previously-thought-were-dealbreakers#post-31231 Sat, 10 Dec 2011 11:54:27 +0000 Andrea 31231@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No, we have been together since we were 17 so I don't think I had set any deal breakers because I will still young. Since then, my hubby hasn't developed any deal breaker qualities fortunately! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spinoff-does-your-so-have-any-qualities-that-you-had-previously-thought-were-dealbreakers#post-31226 Sat, 10 Dec 2011 11:50:49 +0000 MH.Abroad 31226@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>His parents hate me, and that was never part of the plan. But they kinda hate everyone, so it doesn't bother me very much. :) Other then that, not really. He's pretty close to what I envisioned. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spinoff-does-your-so-have-any-qualities-that-you-had-previously-thought-were-dealbreakers#post-31212 Sat, 10 Dec 2011 11:32:45 +0000 heffalump 31212@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No. After breaking up with my ex I knew exactly what wanted in my husband, the exact opposite of him. Somebody Jewish, stable in life with a good job and education, not a partier, honest, and nice.</p> <p>I'll admit that I thought I'd never find someone with all these things, especially because there aren't many Jews where I live. But along came my husband who is all of those things and more. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spinoff-does-your-so-have-any-qualities-that-you-had-previously-thought-were-dealbreakers#post-31192 Sat, 10 Dec 2011 11:14:27 +0000 MsMamaBear 31192@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yep, he had a child already. BUT I fell in love. He's the only man I've loved and the only one I've dated with a child.LOL </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spinoff-does-your-so-have-any-qualities-that-you-had-previously-thought-were-dealbreakers#post-31185 Sat, 10 Dec 2011 10:47:18 +0000 mrbee 31185@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Dealbreakers are funny things. My theory is that we tend to make our lists of "dealbreakers" when we are younger and idealistic. Then you start dating, and become more realistic. By the time you meet our SO (or decide to marry them), you've learned to compromise on what is truly important. Some of your previous dealmakers don't seem so important any more.</p> <p>Or the alternate theory is that we just get old and compromise out of laziness haha.</p> <p>Does your SO have any qualities that you had previously thought were "dealbreakers"? What was the key to getting past the dealbreaker(s)? </p>