https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 05 May 2026 09:12:09 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/still-kinda-hurt-about-mothers-day#post-1633018 Wed, 14 May 2014 08:12:12 +0000 T.H.O.U. 1633018@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs Hedgehog: Good! Sometimes it takes practice though to realize we are in old habits.</p> <p>Also, something to beware of, usually you "give love" the way you like to "receive love". So if he was trying to plan a big gift or elaborate surprise, that may be what he's expecting for fathers day (but sadly probably won't appreciate as much the clean house or sleeping baby!) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/still-kinda-hurt-about-mothers-day#post-1633013 Wed, 14 May 2014 08:10:07 +0000 Mrs Hedgehog 1633013@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@T.H.O.U.: the funny thing is, we recently did this. He knows this about me. That book really has something to it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/still-kinda-hurt-about-mothers-day#post-1633005 Wed, 14 May 2014 08:07:00 +0000 T.H.O.U. 1633005@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would also maybe suggest working through the "Love Languages" with him. It sounds like your language that you receive love is "Acts of Service" which is more than just gifts and cards and extra special surprises. Let him know that little acts of service like a clean house is way more important than a big elaborate gift to you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/still-kinda-hurt-about-mothers-day#post-1632995 Wed, 14 May 2014 08:00:55 +0000 Mrs Hedgehog 1632995@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I did tell him my expectations. I wanted a clean house to begin with. There were specific, but small things I wanted. None of them gifts. For me it isn't the physical gift that I want but rather the thought behind the act or gift. It wasn't even that he didn't do anything. It was the attitude. "Here are your cards. I'm done." We have talked about it and he agrees. In fact, he came to me and told me that he felt he dropped the ball and wants to make it up to me. Which means a lot. I don't expect a big event every year. I was just expecting something a little more this year and he knew that. He was just overwhelmed because he wanted to do something I wasn't expecting and extra special but every time he tried it fell through. The fact that he tried means so much and after taking it through I feel better. Again, I wasn't expecting a day full of surprises and gifts. I am a super sentimental person. A simple framed handprint has been known to bring me to tears. Lol. </p> <p>I know he cares. I know I am being ridiculous. I explained to him that I didn't want a big production. No hot air balloon rides or super fancy dinners. Infact, my favorite meal of the day consisted of avocado, watermelon and pears. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/still-kinda-hurt-about-mothers-day#post-1632987 Wed, 14 May 2014 07:54:48 +0000 hellocupcake 1632987@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs Hedgehog: I hope he steps up next year. DH did the same thing my first Mother's Day. I don't even think I remember him getting me a gift, not even a card! This year he made up for it big time. My favorite pizza, ice cream and candy. Seriously that's all it takes and he couldn't have done that last year?! Haha. Hopefully your DH only needs one year for a learning curve :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/still-kinda-hurt-about-mothers-day#post-1632970 Wed, 14 May 2014 07:40:42 +0000 Charm54 1632970@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>While it would have been nice if he let you sleep while he watched LO, I would cut him some slack...flowers, a gift and a card are pretty awesome.</p> <p>I think sometimes when you see on the internet that other mothers are wanting/getting jewellery, purses, spa treatments , etc it can skew your expectations.</p> <p>But I would bet the majority of us had a rather low-key Mothers Day with a few thoughtful things. I know I prefer it that way, because if not it seems that there is a need to be extravagant every month of the year! (valentines, anniversaries, Mother's Day, etc). We just buy big gifts for Christmas and birthdays and keep it low-key, but thoughtful, for other holidays. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/still-kinda-hurt-about-mothers-day#post-1632958 Wed, 14 May 2014 07:35:13 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 1632958@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I know first Mother's Day is a big deal to us moms, but I think sometimes guys need specific instructions if you have expectations. The weekend of my first Mother's Day, the pipes clogged in our house. I asked mr jacks to get it fixed Friday, but he was sure he could fix it. We went the entire weekend without water, he spent the entire day Sunday under the sink cussing. No card, no flowers, no ability to cook food.</p> <p>I was pretty steamed but also was very clear about the next year. Flowers and a card were what I wanted and last year he delivered exactly that.</p> <p>This year he went above and beyond, but I think it's easier now that the girls are older!</p> <p>I'm sorry you had a crappy day. Be clear about your expectations and hopefully next year will be better! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/still-kinda-hurt-about-mothers-day#post-1632944 Wed, 14 May 2014 07:24:20 +0000 Smurfette 1632944@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Honestly I think he did enough. Unless you told him your expectations, how is he supposed to know better.</p> <p>DH and I said no gifts this year, so he made me breakfast after I woke up (I got to sleep in). Then we were leaving to my parents and he is like did you grab your cards? He stuck them in with the ones for my Mom and Grandma. </p> <p>In his family, they don't do anything but cards and a phone call, so maybe your DH's family is similar that they don't make a big deal about it? Although I think flowers, gift, and a card is plenty. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/still-kinda-hurt-about-mothers-day#post-1632937 Wed, 14 May 2014 07:18:51 +0000 mlm2934 1632937@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just going to be brutally honest - maybe cut him a little slack this time? It sounds like he did try and put some effort into it, even if compared to the standard he has set for himself it fell short. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/still-kinda-hurt-about-mothers-day#post-1632929 Wed, 14 May 2014 07:07:36 +0000 Turd Ferguson 1632929@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Damn, flowers, cards, a pretty genius present, and dinner sounds pretty legit to me! Haahhaa, but I guess if there's usually more, and you think he dropped the ball, I can get that you're disappointed. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/still-kinda-hurt-about-mothers-day#post-1632896 Wed, 14 May 2014 06:21:16 +0000 Weagle 1632896@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>How fun that you had your dedication on mother's day! I was always looking forward to that (also Baptist here), but we don't do them at our church. I think they're sweet. </p> <p>As far as your DH goes, I'm sorry :(. My DH is typically awesome - he planned a surprise engagement in Barcelona kind of awesome! But sometimes the simple celebrations totally overwhelm him. Last mother's day especially. He expects me to have high expectations, even though I don't, and it just stresses him out. Maybe this first year did that to him? Maybe you could just talk through it, and I'm sure next year will be better. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/still-kinda-hurt-about-mothers-day#post-1632887 Wed, 14 May 2014 06:02:32 +0000 blackbird 1632887@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Did you communicate any expectations or just assume he would rise to the occasion? Since it's so "out of character", it sounds like there was more going on. And with you getting up to deal with the baby-why didn't you ask him to get her? I'm a big fan of asking for what you want or need....otherwise you never get it </p> <p>Flowers, dinner, a gift, and a card sound nice, and relatively par for the course. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/still-kinda-hurt-about-mothers-day#post-1632883 Wed, 14 May 2014 05:54:49 +0000 Beyond2 1632883@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I had no expectations so I wasn't bothered, but our mothers day celebrations were much less than yours. for mothers day I got up early to cook breakfast for his mom. my card was happy mothers day written on a diaper. No gift although we are planning to get some lilacs soon that I'm considering my gift. my husband took a nap (with our new born while the toddler napped) while I cleaned the house back up. And then we had dinner with my parents and I ate last beause the baby wanted to nurse. For me, mothers day it's a big deal, so life as normal was what I expected. I still enjoyed the day with my family though! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/still-kinda-hurt-about-mothers-day#post-1632854 Wed, 14 May 2014 04:25:04 +0000 Dandelion 1632854@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>At least you got something. My DH didn't even say happy mother's day. He said that HE was too tired from me being in the hospital all week for him to deal with it. </p> <p>Didn't go over well with me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/still-kinda-hurt-about-mothers-day#post-1632853 Wed, 14 May 2014 04:20:34 +0000 illumina 1632853@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm not saying you are not justified in feeling upset, but I think it's all about expectations these days. More so, when you go online and people are saying they got this and that and lavish gifts and doted on all day etc. but the way I see it, it's the thought that REALLY counts and maybe those people just get gifts because material things are important to them, idk. </p> <p>I just got a card from LO and a voucher for a meal that Dh arranged and that was all, but I didn't expect anything more so I was happy :) </p> <p>My Dh would probably react like yours in that it seems like the day was about you and your Mom and maybe he didn't quite know where to fit in. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/still-kinda-hurt-about-mothers-day#post-1632851 Wed, 14 May 2014 04:17:05 +0000 mrbee 1632851@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So sorry you were unhappy! :(</p> <p>Re: half-assing holidays (and birthdays, etc.), that happened a lot more for us after we first had kids! After a few years, it's getting easier to prioritize relationship stuff again... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/still-kinda-hurt-about-mothers-day#post-1632849 Wed, 14 May 2014 04:11:08 +0000 Mrs Hedgehog 1632849@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I know how ungrateful this is about to sound. I have repeatedly told myself how lucky I am. I still can't shake this feeling of hurt though...</p> <p>I work nights (6 pm - 6 am) and my schedule has me getting off work Sunday morning, exhausted. I tried to get that night of but two other co-workers already took it off and since we are so short staffed, I couldn't. Fine. I knew I was just going to be a little tired. DD was getting dedicated at church that morning which was super exciting and fun since it landed on Mothers Day. (For those who don't know, I am Baptist and we don't believe in baptizing or christening babies as it is a choice to do so and babies can't yet make that choice. Instead we do a small dedication where we commit, as a family to raise her in Christ.) It was crazy planning the logistics of getting our family organized, us ready and DD ready while managing to get in a tiny nap for me before it all started so I could function.</p> <p>When I got home, I got DD up so I could feed her and DH sweetly brought me some cards. He had flowers delivered earlier in the week. (Which I only happened to notice when they were behind a bunch of dirty dishes, un-bloomed and forgotten about... Thanks?) He handed the cards to me while I was nursing DD and got back in bed. My gift was mixed in, a printed off Groupon for a canvas print. That's it. A piece of paper just mixed in with the cards. And that is where his celebration of Mothers Day ended. I put DD back to bed for another hour, took a shower and a nap before getting up for church. We went to my parents afterward where my sister made lunch for my mom (and subsequently me) we hung out, played a game while my Dad and sisters cooked my mom and I dinner. I had to tell DH to go help them. My parents even planned a special "dinner" with me and DD of all her favorite foods. She is just 8 months so avocado, watermelon, and pears! When DD was crabby and having a hard time napping at my parents it was up to me to put her down... Repeatedly.</p> <p>This was my first Mothers Day. This is unlike my husband. He is usually really awesome. When I talked to him about it he seemed hurt saying he didn't know what else to do. He was just so preoccupied with the Dedication and wished we didn't have to spend the day at my parents only celebrating my mom.... Which we weren't doing. He wanted to take me to get a pedicure for the two of us (which I have been begging for for YEARS but he refuses to go because "foot soup" grosses him out. Lol) and never really have a reason why he didn't.</p> <p>Again. I know how ungrateful I am sounding. I got flowers and a gift and dinner cooked for me. It just really felt like DH, who usually tries really hard, just half assed it. He went online, ordered some flowers on sale and a Groupon, bought some cards and called it a day.</p> <p>Just not the special First Mothers Day I had been expecting.... I worked harder making a photo book of DD for his mom than he did for me.</p> <p>Rant over. </p>