https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 24 Apr 2026 15:28:23 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spouses-and-chores-what-makes-you-speak-up#post-2840174 Thu, 16 Aug 2018 15:18:34 +0000 MrsBucky 2840174@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I really tryto have my litmus test be “could someone get hurt/ could this damage/ ruin something” buttttttttt I have a lot higher standards for things so it's hard. DH reminds me that there is only so much he can change, so I try to focus on things that really drive me crazy. That means I take over some things I want done a certain way, or accept that if he does the dishes I may end up rewashing 15% of them. The pancake would fall under the “thats not ok because it would eventually ruin the dishwasher or require us to repair it sooner” but otherwise I’d probably just rearrange it or let it run not full and let it go. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spouses-and-chores-what-makes-you-speak-up#post-2840169 Thu, 16 Aug 2018 15:14:19 +0000 Mrsbells 2840169@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Iced Tea: I always speak up about things because that's the only way he can know what I am thinking and work to fix it. You should let your DH know he needs to be more aware of how he loads the dishes and make sure things are rinsed out etc </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spouses-and-chores-what-makes-you-speak-up#post-2840110 Thu, 16 Aug 2018 12:03:52 +0000 psw27 2840110@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>With chores, I genuinely try not to make comments because that is not encouraging and who knows what the back story is. I really only think about this because nothing makes me more irate than when DH walks in from working late, I've been busting my butt to take care of the kids, cook dinner, clean up, etc. and he makes a comment about the counters being sticky or the house being messy.... SO yeah, do unto others! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spouses-and-chores-what-makes-you-speak-up#post-2840108 Thu, 16 Aug 2018 11:58:33 +0000 Iced Tea 2840108@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So I told him about the pancake, as something funny, not a criticism. He just shook his head and said, "That's terrible." Haha, I bet it won't change how he does the dishes, though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spouses-and-chores-what-makes-you-speak-up#post-2840100 Thu, 16 Aug 2018 11:42:54 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2840100@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>A pancake? That would definitely be cause to say something! That's kind of hilarious but also a little concerning. :silly: </p> <p>I'm definitely the more particular one especially regarding clutter. He won't notice what I do, or he'll say it's that I want things done my way but in my opinion if the clutter isn't gone then it's not about not cleaning up my way, it's just not cleaned at all. I guess I'm just really not shy about saying something..but most of the time I do the cleaning and household stuff anyway.</p> <p>@Hypatia: My dh went years without washing clothes except maybe once or twice his own clothes, because I had complained that he shrunk some of my clothes in the dryer. He only started again helping out in the last month. I thought I had it bad! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spouses-and-chores-what-makes-you-speak-up#post-2840094 Thu, 16 Aug 2018 11:16:35 +0000 gestalt 2840094@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If i found a pancake stuck to the plate, i would say, "wtf is this? did you clean it?" and we would probably both laugh at the ridiculousness of it. :D</p> <p>We usually speak up, but it's usually when we notice the other person doesn't realize what they're doing. I would rather know and work at changing a bad habit, and same goes for him. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spouses-and-chores-what-makes-you-speak-up#post-2840086 Thu, 16 Aug 2018 10:48:30 +0000 kiddosc 2840086@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The quickest way to make a job yours in our household is to be too particular about how the other person is accomplishing it. Since I have no desire to take on all the chores, I try to bite my tongue and only comment in extreme situations.</p> <p>A pancake though... that would get brought up for years around here :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spouses-and-chores-what-makes-you-speak-up#post-2840065 Thu, 16 Aug 2018 09:14:59 +0000 snowjewelz 2840065@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Haha! I'd totally just causally slip it in like oh, btw I found a pancake in the dish washer :wink: </p> <p>I occasiobnally speak up. I speak up 200% in my own head b/c I'm SUPER particular about chores and organization and how stuff gets cleaned BUT I've learned that to not become THAT nagging wife, I keep my mouth shut most of the time and just fix it myself! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spouses-and-chores-what-makes-you-speak-up#post-2840054 Thu, 16 Aug 2018 08:52:39 +0000 periwinklebee 2840054@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I rarely criticize, unless it's a safety issue or if a chore he has promised to do isn't getting done at all... but if he loaded a pancake into the dishwasher he would not hear the end of it, because I would find it hilarious :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spouses-and-chores-what-makes-you-speak-up#post-2840035 Thu, 16 Aug 2018 07:17:45 +0000 irene 2840035@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didn't vote because the roles are reversed in my house. DH is more of the "wife" when it comes to making sure the chores are done right. Both DS and I annoyed the crap out of him to a point so bad that if we ever get a divorce that would be a pretty major reason. I suspect somehow he is mildly OCD.</p> <p>Unfortunately he is annoyed at things that doesn't even bother DS and me -- for things such as, I walked by a piece of paper / pencil left on the stairs several times and I didn't pick it up (and I honestly do not see it or I have bigger things to worry about), or how I didn't wipe the counter spotless, and you see residue the imperfections when you look at the counter at an angle against the light reflections. Grrrr. He kept saying I didn't try, but I tried so hard to keep everything in order but then there is always something. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spouses-and-chores-what-makes-you-speak-up#post-2840014 Wed, 15 Aug 2018 22:11:15 +0000 Grace 2840014@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Only occasionally. But he’s sensitive to criticism too and probably thinks I nag all the time. If only he knew how much I see and say nothing... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spouses-and-chores-what-makes-you-speak-up#post-2840011 Wed, 15 Aug 2018 21:54:59 +0000 wrkbrk 2840011@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Iced Tea: You are cracking me up!! I guess we are the opposite. Each and every thing the other does that’s annoying we call out. Probably not healthy now that I think about it 😂 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spouses-and-chores-what-makes-you-speak-up#post-2840010 Wed, 15 Aug 2018 21:40:29 +0000 LadyDi 2840010@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The pancake thing really made me lol. </p> <p>I almost never do, mostly because he does the things I hate (yard work, trash, cleaning the floors, ironing). I feel like I can’t criticize when I don’t have any interest in doing those things myself. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spouses-and-chores-what-makes-you-speak-up#post-2840007 Wed, 15 Aug 2018 20:56:34 +0000 Chuckles 2840007@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The pancake made me laugh. My DH is really sensitive to criticism, so I try my best to only say something if I have a really good reason to disagree with how he's done a chore. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spouses-and-chores-what-makes-you-speak-up#post-2839997 Wed, 15 Aug 2018 18:59:48 +0000 Sams Mom 2839997@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We both took the chores we hate the least or don't mind doing, so there isn't much room for me to talk... But Lord have mercy, when my husband loads the dishwasher it's like he only wants to fit 4 things; dude, I know you're good at Tetris because you play it all the time </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spouses-and-chores-what-makes-you-speak-up#post-2839989 Wed, 15 Aug 2018 18:18:25 +0000 Hypatia 2839989@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm not the person to ask. I stay home full time, so I do pretty much all the chores (though DH will help with diaper changes and the like when he's home, and he takes care of the yard). </p> <p>One time, I asked him to put some dirty cloth diapers in the washer. He put them in the dryer. Because that's how foreign washing clothes is to him. :shocked: At least he didn't turn it on... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spouses-and-chores-what-makes-you-speak-up#post-2839987 Wed, 15 Aug 2018 18:01:52 +0000 LemonJack 2839987@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Your description of the pancake made me laugh out loud! I only speak up when it’s something important, otherwise I let him do his thing. He does the same with me. We both have set things we’re typically responsible for, so things don’t usually come up. The way I load the dishwasher is a running joke in our house though, because my DH always thinks I should be able to fit more, and I think he loads it too full so dishes don’t get completely clean. No pancakes have been left on the dishes though! 😂 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/spouses-and-chores-what-makes-you-speak-up#post-2839985 Wed, 15 Aug 2018 17:51:14 +0000 Iced Tea 2839985@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I try to keep my mouth shut when I disagree how my spouse handles his chores. But if it affects me and my day, I’m likely to say something. When do you speak up?</p> <p>I swear my husband does the dishes so fast, he must be imagining he’s a ninja. I open it to add something, and it’s total chaos, appears full though it isn’t (on account of being so haphazard), some stuff upside down... Today I opened it and found a pancake stuck to a plate. A pancake. Wtf? How do you not notice that? </p> <p>I haven’t said anything, because I guess it isn’t big enough to me yet. But that pancake. OMG. </p>