https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 04 May 2026 12:21:05 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stopping-at-2-kids#post-2782705 Sat, 28 Oct 2017 06:18:49 +0000 Becky 2782705@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think you guys have me convinced, and just thinking about not going through the stress and chaos of the 0-2 year range again has me breathing easier so that's probably a sign! We won't make a final decision for a few years but I'm definitely leaning to 2 now (especially as on top of it I'd be working full time for a few years with 3 😬). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stopping-at-2-kids#post-2782678 Fri, 27 Oct 2017 20:56:24 +0000 babypugs 2782678@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Becky: I have one younger sister and definitely felt like that was enough sibling for me! I did have a billion cousins and loved the chaos of that. My two girls only have one cousin across the country and it makes me a little sad that they will be the only kids at family gatherings...but not sad enough to have another, ha! I am not willing to sacrifice our overall quality of life to add one more for the fun holiday dynamic. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stopping-at-2-kids#post-2782671 Fri, 27 Oct 2017 20:03:51 +0000 Anagram 2782671@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We are done having bio kids at 2. We're older and pregnancy did a number on my health that I'm still not over (and my youngest will be 2.5 soon!). I'm one of 6 kids, and there are certain things I like about being from a big family, but I'm only close to 3 of my 5 siblings (the two oldest are 15 and 12 years older than me and we are diametrically opposed on basically any topic in life, so we don't really communicate outside larger gatherings and we really only have a cursory avoid-religion-and-politics-and-stick-to-small-talk type of relationship.) As most modern families these days, we are flung across the US, from LA to NYC so we rarely even are all together in that "big family" way so many people imagine.</p> <p>Anyway, there are so many factors to consider. We live far from our families, and we live in an expensive area. We could make 3 work, but we don't really want to. I'll be honest, I think my children are a joy for the most part and if I could clone them as they are, I would want more. </p> <p>But I can't do pregnancy again. And I don't want to do the newborn days again. So two it is. I'm open to one day fostering or adopting through the foster system though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stopping-at-2-kids#post-2782668 Fri, 27 Oct 2017 19:47:35 +0000 Foodnerd81 2782668@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ShootingStar: everything you said about my family of two kids just feeling right. But, I’m from a big family (5 kids) and DH is one of three kids. But still- it feels right for us. And my need for personal recharging time is much gr Ayer since having our second. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stopping-at-2-kids#post-2782509 Fri, 27 Oct 2017 09:30:57 +0000 catlady 2782509@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I grew up with one sibling and have 2 kids now. It feels like the perfect family size to me. My mom had 5 sisters and they are always fighting (this has gotten even worse now that my grandmother has passed away). I can't say that I'm particularly close with my brother, but that's more due to our personalities than family size. Same goes for DH and his siblings. Honestly, based on our families' histories, sometimes I feel like more siblings = more problems! I think if you live near family and have large family gatherings, that will make up for having a larger immediate family. My family is tiny (just the 4 of us, and only my dad and my brother ever since my mom died), but with my aunts, uncles, and cousins, we regularly have parties with 50+ people who are just family members. So I feel like I get to have a "big family" for holidays and a small family for the day to day, which is perfect for me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stopping-at-2-kids#post-2782462 Fri, 27 Oct 2017 07:01:26 +0000 ShootingStar 2782462@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I live in an area where big families are uncommon. Most people I know have 1 or 2. I can barely even think of anyone who has 3 or more. </p> <p>I grew up in a family with 2 kids and I now have 2 kids and I feel complete. Before our 2nd we were open to fostering/adopting a sibling group of 2. But now that we have 2 I know that I’m not equipped for 3. I’ve become more of an introvert and I don’t have the emotional capacity to give time and attention to another child. It was tough when we babysat my parents’ dog for a month and it was like one more thing wanted to constantly be in my personal space and follow me everywhere and get affection all the time. My own dog is more mellow, lol. But I realized I need time for space and for recharging and adding to our family would be detrimental to that. </p> <p>I feel like our family is just perfect the way it is. The kids have each other to play with, we are balanced with one boy/one girl, we’re not out numbered, and financially two is doable whereas 3 would be tough without severe lifestyle changes. I feel done. I’m ready for our family to grow up and be out of the baby phase. My two kids are enough for me at holidays. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stopping-at-2-kids#post-2782457 Fri, 27 Oct 2017 06:49:52 +0000 hellobeeboston 2782457@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I grew up with just one sister 2.5 years younger than me and it definitely never felt lonely. There was plenty of constant competition &amp; fighting between the two of us, I couldn't even imagine there being a third.... haha.</p> <p>We have two boys 3 years apart and I definitely feel like we're GOOD. I can't believe how BUSY we are already with activities for my 5 year old, just thinking about when my 2yo starts activities we're going to be busy all the time.... Plus, we're a very 'active' family, we're always traveling. Having a third would make all of that a lot more challenging I think. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stopping-at-2-kids#post-2782452 Fri, 27 Oct 2017 06:03:04 +0000 Adira 2782452@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm one of two and it never felt lonely, though we are very close in age, only 16 months apart. But as adults (33 and 35), we're best friends! My brother is single, so he comes over and visits me and his nephews every couple weeks and we play board games together and play with the kids. And then about once a month, we get together with my parents. It has never felt lonely or like it would've been better with more kids.</p> <p>That's a major part of the reason my husband and I decided to have two close in age. Our boys are 21 months apart and are so close! I couldn't imagine having another one now. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stopping-at-2-kids#post-2782426 Thu, 26 Oct 2017 21:20:30 +0000 lamariniere 2782426@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am one of two and it never felt lonely. For most of our childhood we lived in neighborhoods where kids roamed around the neighborhood, so there was always someone to play with. My brother and I are only 2 years apart and we played together quite a lot too. We had very separate lives by high school though, as we each had our own friend groups and different school activities. We did end up at the same university though, my brother came in as a freshman when I was a junior and he got the sibling discount. :silly: We became a bit closer then. As adults, we rarely see each other since I’ve lived abroad for most of my adult life, but we still get along well and have similar ways of thinking. </p> <p>Now, we are done at 2 LOs who are 3 years apart. They are very complicit and get along and play together the vast majority of the time. We definitely don’t want anymore and it works well with the lifestyle we want of moving (countries) every few years and traveling. It seems to me that it’s easier to travel as a family of 4 than a family of 5+. Also, I’ve been dealing with intermittent anxiety for the past few years and I definitely could not handle a 3rd! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stopping-at-2-kids#post-2782395 Thu, 26 Oct 2017 18:20:18 +0000 gingerbebe 2782395@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Also keep in mind, most of our kids will have partners and spouses and it's like getting more kids. Even with 2 kids, it's FOUR adult kids plus grandkids. Even if your two kids had two each, that's four grandkids and a full house of 10 people at a holiday. </p> <p>DH's family is a zooooo now that all 3 kids and all 3 cousins are paired up. There's also currently 5 grandsons under 4! And like 2 grand dogs 2 grand cats and occasionally even guinea pigs. Mayhem. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stopping-at-2-kids#post-2782375 Thu, 26 Oct 2017 16:02:57 +0000 Mrsbells 2782375@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Becky: we have two kids and it feels like the perfect amount for us. we have intially thought about 3 but honestly we now have one of each gender and we are happy with how our family feels now. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stopping-at-2-kids#post-2782370 Thu, 26 Oct 2017 15:54:36 +0000 petitenoisette 2782370@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@2PeasinaPod: my sister has the same age gap and it's primarily been through watching their lives that I've realized that is not what I want for our family. I just know myself as a parent now and realize that craziness isn't appealing to me. I grew up in a big family (4 kids) and always thought is want more than 2 but now I will be happy for my kids to grow up with a small nuclear family and big extended one. </p> <p>@Mrs. High Heels: I agree about the not regretting having another. Your life can be just as full and rewarding with 2 as opposed to 3 or more and having one less child might open up other doors for your family that could otherwise be closed. </p> <p>@gingerbebe: I totally agree about the impact of grandparents on familial closeness. I think more importantly than the fact that there are 4 of me and my siblings, my parents did a good job fostering a good family bond (even though at times growing up we were doing our own thing). My in-laws did not manage to do that with my DH and BIL. It makes a big difference. </p> <p>Lastly, I think friends can also be part of your family. We have good friends who we vacation with and who are basically an extension of my whole family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stopping-at-2-kids#post-2782291 Thu, 26 Oct 2017 13:17:55 +0000 Mama Bird 2782291@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH and I are both from two-kid families and neither of us had a close relationship with our sibling growing up, but it wasn't because there were only two. There were specific circumstances that lead to that (age difference, rough family life in general...) Anyway, DH wasn't even lonely, he was always at the heart of his group of friends :grin: I had it a bit harder because I'm an introvert, but it also let me feel less bothered by how alone I was.</p> <p>So I don't think you need three kids for them to not be lonely. And there are plenty of reasons to stop at two. Like, when my LOs were babies I had zero me time and stress through the roof, and we were very limited in what we could do to recharge our batteries. Even now, I'm really upset because there are things I should be doing with my life right now, that won't happen until the kids are teenagers, if I'm lucky. Adding one more to the family would push that clock back another 3 or 4 precious years. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stopping-at-2-kids#post-2782290 Thu, 26 Oct 2017 13:12:39 +0000 Becky 2782290@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>These responses have been so insightful, thank you! Another reason I have started leaning more toward 2 is because my sisters and I all live very far apart (NY, MO, CA), and it is very difficult and emotional trying to figure out who we are going to see when. As a hopefully eventual grandparent it would be nice to be able to split our time two ways versus three (or even nicer if they all lived close to us like in my husband's family). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stopping-at-2-kids#post-2782283 Thu, 26 Oct 2017 13:04:11 +0000 Alba4 2782283@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I only had 1 brother and we had a blast as kids. It never felt lonely.</p> <p>We have 2 boys and we are done! No plans or dreams for more. I’m very happy with what I have. Maybe it’s because my husband and I are from families of 2 kids. It is chaotic enough, I have no desire for more. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stopping-at-2-kids#post-2782272 Thu, 26 Oct 2017 12:52:56 +0000 looch 2782272@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am the oldest of three and I might as well be an only child with the age gap we have going (6 and 8 years).</p> <p>I personally loathe the idea of big family gatherings and would rather just travel! I realize I am a total oddball though, so I feel like you have to do what you want right now, with no ideas about what the future is going to be. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stopping-at-2-kids#post-2782251 Thu, 26 Oct 2017 12:38:59 +0000 Boopers 2782251@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am one of three but my brother is 14 years older than me and my sister is 6 years older than me. My sister and I become closer once I was in HS and my brother and I speak semi regularly. I feel like I mostly grew up as an only child because my siblings were out of the house and lived very separate lives.</p> <p>My husband is also one of three. He’s the middle child. His older brother is 2 years older than him and his younger brother is 6 years younger than him. Growing up him and his older brother were not close and didn’t really get along whereas he was really close with his younger brother. It wasn’t until both his older brother and him were both in college that they grew closer. Holidays are so fun when everyone is together and I really love the closeness they share as adults.</p> <p>With that said, we are definitely done with 2 kids even though both of us are from families of 3 kids. We are certain that financially, emotionally, mentally and physically 2 kids are all we can handle. Our two boys are 2 1/2 years apart so time will tell if they are close or not. I sure hope so! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stopping-at-2-kids#post-2782249 Thu, 26 Oct 2017 12:36:43 +0000 gingerbebe 2782249@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My brother and I are just 2 kids, but we grew up with cousins each from 2 kid families (I lived near 3 sets of aunts/uncles). My brother and I are 4 years apart and always felt super close although we don't live near each other now. We are not close to our cousins as adults. And our parents are hot messes so holidays bum me out with my family. </p> <p>My DH was one of 3 and his nearest cousins were also 3 kids and they all do holidays together still - although we live away from both sides of the family. And they had super involved grandparents so it was the glue.</p> <p>We are probably having 3. 2 kids is the most common where we live, but I hear a LOT of them tell me they wanted 3 but for finances. So no one really bats an eye at families with 3. I work in law however, and professionally I mostly see families with only children or a max of 2 kids. Age of the women has a lot to do with it, as well as career. On my floor, I swear everyone had their kids after 35. We have one guy with 4 kids and people get wide eyed about him when it comes up, but he got married suuuuuper young and his wife stays home.</p> <p>We want big family tables when we get older but mostly DH and I want to invest in our kids, however many we have, by being super present in their adult lives and being devoted grandparents. I think grandparents are more important in many ways to family cohesiveness. And DH and I are doing parenting with no family nearby and it sucks. But I have zero desire to live near my parents and we can't really make living in DH's family work right now. And DH's parents would never move because the rest of the family is there.</p> <p>We talk all the time how we are going to downsize to a tiny apartment ASAP and spend our retirement traveling and supporting our kids. We hope our kids LIKE us enough to maybe live nearby or don't mind us moving near them. And we want to help with their kids as much as we can. Both DH and I were very attached to our grandparents so we are all for our kids having their own kids early! (We were parents at 33 after 3 years TTC and I am biased). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stopping-at-2-kids#post-2782240 Thu, 26 Oct 2017 12:18:38 +0000 Mrs. High Heels 2782240@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm one of two and never felt lonely, but most families were also two-kid households so it didn't seem out of the norm. Plus my sister and I were default playmates! Nowadays, I am surrounded by a mix - lots of two kid families, some three kid families, and a few with more.</p> <p>I was on the fence about a third for over a year, but the more I thought about it, it just didn't make sense for our situation, and I didn't want to make a decision based purely on emotion. Now we are happily two and through. For awhile I wasn't sure if our family was complete, but now it really does feel complete and it took time to get there.</p> <p>I see big families and understand the appeal of big family gatherings, but I think a lot of people idealize it and fail to see the flip side that big families also come with more drama, more compromise, etc. People also like the phrase "you'll never regret having another", but I just don't think that's true. People might be reluctant to admit regret, so we don't hear about it often, but I'm sure it happens. Most of the time I think building a larger family is a very emotionally-driven decision. People can only hope and work towards building that ideal, big, close-knit family... but half the time, I don't see it play out in real life the way it does in the movies.</p> <p>We never know what life is going to throw at us - divorce, financial struggle/bankruptcy, death, illnesses like cancer, etc. It would be nice if we can all grow old with our spouse and live long lives seeing our children grow up and raise families of their own (being married to people and families we like!). But there is no guarantee that things will play out like we imagine. We all have to decide for ourselves based on our individual situations whether the potential benefits of having another outweigh the sacrifices and risks. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stopping-at-2-kids#post-2782216 Thu, 26 Oct 2017 11:56:47 +0000 erinbaderin 2782216@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I grew up in a family of two - I have a brother two years younger. It never felt lonely. We basically spent the better part of every summer crammed into a camper van traveling around, so we were forced to be each other's company. I always wished family holidays were bigger - I was jealous of the scenes in movies where the giant extended family gathers around the table - but I really wanted more cousins than siblings.</p> <p>I currently have two kids and we're stopping here (which I have regrets about, but that's another post). They're still very young (1.5 and 3.5) but so far they get along great, play together happily, and seem to really enjoy each other's company. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stopping-at-2-kids#post-2782211 Thu, 26 Oct 2017 11:44:51 +0000 PawPrints 2782211@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I grew up in an area where having more than two kids was very unusual, and the same is true where I live now. I don't think I knew hardly anybody with more than one sibling, except for that like one Irish Catholic family. :) So it feels 100% normal to me to stop at two. Around where I live now, if someone were to say they were pregnant with a third kid, I think people would be really surprised (I am pondering this because I don't actually know anyone in real life who has done this). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stopping-at-2-kids#post-2782186 Thu, 26 Oct 2017 10:57:38 +0000 Meowkers 2782186@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm one of two and it never felt lonely. My brother is 6 years younger and we're very close. We're also close to our grandparents and parents so family gathering have always been warm and fun. </p> <p>On the flip side, my DH is one of three yet his family gatherings are cold and forced. His brother does t get along with anyone, his parents don't try to foster family closeness. It's just everyone for themselves.</p> <p>So my point is, family is what you make it, regardless of how many people it has. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stopping-at-2-kids#post-2782182 Thu, 26 Oct 2017 10:47:19 +0000 2PeasinaPod 2782182@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I grew up as 1 of 3, but I have 2 and will be stopping. I look at my older brother who has 3, and their life seems really frazzled. They're 9, 7, and 4. They're coming out of the stages of having to constantly watch them, but they're in every activity under the sun, and managing that family calendar seems stressful. </p> <p>I enjoyed growing up with 2 bothers, but my younger brother was 4 years younger than me, and was a brat. It wasn't until he was older that we started getting along as is with most families. We're lucky in that the 3 of us live within 20 minutes of each other, and my kiddos get to grow up with their cousins. My younger brother just had his second a few days ago and I know they're done too. </p> <p>Part of the reason we're staying at 2 is because I've been pregnant 6 times and had 2 live births. I'm 37, and I don't want to go through more miscarriages. I'm happy for the 2 that I have, and I can't imagine starting over now that they're 5 and 2. I watch the two of them together and I know our family is complete...especially because they have 3 close first cousins from my older brother, and 2 close first cousins from my younger brother. So family gatherings will always be huge for us! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stopping-at-2-kids#post-2782172 Thu, 26 Oct 2017 10:00:24 +0000 Ajsmommy 2782172@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am one of two. I have a brother two years younger than me and it was not lonely at all. In fact it was awesome. I always wanted to have 2 kids 2 years apart specifically bc of my childhood with my brother! I always dreamed of having a boy and then a girl. Ironcially, I now have a girl who is 3 yrs older than my boy. So almost exactly like I had. I was very close to my brother and we had a the best time growing up. I am hopeful my kids feel the same.</p> <p>I will add though, now that we are older we dont' see each other very much. Lots of things happened and unfortunately we didn't end up living near each other. I think if we lived closer we would see each other often though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stopping-at-2-kids#post-2782171 Thu, 26 Oct 2017 09:55:17 +0000 skinnycow 2782171@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband is basically one of two siblings with a five year gap (he has three half sisters about 15 years older). He's very close to his brother and has never expressed a desire for more siblings. He had two cousins close to his age who lived in the same neighborhood, so that aspect probably helped.</p> <p>DH and I will very likely only have two. Extra expenses, needing more space in house/cars, and travel logistics makes three sound really stressful to me. I also think we'll be able to devote more time/energy to only two. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stopping-at-2-kids#post-2782167 Thu, 26 Oct 2017 09:47:07 +0000 periwinklebee 2782167@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You mention that you live near family - my husband is an only child but never felt at all lonely growing up because his parents made it a big priority for him to see his cousins regularly. He's closer to some of his cousins than I am to my brother (who's much younger than me). I'll also say that having more kids is far from a guarantee of big family gatherings - my dad comes from a large family but two of his siblings didn't have kids, and his two other siblings have small families. In contrast, my mom comes from a much smaller family but her sister had eight kids :silly: I definitely don't think smaller families need to be any lonelier than larger ones, but it perhaps requires some extra effort to build extended family and social networks outside your immediate family if you enjoy bigger gatherings... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stopping-at-2-kids#post-2782156 Thu, 26 Oct 2017 09:23:06 +0000 snowjewelz 2782156@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I grew up with 1 sister 7 years younger (I was supposed to be an only child haha). Never felt lonely! Love having my sister and I think as we got older and especially thinking about our parents getting older, I think it's paramount to have siblings to lean on during hard family times. </p> <p>I have 2 girls now also 2 years apart. For many reasons I think we're done also. I know we'd never regret having another one, but like you, I feel like we keep saying we look forward to taking the girls on trips, and having more time to ourselves, etc, and having a 3rd will keep pushing that back. </p> <p>I'm not 100% 2 and done, but probably more-so than the other posters that are struggling more.</p> <p>ETA: I also grew up without any cousins close in age and still never found it lonely. My SIL has 2 kids close in ages so I know them and my girls will be close. We don't see them super often but mostly b/c my DD2 is a baby still but I foresee way more play dates and maybe even vacations toegther </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stopping-at-2-kids#post-2782153 Thu, 26 Oct 2017 09:12:53 +0000 bubblegum 2782153@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I grew up with just two and it was lonely only because there was a HUGE age gap. However, I have two other siblings from my dad and it was just them two growing up together and they have the three year gap and love it!! </p> <p>I have two, boy and girl with a three year age gap. My dream was to have a big family, at least three kids. But I'm sooooo happy my baby days are almost over. I want to be able to not travel with so many things, less financial burden and I want my husband back. DH and I agreed we are beyond done. It might be a little lonely when they leave but that's why we have each other! lol </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stopping-at-2-kids#post-2782146 Thu, 26 Oct 2017 08:57:32 +0000 Becky 2782146@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>There have been a lot of posts about considering 3 or more kids. We are considering 3 but I am fairly high stress. I love the idea of 3 and big family gatherings down the road, but sometimes it's so hard to manage just 2. I enjoy doing things on my own and look forward to the freedom of gardening or going to a yoga class as the girls get older, and having a third would push that down the road. But then I think of 2 kids at the table compared to 3, and 2 sounds lonely. We do live near family and gatherings are always big. </p> <p>I have 2 sisters, but one is a half sister 17+ years older than me and she lived with her mom, and the other is 6.5 years older so I don't really have a lot of context. I live in an area where big families are very common, but where I grew up I knew tons of families with only 2 kids. </p> <p>If you have 2 kids or grew up with as one of 2, does/did it feel like enough? Did it feel lonely? if you live in an area where large families are common, did your kids feel left out? </p>