https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 27 May 2026 18:09:23 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/strong-parental-preference-how-did-it-resolve#post-2776557 Fri, 29 Sep 2017 10:09:50 +0000 NurseDMB 2776557@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>ODS (4) has always had a strong preference for DH. It's been that way since birth and hasn't changed. </p> <p>YDS (almost 2) has mainly preferred me, but now there are times when DH is home that he goes to him more. </p> <p>I love that they both have a tight bond with their dad, especially because DH works a lot of long hours including weekends. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/strong-parental-preference-how-did-it-resolve#post-2772385 Fri, 08 Sep 2017 12:09:43 +0000 Alba4 2772385@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For my boys, preferences have shifted back and forth between my DH and myself at different stages. My older son still prefers me to groom him, comfort him, and put him to bed though... but we don't always comply to his requests/preferences. We don't have time for that! Lol.</p> <p>We do have an interesting schedule. I'm off during the summer (teacher) and during the school year, my husband takes care of the boys one week day per week. So the boys get lots of just daddy time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/strong-parental-preference-how-did-it-resolve#post-2772342 Fri, 08 Sep 2017 10:11:43 +0000 808love 2772342@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>At age six it finally went away. DD was super attached to me. But now, she even asks for DH when he is at work now. When I left for work trips, I noticed their bond was stronger when I returned. He is much more fun than me now (Minecraft, horseplay, just chilling out) so it kind of evened out. Plus I do the boring stuff like homework, drop off and pick ups now. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/strong-parental-preference-how-did-it-resolve#post-2772326 Fri, 08 Sep 2017 09:42:21 +0000 Anagram 2772326@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>my 2nd has developed a preference for my husband the past few months, and it's only an issue when he's home. Since I'm a teacher and was off all summer, we would have a grand old time all day with only rare tantrums and generally having a great time. And then my husband would come home from work, and she would tantrum and scream the rest of the evening for him to hold her, never put her down, etc.</p> <p>It was always resolved the instant he was gone again. Like if he wasn't home for bedtime, she would happily go right to sleep. If he was home for bedtime, she wouldn't let him leave her room, she would fight bedtime till he read more and more stories, she would demand he lay next to her while she sleeps. It's been interesting.</p> <p>She was also fabulous when I took the girls to my mom's house in another state for 10 days. But sure enough, when my husband arrived, she was back to the clingy/demanding behavior with DH.</p> <p>I would say leave the house and leave them together as much as possible. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/strong-parental-preference-how-did-it-resolve#post-2772323 Fri, 08 Sep 2017 09:33:48 +0000 Mama Bird 2772323@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DS is almost five and still has a mommy preference, but it's better now. He's generally better about dealing with disappointment, so he gets upset if I can't do something with him but doesn't fall apart. I can't really remember what it took to get to this point, but it was a long hard road. It took some good guy-bad guy dynamic (with me as the bad guy :bummed: ), some effort to have the boys do fun stuff together without me, a lot of me telling DS that Daddy can do certain things I can't or is just way way better at doing certain things, and a lot of me being tied up with a new baby and not able to do stuff with DS. It also helped a lot that DH became a more experienced dad and stopped taking DS's behavior personally. Now DS will just randomly tell DH he loves him, and I'm so happy to hear that...</p> <p>DD has a tiny little mommy preference too, but this time DH is seeing it as "toddlers are irrational" instead of "she doesn't love me," so he's not making it even worse by trying to get her to grow out of it before she's ready. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/strong-parental-preference-how-did-it-resolve#post-2772214 Thu, 07 Sep 2017 15:44:50 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2772214@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didn't nurse so I don't know about that aspect but my dd had a huge mommy preference and still has one at almost five, bud way way less than before. She will occasionally just be sassy about Dh doing something I usually do. Ok maybe a bit more than occasionally but it's not all the time either and sometimes she even prefers daddy, and of course there are certain things that are always daddy things. Anyway the biggest difference I saw was after her brother was born and just after she started getting more independent with school and such. We tried forcing it a bit earlier on and it didn't help. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/strong-parental-preference-how-did-it-resolve#post-2772210 Thu, 07 Sep 2017 15:32:50 +0000 skinnycow 2772210@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DD preferred me until she weaned around 13 months. She prefers DH now but it's not a strong preference so it doesn't really bother me. She's not old enough to voice opinoins about bedtime, bath time, etc. but it could be an issue in the future. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/strong-parental-preference-how-did-it-resolve#post-2772184 Thu, 07 Sep 2017 14:32:36 +0000 PawPrints 2772184@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DD has always strongly preferred DH, but honestly we never really considered it a problem. I know she still loves me! And it hasn't impacted our ability to care for her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/strong-parental-preference-how-did-it-resolve#post-2772182 Thu, 07 Sep 2017 14:27:28 +0000 muffinsmuffins 2772182@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We just got mostly past this phase. Suddenly, out of nowhere, DS started preferring my wife over me for EVERYTHING. He would do similar things to what you described: wake up screaming at me, not wanting me to do things for him, not wanting me to play if he was with mommy, etc. My wife would say to him "I want mama to come here! It's not nice to scream at her. Come here mama, you can play too" and things like that. He would be fine when we were alone (other than waking him in the morning) but if both her and I were there, he would throw a fit. To be honest, we tried a bunch of things and it was somewhat manageable, but nothing really snapped him out of it. Just as suddenly as it started, it went away. I would say it began around 2.5 and lasted about 3-4 months. </p> <p>I struggled with being upset about it myself as it is really hard to be rejected and screamed at or be the source of a tantrum. But, kids are weird and fickle so I just tried to ignore it mostly or distracted him with something fun. I think it's a little amusing for him to have a 'mommy' preference when he has two moms! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/strong-parental-preference-how-did-it-resolve#post-2772170 Thu, 07 Sep 2017 13:39:01 +0000 catgirl 2772170@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DD is almost 3 and has had a preference for DH since about 2. I am a SAHM and DH works long, weird hours. I think she just is never sure when he will be home so when he is, she prefers him. When he isn't around she is fine with me though. For the most part we roll with it, but as she has gotten older we have worked on being nice about it. Rather than yelling "No Mama, only Daddy" we encourage her to say "Can Daddy please do x?" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/strong-parental-preference-how-did-it-resolve#post-2772167 Thu, 07 Sep 2017 13:31:28 +0000 ineebee 2772167@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wasn't nursing or co-sleeping, but I was/am a SAHM. By around 18m, DS had a pretty strong preference for me. It made DH pretty sad, too. What helped us was that DH would take DS out solo every Saturday morning for an activity. After a few months, it seemed to get better! I'd say now at 28m, he chooses me and DH pretty equally! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/strong-parental-preference-how-did-it-resolve#post-2772161 Thu, 07 Sep 2017 13:23:39 +0000 ValentineMommy 2772161@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Both my boys prefer me (2 and 4, almost 5).</p> <p>DD prefers me right now, but she's not even 5m old. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/strong-parental-preference-how-did-it-resolve#post-2772158 Thu, 07 Sep 2017 13:19:33 +0000 elljay 2772158@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can totally sympathize as we're going through this with my 23 mo as well - if I'm around, it's always "mommy's turn" to get him dressed, change his diaper, etc. And he will sometimes freak out if DH comes to get him in the mornings instead of me (which is rough because sometimes I leave for work before he wakes up). </p> <p>One thing that I think has helped is having some activities that only Daddy does - for instance, my husband is a musician, so they'll play drums or guitar together. If he asks to play with the instruments while DH isn't around, I'll tell him we have to wait for Daddy to get home (mostly because I don't want to be responsible for his instruments around a toddler). But it gives them a special activity that they like to do together where I can't sub in. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/strong-parental-preference-how-did-it-resolve#post-2772124 Thu, 07 Sep 2017 12:35:35 +0000 Mamaof2 2772124@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DS is almost 9 and he has always had a strong preference for me..... I don't envision it ever changing </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/strong-parental-preference-how-did-it-resolve#post-2772094 Thu, 07 Sep 2017 11:15:27 +0000 snowjewelz 2772094@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have an almost 3 year old that has always preferred me. She spent more alone time with DH, but still preferred me. Having another baby forced her to spend even more time with DH, and over time there are instances where she will prefer him. But her main preference is still me :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/strong-parental-preference-how-did-it-resolve#post-2772078 Thu, 07 Sep 2017 09:58:13 +0000 FliegepilzHut 2772078@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DS is now 25 months old and in the thick of a little extra separation anxiety/need for consistency and routine and a strong parental preference. (Still co-sleeping half the night. And nursing at bedtime and in the early AM. And 2-year molars. YAY!) He was a high-needs/velcro/highly opinionated infant who has grown into a mostly happy, outgoing, and fairly stubborn toddler and who increasingly is loathe to let other people (babysitter, even local grandparents) care for him at times. DH feels like part of his reluctance at night is that he wants to make sure he is "in control" of (and that his mama is there for) the process. And we are now doing somewhat better by giving him a detailed explanation of what is going to happen "...and then mommy and daddy will come home and give you your bath" or whatever. But just recently and increasingly, if I'm in the room, he will say "no, mama do it" if his dad tries to help and for the last 2 days, when he wakes up next to his dad (watching him while I get a shower) in the morning, he just falls completely apart (screaming, crying, writhing) and won't be consoled until he finds me. He and his dad seem to have a really good relationship and play together often. DH is feeling really down and is worried that this is paving the way for him to have a sub-par relationship with his son in the years to come. I feel like it's probably a stage (everything's a stage :meh: ) and we'll make it through this. But the hysterical reaction particularly is miserable for everyone. Does anyone mind sharing how their experience went and how long it lasted? Any tips would be appreciated. </p>