Hellobee Boards Topic: What kind of postpartum help do you/did you want ideally?

Hellobee Boards Topic: What kind of postpartum help do you/did you want ideally? https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 30 Apr 2026 10:54:08 +0000 cvbee on "What kind of postpartum help do you/did you want ideally?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spinoff-what-kind-of-postpartum-help-do-youdid-you-want-ideally#post-104913 Thu, 29 Mar 2012 09:41:05 +0000 cvbee 104913@https://boards.hellobee.com/ 35 weeks here and we haven't talked about this. I think I'd rather not have people stay with us, but like Ms.Mini, our parents all live really far away (3-5 hours) so if they visit, which is understandable, they will probably want to stay overnight.....but we only have one guest room so hopefully they will get hotels instead. We'll see what happens. I didn't think I'd want random people stopping by, but I just visited my cousin's with her 3 day old and stayed for about 2 hours (brought pizza and beer), and they seemed to really love the company. Seeing how cool they were with it made me feel good about having people stop by (with food!). :) Cchoi4 on "What kind of postpartum help do you/did you want ideally?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spinoff-what-kind-of-postpartum-help-do-youdid-you-want-ideally#post-104839 Thu, 29 Mar 2012 08:50:07 +0000 Cchoi4 104839@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My husband was home for two weeks after the birth. Both my mom and stepmom stress me out so it was better that they didn't stay over, but they did visit periodically in the beginning to cook food and take care of the baby so that i could sleep. That was nice. :) Rubies on "What kind of postpartum help do you/did you want ideally?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spinoff-what-kind-of-postpartum-help-do-youdid-you-want-ideally#post-104708 Thu, 29 Mar 2012 07:40:50 +0000 Rubies 104708@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My hubs was home for the first two weeks but after that, my mom came over every day for 3 weeks to help. If I could do it all over again I'd still have my mom come over but I would relax a little bit more. chopsuey on "What kind of postpartum help do you/did you want ideally?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spinoff-what-kind-of-postpartum-help-do-youdid-you-want-ideally#post-104703 Thu, 29 Mar 2012 07:33:57 +0000 chopsuey 104703@https://boards.hellobee.com/ It was so helpful to have my mom cook all of our meals, help clean, do laundry, and take care of our LO so I could get some rest and get on the computer. DH and I also got to step out alone and it was really nice. hilsy85 on "What kind of postpartum help do you/did you want ideally?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spinoff-what-kind-of-postpartum-help-do-youdid-you-want-ideally#post-104676 Thu, 29 Mar 2012 07:10:01 +0000 hilsy85 104676@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I'd like for my mom to come by for the first week or so--doesn't need to stay overnight, but I'd like her to be there for at least a bit each day. BUT I don't really want DH's mom there...mostly because I feel like I"ll be feeling gross and tired and cranky and don't feel like I can be "myself" in front of her. But I know that would offend her and DH, if I said that I wanted to wait for them to come over/didn't want her help with the baby. And I might change my mind when the time comes--might be grateful for ANY help from anyone! :) MsMini on "What kind of postpartum help do you/did you want ideally?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spinoff-what-kind-of-postpartum-help-do-youdid-you-want-ideally#post-104304 Wed, 28 Mar 2012 16:49:48 +0000 MsMini 104304@https://boards.hellobee.com/ At 34 weeks, we still haven't made a plan for visitors/help (we are such slackers). DH has 2-3 weeks off (he will decide how much he wants to take once LO is here). Our entire families live 3 hours away, so any visits will likely be overnight visitors. My Mom has 5 days she can take off of work for personal leave, then she will need to head back to work, and my Dad runs his own business, so how long he can be around will be contingent on how busy his work is at the time. I think they will likely come out right away, and stay the first week. We haven't discussed with the IL's what their plans are, I think they haven't stayed long when any of the nieces/nephews were born, so I think we are thinking they would come for 1-2 nights only near the beginning, but I really don't know. My sisters will likely want to be up to visit pretty early on, but due to space they might have to either stay at a hotel, or wait until either the IL's or my parents go home. I have been an NICU nurse for 6 years, so I am really confident in the baby care aspect. DH is amazing at functioning on little sleep, so as long as I can teach him what to do, he will be an awesome help. He is also super organized so I think he will take the majority of the cooking/cleaning/laundry on. Neither of us are very comfortable in expecting people to take care of our personal "chores". lemondrop on "What kind of postpartum help do you/did you want ideally?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spinoff-what-kind-of-postpartum-help-do-youdid-you-want-ideally#post-104265 Wed, 28 Mar 2012 16:21:29 +0000 lemondrop 104265@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I definitely agree with above- food! If someone can prepare meals, cook, or bring you food, that helps the most! I did not feel like cooking for a while and foraging for food was too tiring- it was great to have someone feed me. My parents came 2 different days and took us to breakfast. We had things pretty much under control though. My IL's came for a week about 4 days after he came and helped organize the house and nursery which was nice, but it wasn't a must have, gotta have help thing for us. jennylynn on "What kind of postpartum help do you/did you want ideally?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spinoff-what-kind-of-postpartum-help-do-youdid-you-want-ideally#post-104243 Wed, 28 Mar 2012 16:01:55 +0000 jennylynn 104243@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Honestly, I don't want anyone staying with us. Not my mom, not his, I just want it to be us. Both sets of our parents live close by, and my mom has already said she will be taking a 1-2 week vacation to be available if I need her. I'm sure at some point I'll need her help, but I just don't feel comfortable having someone else staying in our home while we're trying to adjust and bond as a new family. It just seems like an intimate time that I don't particularly want anyone else to be a part of. Goldilocks1107 on "What kind of postpartum help do you/did you want ideally?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spinoff-what-kind-of-postpartum-help-do-youdid-you-want-ideally#post-104159 Wed, 28 Mar 2012 14:35:03 +0000 Goldilocks1107 104159@https://boards.hellobee.com/ We have a unique situation as we're staying with my parents temporarily while we buy a new house (we rented our other home after we couldn't sell it, so we had to move sooner than expected). We can't move into our new house until 6 weeks after my due date, so my parents will be right upstairs. My mom has already said she'll handle the cooking, cleaning and grocery shopping, which I think will be a godsend. And I think it will have the unexpected benefit of reducing the number of visits from friends and family, since they may find it awkward hanging out at my parents house! But I'm still planning to talk to DH and set some ground rules for visits: call before coming over and a maximum visit time. If me or the baby get tired, DH needs to feel comfortable kicking people out so we can get the rest we need. MegWag on "What kind of postpartum help do you/did you want ideally?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spinoff-what-kind-of-postpartum-help-do-youdid-you-want-ideally#post-104157 Wed, 28 Mar 2012 14:33:28 +0000 MegWag 104157@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Our LO is 4 weeks tomorrow. We live in the UK and my parents in the US. DHs parents are dead. We didn't have any help. My parents came for a one week , starting at day 17, visit where they stayed at a nearby hotel. This was perfect for us. We didn't really want/need much help and we fad plenty of time to bond as a family unit. My mom did lots while she was here which gave me a nice break, mediagirl on "What kind of postpartum help do you/did you want ideally?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spinoff-what-kind-of-postpartum-help-do-youdid-you-want-ideally#post-104134 Wed, 28 Mar 2012 14:09:36 +0000 mediagirl 104134@https://boards.hellobee.com/ The plan right now is to have my Mom and Dad there for the birth. Not THERE, there but in the hospital. They will help out with our dogs while we are at the hospital b/c they'll be staying at our house. I want my Mom to be around for a few days, I don't care if my Dad is around as long as he can handle all the woman stuff. :) We realize he might go home and leave Mom with us for a few days, as well. She said they are open to whatever, so they will stick around if we want them there, leave if we don't. I think we might ask that they stay for a week then give Hops and me a week to ourselves with the baby before he goes back to work. At 3 months, I plan on going back to work and Mom is going to come for the weekdays for a month to help the transition. Then our LO will go to daycare. During that three months, Mom will probably come a few times to help me out once Hops goes back to work. As for other visitors - we don't have a wide span of friends and family where we live so we don't have to worry about too many doorbell rings. I think we'll invite our close friends over to meet the baby but that might be just it. I did have one friend who is a SAHM tell me that she can come by weekly while I'm home to watch the baby for a while if I need some time to take a shower or just 10 minutes to myself. Bless her. :) mamabolt on "What kind of postpartum help do you/did you want ideally?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spinoff-what-kind-of-postpartum-help-do-youdid-you-want-ideally#post-104077 Wed, 28 Mar 2012 13:32:34 +0000 mamabolt 104077@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Our plan right now is that we don't want any overnight help the first two weeks after baby arrives. We are open to friends stopping by to visit but we want to get a handle on taking care of her on our own first, especially without either of our mothers butting in. Once DH goes back to work, my mom will come stay for a week or two to help out. I don't know how I feel about MIL doing similarly...I think she's offered but I may wait and see how I am feeling and if I think it will be helpful or not. regberadaisy on "What kind of postpartum help do you/did you want ideally?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spinoff-what-kind-of-postpartum-help-do-youdid-you-want-ideally#post-104074 Wed, 28 Mar 2012 13:24:58 +0000 regberadaisy 104074@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I'm Chinese and in my culture there is a good amount of post partum care items in the month after delivery. Some of which I will be following some of which I won't be. :P My mom will be coming to stay with us for roughly 3 months after delivery. We are SO grateful for her help! My mom is the type who can never sit still so she will be a great help. She'll just start cleaning, cooking w/o me asking. Even when I ask her to rest! She basically raised my nieces and nephews so she's got it down pat! :) My ILs will be in town for a week either right after I deliver or within a week depending on when I go into labor. And I am totally fine with that, it's their grandchild! We will likely all be in our current house so .... cozy! Honestly, I don't expect them to be much of a help. I see their visit as more for them to come see their grandchild than them being helpful to us. My MIL is the type to ask if she can help with dinner...while sitting on the couch...but won't actually get up. My mom on the other hand is the type to just come into the kitchen and start helping. I'm the type where if someone asks me if they can help I almost always say no. But if you just do it, I'm super grateful! As far as other visitors I'm sure our two good friends will be over quite a bit. Which I know they will be a great help esp my girlfriend. She's the type to just do it and not ask while sitting down. But besides that I think the first couple days I want to keep it to a minimum. And I'm putting a hand sanitizer by the front door!!! Witz on "What kind of postpartum help do you/did you want ideally?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spinoff-what-kind-of-postpartum-help-do-youdid-you-want-ideally#post-104040 Wed, 28 Mar 2012 13:10:19 +0000 Witz 104040@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I don't have any kids and am not pregnant, but I have thought about this quite a bit already! Ideally, my sister would travel by herself to stay with us for a while at first, but that's not likely to happen because she has a 3 year old of her own (who is likely to be at least 4 or 5 by the time we have our first) and could very well have another baby by the time we have one. And I think having her whole family around right at first would just be too stressful for everyone, so I could see them coming to visit after we've gotten more settled in. My FIL lives nearby (20 minutes away), so he'll come and visit frequently, but I think his "help" will mostly be in the form of bringing over take-out (which I am sure we will definitely appreciate!). My parents live over 12 hours away, so they'll be visitors when they come to see the new baby. Unfortunately, as wonderful as she is in nearly every other way, my mom is "hands-off" (it's hard to explain, but suffice it to say that I definitely don't see her doing our laundry, cleaning our house, cooking meals in our kitchen, etc.). And I think my stepdad will be really uncomfortable with all of the talk about breastfeeding, diaper, etc. talk, and I definitely wouldn't feel comfortable breastfeeding around him, so having him around will just make things more awkward for everyone. I wish there were a nice way to ask my mom to come out alone at first and then have my stepdad come out with her a little later on! (Same with my sister!). looch on "What kind of postpartum help do you/did you want ideally?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spinoff-what-kind-of-postpartum-help-do-youdid-you-want-ideally#post-103985 Wed, 28 Mar 2012 12:51:45 +0000 looch 103985@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My husband was home for two weeks right after the birth and my mother, who lives in another country came and stayed with us for 2 weeks when LO was 5 weeks old. That was a blessing, because I had someone to talk to in those late night feedings and she made sure we ate decently. I was also feeling well enough by then that we went and got our hair cut. My MIL, on the other hand, came once in the hospital and I saw her twice in the 2 weeks my mom was here, that was it. Mrsbells on "What kind of postpartum help do you/did you want ideally?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spinoff-what-kind-of-postpartum-help-do-youdid-you-want-ideally#post-103978 Wed, 28 Mar 2012 12:45:59 +0000 Mrsbells 103978@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I want someone to cook and clean for me and also hold, feed and bathe the baby when I am too tired to. Ideally I dont want anyone staying with us, just want a someone who can magically appear when I need them. I think more realistically though, my mom will stay with us a for short while.. we'll see how it goes mrsjyw on "What kind of postpartum help do you/did you want ideally?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spinoff-what-kind-of-postpartum-help-do-youdid-you-want-ideally#post-103976 Wed, 28 Mar 2012 12:45:40 +0000 mrsjyw 103976@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I've already told DH that I want my mom staying with us for a couple of weeks overnight (even though she's only a short drive away) while I get back on my feet. After that - I think it she/MIL will be over to help when they can throughout my maternity leave. Once I'm back to work, my mom will be watching our babies full time, with occasional help from MIL. Andrea on "What kind of postpartum help do you/did you want ideally?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spinoff-what-kind-of-postpartum-help-do-youdid-you-want-ideally#post-103973 Wed, 28 Mar 2012 12:43:55 +0000 Andrea 103973@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Like @blushink said, FOOOOOOOOD!!! It was so nice to have my mom around for 2 weeks feeding us. It would have been nice to have had more help since I was alone after that but I also quickly became a pro at baby care since I had to do everything myself. Baby Boy Mom on "What kind of postpartum help do you/did you want ideally?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spinoff-what-kind-of-postpartum-help-do-youdid-you-want-ideally#post-103970 Wed, 28 Mar 2012 12:42:20 +0000 Baby Boy Mom 103970@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Our situation was a bit unique in that we don't live anywhere near our parents, which means that they were not involved in the pre-baby preparations, nor were they familiar enough with the area to be of any real help (i.e. being able to go to the grocery store on their own). Basically we had all 4 grandparents fly in within the first week and it was super stressful because we had "guests" in addition to a new baby. I was really happy when they left. I will say though that when Baby Boy was around 6 weeks, my MIL came back by herself for a week and helped with cooking and cleaning and that was wonderful! Lozza on "What kind of postpartum help do you/did you want ideally?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spinoff-what-kind-of-postpartum-help-do-youdid-you-want-ideally#post-103962 Wed, 28 Mar 2012 12:39:41 +0000 Lozza 103962@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My mom is my best friend, and she was insanely helpful after LO was born. She came about a week before LO did, stayed a week and a half after he was born, and came back when LO was three weeks old and DH went back to work. Her philosophy was that it was really important for DH and I to only have to worry about caring for LO, and she would take care of the house, the dog, food, laundry, etc. It was perfect. (She also got PLENTY of time with LO). One thing that I would do differently with a future LO is make the rule that guests are not allowed to stay for more than a couple hours unless I'm comfortable being essentially topless in front of them. BFing was really hard those first few weeks, and I could not manage to get LO latched and feeding well if I was worrying about being super discrete. My dad came up for the weekend after LO was born, but he didn't stay with us and he was good at staying out the way when I was feeding, but my FIL was kind of oblivious, and (despite the fact that he TOTALLY doesn't care if I BF in front of him and he's a physician so it's not like he's never seen random boobs before) and so I felt like I had to leave and go sequester myself upstairs when feeding LO, and that got real lonely and real frustrating, real quick. Whereas when it was my mom or sister or DH's godmother (who also came to stay for a week and was great), I could just hang out, boobs out, on the couch watching TV while feeding LO. I will also say that I was kind of a hormonal and emotional wreck early on- I was SO exhausted, and I had a hard time telling people what I needed in a calm and rational way. I was lucky that DH was able to step in and kind of mediate and be the one to tell friends and family what we wanted in terms of visitors and when it was time to leave. Rainbow Sprinkles on "What kind of postpartum help do you/did you want ideally?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spinoff-what-kind-of-postpartum-help-do-youdid-you-want-ideally#post-103948 Wed, 28 Mar 2012 12:32:50 +0000 Rainbow Sprinkles 103948@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My mom lives 15 mintues away and my husband's mom lives two blocks away. We see them each several times a week... I couldn't imagine them staying with us! Honestly, I just want it to be me and my hubs. I know people are going to be coming by and stopping in to see baby, but he has 6 weeks off work and I am pretty sure we can manage the cleaning/cooking/baby on our own. People have been doing it for a very long time! ;) mrs. wagon on "What kind of postpartum help do you/did you want ideally?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spinoff-what-kind-of-postpartum-help-do-youdid-you-want-ideally#post-103947 Wed, 28 Mar 2012 12:32:41 +0000 mrs. wagon 103947@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My mom is extremely housework-focused and less baby-focused, so I was REALLY lucky because she did exactly what I wanted. She kept food cooking 24/7 on the stove (3 kinds of soup so I wouldn't get sick of one of them), cleaned the house, did the laundry multiple times a day... she even changed our sheets and made our bed every time we left the house to go to the pediatricians or doctors. She stayed for a month. This time around she's going to stay a lot longer, but this time more focused on the baby since she'll be our childcare while I work. I'm really looking forward to having her help!!! plantains on "What kind of postpartum help do you/did you want ideally?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spinoff-what-kind-of-postpartum-help-do-youdid-you-want-ideally#post-103943 Wed, 28 Mar 2012 12:29:58 +0000 plantains 103943@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My mother lives in a different country. She is coming to stay with us for a month after LO is born. I know just from watching all my friends and sister go through this that I will definitely need/appreciate the help so I'm looking forward to it. Mrs. Sunglasses on "What kind of postpartum help do you/did you want ideally?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spinoff-what-kind-of-postpartum-help-do-youdid-you-want-ideally#post-103940 Wed, 28 Mar 2012 12:29:21 +0000 Mrs. Sunglasses 103940@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Food!!!!!!!!!!!! People were allowed to come over to visit (but had to call us first and ask) but they had to bring food in return. My mom would come by once in a while to let me sleep. She would clean my dishes and do my laundry. Those things alone made the transition with baby easier. Lasted about 3 weeks. daniellemybelle on "What kind of postpartum help do you/did you want ideally?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spinoff-what-kind-of-postpartum-help-do-youdid-you-want-ideally#post-103932 Wed, 28 Mar 2012 12:27:30 +0000 daniellemybelle 103932@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @NSkillet's post about her mother spending a week with them after the baby comes "whether you like it or not" made me think about this. A lot of people said that they loved having their mom or MIL help, even when they thought they wouldn't. What in your ideal world would you have your family, friends and/or in-laws do to help you? If you already had a LO, did it work out that way or did you compromise? In the end, were you happy with it? Assuming everything works out as planned, DH & I will live 30-45 minutes from my mom when we have our first LO. Since it would be a bit of a hike, I'm pretty sure I want my mom to stay with us for at least one week when we come home from the hospital. She is a super organized, helpful person and she knows a lot about babies! I know having her around might get under my skin but I can't imagine anyone else helping me. Other than that, I don't think I will want a lot of visitors... company stresses me out as it is! I am really hoping DH's parents will be okay to wait a few weeks before coming to visit, but I already have a pretty good indication that they will want to come right away and that DH will want that too. Of course, if I were him, I would want my parents to meet our LO right away as well! So I might have to compromise with a short visit where they stay in a hotel, and they can come back for a longer visit later on. The big thing that I will need to communicate is that I don't want or need my MIL's "help."