https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 20 Apr 2026 23:58:10 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/starved-for-alone-time/page/2#post-2810432 Sat, 17 Mar 2018 11:25:17 +0000 Mrs. Turtle 2810432@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We struggle with this as well. On the recommendation of many on these boards, we started doing the very weekend morning trade off. She sleeps in one day and I sleep in the other. Neither of us actually sleep that late, but we are free to stay in the bedroom with the door closed (and we have a knob cover on the outside so kiddo can't get in). Usually DW takes O out for a Starbucks run and they run some errands or just run around the grocery store. I take her to gymnastics on my morning. It's not enough, but it has helped a ton. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/starved-for-alone-time/page/2#post-2810419 Sat, 17 Mar 2018 08:43:05 +0000 Iced Tea 2810419@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So just this morning my husband was congratulating me on what a great day I could look forward to. </p> <p>You can go shopping and relax, he said. </p> <p>I was confused. He was planning to take just one child when meeting up his best friend (+ his child) today. Then he says, you can just take the baby with you, won’t that be great? You don’t have to think much. </p> <p>Me: WTH....</p> <p>Moms seriously need opportunities to turn the parent switch off for a little while. In our case, we have no family to lean on, so if he doesn’t cooperate, my only hope is to find a babysitter who I trust enough that I can turn off the parent switch while I’m gone (I find this difficult when I leave them with a babysitter). Anyone else find that difficult? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/starved-for-alone-time/page/2#post-2810412 Sat, 17 Mar 2018 02:46:54 +0000 SugarplumsMom 2810412@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've realized how much I truly need alone time. I need quiet time to keep sane and with just us, just me during the days with DD, especially on sick days (and we've had a lot of that lately), it calls for blunt words: I need to be alone or I'll go insane :silly: Last week they visited the ILs for a few hours -- it was glorious! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/starved-for-alone-time/page/2#post-2810410 Sat, 17 Mar 2018 00:30:37 +0000 GoGoSnoGirl 2810410@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@josina: I haven't figured it out yet, other than an hour or 2 here &amp; there when the ILs can take LO, and it's making me so very grumpy to not have "me time". </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/starved-for-alone-time/page/2#post-2810396 Fri, 16 Mar 2018 21:18:23 +0000 Miss Ariel 2810396@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I definitely use my lunch hours during work as my alone time. I’ll go eat somewhere and read a book or play on my phone. Of course dh asks me a couple times a week to meet him for lunch. I always feel guilty saying no, because I do enjoy spending time with him, but I also enjoy getting to spend an hour by myself as well. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/starved-for-alone-time/page/2#post-2810393 Fri, 16 Mar 2018 21:04:59 +0000 Iced Tea 2810393@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mama Bird: I feel you! We've done okay-ish with alone time in the past (with one kid), but now we are failing to make alone time happen for me. </p> <p>We have a 3 year old and a 9 month old. When my husband takes the 3 year old to the store, leaving me with "just" the baby, he acts like I need to throw him a thank-you party or something. </p> <p>He gets alone time every day. Meanwhile, I can't even get a measly shower alone. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/starved-for-alone-time#post-2810344 Fri, 16 Mar 2018 14:42:47 +0000 Mama Bird 2810344@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is a problem for me lately. My alone time used to be when DH took the kids to see his mom, but she got very sick this fall and can only handle DH visiting alone, or with one kid. I spend most of the weekends miserable, because DD gets me up at the crack of dawn and after that it's go go go all day. I just feel physically ill and could really use half an hour to be by myself and let my body wake up properly, but DH can't keep the kids away from me. He tries. I wish he'd just take them to the park, but he always guilts me into coming along because I "also need the fresh air." He does the shopping and also thinks he's doing me a favor :bummed: And every time I say I have to run out for some quick thing, he's all "let's all go, the kids need to get out too!"</p> <p>Slow month at work, so I've been going shopping on my lunch break when I get in early. I've also figured out that part of what bugs me is not being able to do creative stuff with the kids around. So on days when the kids go to bed OK and we get the chores done quickly, I stay up late to work on my crafts. DH stays up too, but he's not a toddler and doesn't get in my face demanding that I let him cut the fabric for me :happy: I'm much calmer when I'm able to squeeze in some crafting, it's the most relaxing thing for me.</p> <p>I've finally been able to convince DH to stop cooking everything while I keep the kids off his back. Now we take turns and I get a little me time in the kitchen. I'm also kind of thinking I need to start setting an alarm half an hour before DD's weekend wake-up, both for some me time, and so I'm properly awake before I hear "Mommy, the sun is up!" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/starved-for-alone-time#post-2810341 Fri, 16 Mar 2018 14:24:20 +0000 Pollywog 2810341@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've been known to tell DH "I'm going to do X, Y, and Z alone" on several Friday nights. If he asks to join, I remind him that it defeats the purpose of being alone. Other than not understanding why he can't be in the couch while I watch TV (he talks the whole time and roles his eyes), this works well. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/starved-for-alone-time#post-2810338 Fri, 16 Mar 2018 14:19:41 +0000 Bluemasonjar 2810338@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@josina: I feel like I could have written this post! I love my DH but some evenings I just want to be alone and he always wants to be together. I honestly enjoy when he travels for work and is gone for a week sometimes so I get the house to myself in the evenings.</p> <p>Mom guilt is hard for me when I leave LO with DH. I feel like I have to rush home (totally self inflicted). The best for me was this past Sunday DH was leaving on a trip and my MIL kept LO and I had a whole day to myself to meet friends for dinner, get my nails done and even do some spontaneous shopping. </p> <p>I don't have the luxury of using PTO on myself these days but do try to take advantage of holidays like MLK where my office is closed but daycare is open. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/starved-for-alone-time#post-2810319 Fri, 16 Mar 2018 13:42:52 +0000 ALV91711 2810319@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>After the kids are in bed can you shut yourself in your room for 20-30 min then go hang out with DH? I do this a couple times a week and do some sort of face mask and read. Then DH still gets some time with me. I did have two nights a week that we scheduled for me to go to the gym after dinner. I'd usually the do errands or grocery shopping and come home after DS is in bed. Haven't done this in a couple months though. DH will usually go visit a friend a couple times in a month, then after DS is in bed I get the house to myself which I enjoy. We also each get one day to sleep in on the weekend. </p> <p>I think schedulingbthe time is the best way to ensure you get it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/starved-for-alone-time#post-2810313 Fri, 16 Mar 2018 13:20:57 +0000 IRunForFun 2810313@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@snowjewelz: It really always surprises me how much of a difference it makes! I can be at my wits end, then go out and grab a coffee and wander the bookstore, and come home in such a good mood and happy to see and hang out with DD the rest of the day. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/starved-for-alone-time#post-2810311 Fri, 16 Mar 2018 13:17:36 +0000 HappyBaker 2810311@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes to a weekend or trip away by yourself! Every year we make sure we each "get" at least one long weekend trip away of our choosing. Two years ago I went on a girls trip, last year I just went on a solo 3 night trip to DC - which was AMAZING and I want to travel alone again this year! </p> <p>But in terms of smaller scale, more day to day stuff - I love to take bubble baths so I'll do that some nights and read a good book in the tub. Even if its just 30 minutes it feels luxurious and is totally alone, and then I don't mind just watching tv on the couch with DH the rest of the night.</p> <p>I also sometimes leave work a little early and just stop home before picking up the kids to sit on the couch alone and read or watch tv, or just eat a good snack :-). And I try to get out once a month for dinner or drinks with friends, but that is harder to make happen because everyone is so busy. </p> <p>It's hard but I really need my alone time so I make it a priority, we'll see how that changes when #3 gets here this year! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/starved-for-alone-time#post-2810310 Fri, 16 Mar 2018 13:07:00 +0000 snowjewelz 2810310@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@IRunForFun: This too. It is true. One recent-ish Saturday I had a focus group to attend so while it wasn't purely for myself, I was so happy that I got out of the house AND earned some money and he saw that I was practically GLOWING from just leaving the house randomly for 2 hrs! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/starved-for-alone-time#post-2810304 Fri, 16 Mar 2018 12:50:39 +0000 codeitall 2810304@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm fortunate that DH is also an introvert, so he sometimes even volunteers to spend the night 'together' but doing different things. Since he's doing online school, I find that I'm taking the kids out ALL the time so he can focus and study/take a test. As a result, I do need more alone time, so we spend more time in the same room doing different things. I really appreciate that he isn't hurt when I want to watch a show, so he ends up playing a game on his computer. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/starved-for-alone-time#post-2810294 Fri, 16 Mar 2018 12:27:46 +0000 jennlin821 2810294@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@IRunForFun: Good for you!<br /> So many people say, I wish I could do that/I wish I had done that. Or they say 'what a good husband you have!' like he was so magnanimous to let me go away for the weekend?!? </p> <p>I am adult, I can do what I want! (once a year :grin: ) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/starved-for-alone-time#post-2810286 Fri, 16 Mar 2018 12:05:46 +0000 wrkbrk 2810286@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@josina: Didnt read the other responses but I leave work to get my alone time. Is that an option for you? I will, maybe once a month, leave at 2 or 3 and run some errands or go get coffee and read magazines alone before I pick DS up from daycare. Also, I spend at least one night a month with friends. DW does the same with hers. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/starved-for-alone-time#post-2810285 Fri, 16 Mar 2018 11:58:11 +0000 MrsSCB 2810285@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@IRunForFun: That sounds incredible, enjoy!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/starved-for-alone-time#post-2810283 Fri, 16 Mar 2018 11:52:22 +0000 IRunForFun 2810283@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jennlin821: I am doing this exact thing this weekend!!! After 14 months home with my DD I'm taking a mom-cation, LOL. Booked a king suite with a fireplace at an inn for 2 nights, and booked a massage. I can't WAIT!!! I am also an extreme introvert. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/starved-for-alone-time#post-2810282 Fri, 16 Mar 2018 11:51:37 +0000 MrsBucky 2810282@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Honestly, I think you need to give yourself permission to have needs and ask to find a way to meet them, without feeling guilty—— which is hard!!!! But I give you permission to need actual alone time, fwiw 😋 I’d start by telling your husband what you feel like you need and brainstorming a way to get that. Then it will become routine and he won’t expect to want to tag along. You can do it! You deserve it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/starved-for-alone-time#post-2810280 Fri, 16 Mar 2018 11:50:01 +0000 Adira 2810280@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@josina: I think it helps that we BOTH need our alone time, so we've VERY understanding of it and do our best to keep the kids from pestering the other when it's their time to chill. I'd definitely talk to your husband about how you love him and the kids but you really need some alone time to re-energize yourself. Maybe you can start at 30 minutes a day or something and you EACH can get 30 minutes of uninterrupted alone time each day. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/starved-for-alone-time#post-2810279 Fri, 16 Mar 2018 11:49:00 +0000 IRunForFun 2810279@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I just decided not to take on the burden of DH's feelings being hurt if I want to be alone. It sounds mean, but I need a lot of alone time, and he's come to realize I'm much happier and present and engaged with both him and DD when I've gotten it. </p> <p>Maybe you could soften the blow by telling him you're going to take a morning to go shopping by yourself, does he want to meet you for lunch? Or something similar. Just don't downplay your own needs at your own expense! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/starved-for-alone-time#post-2810277 Fri, 16 Mar 2018 11:40:55 +0000 Becky 2810277@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is an area where I feel my husband and I do exceedingly well. My husband works a ton, but has the flexibility to do things during “work hours” that I definitely can’t do (go in late so he can run first, get a hair cut in he middle of the day, take golf lessons). I get up early and lately haven’t really done chores during that time. I’ll drink my coffee and surf the web; but also I don’t mind folding laundry during that time. We both average 30-60 minutes of running per day, which is non-negotiable. I usually start running before the kids get up, and while DH doesn’t run as consistently as me he always has the option to go. Saturday’s we both get about 1.5-2 hours alone to run (so that’s counting driving somewhere, stretching, etc.). Running is semi-social for both of us because we occasionally run with other people. I grocery shop on Fridays after work because it’s so much quicker than going on the weekend and I can still make it home for dinner (usually). We both give each other a lot of leeway to be social, but because we don’t have busy social lives at all it doesn’t really impact anything (I’ll go out alone with friends or to a shower like 3-5 times a year).</p> <p>The only catch is we don’t do a lot of stuff together, and DH sleeps way more than me. I never sleep in or get the chance to take a nap. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/starved-for-alone-time#post-2810269 Fri, 16 Mar 2018 10:58:05 +0000 SweetiePie 2810269@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Up until 4 weeks ago I had 9-12 every day while DS1 was in school. Additionally my MIL comes one afternoon and does school pickup so I have one full day 9-5/6 for me to do whatever I want. It’s really nice BUT weekly to have a whole day is a little much for me - I’m a homebody and generally like sitting at home alone, so that one day sometimes I don’t have a lot to do and feel forced to just wander aimlessly.<br /> DH also took DS1 for a couple hours on Saturday so I could have a couple hours to clean and shower and stuff without a kid. Saturday is my sleep in day and Sunday is his. I didn’t always sleep in. Sometimes I just laid in bed till 9/9:30 on my phone. </p> <p>DH also has drinks with friends maybe a couple times a month so I get to be alone those nights and I really like it. </p> <p>Nowwwww we have a 4 week old. I have help for another month so I still get at least an hour or two a day to myself but once that help is gone I am hiring a sitter to come stay with the baby just for the hours DS1 is in school. So I can leave the baby home and go run errands or read with a coffee. I think it’ll be a while (several months?) before DH takes both kids out on a Saturday. And before we can take turns sleeping in again. But we’ll get there. </p> <p>Oh and I also take 2-3 weekend trips with friends per year. I’m planning one now for June! 🙌🏼 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/starved-for-alone-time#post-2810259 Fri, 16 Mar 2018 10:34:13 +0000 josina 2810259@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Alba4: Same! DH can be just as needy as the LO's somedays. He feels neglected, and then I need to try and do things to make him feel loved, and then I have less me time, and it's an endless cycle. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/starved-for-alone-time#post-2810257 Fri, 16 Mar 2018 10:33:19 +0000 snowjewelz 2810257@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Alba4: Ohh yes this! We've had the same struggles so often. I think what's helped/helping is to really set a schedule. Like Mon/Wed, we max our time together but Tues/Thurs, we'll obv still talk/snuggle/hang out, but let me do what I want also. Fridays we always have people over at night (church group), then Sat/Sun I guess we pick a day to be more intentional at night with each other, and the other day is rest/me time too? Clearly we totally veer off course a lot and have to re-configure... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/starved-for-alone-time#post-2810255 Fri, 16 Mar 2018 10:29:42 +0000 snowjewelz 2810255@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@skinnycow: Oh man I'd be resentful to no end too, if he doesn't help you get alone time when he has built in alone days!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/starved-for-alone-time#post-2810254 Fri, 16 Mar 2018 10:26:41 +0000 Alba4 2810254@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@josina: holy cow, you are me! Some of my most recent arguments with my husband has been because he wants more of my attention. I say I just need some “me” time here and there. I don’t mean it selfishly, but I honestly need more space than he does. I feel your same struggle and it’s really hard to meet the demanding needs of my 2 children and my husband.</p> <p>I am trying to attend weekly Sunday morning yoga classes to get out sans kids and husband. It’s hard! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/starved-for-alone-time#post-2810252 Fri, 16 Mar 2018 10:25:43 +0000 snowjewelz 2810252@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@josina: I don't think I've ever had a day off since K1 was born! Besides going to 1 wedding without them, work functions, and sometimes I do lunch with my friend that works close by... And I only schedule hair cuts when I happen to get out of work early before holidays, etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/starved-for-alone-time#post-2810251 Fri, 16 Mar 2018 10:24:59 +0000 Foodnerd81 2810251@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>One weekend morning, my DH takes the kids to the gym (we have childcare there) and I stay home alone. I relax, watch tv, then get some chores done and take a long shower. He’s gone for about two hours, but sometimes I “encourage” him to take them out to lunch too. I am in such a better mood when they get home. Maybe you could encourage your husband to take your LO out for some special one on one time, then you get the bonus of some alone time?<br /> I also make a point to do grocery shopping or other errands alone on the weekend and sneak in a fun side errand (like I browse Marshall’s before grocery shopping). It helps a lot. But my DH has understood that I need time to reset. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/starved-for-alone-time#post-2810249 Fri, 16 Mar 2018 10:18:31 +0000 josina 2810249@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@snowjewelz: Yes, thanks for the commiseration! It's just tough to divide your time up between really, 4 people, yourself, DH, and the 2 kids, plus work and chores and everything else that goes with it!<br /> Probably another good reason to get some mom friends together for a wine night so we can commiserate. </p>