https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 10 Apr 2026 21:26:50 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/split-parenting#post-25714 Thu, 01 Dec 2011 20:23:50 +0000 runsyellowlites 25714@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Rosie Girl: As long as you keep your cool and you aren't doing it out of anger or frustration (which believe me I know can be hard) then it should pan out just fine.</p> <p>In situations like that I get very "matter of fact" with DS. I think that was the key... "I know you don't want a spanking, but as long as you choose to act like that you have to get one." (or time out or whatever)</p> <p>3 1/2 is DEFINITELY old enough to start understanding the choice in our actions and that's there's consequence in doing so.</p> <p>Like I said.. I never condoned DS's dad's actions or what he found acceptable and would pretty regularly talk through with DS WHY those things weren't okay. I've had the "my dad lied to me" talk when DS came home saying his dad had gone to jail b/c he made the police "mad" and making a clear difference in WHY we don't do the things that his dad thinks are okay.</p> <p>Just be open and honest.. even at that age. Never "bashing" but always re-directing as to the right way. I can attest that it DOES work. Sometimes it's definitely harder than others but our children respect honesty, humility, and structure &amp; boundaries.</p> <p>Don't think of it as you being the "bad guy" take the approach of character builder... and do all you can to always discipline, talk, and enforce with the ultimate idea of building your sons character. It's because you love him &amp; he'll see that. =) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/split-parenting#post-25704 Thu, 01 Dec 2011 20:15:30 +0000 Rosie Girl 25704@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@runsyellowlites: Thank you! I try so hard to stay consistent in our rules, and there are times that before we even get out of Ex's neighborhood DS is due for a spanking and time out when we get home! It always makes me feel like I am the mean parent though. I know that its necessary, but I hate being the mean one! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/split-parenting#post-25683 Thu, 01 Dec 2011 19:53:19 +0000 Mrs. D 25683@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh hugs!</p> <p>My mom had the same problem when my sister spent time with her dad, he basically taught her it was okay to lie to mom.</p> <p>Unfortunately, mom never found a solution. We all thought that eventually he'd stop wanting to see her weekly, but it never happened, and she's kinda messed up now at 18.</p> <p>Don't take this sad story to heart though, you have resources available to you today my mom didn't have before.</p> <p>I hope someone here has good advice for you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/split-parenting#post-25643 Thu, 01 Dec 2011 19:13:23 +0000 runsyellowlites 25643@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When DS was that age I noticed that same thing you're going through..... I'd pick up a TOTALLY different kid and I'd have to "re-train" almost every time.</p> <p>You're doing GREAT keeping things in good light about your lo father! I've never condoned DS's dad's bad behavior but at the same time it's always been really important to me to keep DS's heart soft for his dad (even as he's gotten older and started realizing the rejection, etc)</p> <p>I had some pretty set rules at home and those were enforced... As I stayed consistent with that DS started leaving his "dad self" at his dad's and not bringing it home.</p> <p>If you have to rack up spankings or time outs from the time lo gets in the car till the time he gets home then do it! Establish that regardless of what is okay with his dad, there are certain behaviors are aren't okay with you or others and acting like he is isn't nice &amp; hurts people feelings. Then just stick with it.</p> <p>Now, DS keeps our house rules even when he's at his dad's... he doesn't watch movies he knows he can't watch and they have very few issues with him...thanks to me staying consistent.</p> <p>Stick with it... it DOES get easier =) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/split-parenting#post-25630 Thu, 01 Dec 2011 19:02:47 +0000 Rosie Girl 25630@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I had DS with my Ex. He spends the majority of his time with me, but does see Ex on a regular basis. Ex and I have no relationship, despite my efforts. As DS gets older, I am seeing issues arise that I don't know how to handle, and he is only 3 1/2 right now!</p> <p>Sometimes when I pick DS up from Ex's house, DS is horribly rude. I have actually broke down and cried because he is not the kid that I sent there. He will say mean things too. His big one lately is that he doesn't like me, only his dad, and his dad tells him that is ok. He also will tell me that he is going to punch me in the belly. Or he wont talk to us. He does this horrid screaming noise, and will tell us to leave him alone. </p> <p>I don't know what to do. I can't talk to Ex because he would deny it, and isn't the type of person to talk to anyways. (I think he has some issues. He once told me that he felt like everybody in the world was out to get him, but that is a whole different topic!) </p> <p>Sometimes I feel like its me though. Every time his dad is going to come get him and I try to get excited for him. And when I pick him up I always ask how it was and what he did, show interest in his life even when he is not around. I try to talk to his dad too, and will always say hi and bye, and happy holiday for whatever holiday is near. But I also feel like I am the only one putting forth the effort, that Ex doesn't/wouldn't if I didn't first, and that gets frustrating. </p> <p>How do you handle split parenting? Or, if you aren't in a split parenting relationship, how would you go about handling these types of situations?</p> <p>*Sorry this is so long!* </p>