https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 02 May 2026 04:49:13 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spousal-money-mistakes#post-2292748 Wed, 16 Sep 2015 16:41:59 +0000 DesertDreams88 2292748@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@raindrop: Yes, theoretically, each category should carry over month to month; but I usually shift around money / category amounts. So, like, if we overspend in entertainment, I'll cut money from the dining out budget to make up for it. The past two months due to overspending together, I cut my allowance... but I don't really see that as "my" money. None of it really is "mine," allowances are artificial. </p> <p>We have $600 a month for "variable monthly needs" (groceries, gas, electricity, and water;) and $500 a month for "variable monthly discretionary" which is baby things, furnishings, pool chemicals, home improvement, school supplies, and personal "fun money". So, a total of $1100 a month on variable expenses. Right now, we've already spent about $1000 of that, so we have about $100 for the rest of September. I mean, yeah, I could defer our savings for maternity leave or our savings for childcare or our savings for cheap Christmas gifts... but in the end, those expenses come too. So..... yeah. </p> <p>Like I realized this morning, I just need to let it go. in the grand scheme of things it isn't a lot of money. It's just frustrating because I would have handled it differently, and in what I think is the "best" way. I'd MUCH rather have a spouse that is "too nice" and makes mistakes as a result; rather than one who is an over-spender. Got to count my blessings. </p> <p>We'll try to have some more regular budget check-ins. </p> <p>@gingerbebe: "If the repeated problems with overspending have to do with him not wanting to look/feel bad about returning something or cancelling a purchase, I would tell him its making you feel like you care about how strangers look at you more than the good of your family. Tell him its not fair to put you in a position where you feel like you are the budgetary enforcer and bad cop when really what you are doing is working really hard to try and help your family by sticking to the budget." this is exactly it, from my view. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spousal-money-mistakes#post-2292743 Wed, 16 Sep 2015 16:31:05 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2292743@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lawbee11: this is what we do too. It doesn't always work, sometimes unexpected bills come out to even more than that.</p> <p>I understand things are tight right now. I have to ask though, is it because you're already saving for the daycare expense if your ILs cancel or is it just how things already are? Is there any way you can cross that bridge when you get there? (Even if it means moving/downsizing or something like that?) I'm just thinking if you're saving but it's only at $40/mo that doesn't seem like it's going to put much of a dent in daycare, so something major is going to have to change anyway. If that $40 is critical to this months budget then I'd say pull it from savings and have a heart to heart and make sure it doesn't happen again.. Maybe he will offer to give up his $40 for October. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spousal-money-mistakes#post-2292712 Wed, 16 Sep 2015 15:55:43 +0000 gingerbebe 2292712@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hmm. A few thoughts:</p> <p>- If the repeated problems with overspending have to do with him not wanting to look/feel bad about returning something or cancelling a purchase, I would tell him its making you feel like you care about how strangers look at you more than the good of your family. Tell him its not fair to put you in a position where you feel like you are the budgetary enforcer and bad cop when really what you are doing is working really hard to try and help your family by sticking to the budget. Tell him if he doesn't want to be in that position, then perhaps a solution would be to work harder to prevent them by checking prices carefully.</p> <p>- I think what you guys need is joint ownership of the finances and to really buy into your goals together. Not "this is what my wife thinks we should do." Its a mental thing. For us, what it means is once a month, we leave the house and go to Starbucks or a restaurant for date night and we analyze and go over how we did the month before, talk about strategies and ways we can do better this month, and then write/agree upon a written budget Dave Ramsey style and spend every dollar on paper. He even has downloadable templates you can download if you want that. Then we go home and DH uploads the budget into Mint. My husband handles most of the money/bills/Excel stuff, but since I'm the shopper, I tend to look more closely at our budget before each paycheck to see how we're doing and make adjustments as necessary. Maybe I need to wait a few days until a bill clears, etc. </p> <p>-While we are doing a post-mortem on our budget for the previous month, if one of us overspent or we're frustrated at the other's spending, we hold each other accountable gently but use unifying terms, remind each other of the goal, and try to come up with a joint solution. Limit penalizing one person. For example, "So it looks like WE went over on eating out this month. We need to do better in spending on this area. I know we really want to pay off our loans, so let's try to do better. Maybe we can do one or two date nights at home this month or pick up a pizza instead of eating out? Would that be a good solution?"</p> <p>-One thing I learned early on is that my husband and I few money differently. He doesn't like shopping, but when he needs something, he just buys it, regardless of the cost or if a better deal can be had. But overall - like over the course of a year - he spends less money because he shops infrequently. I like shopping, but I can maximize what I have using sales and coupons and what not. Overall I spend more, but I feel like I get way more stuff per dollar. So once we understood that about ourselves, we were able to give each other a little slack and try to see past one particular month.</p> <p>- Also, things can change. Our habits have rubbed off on each other a little bit. My husband now rarely buys something without comparison shopping or asking me to check (since I have all these apps and sites I refer to). And I have learned to just roll with occasional purchases even if I know I could probably get it cheaper elsewhere or whatever because its not worth the stress and bad feelings to our marriage, which is more important than saving $5. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spousal-money-mistakes#post-2292675 Wed, 16 Sep 2015 15:15:10 +0000 Raindrop 2292675@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I thought I read this whole thread but maybe I missed it. Can you guys carry over your allowance from one month to the next? Like you said you didn’t spend your allowance in the last 2 months does that mean you have 80 dollars to spend later or is that gone since you didn’t spend it? It sounds like it’s gone since you said you were over budget in other areas and that’s why you didn’t spend it.</p> <p> I feel like you are in a tight spot. It’s probably really hard for most of us to relate to you. </p> <p>I have been very very poor before but I was single at the time it was really easy to tell myself not to spend. I can’t not even imagine how stressful it must be to convince another person to not spend and dealing with the expensive of running a household with kids.</p> <p>I can definitely see punishing myself for making a money mistake by taking away my own allowance and maybe forcing myself to eat ramen for a few days to make up for it.</p> <p>I know you have a tough time getting him to look at the budget, can you have a sit down with DH and just tell him how you are feeling and show him the bank accounts and how much money is coming in and out?</p> <p>I mean sure he can avoid looking at e-mail but he can’t avoid looking at papers and you at the dining room table. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spousal-money-mistakes#post-2292644 Wed, 16 Sep 2015 14:37:00 +0000 JoyfulKiwi 2292644@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@DesertDreams88: in our marriage, we have the opposite roles - I am the one who puts Starbucks on my credit card because I know my husband will roll his eyes/ask why I didn't just make a cup at home and generally, I don't get that involved in our day to day budget. I tried to be hyper aware and I couldn't handle how much it stressed me out, so now my husband is in charge of all the accounts.<br /> For a while, he never wanted to tell me to cut back on spending, because he felt it was negative. But in the end he NEEDS to tell me "we only have X dollars available for the next 10 days. Please be careful so we don't overdraft/overspend". Maybe that will work for you guys? It's very respectful; I never feel like a child and I appreciate knowing our real financial situation without agonizing over every penny I spend.<br /> I get that being in charge of a TIGHT budget (we are teachers/state employees with low incomes) with a baby on the way is stressful! You should probably have a frank discussion about how the state of your finances and find a way to make everyone more comfortable with the budget. It was rough when my husband and I went through it and I iust wish we had been more honest/open sooner in the situation. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spousal-money-mistakes#post-2292287 Wed, 16 Sep 2015 09:16:51 +0000 2PeasinaPod 2292287@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@DesertDreams88: Yeah - using the HSA card for fast food isn't cool! And if that was all in one month, that really is a lot of fast food! Can you maybe talk to him about why he felt the need to do that and hide it from you? I mean, I know that he's afraid of your disappointment, but it's not like you aren't going to find out eventually! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spousal-money-mistakes#post-2292284 Wed, 16 Sep 2015 09:14:52 +0000 SugarplumsMom 2292284@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@DesertDreams88: After reading your update, I think that you need to talk to him about your allowance - not just his, but yours as well. You mentioned that you've been saving yours because you're anxious about his parents not being to look after your baby. It's not fair for YOU to be the only one saving, when clearly both of you need to be on the same mindset. </p> <p>Instead of addressing his overspending, I think the bigger issue is about that extra daycare expense. Once you've aired out all your concerns, then come to compromise on how much (if any) should be the new allowance. I think it's very, very important to come to a compromise about this because it is so easy to make it seem like a punishment -- and that is ticket to resentment for the both of you. </p> <p>Becoming new parents is a big deal and it's natural to worry. I really hope that you can find a solution that both of you are happy with. Best of luck :goodluck: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spousal-money-mistakes#post-2292283 Wed, 16 Sep 2015 09:14:34 +0000 DesertDreams88 2292283@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: yeah, no returns :-/ I guess it's just the personality difference that I have to accept. I would have absolutely no problem asking a sales person to cancel an item. But that's because my husband is on the extremely nice end of the spectrum, and I'm on the extremely blunt end of the spectrum... while my way might save us some money, his way is much kinder way of dealing with people, 90% of the time. </p> <p>@Mrs. Pickle: I readjust the budget monthly in Excel, readjust the budget weekly in Mint, check Mint daily.</p> <p>Everyone, in the light of day, I think I just have to let it go. I might have been overreacting a bit because we're really over budget for September and have big expenses looming. The mistakes were all just because he's a nice / laidback person that hates conflict... Which annoys me sometimes bc I wish he'd be more decisive but really in the end he's an amazing guy and I wish I more laid back and nice like him. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spousal-money-mistakes#post-2292281 Wed, 16 Sep 2015 09:13:19 +0000 snowjewelz 2292281@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We kinda have similar set up. All our money is together, I manage our budget, and he does do our grocery shopping too. </p> <p>I've known when we weren't married yet that we have very different spending habits. He is a spender and not a worrier, where as I am a saver and a worrier. He still uses his credit card that I don't control, and I def complain to him why his bills are so high. Whenever packages come in, I would nag why he's always ordering things online. </p> <p>I def stop nagging b/c it creates tension and resentment if it goes on for a long period of time. I think he gets it much better when I talk about what we are saving for to give him a better idea. For example, he was really good when I told him I wouldn't get paid during maternity leave so we need to curb our spending to prepare for that.</p> <p>And now, I told him we have to start really saving up in prepration for a few things like DD going to daycare in the next 6 months, possibly having another car payment, etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spousal-money-mistakes#post-2292274 Wed, 16 Sep 2015 09:06:55 +0000 Mrs. Pickle 2292274@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Was it something he bought for himself? Because the only solution I see in that case is for his allowance category to be in the red until it builds back up unfortunately.</p> <p>If you can work it in a miscellaneous category in your budget could be helpful for unexpected things like this. I have one in my budget and its a great backup category. </p> <p>How often do you go over the budget and readjust categories? DH and I like to sit down and do it at least once a year, but I think every 6 months would be better. We don't always adjust them but sometimes find we don't need as much in category 19 and can put it elsewhere. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spousal-money-mistakes#post-2292268 Wed, 16 Sep 2015 09:01:03 +0000 looch 2292268@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@DesertDreams88: Ok, I get it, that has happened to me so many times I can't count! You see something, it's either in the wrong place or mismarked and once you're at the register, it's a totally different price. It took me a while to get over asking the salesperson to remove the item but it saved me the guilt later. </p> <p>Are you certain that the items can't be returned? Even for partial credit or something? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spousal-money-mistakes#post-2292263 Wed, 16 Sep 2015 08:59:33 +0000 DesertDreams88 2292263@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@2peasinapod: about the hiding purchases, he's not afraid of my anger, he's afraid of my disappointment. There are certain splurges I'm totally cool with ... lunches with friends, happy hour, travel. But $150 on fast food is pretty ridiculous, plus it violated tax law. </p> <p>I offered to get him a separate account, but he didn't want it. He just takes out $40 cash at the beginning of every month. He spends it on Little Caesars and shoes and random things at Goodwill. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spousal-money-mistakes#post-2292259 Wed, 16 Sep 2015 08:58:13 +0000 youboots 2292259@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@DesertDreams88: when we were trying to pay down debt we would meet every other week on payday. We talked about the balance on our credit card were, anything special coming up, etc. now we have a meeting ever 3 months when I transfer for our bills. I really like it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spousal-money-mistakes#post-2292253 Wed, 16 Sep 2015 08:54:35 +0000 DesertDreams88 2292253@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@youboots: same system basically here. But we don't use our savings for going over budget. Those savings are set aside for true emergencies. When one category is overspent, it has to come from other categories. And they just don't have any give right now.</p> <p>And yes, it is a really tight budget. Low incomes, high bills. It sucks but we've done all we can, short of leaving teaching.</p> <p>In response to other comments: maybe we do need to do a weekly check-in, though he doesn't care now, maybe he'd come to appreciate it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spousal-money-mistakes#post-2292247 Wed, 16 Sep 2015 08:50:41 +0000 2PeasinaPod 2292247@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@catomd00: &amp; @blackbird: Yes and yes!</p> <p>@DesertDreams88: I handle the finances in our household because I have an accounting degree and I like doing it. There was a point in which DH had NO IDEA what was going on with our money, and that actually caused a lot of anxiety and pressure on me to make sure that we were staying on track and could afford the things we wanted to do. I had a talk with him, and told him he needed to be more involved, mainly because if something happened to me? He'd be screwed. So I forced him to sit down with me and discuss our monthly budget and how bills get paid. </p> <p>We also have a system where we have a savings account that is for every day spending money. We both have access to it, and I put $X amount in each month. Neither of us has an allowance, but we can withdraw money from there to use for lunches, coffee, whatever for the month. I can see when he withdraws and he can see when I withdraw, and there's zero judgement. The other day, I told him how quickly $60 went because I had to pay someone for a fantasy football draft he wanted to be in, paid cash for the takeout we had the other night, and paid my copay at the doctor with cash. He didn't bat an eye, because he trusts that I'm responsible with our money and I don't hide anything.</p> <p>Does your DH feel like he has to hide his purchases from you because he thinks you'll be angry about them? The fast food purchases for example...is that something that he feels like he can't tell you? Some girls at work were telling me the other day how they bought a bunch of shoes and hid them in the trunk until their DH wasn't around and took them inside. I don't feel like I ever have to do that with DH, and he doesn't feel like he ever has to do that with me, because our reactions when I say, "Hey...I just spent $70 on shoes" is calm and more along the lines of, "can I see them?" rather than, "can we afford them? I can't believe you spent that much on shoes!" And I feel like you punishing him for blowing the budget this month is telling him that if he wants to do certain things with his money, he can't tell you about them. And that will make the problem worse. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spousal-money-mistakes#post-2292245 Wed, 16 Sep 2015 08:49:49 +0000 Ajsmommy 2292245@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We each get fun money every pay period. We can do whatever we want with that, if we want something pricey then we have to save our money until we have enough to buy that item. It works for us. However, it's substantially more than $40/month. I feel like that is really really low and if he happened to spend over that one month I don't think that is a huge issue even if he could have found the item cheaper. I mean unless he spent $1000 or something crazy, then I'd say it was a problem! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spousal-money-mistakes#post-2292241 Wed, 16 Sep 2015 08:48:01 +0000 mrsrain 2292241@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@DesertDreams88: just to follow up, having read your most recent update:<br /> We used Mint, too, for a long time. It wasn't until we invested in YNAB and changed the way we approach our budget that it clicked for DH. Obviously you have to do what you feel comfortable doing, but I do think there is a reason so many people recommend YNAB. </p> <p>I can feel your frustration, and I sincerely hope you find a resolution that works for the 2 of you. Our deal is that if either of us wants to spend more than our allotted amount we discuss at our weekly "meeting" and figure out together whether it is feasible. Maybe an approach like that would work for your DH? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spousal-money-mistakes#post-2292240 Wed, 16 Sep 2015 08:47:25 +0000 youboots 2292240@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Unless you have a huge about of debt you are trying to pay off or living paycheck to paycheck being this intense about a budget must get tiring. </p> <p>This is what has been working for us- we have 3 separate accounts-</p> <p>Permanent savings- everything gets deposited here</p> <p>Bill pay checking- all of our bills get drafted out of this account and I transfer enough money for 3 months of bills with a little extra- mortgage, gas, electric, car loan, car insurance, gym membership etc. all of our bills are on equal pay when possible (gas and elec) and auto pay. </p> <p>Personal checking-this account is shared. I transfer in a set amount every 2 weeks to cover groceries, gas, eating out, fun money, etc. When it's gone it's gone. If we are in a pinch I will transfer from permanent savings, no big deal.</p> <p>ETA: I posted this before seeing you answer. I vote let it slide this month and give him his monthly amount in cash. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spousal-money-mistakes#post-2292231 Wed, 16 Sep 2015 08:45:39 +0000 ShootingStar 2292231@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Making "restitutions" sounds pretty harsh. If he gambled or something that would be one thing. But just some ordinary spending? I don't think punishment is the answer, not in a marriage. </p> <p>For most of our relationship I was the one who handled the finances and DH was kind of clueless. He also tended to spend a lot more money than me on himself. Every few days we'd get random Amazon packages. But a few months ago he wanted to be more involved and now he takes care of most of the finances. It's made him more responsible with his spending and he feels much more informed.</p> <p>It's your marriage, but personally I never want to be in the business of questioning every purchase DH makes. He's a grown up, he makes his own money, and he needs to responsible with it. I also never want him questioning me on everything I spend either. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spousal-money-mistakes#post-2292222 Wed, 16 Sep 2015 08:42:00 +0000 mrsrain 2292222@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have a similar setup in our relationship. What has helped us is that we have a weekly "meeting" where I go over our budget for the week/pay period, how much we each have in our spending categories, etc. We also use YNAB, which has been a life saver. It makes it easy for him to see the consequences of mistakes, and how much work it can take me to move money around to correct such issues. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spousal-money-mistakes#post-2292220 Wed, 16 Sep 2015 08:41:12 +0000 DesertDreams88 2292220@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>As for all the YNAB suggestions: we've meticulously used mint for 10 years, and he has full access, he just never bothers checking. But thanks for the suggestion! If you have ideas as to how to get him to check Mint, or his email... I'm all ears, haha.</p> <p>As for building more flexibility into our budget or "increasing" his allowanace, sorry, I can't simply just make more money, and weve already cut a lot. Things are tight. I'll be very frank. Between regular bills, student loans, $3K of miscarriage bills last year and currently saving for birth/maternity leave/childcare when baby comes... it goes quick. We only shop at goodwill and we have one car. 5 out of the past 6 years, we haven't gotten raises, and when we did, it was 1.3%-2% for that year. </p> <p>As for the comments about the concept of an allowance.... it's what he asked for. If it's not what he wants, he needs to be an adult and express his thoughts and feelings. That's what I do, and that's what he usually does, so I have no reason to operate otherwise. Keep in mind I have an allowance too. I haven't spent mine at all these past 2 months, bc we are over in other categories.</p> <p>All the comments about the punishment feeling/dynamic.... yeah. That's what I would be afraid it would inevitably become even if I don't intend it that way. I guess we just have to keep talking about our financial goals and why we have decided to budget the way we do, why we need to; and techniques for avoiding /handling the situations. I don't want it to be an uneven power dynamic.</p> <p>And btw, it's not that he can't go out with his friends..... it's that he bought some things at a ridiculous price, that could have been found much cheaper, and all he had to do was walk away from the cash register with this one item and say I'm sorry, I didn't realize it was so expensive. Now these various items are unreturnable.</p> <p>I think I might just be overreacting bc money it just really tight right now with baby coming and the ILS who were supposed to be watching LO for free starting at 6mo (so gracious!!) might not be anymore, which is freaking me out. Daycare would be 40%-50% of my income, but I can't quit, we'd be on the verge of qualifying for public assistance but not actually qualify.... :bummed: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spousal-money-mistakes#post-2292210 Wed, 16 Sep 2015 08:36:28 +0000 Mamasig 2292210@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So I have a couple of thoughts reading through your post. The budget sounds super rigid and you sound like a parent needing to correct their child because he did something bad. $40 a month allowance sounds so small to me. </p> <p>What about if each of you has a separate account that is your play money and the other can't say anything about how you spend it? To me it sounds like you have the super tight grip on the money and he's just being told what he can spend. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spousal-money-mistakes#post-2292202 Wed, 16 Sep 2015 08:32:27 +0000 Chillybear 2292202@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So I need our money to be very compartmentalized... We have 1 Joint account and each have our own personal account. Everything goes into our joint account and then each week our spending money gets transferred to our personal accounts. Hubs doesnt have a debt card for the joint account only I do because I'm the one that does all the shopping for the house hold. When we log on to our bank accounts We can both see the joint account but cant see each others personal account. If there is an extenuating circumstance we consult each other and our budget spreadsheet before we "borrow" money from the joint account. If possible we try to pay the joint account back at the next "pay day" For example, We had a big week of activities and hubs put money out for some things and bought me a beautiful bouquet of flowers for our anniversary. A few days later he was asked to join a fantasy football league at work and didnt have enough to cover the entrance fee. He borrowed the money from the joint account, let me know so I could put it in the spreadsheet and will put it back on friday when we get our next weeks spending money. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spousal-money-mistakes#post-2292147 Wed, 16 Sep 2015 07:56:59 +0000 blackbird 2292147@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Have you asked him what's going on and why he's spending so much? I would address the root cause, not just slap him on the hand like a child. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spousal-money-mistakes#post-2292138 Wed, 16 Sep 2015 07:40:56 +0000 lawbee11 2292138@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think you should take it from his allowance. Do you have a category for unexpected expenses? If not, maybe you could add one going forward? We put $100-200 in an unexpected expenses category each month to cover unforeseeable expenses and it's really helped in situations where things come up that we weren't anticipating. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spousal-money-mistakes#post-2292136 Wed, 16 Sep 2015 07:37:33 +0000 Mrs. Oatmeal 2292136@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@DesertDreams88: we were here a few years ago. I felt that I had to ask DH before I bought anything- even clothes for the baby! Obviously, he never told me I had to ask permission, but because he kept the budget, that's how I felt.</p> <p>I've since taken over managing the budget, and we use Mint.com. I track everything, but DH can see all of the numbers on the app if he wants to. I wouldn't 'take away' the spending money from your husband- I feel like that would just cause more resentment, and more reason for him to want to hide purchases from you in the future.</p> <p>Can you just talk to him about it? Let him know that it's not because you don't want him to have fun/spend money, but because there's actually no money in the budget for it? In our house, it would be a legitimate problem because there ISN'T extra room right now- but I have to be up front about letting DH know that at the start of the month. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spousal-money-mistakes#post-2292130 Wed, 16 Sep 2015 07:32:06 +0000 TrailRunner 2292130@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We were in the exact same position as you, and DH complained that he knew nothing about our finances. So, we did what @bluestriped bee: recommended and got an app where we put in all our bills for the month, and then kept track of our remaining "fun money" too. It has helped both of us be more accountable, and our spending has improved. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spousal-money-mistakes#post-2292123 Wed, 16 Sep 2015 07:23:01 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2292123@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would not ask for punishment.</p> <p>Mistakes happen and since its a joint issue from the budget, you should share the joint responsibility. I dont fully know the situation, but thats like saying, since you forgot the coupons at the grocery store check out, you should pay the difference. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spousal-money-mistakes#post-2292108 Wed, 16 Sep 2015 07:01:03 +0000 catomd00 2292108@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Personally the punishment route isn't one that would work for us. Instead, I think you need to bring him into the managent of finances more so he feels more a part of it and not feel like you're the one in charge and doling out money, thus making him feel he needs to hide purchases. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spousal-money-mistakes#post-2292101 Wed, 16 Sep 2015 06:52:45 +0000 birdofafeather 2292101@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I second software/app like YNAB. It really helped DH and I get on the same page on spending when he could see how his overspending effected our bottom line. We were stretched thin for a while so I understand every dollar making a difference like it does when you're paying down debt. What's nice about YNAB is when you do overspend, you have the option to be flexible and move money around in categories so you're not so rigidly tied to something. If DH or I overspend in a category where we "made a mistake" we willingly pull from our fun money category to cover it because we're on the same team. It's not a punishment but a step towards realizing our financial goals. If we have things we want, we know we have to bank our fun money to buy it. We don't have to check with the other person then and then there's so much less resentment. I am also the financial person in our family so twice a month I sit down with DH and go over where we're at, what we could be doing better in, etc. </p> <p>When's there's extra money as a cushion, it's easy to say, oh, don't worry about it as much, but I think once you've been in that position, you understand the importance of getting in the same track so once your goals are accomplished, you can celebrate together as a team. Money issues are tough and the way to get through it is to be on the same page instead of lording it over him and him being resentful. Read him in and ask him what solutions he might have after you map out your goals! </p>