https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 12 Aug 2026 13:07:09 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stop-trying-to-one-up-my-pain#post-1288905 Wed, 18 Dec 2013 11:29:52 +0000 googly-eyes 1288905@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I also think the way we voice out complaints matters though... Whether we have a sense of humor for lighter situations or we act as though the worst thing in the world is, I don't know, not knowing what to wear today. Some people are constant complainers who need a little perspective. But for the most part I agree with the author. And I don't think it's really my business to give people perspective if I have something worse going on, unless they ask for it or its someone very close maybe. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stop-trying-to-one-up-my-pain#post-1288878 Wed, 18 Dec 2013 11:26:11 +0000 googly-eyes 1288878@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Although I don't care for her writing style I mostly agree with what she is saying! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stop-trying-to-one-up-my-pain#post-1285905 Tue, 17 Dec 2013 09:46:24 +0000 SugarplumsMom 1285905@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think everybody has the right to complain. It could be about something trivial or a more serious matter, but everyone has that right and I don't believe that anyone else should take that away from them, intentionally or not. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stop-trying-to-one-up-my-pain#post-1285746 Tue, 17 Dec 2013 08:55:37 +0000 Dandelion 1285746@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The commenter's loss might have been recent. I know when I lost S, I wanted to shake almost every single one of you, which is why I avoided HB for a while. It wasn't rational, and I knew/know that. But, the bitterness you have after a tragic loss sticks around for a few months, and you just want to punch anyone who complains that their baby isn't sleeping well or other problems that seem moot to a loss mama.</p> <p>That doesn't make it right, though. </p> <p>Sometimes it's good to help put things into perspective, but it seem that the way the loss mama on that blog commented, she acted like the blogger's blog offended her. Way to be a Debbie Downer. I avoid doing that as much as I can. I just know, now, that when I'm tired with LO in the middle of the night, that I'l remember the alternative and enjoy every minute of it that I can. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stop-trying-to-one-up-my-pain#post-1285724 Tue, 17 Dec 2013 08:47:24 +0000 Lindsay05 1285724@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Meh, everyone is allowed to vent. One upping is never ok but showing some compassion if you do want to express your opinion, is important. I am sorry OP of your hard day. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stop-trying-to-one-up-my-pain#post-1285712 Tue, 17 Dec 2013 08:42:07 +0000 Anagram 1285712@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I also think, after reflecting since reading this yesterday...that this is behavior women engage in a lot more readily then men. I don't know why this is, but it saddens me. Women do this to women more often in my experience.</p> <p>Just more of the same judgemental stuff we women do to tear each other down. I really wish we could just say, "I can see you are having a hard day. I've also been having a tough time lately. Let's support each other and lean on each other when we need to". </p> <p>Maybe that makes me a Pollyanna. =) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stop-trying-to-one-up-my-pain#post-1285708 Tue, 17 Dec 2013 08:39:40 +0000 Anagram 1285708@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think the blogger was abrasive in her message, but I kind of agree with her. I don't agree that no one in the world is allowed to complain about something because SOMEONE out there has it worse in that category. Honestly, it isn't good for anyone. It's not good for the person who is having a tough day and wants to get a few things off their chest, and I can't imagine it's theraputic for the one-upper either. Or I don't know...maybe it IS theraputic for the one upper to do it, and that's why people engage in it.</p> <p>I've shared this before, but my dad passed away in college in a fairly traumatic way (for me). I have friends and coworkers all the time who share issues they are having with their parents and I read it on HB, too. I don't think it's helpful for anyone, ME INCLUDED to chime in with "At least you HAVE a dad" or whatever. My little sister is so mentally ill, we've had to go to court over and over to take over guardianship and commit her (unwillingly, I might add), to psychiatric institutions so she doesn't inavertently kill herself through her risky behaviors when she's off her meds. When my BF complains about her sister wearing and ruining her new boots, I don't say "at least your sister isn't habitually living on the streets, doing anything she can to get drugs". I mean, ugh. My situations don't negate the difficulties she's having.</p> <p>I just think it's better for the world in general if we walk a mile in other's shoes. Yes, you may have a giant, difficult, horrible, awful problem in your life....it's part of the human experience that we will ALL go through something. We will all have something that rocks our world eventually. No one gets out unscathed. Have a little compassion and let other people vent when they need to. =) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stop-trying-to-one-up-my-pain#post-1285612 Tue, 17 Dec 2013 04:12:23 +0000 TheSwissWifeStyle 1285612@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I understand where the blogger is coming from. I guess your blog is your own, to do with and say what you want. On my own blog, I've complained plenty about my own situation. </p> <p>But I also understand where the commenter is coming from. When I see friends/family on FB complaining about their kids or pregnancy, I want to punch them in the face. (Sorry, but I'm just being honest.) </p> <p>And then of course sometimes I feel guilty for complaining, because some have it much worse than I. </p> <p>I don't think the commenter was wrong for making her comment. There's been many times I've wanted to "lash out" at "complainers" but it's usually in the heat of the moment, and to be honest, I just don't have the balls most of the time. Once in a while I'll say something, veiled in a joking manor. </p> <p>It's true that there's always going to be someone worse off than you, so I think just keeping that in mind, at least for me, helps to keep things in perspective. </p> <p>I"m not familiar with that blog, and I totally get what the blogger was saying, but I think the post was a bit self-righteous. Or maybe I just side a bit more with the commenter. I dunno, sticky situation. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stop-trying-to-one-up-my-pain#post-1284653 Mon, 16 Dec 2013 14:52:10 +0000 Freckles 1284653@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@2PeasinaPod: I agree with you. It should have put things in perspective for her as opposed to going on a tirade against a person who may not have entirely deserved it.</p> <p>If she's going to blog about her "struggles" she can't seriously expect that she's going to get a flood of sympathy. Just like how i'm going to get some "perspective" from the hive if i complain about something on HB. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stop-trying-to-one-up-my-pain#post-1284521 Mon, 16 Dec 2013 14:06:54 +0000 TemperanceBrennan 1284521@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>One-upping is not ok regardless of the topic:<br /> - You did this one thing? I did this other thing that is totally better.<br /> - Your kid just hit a milestone? Mine did a long time ago and is already talking.<br /> - You're sad because your pet died? Well my mom just died.</p> <p>I don't think the commenter was one-upping her, and I think the blogger took it out of context to write a ranty blog post. </p> <p>Perspective is a good thing to have. I complain about first-world problems all the time. But when I realize I am fortunate enough to live in the first-world, my problems don't seem bad at all. The fact there is always someone worse off than you doesn't negate your feelings. It should just make you feel thankful for the good things you do have in your life.</p> <p>ETA: ditto on knowing your audience </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stop-trying-to-one-up-my-pain#post-1284472 Mon, 16 Dec 2013 13:57:50 +0000 regberadaisy 1284472@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@blackbird: agree on the audience. I generally try to be supportive when people are complaining about their day and commiserate. But when it's something of a larger magnitude I try to gauge that person and usually start off with "I don't know if you're ready yet for this...but...." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stop-trying-to-one-up-my-pain#post-1284458 Mon, 16 Dec 2013 13:55:27 +0000 pui 1284458@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>In general, when someone is complaining to me about something, I don't complain back about my own things.</p> <p>On the other hand I agree with @blackbird: "Bitching about how you stubbed your toe to someone who lost their foot in an accident is just...dumb" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stop-trying-to-one-up-my-pain#post-1284444 Mon, 16 Dec 2013 13:52:01 +0000 blackbird 1284444@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I hate this idea because it says, "you shouldn't complain because I've had it worse," which i think is generally a shitty thing to do. There's a line between appreciating what you have and being "allowed" to vent and someone just being kind of douchey about it. </p> <p>But at the same time, keeping perspective is a good thing and can keep us from going off the rails and throwing ourselves a sad party for one. And yeah, sometimes i do remind myself that others have it worse and I need to pull myself up by my bootstraps sometimes. </p> <p>You gotta know your audience because I do think people can be insensitive in light of others. Bitching about how you stubbed your toe to someone who lost their foot in an accident is just...dumb </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stop-trying-to-one-up-my-pain#post-1284419 Mon, 16 Dec 2013 13:47:46 +0000 littlebug 1284419@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with her point. I don't think that people who are "one-upping" others are doing it out of malice, but regardless, it invalidates the first person's feelings, and that's not ok. Everyone experiences pain that feels real to them, and whether or not someone else agrees that that is a painful thing, it's not for them to make a comment on it. Pain - physical and emotional - is subjective. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stop-trying-to-one-up-my-pain#post-1284366 Mon, 16 Dec 2013 13:34:11 +0000 2PeasinaPod 1284366@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>While I see what she's saying, I don't think the people who are "one-upping" are doing it to make the person feel absolutely awful about themselves...they're trying to put things in perspective for you. To try to get you out of your funky depression and make you feel appreciative. Maybe I'm way off base, but that's my thought. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stop-trying-to-one-up-my-pain#post-1284328 Mon, 16 Dec 2013 13:23:40 +0000 Dandelion 1284328@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@locavore_mama: Agreed. I generally try not to publicly complain about things. I see people on my FB that are way worse off than me, even though I've been through some trauma this year. </p> <p>But, I also am careful not to one-up anyone. People have their issues, and pregnancy and parenting isn't easy. I know I'll be complaining to myself soon about sleepless newborns and cranky toddlers. But, I'll just one up myself and remember where I have already been. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stop-trying-to-one-up-my-pain#post-1284322 Mon, 16 Dec 2013 13:19:39 +0000 Mae 1284322@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think that when someone says something to you like that "well you shouldn't complain bc this horrible thing happened to me" you(/i/anyone) should react with compassion because it is clear they are hurting. And are obviously not a good person to vent to because they've got their own shit they're dealing with and are just not capable of being a shoulder for you right then. </p> <p>But I agree with her point. We should also make a point to not say this to other people when at all possible because it really doesn't help. People can be generally grateful and occasionally need to vent/complain/whatever. We should just be good friends and listen. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stop-trying-to-one-up-my-pain#post-1284292 Mon, 16 Dec 2013 13:05:55 +0000 regberadaisy 1284292@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I understand where she is coming from but to be honest the blogger's post annoys me. </p> <p>I don't think the commenter came from a place of malice. It came from a place of hurt. And yes, her hurt is more legit than the blogger's complaint of being a working mom.</p> <p>I don't know. I get plenty of woe is me moments. When I do I complain to other moms that will get where I am coming from. People who will lend a ear and support. I don't blog it for all the world to see.</p> <p>And maybe because I have experienced tragic loss and the only way I get through it is by reminding myself there are others out there that has experienced 1,000x worse. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stop-trying-to-one-up-my-pain#post-1284272 Mon, 16 Dec 2013 13:00:01 +0000 NurseMommy 1284272@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This struck a chord with me today, because I often feel sooooo guilty in the moments when I'm depressed, missing my dad, or feeling like I just can't do it anymore. Thoughts?</p> <p><a href="http://www.renegademothering.com/2013/11/19/stop-trying-to-one-up-my-pain-it-never-works" rel="nofollow">http://www.renegademothering.com/2013/11/19/stop-trying-to-one-up-my-pain-it-never-works</a> </p>