https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 05 May 2026 06:26:27 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stay-at-home-parents-what-is-your-division-of-labor#post-1280001 Fri, 13 Dec 2013 13:16:33 +0000 littlecasita1122 1280001@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>As a SAHP, I would make a goal to get one chore done during the day when LO was younger (so newborn-6 month old range). Yes, my LO would nap 2-3 times a day, but only for 45 minutes at a time. One of those naps I used to take a shower. Another nap was often used so I could make myself lunch. There's not a lot of downtime with a younger infant until they can sit on their own and start interacting with toys more independently. </p> <p>You might need to prioritize chores for a bit - so choose 2-3 things that should get done each day. Have your husband do one of those things and see if after a couple weeks he can try getting two things done each day. I felt a lot of pressure to take care of a baby and the house all week by myself and eventually learned that baby comes first and house stuff comes after, if I have time. Slowing adding more chores to my routine worked well - I learned how to balance my time better week after week.</p> <p>For the dinner thing - can he try to do more slow cooker recipes? Those easy sort of meals really helped us when LO was younger. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stay-at-home-parents-what-is-your-division-of-labor#post-1279954 Fri, 13 Dec 2013 13:02:11 +0000 mrbee 1279954@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@OpinionsLikeKittens: Yah it's definitely tough! I work a decent number of hours (maybe 50-60 hours a week?) and it feels like I spend all of my spare time doing chores. I often have to wake up early just to do dishes ugh...</p> <p>I posted about my journey to balancing chores more fairly in our household... it's been a long path.<br /> <a href="http://www.hellobee.com/household-chores/" rel="nofollow">http://www.hellobee.com/household-chores/</a></p> <p>Since then, we've had some luck with a site called Chore Wars. It may be motivating for your husband to try it out!<br /> <a href="http://www.chorewars.com/" rel="nofollow">http://www.chorewars.com/</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stay-at-home-parents-what-is-your-division-of-labor#post-1279761 Fri, 13 Dec 2013 12:13:02 +0000 reverie 1279761@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: so out of curiosity who should do housework? by your own admission, you don't feel like it should fall on the at home caregiver, but you also think that the working parent should take most of the childcare when they are home. I gladly take as much time with my baby as I can when I'm not working -- I want to and hate that we need my salary -- but this leaves very little time to get anything else done when I'm already working for money 40 to 48 hours a week. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stay-at-home-parents-what-is-your-division-of-labor#post-1279722 Fri, 13 Dec 2013 12:01:09 +0000 Maysprout 1279722@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>He helps when he's home and has time with whatever needs to be done. I make sure he has free time too or if he wants to do something that it's not because of chores that he can't. But when he's home (and not working from home) the kids are both our responsibilities. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stay-at-home-parents-what-is-your-division-of-labor#post-1279688 Fri, 13 Dec 2013 11:50:51 +0000 stargal 1279688@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm a sahm mom and do about 85% of all the cleaning and I cook. He helps with child care though I would say that he does about 40% of childcare ( I go to school) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stay-at-home-parents-what-is-your-division-of-labor#post-1279661 Fri, 13 Dec 2013 11:45:19 +0000 mrbee 1279661@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I guess I think it's hard to watch a six month old! I don't expect the SAH parent to cook or clean... and think it's a good thing for the working parent to do most of the childcare when home? It's good for both parents to get that QT in!</p> <p>Once things get a little easier as LO gets older, then I do think I'd hope for more to get done around the house? But my expectations for that stuff are pretty low in the first 6-12 months or so! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stay-at-home-parents-what-is-your-division-of-labor#post-1279638 Fri, 13 Dec 2013 11:39:03 +0000 rattles 1279638@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I stay home, and DH is in charge of the grown up laundry and taking out the trash. I do LO's laundry and all of the rest of the household cleaning/shopping/maintenance/cooking. It varies for dishes. Growing up, my family had a policy that everyone either cooked or did the dishes, so that'd be my preference now. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stay-at-home-parents-what-is-your-division-of-labor#post-1279407 Fri, 13 Dec 2013 10:49:50 +0000 Rockies11 1279407@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am on a long mat leave, and I consider my "job" to be all of the domestic. So I do all the childcare, cooking, cleaning, finances, errands, etc. during the week, including all wake-ups (she's EBF and we co-sleep) and bedtimes, since she's asleep before my DH gets home. I try to accomplish everything that needs to get done (I even pre-make all our meals) so that the weekend can be rest/relaxation for the whole family. My DH helps out when he is up for it, and does more child care on the weekends, but more in the context of us all spending time together. I think I probably overdo it on the domestic side a bit, because my DH tells his friends it's super easy to have a baby, ha ha ha. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stay-at-home-parents-what-is-your-division-of-labor#post-1279237 Fri, 13 Dec 2013 10:09:34 +0000 Foodnerd81 1279237@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ah OK, then yeah, it does seem like he should pick up quite a bit more of the slack. We have talked about getting a cleaning lady too, though we haven't done it yet. I just want it for the big things that I truly don't want to do, like scrubbing the bathrooms. And we have a small dog who sheds a moderate amount and it's still insane how quickly the fur builds up in the corners. </p> <p>Hopefully you can discuss the division of labor while everyone is awake and in a good mood. I know I'm not at my best when waking up in the middle of the night (I have been known to say things like, No, it's fine, I'll just never sleep again! when he is OFFERING to help, but she's EBF so he can't). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stay-at-home-parents-what-is-your-division-of-labor#post-1279227 Fri, 13 Dec 2013 10:06:27 +0000 Modern Daisy 1279227@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When I was home for 3 months on maternity leave, once I was feeling more like myself I did about 85% of the childcare and household work. I had a routine going where I would go to the grocery store on Mondays, laundry on Tuesday's, clean the house on Wed or Thurs then run any other errands on Friday's. While taking care of LO was a lot of work, I didnt' think it was fair to DH to make him do his usual 50% of the labor when he was gone for so long during the day and I was home. After I got into my routine I found I did still have a lot of down time as long as I was good about spacing out the chores during the week.</p> <p>He still did things like take out the trash, clean up after dinner and watch LO while I showered, etc. but he never had to run an errand, cook or clean while I was out. And I gave him his choice every night if he wanted to take a night feeding or not and if so which one. He didn't midn taking one and it helped me sleep better and therefore do more for us during the day. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stay-at-home-parents-what-is-your-division-of-labor#post-1279217 Fri, 13 Dec 2013 10:04:56 +0000 reverie 1279217@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@heartonastring: a cleaning lady is so so so high on my list of things I want if it ever becomes fiscally viable. I have a 60lb dog that sheds all year long, I feel like we're swimming in her fur at this point! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stay-at-home-parents-what-is-your-division-of-labor#post-1279216 Fri, 13 Dec 2013 10:04:48 +0000 hilsy85 1279216@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@OpinionsLikeKittens: yeahhh that would not fly with me. If the roles were reversed and he worked full time while you stayed at home, what would his expectations of himself/you be? I definitely think you need to have a conversation about it!</p> <p>@Greentea: I agree to some extent...staying at home isn't JUST about taking care of the baby, it's about taking care of the house hold too, IMO (obviously not while ignoring the child). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stay-at-home-parents-what-is-your-division-of-labor#post-1279210 Fri, 13 Dec 2013 10:02:52 +0000 heartonastring 1279210@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm on a yearlong mat leave, so I'm a SAHM at the moment. The breakdown in our house, wrt the baby, is like 90-95% me/5-10% DH. I'm with her all day and do pretty much everything aside from bath time and bedtime. I also do all the MOTN wakeups, because I BF.</p> <p>I cook dinner, do the majority of the laundry and try to keep the house somewhat together (not my strength while also balancing DD). DH does most of the cleaning since DD was born. I really want to get a cleaning lady after I go back to work so that we can have more quality family time, without having to use that time on household chores. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stay-at-home-parents-what-is-your-division-of-labor#post-1279208 Fri, 13 Dec 2013 10:01:45 +0000 reverie 1279208@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: My son is 6 months old and gives us at least two one hour naps a day. It's not even that I expect my husband to cook and clean when he is with the baby for those 8 hours. When I am not working I take on 85% of the childcare activities... so today when I'm off at 530 I'll have the baby until he goes to bed at 8. I'll give him his bath and his night feeding. In those 2.5 hours my husband is "off" child duty, he will play around on the computer... and that is about it. Once the baby goes to bed, I'll start house work. Right now the baby and my husband are napping together; meanwhile I have been at work for an hour. </p> <p>When the baby was a new born, nothing got done ever from anyone, b/c he only slept 45 minutes at a time for roughly 8 weeks :P I didn't have the energy to even pretend to care about the house then! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stay-at-home-parents-what-is-your-division-of-labor#post-1279191 Fri, 13 Dec 2013 09:57:38 +0000 Foodnerd81 1279191@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@OpinionsLikeKittens: How old is your baby? For us, for the first few months I could not get anything done while I was home alone with the baby-- naps were unpredictable if they happened at all, so most days I used to rare nap for things like showering, eating, and perhaps laying down for a few minutes after being up multiple times a night. So, no, I didn't cook very often, or clean, or anything besides get through the day. </p> <p>BUT, now naps are getting a little better and when she is awake, she can play by herself on her play mat, so I'm able to do a little more. I try to cook or at least plan dinner, I pick up after me and LO throughout the day and put all her toys away at night, and take care of laundry and dishes throughout the day. Beyond that, we split most things on the weekends, like vacuuming, mopping, cleaning the bathrooms. I could do more of those things during the day, but I see my primary job as spending time with LO, not keeping immaculate bathrooms. We both work hard during the day so I feel like it's fair to split chores on the weekend. </p> <p>I do try and let him have extra time with LO on the weekends though, while I pick up extra chores, because he doesn't get to see her awake that much during the week. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stay-at-home-parents-what-is-your-division-of-labor#post-1279180 Fri, 13 Dec 2013 09:53:52 +0000 reverie 1279180@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks for your input... this is what I figured most people would say. I'm normally less annoyed with the situation, but he was really rude this morning about getting up. Today is my 12th day in a row at work and I'm tired too! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stay-at-home-parents-what-is-your-division-of-labor#post-1279177 Fri, 13 Dec 2013 09:53:05 +0000 immabeetoo 1279177@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ditto to @hilsy85 DH will often clean the kitchen at night if he doesn't have other work stuff to do. Sounds unfair to me what y'all are doin! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stay-at-home-parents-what-is-your-division-of-labor#post-1279125 Fri, 13 Dec 2013 09:37:27 +0000 lemondrop 1279125@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Whoever is home with baby is in charge of dinner and laundry and unloading the dishwasher for the day. We have plenty of laxity for busy/crabby days, but the person who brought home to bacon for the day is exempt from everything cleaning related except dishes (to us it's not fair to cook and then do dishes after). </p> <p>General house maintenance (mopping, vaccuming) I take care of on the weekend, my husband takes C to the park or gym so I can be faster. He has asthma, so I prefer to do it myself and not stir up dust with him in the house</p> <p>We also keep a list of chores on the fridge, since sometimes you have the few odd minutes and have ideas right there. Ultimately we try to be realistic and look at things from the others' shoes, it's far from a perfect system, but it keeps the peace relatively well. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stay-at-home-parents-what-is-your-division-of-labor#post-1279120 Fri, 13 Dec 2013 09:35:14 +0000 Greentea 1279120@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Taking care of a baby is a full-time job but whatever you two can work out is what works for you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stay-at-home-parents-what-is-your-division-of-labor#post-1279117 Fri, 13 Dec 2013 09:34:03 +0000 ILoveLettie 1279117@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree that your set-up doesn't sound very fair. I stay at home most of the time (no baby yet but she's due in February and things will likely stay the same division-of-labor-wise then); we're both grad students but I have class only 1 day a week, he has it 5 days a week. With my pregnancy wearing me out, I don't often get all the housework done and our house is often a mess--BUT when things do get done, 90% of the time it's me that does the housework. DH will help a little, usually when I'm at work (I work part time on the weekends); for us, our arrangement is very fair based on how much time the other spends out of the house. I imagine that when LO is born it'll be much like Silva and Hilsy's arrangements: DH will play with/take care of her more when he's home, and I'll take that time both as a break, but also to do the tidying up and housework. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stay-at-home-parents-what-is-your-division-of-labor#post-1279111 Fri, 13 Dec 2013 09:31:59 +0000 Mrs. Jump Rope 1279111@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We both work full time, though I work from home. Since I'm here, I do as much as I possibly can throughout the day. Laundry is done on an as-needed basis, and I try to fold/put away as soon as it's done. Same with dishes. And, I hate clutter so I try to pick up the house throughout the day. Having a toddler is kind of like a tornado, so the house gets messy quickly. </p> <p>My husband cooks almost every night. He's a great cook and I'm not. He does it without complaint and I love him for it. </p> <p>He can also tell what kind of day I've had with Lo by the way out house looks. If it's been a rough one, he pitches right in and helps pick up. </p> <p>He does bath time and bedtime himself. He's like a baby whisperer. I have a hard time getting clo to bed and he reads two books &amp; she's out! On the flip side, I'm a rock star at naps and he struggles!</p> <p>I mostly handle the day to day finances and scheduling joint appointments (like meeting with our financial advisor) while he's a bit more big picture with our finances. We schedule our own personal appointments. I pay half of the bills and he pays the other. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stay-at-home-parents-what-is-your-division-of-labor#post-1279087 Fri, 13 Dec 2013 09:23:52 +0000 Beyond2 1279087@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm a SAHM. I do pretty much all house and child care. Occasionally DH will rinse dishes after dinner and on weekends I ask him to change some of the diapers or play with DS so I can accomplish stuff faster but everything else pretty much falls on my shoulders. I cook, clean and take care of DS. DH does help me with bath and bedtime, we do those together. When DS was waking at night I did all night wakings....</p> <p>ETA: DS was EBF and still nurses in the morning, before naps and before bed so DH can't help with any of that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stay-at-home-parents-what-is-your-division-of-labor#post-1279066 Fri, 13 Dec 2013 09:18:21 +0000 Silva 1279066@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hilsy85: we divide it up pretty much the same way. When my husband has weekends off he does dishes, cooks, hangs out with LO, etc.<br /> if he gets home before her bedtime he does bath and stuff with her. I think it's only fair that he gets to relax in the evenings! We both do! </p> <p>Your setup doesn't sound very fair to me. It is hard to get stuff done while playing with a babe....our place is not the cleanest right now, but it is part of my job in staying home, and I do my best....</p> <p>A chore chart might help, but I think you should have an honest and direct conversation about how much you are taking on </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stay-at-home-parents-what-is-your-division-of-labor#post-1279049 Fri, 13 Dec 2013 09:11:18 +0000 hilsy85 1279049@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I SAH and I do all house related things--while LO naps I clean, do laundry, cook/prepare meals, etc. On the weekends, DH will help cook, and will spend more time with LO while I do house stuff or relax. </p> <p>It doesn't seem fair that you work out of the home full time AND also take on most of the household stuff!! What does he do while LO is napping? Have you tried a chore chart? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stay-at-home-parents-what-is-your-division-of-labor#post-1279041 Fri, 13 Dec 2013 09:08:17 +0000 reverie 1279041@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband is a stay at home dad, and I think he is rather spoiled on a day to day basis compared to most stay at home caregivers. For the most part he is great with the baby, but doesn't do much with the housework or cook dinner with regularity. When I'm not working the childcare is 85% me and 15% him. We split nights - each taking every other night, but this morning my husband was pretty rude to me when I woke him up for his turn (I'm the lighter sleeper and don't see the point of making the baby full on scream before you change the diaper / feed him). </p> <p>So anyway, what is the break down in your household? I fully understand that taking care of a baby is a full time job-- I guess my argument is; if that is true I have a full time job and a part time job and I think my husband should help more. My exciting Friday night plans are to clean the house after the baby goes to sleep as we're living in a disaster area -- I worked last weekend and really if I don't do it, it typically doesn't get done. </p>