https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 22 May 2026 09:14:28 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/struggling-staying-tg#post-2478366 Mon, 29 Feb 2016 11:18:33 +0000 MoonMoon 2478366@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can think of some examples from fiction where one partner found out and the other didn't- Like Sookie and Jackson from Gilmore Girls! I don't see any problems with it, but you have to have a heart to heart with your fiancé and make sure you're both at peace with the decision.</p> <p>I was Team Green and both DH and I were totally on board because we liked the surprise. Since you've already found out twice, you could think of it as something different for this last pregnancy. Or not! Up to you guys! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/struggling-staying-tg#post-2478362 Mon, 29 Feb 2016 11:14:26 +0000 QBbride 2478362@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@iheartleopardprint: meh, if he is OK with you finding out and not saying anything, that's what I would do. He gets his moment, and you get to feel more bonded with the baby. If he doesn't know for sure that you know (since he doesn't want to know that you know, right?) and you slip up, just say well that's what I think it is. We called my son "him/he" before we knew he was a bit because we were so certain that he was one. </p> <p>Pregnancy is tough. If you aren't feeling bonded and you think finding out will help (definitely did for me), then go for it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/struggling-staying-tg#post-2478355 Mon, 29 Feb 2016 11:07:51 +0000 JenGirl 2478355@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We were team green and I wouldn't have had it any other way. We were able to avoid getting a lot of gendered stuff and it was so awesome to find out at birth. I was so exhausted after pushing for three hours, it was amazing to find out we had a son. So I can understand how much your husband wants that and I would try really hard to respect that. Especially since this will be his only pregnancy/birth. If you really need to find out, yourself, do everything you can to not let on that you know and don't tell anyone else, so that he can still enjoy the surprise. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/struggling-staying-tg#post-2478240 Mon, 29 Feb 2016 09:43:16 +0000 MrsKoala 2478240@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was TG for my first and I am for this pregnancy, too. Are you and your SO planning to have more children? If not, honestly, I think it's best if you just keep up with it so that he gets the experience that he wants since you have already had the chance to do it your way twice. My husband still talks about the moment in the delivery room when our son was born and how he got to be the first person to know whether LO was a girl or a boy. It's still a hugely emotional moment for him. The fact that you have come this far means that you only have a little while longer to wait so I would try to stick it out. Now that being said, I loved being TG and actually convinced my husband to do it again. For me, the suspense is fun and I also loved that moment of learning whether I had a son or daughter. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/struggling-staying-tg#post-2478109 Mon, 29 Feb 2016 08:42:37 +0000 ModernDayJibarita 2478109@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Proud Team Green Dropout! We found out the sex but have kept it a secret among just us 2 (we are announcing to family this weekend at our SKYPE shower.</p> <p>I really wanted to be Team Green while my husband really wanted to find out so I gave in. He was okay with the idea of him finding out and keeping it a secret from me but I love that we found out together and have been keeping the secret together. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/struggling-staying-tg#post-2478065 Mon, 29 Feb 2016 08:12:56 +0000 iheartleopardprint 2478065@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That's what I am afraid of to. And he really wants that moment to be surprised at birth. But he also wants me to enjoy the pregnancy and be able to bond, so he understands. I think that's what makes it harder for me, he is so understanding that I feel guilty ruining it for him and being selfish.</p> <p>I'm not enjoying the TG process at all, I'm clinging to the idea that finding out at birth will out weigh all of that and the surprise will be so worth it (not that labour isn't worth it when you know the sex). Gahhh. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/struggling-staying-tg#post-2478048 Mon, 29 Feb 2016 07:55:15 +0000 skipper2010 2478048@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've done both, and no I didn't really "enjoy" being TG my entire pregnancy, but I didn't hate it either. I was pretty whatever about it. There's an end in sight and you will find out eventually. If my husband was dead set on TG I don't think I could find out because I would be worried about slipping up and ruining it for him. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/struggling-staying-tg#post-2478031 Mon, 29 Feb 2016 07:41:01 +0000 iheartleopardprint 2478031@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have spoken to him about it a few times. If I'm going to find out, he doesn't want to know I know. He still wouldn't find out regardless, so it's on me to think about whether I want to stick it out or not. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/struggling-staying-tg#post-2478021 Mon, 29 Feb 2016 07:28:49 +0000 muffinsmuffins 2478021@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We were team green for our first, and I definitely wavered wanting to know. We did accidentally find out 3 days before he was born because we had to have an emergency ultrasound...the tech said 'look away because it's very visible!' Which we assumed correctly it was a boy! I would absolutely do it again for a first baby, but we plan to find out for our second. Once we got past the anatomy scan I figured we waited all that time already so just keep it secret to the birth. It did annoy friends and family however...but I didn't want tonnes of gender specific stuff or comments so I was happy not knowing.</p> <p>A family member of my coworker found out secretly and didn't tell her husband. She did successfully keep it a secret the whole time but when the baby was born and the husband said what it was, she blurted out 'I know!'. It did create some weirdness so I would encourage you to speak with your FI rather than find out secretly. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/struggling-staying-tg#post-2478008 Mon, 29 Feb 2016 07:07:27 +0000 Happygal 2478008@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I thought it would be fun with #1, but dh wouldn't dream of it! Now I'm even more excited to find out with this one. Have you shared your feelings with your spouse? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/struggling-staying-tg#post-2477989 Mon, 29 Feb 2016 06:05:58 +0000 Charm54 2477989@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Dahlia: agree - we were TG both times and really enjoyed it...it kept the last moments super exciting and made labour more fun than nerve wracking. Everyone was so anxious to find out, our families, friends, the nurses, and of course us! There were definitely times during the pregnancy where I was like "I just want to know!" - But I wouldn't trade those moments of DH telling me "it's a girl!!" when our daughters were born for anything.</p> <p>That being said, TG isn't for everyone and that's totally fine too. I just wouldn't do anything without your SO's knowledge, I would definitely talk with him.</p> <p>Good luck!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/struggling-staying-tg#post-2477965 Mon, 29 Feb 2016 00:44:02 +0000 Dahlia 2477965@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We were TG and loved it, never had a moment of questioning our decision. It was so fun to find out when she was born! </p> <p>But we also have friends that were equally as excited by finding out early. I think if you really want to find out you should consider it, but I wouldn't do it without telling your FI. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/struggling-staying-tg#post-2477947 Sun, 28 Feb 2016 23:52:12 +0000 Miss Ariel 2477947@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wanted to be tg, while dh wanted to find out. The compromise was he could know, but couldn't tell anyone and it worked out for us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/struggling-staying-tg#post-2477942 Sun, 28 Feb 2016 23:35:28 +0000 QBbride 2477942@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We were TG dropouts. I, too, didn't really feel connected with the baby. I hated calling her "it" or "the baby". It was the best decision ever for us to find out the sex. </p> <p>A good friend of mine found out and her husband stayed TG. They both really enjoyed it and it worked out for them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/struggling-staying-tg#post-2477941 Sun, 28 Feb 2016 23:33:35 +0000 AprilFool 2477941@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am your husband in this situation and my husband would love to find out but it's really important to me not to. Ultimately my husband agreed because knowing is not something that can be unknown and it would of caused greater upset to me than him waiting to find out. I would just discuss it with him and see who feels more strongly. I don't think finding out behind his back is fair though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/struggling-staying-tg#post-2477939 Sun, 28 Feb 2016 23:27:46 +0000 Mrs. Chocolate 2477939@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was TG for my first and last pregnancy (I also have 3 and we moved when I was pregnant with my middle one and decided to find out since we had all my sons things packed nicely already and I didnt want to unpack needlessly) I had strong feelings about what they were though even as TG (and I was right for all 3 pregnancies) so that helped. I loved the idea of the surprise and guessing and wondering. Its just one of the few rare nice surprises in life. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/struggling-staying-tg#post-2477938 Sun, 28 Feb 2016 23:25:25 +0000 youboots 2477938@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@iheartleopardprint: you are not selfish at all. I get it. It's like the lights went on for DH- he could connect when he knew.</p> <p>Just talk to him.</p> <p>ETA I did for DH what FI wants you to do for him- I gave up what I wanted that's why I give that advice. But after a 42 hour induction there would not have been that magic "it's a girl" moment- I'm glad I made the choice I did. It was way more magic at the ultrasound than it would have been at the birth. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/struggling-staying-tg#post-2477936 Sun, 28 Feb 2016 23:21:40 +0000 iheartleopardprint 2477936@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@youboots: I know, I sound super selfish. I really do want to honour his wishes, but I want to enjoy the pregnancy a bit more... I don't feel much of a connection not knowing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/struggling-staying-tg#post-2477935 Sun, 28 Feb 2016 23:21:08 +0000 Torchwood 2477935@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We were TG and chose to find out when we found out we might lose the baby. Being surprised at birth loses its appeal when it might not be a live birth. But it turned out that I was MUCH more connected to the pregnancy/baby once I knew she was a girl. I would never be TG now, having seen what a difference it made for me. But if DH were really sold, I'm not sure. I guess it would depend on how well I think I could keep the secret. Hope you're able to figure out a way to make it work for y'all! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/struggling-staying-tg#post-2477932 Sun, 28 Feb 2016 23:16:13 +0000 youboots 2477932@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was diehard TG then I got GD and had multiple extra ultrasounds. DH really really wanted to find out. We found out at 34 weeks.</p> <p>FWIW I would honor what your FI wants, since it sounds so important to him. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/struggling-staying-tg#post-2477928 Sun, 28 Feb 2016 23:06:31 +0000 iheartleopardprint 2477928@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am just shy of 29 weeks, and really struggling to stay TG. This is my third, I have a boy and a girl and this is FIs first (and will be only bio child). He is 100% committed to TG, I have never been and have struggled the whole pregnancy with it. </p> <p>For those that were TG, did you enjoy being TG throughout the pregnancy? I don't ever have a single moment of enjoying not knowing, just moments I struggle less. I am doing this for FI, so I guess as its not something I want it makes it harder to stick to if that makes sense? </p> <p>We have a 3D ultrasound this coming Saturday. I am so torn about whether to stick to TG. I like the idea of the surprise at the end, but in practice it really sucks waiting. I am so tempted to message the tech and ask if she could take a sneaky photo and send it to me, as all our communication has been done by the businesses FB page. I feel so sneaky doing it, but I'm having such a hard time. </p> <p>Has anyone ever found out and their partner stay TG? What has been your experience with TG, or being a TG dropout? </p>