https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 22 May 2026 00:02:53 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stealing-kisses#post-2790718 Thu, 07 Dec 2017 15:00:29 +0000 Mommy Finger 2790718@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I 100% agree with you </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stealing-kisses#post-2790717 Thu, 07 Dec 2017 14:59:46 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2790717@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mommy Finger: the similarity was just that both teacher actions involved kissing and both moms were not happy about it. The only way to stop it from happening was tackling it head on. Like you, my heart warms when I see teachers loving on my kid. I just want them to respect his boundaries in the moment. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stealing-kisses#post-2790706 Thu, 07 Dec 2017 14:35:33 +0000 Mommy Finger 2790706@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So I feel like this post is a lot different than the other post from @aspen about kissing a baby. If your child clearly doesn't want this to happen, absolutely I'd have a problem with it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stealing-kisses#post-2790568 Thu, 07 Dec 2017 07:36:53 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2790568@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: ah I see. It's not so much the rooms but I thought you meant six new sets of teachers which would be too many for me! Glad they seemed to understand! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stealing-kisses#post-2790565 Thu, 07 Dec 2017 07:19:14 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2790565@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ok, so I just had the conversation with the lead teacher. She said they as a daycare don’t push the kids to be affectionate, so I had to just fess up that I have observed this. I called it “stealing kisses,” which is what the other teacher gloats when she does it. The term is fairly common in my community, we’re black and the other kissy teacher is as well although I’m not 100% sure about the main teacher, but once I said she seemed to understand more what I was okay with and what I wasn’t. </p> <p>I kind of want to follow up with the director in charge of the babies. If we want children to learn to keep hands to themselves and recognize good touch vs bad touch it starts with us adults respecting their space.</p> <p>@turquoisemama: kissing the kids is so common at this place. I know because I watch the cameras a couple times a day. :wink: For instance, when LO was in the crawler/ early walker/ beginning solids room the main teacher would always plant a kiss on the babies’ heads when she would pick them up for diaper changes. Not all the teachers kiss the kids. One of my favorite teachers would kneel down and open her arms if LO ran to give her a hug that was great, if not that was great too. I think she was good at reading each babies’ affection needs. </p> <p>@2littlepumpkins: six classrooms is actually a good thing in our case. The babies move through the rooms as they developmentally progress. The class sizes are small, which helps keep crawlers with crawlers for instance. Sometimes a teacher will move with the kids to maintain familiarity. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stealing-kisses#post-2790559 Thu, 07 Dec 2017 03:02:45 +0000 turquoisemama 2790559@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: This is really weird and it would really bother me if any teacher was kissing a student with or with out permission. In my opinion that’s totally inappropriate. I’ve worked in several day cares and preschools and I would never consider kissing one of the kids! Even just on the cheek or whatever. So weird. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stealing-kisses#post-2790544 Wed, 06 Dec 2017 23:06:40 +0000 gingerbebe 2790544@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: in that case I would tell the morning teacher and ask her to tell the PM teacher and then also mention it to the director, again, just to be like “just so we are on the same page” so that if/when your son moved classroom the director already knows that’s your policy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stealing-kisses#post-2790535 Wed, 06 Dec 2017 22:01:26 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2790535@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: just two- preschool and now elementary. No daycare, I stayed home. 6 classes in 14 months would bug me. My daughter's preschool had pretty low turnover with the lead teachers and for assistant teachers I would say lower than average turnover too. The lead teachers that were there when we toured stayed for at least three years in the same classroom that I know of. And I know at least a couple had been there for years before that. I think I'm ECE that's pretty good. But that's not infant/toddler so it's a bit different. Hopefully your Lo does well in the backup place and can sort of start over around preschool age. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stealing-kisses#post-2790524 Wed, 06 Dec 2017 21:06:22 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2790524@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: I like this approach up just being super up front about it, but the only time I see her is at the end of the day. She’s clearly exhausted and ready to go home (she says it!). She’s the second teacher. Do you think saying this to the lead teacher in the morning is just as good? I noticed in the other classes the teachers communicated pretty well? </p> <p>@2littlepumpkins: how many schools have you used? LO has attended this daycare since he was 3 months old and this is his 6th class in 14 months. I noticed they moved teachers around when the new school year started. Teachers that taught the older kids are now with the young toddlers. I really like the lead teacher in this class room and she has had this age group for awhile. Just before (about 2-3 weeks) the switch LO cried every morning at drop off because he just didn’t mesh with a new hire. Now, if I drop him off late he goes directly in his new class and gladly follows his teacher. Any complaint I have DH knows the days are numbered at this place because I feel the back up daycare is stronger academically. </p> <p>@Mama Bird: @PawPrints: @marym: thanks, you all are making me feel a little better about saying something. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stealing-kisses#post-2790485 Wed, 06 Dec 2017 18:58:06 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2790485@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I don't think you should need to do that, but since I really try to be on good terms with my kids teacher/s I would try to see if she catches on first and if she still kept doing it then I'd bring it up directly. I have gotten to be a little picky choosing schools and met the teachers for both years of my daughter's preschool before enrolling her, and just have been lucky with her first elementary teacher.. Since I've been lucky with teachers, so I try not to ruffle feathers. But I know that may be the minority here... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stealing-kisses#post-2790471 Wed, 06 Dec 2017 18:36:21 +0000 PawPrints 2790471@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Definitely not okay and you should feel empowered to say something. Teachers and care providers should be the recipients of affection that the child initiates; forcing affection after being told no is way over the line. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stealing-kisses#post-2790468 Wed, 06 Dec 2017 18:06:44 +0000 gingerbebe 2790468@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would bring it up with the teacher directly, but not in the moment where she's trying to touch your kid. I would say something like on a Monday morning during drop off:</p> <p>"Hey, so my husband and I have decided that we are going to start teaching X body autonomy and body safety - you know, with how crazy the world is getting these days with all the sexual harassment and assaults. We want to teach him to ask permission to touch people and to have his permission before touching him. So we are enforcing a new rule on everyone he interacts with that they not touch him without asking and not force him to hug or kiss or anything. I know you're super loving towards him, and I really appreciate that you care about him so much, but its just very important to me that he learns how to keep himself safe and learn to trust himself when he feels uncomfortable. Anyways, I just wanted to let you know so we can all be on the same page at home and at school." </p> <p>There's literally no teacher I can think of worth their salt who would be offended by something like that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stealing-kisses#post-2790463 Wed, 06 Dec 2017 17:13:09 +0000 erinbaderin 2790463@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would bring it up directly, I hope, but I would also feel really uncomfortable about it. I think I’d wait for an opportunity for it to happen naturally - she asks, he says no, and I’d try to jump in with “that’s ok, you never have to hug or kiss if you don’t want to, let’s just wave today.” </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stealing-kisses#post-2790461 Wed, 06 Dec 2017 16:57:39 +0000 JennyPenny 2790461@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents do this and I’m so nonconfrontational that I can’t even bring it up directly with them. Instead I say to LO “ok, you don’t want to give a kiss, how would you like to say goodbye instead” and he generally offers up a high five or wave which appeases everyone. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stealing-kisses#post-2790460 Wed, 06 Dec 2017 16:56:37 +0000 youboots 2790460@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would be uncomfortable with this. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stealing-kisses#post-2790459 Wed, 06 Dec 2017 16:55:01 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2790459@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@2littlepumpkins: yeah, I’m going to have to be better about keeping him near me during pick up and becoming more of a physical barrier so she can’t just scoop him up to get a kiss. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stealing-kisses#post-2790457 Wed, 06 Dec 2017 16:49:47 +0000 MaryM 2790457@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd bring it up with the teacher directly first. I'd only go to the director if you bring it up directly, and they don't listen to you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stealing-kisses#post-2790456 Wed, 06 Dec 2017 16:49:17 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2790456@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If he says no I'd start picking him up and say "ok, you don't want kisses. Let's go to the car!" And just leave it there and not give her a chance to do this.. and hope it takes. I follow a similar thought about not forcing touches. I have the hardest time with my side of the family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stealing-kisses#post-2790455 Wed, 06 Dec 2017 16:46:33 +0000 Mama Bird 2790455@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes, I think you should say something. It's hard, because it's not like it's a safety concern or wildly inappropriate... but it's just not nice. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stealing-kisses#post-2790452 Wed, 06 Dec 2017 16:39:37 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2790452@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>How do you feel about your childcare providers “stealing” kisses?</p> <p>We do not force LO to hug or kiss anyone. We even ask him for kisses or hugs before we do it. After too much prodding by family (at Thanksgiving) DH and I stepped in and told them to back off. However, I feel like I have let my LO down because I have not done the same thing with one of his daycare teachers in his new classroom. When LO doesn’t comply with a good bye kiss she steals one and he’s clearly not happy about it. </p> <p>Do I just need to woman up and tell her it’s okay for him not to give a kiss or hug AND she should not force it? Or is this something I should bring up the director (there’s a team so one of them) and have them handle?</p> <p>Just thinking about why I haven’t said anything already makes me feel like an ass, but the teacher intimidates me. She’s a little rough around the edges, “playfully” teases the kids, and clearly comes from the school that children should blindly obey adults. I love that she is affectionate with LO, but I just want him to have more say over when it happens. </p>