https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 04 May 2026 01:37:06 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spoiled-children#post-99468 Thu, 22 Mar 2012 16:49:01 +0000 tequiero21 99468@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>i agree with @mamamoose. it's gotta start with you. and hopefully, your parents-in-law will wake up to the fact that if they keep coddling their kids, their kids will go nowhere in life. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spoiled-children#post-99467 Thu, 22 Mar 2012 16:44:11 +0000 Andrea 99467@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What is it that they want from you? I think the irritating part is that you need to be involved in giving them hand outs. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spoiled-children#post-99454 Thu, 22 Mar 2012 16:21:16 +0000 MamaMoose 99454@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think the only thing you guys can do at this point is stopping giving them anything. You can't control your in laws or DH's siblings so just let them do what they want to do. Even though I agree with you that it's absurd to be living off your parents when you are an employed adult. But if I were you I would stop any and all hand outs. If they want to whine, let them whine. They can't force you to give them things. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spoiled-children#post-99450 Thu, 22 Mar 2012 16:14:25 +0000 shinystraps 99450@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@umlo: They have a really hard time with the fact that we live 2 hours away (all other grown children live at home or down the street, which leads to a lot of the spoiling issues!). This has caused all sorts of problems, to be honest. After 8 years of trying to either keep quiet and do things their way, or trying to sit down and have an adult conversation about things, we are finally at the point where we just don't see them much. Which is very sad because we love them dearly. It's just very difficult when people can't accept that their children are grown and have jobs, lives, etc that do sometimes require them to not live at home. (sigh) </p> <p>I have talked quite a lot about it on my blog if you want to read - I always feel a little better when hearing that other people have problems similar to mine! </p> <p>It's hard when family doesn't work the way it's supposed to :/ </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spoiled-children#post-99440 Thu, 22 Mar 2012 16:03:58 +0000 umlo 99440@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@beka: Ain't that the truth! :) How do you cope with your inlaws? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spoiled-children#post-99435 Thu, 22 Mar 2012 16:00:09 +0000 umlo 99435@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@yoursilverlining: thanks. They definitely have a comfy life. argh. If this was my siblings, I would give them a good kick in the butt but since its not, I have to just be silent and let DH be the bad cop. All I know is my kids are going to get kicked out of the house when they go to college. I want my living room back! :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spoiled-children#post-99432 Thu, 22 Mar 2012 15:55:52 +0000 shinystraps 99432@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I know how exasperating this is, my husband has members of his family who are EXACTLY like this. </p> <p>It's frustrating, but what can you do? We can't change anyone but ourselves. As much as I would like to change certain others.... :D </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spoiled-children#post-99430 Thu, 22 Mar 2012 15:51:16 +0000 yoursilverlining 99430@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You have every right to be irked. Many adults children expect their parents to continue to financially provide for them, mostly because some parents will continue to provide. I wouldn’t make daily life/budgeting choices based in part in knowing that mom and dad will be there to supplement your income – but lots of people do. IMO, many people do what they can get away with. If their parents will give them money when they ask, or pay a bill when they complain about it – they will continue right on taking. So, it’s really up to the parents to put their feet down and say “you are an adult – it's time to support yourself.” (Of course, help in emergency situations is different). But yeah, it is frustrating to watch, as a family member who isn’t a mooch. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spoiled-children#post-99422 Thu, 22 Mar 2012 15:44:21 +0000 umlo 99422@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jessiejo17: DH has had many talks with his parents about his siblings but it went no where. And his siblings will not listen because they think, "if mom and dad are providing, why do I have to say No?" To be honest, I think as much as my inlaws wish they were independent they also love that they are "needed". Vicious cycle. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spoiled-children#post-99407 Thu, 22 Mar 2012 15:33:33 +0000 LuLu Mom 99407@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think there is definitely a limit to the amount of help and support you can ask from a person. If your inlaws are feeling the burden of their adult children taking advantage of them, maybe have your DH confront his siblings and explain that they are old enough to be on their own and their aprents are too old to take care of them. It seems like the just need a kick in the butt! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spoiled-children#post-99403 Thu, 22 Mar 2012 15:23:52 +0000 umlo 99403@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Sorry, i need to vent and who could better understand a hormonal preggo than my Beemamas. :)</p> <p>Long story short, DHs siblings are always looking for handouts. They are in their late 30s, unmarried, still living at home and financially dependent on their parents even though they have jobs of their own. This has been a thorn in our side since they constantly come to us for money, things, etc. (DH is very independent from his family). What gets me is that my inlaws think they are providing for their children but in turn, they are keeping them from becoming independent. Sure, its the kids fault too since they have the power to say NO but thats just too easy for them. And yet they continue to bite the hands that feeds them, complaining how their parents coddle them but takes their money with ease. This has been such a struggle since this culture is deeply imbedded within the family that whenever DH and I say NO, we are met with anger, whining, etc., and it causes a huge family arguement as to why we arent being a teamplayer in the family. I am all about helping family in times of trouble but this is not times of trouble. </p> <p>I know never to say never, since if I was faced with that similar situation, I may be feeling burdened to help my child but this is too much! Now that we are facing feeding another mouth in this house, this needs to stop. DH agrees but there is so much we can do. </p> <p>This month especially, my inlaws have been asking me for tons of things, some of which i gave but it is getting annoying getting phone calls/ emails without a "hey! how are you?" but instead, can i have that?</p> <p>Am I being hormonal or do I have a right to be irked? </p>