https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 08 Apr 2026 02:24:25 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stupid-jealousy-about-wohm-vs-sahm#post-726138 Thu, 18 Apr 2013 15:40:56 +0000 Cherrybee 726138@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Bookworm: I didn't see your original post but I just wanted to say that I probably understand how you feel. I'm really, really jealous of friends who have the choice to stay home. We rely on my income to pay the mortgage and the bills. I have to work. Yes, it is a choice - I want a nice house, two cars, a nice life - but the people I am jealous of don't have to make those kind of choices, their partners can afford to fund their lifestyle while they spend all day every day with their baby. That's why I'm jealous!!</p> <p>I get that the grass is always greener on the other side. I know there are so many people who would love to be in my position. And I'm not unhappy - I love my job, really I do. I just want the option to spend every waking moment with my baby. </p> <p>So, yeah, I sympathise. It's tough (especially when you're hormonal!) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stupid-jealousy-about-wohm-vs-sahm#post-725546 Thu, 18 Apr 2013 13:49:14 +0000 Honeybee 725546@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didn't see your original post, but have you looked into any work at home opportunities? I started looking into a few possiblities where I would be able to work from home part-time (on DH's days off, weekends, and nights) so that we wouldn't have to pay for childcare. Obviously pay is a big factor, but it's another solution to the SAH/WOH debate. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stupid-jealousy-about-wohm-vs-sahm#post-725506 Thu, 18 Apr 2013 13:40:27 +0000 yellowbird 725506@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I had the same feelings before I returned I work. I have no choice but to work, because I went to school for a professional degree and have a lot (a looooooot) of student loan debt. My DH does not make nearly enough to pay them on his own along with all of our other bills. </p> <p>It was hard the first few days, but now wen I pick LO up she is always soooooooo happy! Way happier than when she stays at home with me all day long. We end up being cooped up and I know she likes to see and do different things. She's a very active little lady. Seeing her smile every day makes me know that she is in excellent care. </p> <p>I actually enjoy getting out of the house and working. I wish I could tweak my schedule a bit or work one or two days less through the week, but I feel like I will be able to in a few years when my loans are more manageable. I feel like at that time, too, at least my LO will have more of a chance of remembering that I was there too! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stupid-jealousy-about-wohm-vs-sahm#post-725499 Thu, 18 Apr 2013 13:38:23 +0000 HLK208 725499@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hugs!!</p> <p>I'm a SAHM and if I worked, we wouldn't be able to afford daycare. I want to work so badly. Working gives me confidence and security. My mom worked when I was a baby and all of my childhood. I'm SO close with her - as are all my 3 sisters. What I remember as a child, were routines. Like her tucking me into bed or special things we would do on her days off. There are so many opportunities to bond with your child. It's hard to feel like you only have one option though, I know :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stupid-jealousy-about-wohm-vs-sahm#post-725463 Thu, 18 Apr 2013 13:29:04 +0000 sea_bass 725463@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Bookworm: Well that's just it though. Its about choices. </p> <p>You've said that you would have to sell and move into a small apartment to be able to afford to stay home. </p> <p>We live in an apartment. If I choose to go back to work once baby arrives, we will afford to be able to move into a house. If I don't we will be stuck living in our apartment for the foreseeable future. </p> <p>Right now I think I will probably choose not to work and be a SAHM without an income of my own and without the nice house. Its my choice. </p> <p>However, I will admit to feeling jealous of my friend who lives in a huge house and will be able to afford to do/buy much more "nice" things for herself and her baby, because she works and has her own income. </p> <p>I feel guilty spending any money on myself and wonder if I am being a sub par parent because I will not be able to spoil my child with more expensive toys/clothes/holidays/nice houses because I have given up my income. </p> <p>She might be jealous of me. Who knows. We all do the best that we can at the time. </p> <p>Best of luck either making the changes you want to, or coming to peace with your situation. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stupid-jealousy-about-wohm-vs-sahm#post-725436 Thu, 18 Apr 2013 13:20:27 +0000 Raindrop 725436@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>*big hugs*</p> <p>I'm super jealous of you for having a house! ^_^</p> <p>I actually feel similar to you. I can be stay at home because we still live in a townhouse (fancy condo?) BUT I want to be able to have a house with a yard that LO can play in. I see people with houses (single family detached houses) and want that but we will never be able to afford it if I don't keep working.</p> <p>Also your LO won't be able to play with the other kids till she is at least 1.5 years old. :) So you have plenty of time to make your dream work.</p> <p>Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stupid-jealousy-about-wohm-vs-sahm#post-725262 Thu, 18 Apr 2013 12:32:12 +0000 VanillaBean 725262@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bookworm- littleK is correct that daycare is impressive in what they will offer your lo. Just a suggestion, I know you have expressed concerned about not being able to connect with the other SAHM and your LO not connecting with the other kids in your neighborhood; however, your LO will be connecting with the other LO at daycare. This is a wonderful opportunity for you to connect with the parents who are also in your situation and have to put their little LO in daycare. You have more in common with the parents at daycare and you can always set up play dates for you LO with the other LO from daycare. :) I understand your situation as I have seen it many times over when I coordinated child care for Infants to Twos programs. </p> <p>@littlek- Yes, daycare is awesome. I couldn't agree with you more. I never went to preschool and never had these wonderful opportunities. There's a lot of benefit for the LO and parents in the daycare setting. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stupid-jealousy-about-wohm-vs-sahm#post-725196 Thu, 18 Apr 2013 12:17:52 +0000 littlek 725196@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Bookworm: Daycares nowadays are extremely impressive. Plus there are no TVs. They have music class, circle reading time, art class, learn sign language, etc. And later on they learn foreign languages, etc.. I wish I could go... LOL </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stupid-jealousy-about-wohm-vs-sahm#post-725195 Thu, 18 Apr 2013 12:17:37 +0000 chopsuey 725195@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>BIG BEAR HUG!!!!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stupid-jealousy-about-wohm-vs-sahm#post-725190 Thu, 18 Apr 2013 12:15:59 +0000 Bookish 725190@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@littlek: Thanks for that! I keep trying to think about all the positives of day care, primarily the structure, education, and socialization she will be getting that I may or may not be able to provide. DH and I are such introverts that I do hope day care helps her be less shy than we are! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stupid-jealousy-about-wohm-vs-sahm#post-725186 Thu, 18 Apr 2013 12:15:03 +0000 Bookish 725186@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: @Dandelion: Oh, I know! Like I said, I know being a SAHM is very tough and that the people I'm jealous of have problems of their own. I just needed to vent about it a bit, because it's been weighing on me! </p> <p>@mrs. wagon: Thanks :) Yes, luckily I can work a pretty good schedule of 7-3, with DH doing drop offs like @ktgee04: said, so she will be in day care from 8-3, which is not bad at all, really. I'm sure it won't be nearly as bad when the time gets here, I just have this terror that I'm dooming my kid to misery, ya know? (dramatic, i know haha). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stupid-jealousy-about-wohm-vs-sahm#post-725185 Thu, 18 Apr 2013 12:14:46 +0000 littlek 725185@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ktgee04: Very true!</p> <p>Right after I had DS, I could not imagine the idea of leaving him at daycare and going to work. However, fast forward a few months, DS LOVES daycare, has a BFF and is so happy. When we drop him off, the first thing he does is crawl towards his BFF and they start playing. We could easily afford for me to be a SAHM, but it doesn't make sense because DH would still want LO to go to daycare for the social interaction and curriculum, so I would be left with nothing to do all day. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stupid-jealousy-about-wohm-vs-sahm#post-725162 Thu, 18 Apr 2013 12:06:53 +0000 ktgee04 725162@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It gets easier! The anticipation of daycare is MUCH worse than the actual act of dropping them off. I was a nervous wreck about it but like you, I *have* to work in order for us to keep the lifestyle we want for our kids. Is it possible for DH to do drop-offs? At least at first? Thankfully, my DH works right by our in-home daycare so that's his duty in the morning. It also helps to be really comfortable with your daycare choice. If you aren't worrying about the wellbeing of your child all day long, it makes a huge difference. You really have to trust the person watching him/her. Lastly, it may sound bad but I actually enjoy the time I have at work. It makes for a great balance and a happier mommy in my situation. It'll get better - I promise! As for the making friends with neighboring kids/adults, just make an effort to be outside and available for interactions on evenings and weekends. They'll see you have a young child and include you once they know you are open to it! Good luck and *HUGS* </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stupid-jealousy-about-wohm-vs-sahm#post-725161 Thu, 18 Apr 2013 12:06:49 +0000 Dandelion 725161@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I second the grass is always greener adage. Since DS is in Kindergarten, I'm literally BORED at home all day. I'd love to have a job to go to, to at least feel like I'm being productive. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stupid-jealousy-about-wohm-vs-sahm#post-725146 Thu, 18 Apr 2013 11:59:24 +0000 looch 725146@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have a conf call in literally one minute, but just wanted to say, the grass is always greener, on both sides of the fence! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stupid-jealousy-about-wohm-vs-sahm#post-725132 Thu, 18 Apr 2013 11:53:49 +0000 mrs. wagon 725132@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>BIG HUGS!!!</p> <p>I was the opposite of you. I was laid off at the beginning of the recession and couldn't get an interview, let alone a job. This was before we even got pregnant with our first. So I was a SAHM before I even gave birth, then for the first 18 months. Finally when I decided to try and find a job (it all happened really fast, luckily) and went back to work, I discovered that I absolutely LOVE being a WOHM. I feel like I have the best of both worlds because I work 4 days a week, so I get 3 days at home and 4 days at work. I always say that I was glad I got the chance to experience being a SAHM, because it made me realize that I'm a million times happier being a WOHM. I also HATED working before becoming a parent. Now I love it. </p> <p>If there's any possibility of changing your schedule or becoming a freelancer or anything like that in your line of work, I would highly recommend it. I work Tuesday thru Friday, 8-4. Wagon Sr. also works 8-4 at his job so we are home for dinner every night. Mornings are a bit hectic but we got used to them really fast. Kids wake up so early anyway, might as well start working that early! ;) We were both able to change our hours to 8-4 to accommodate for daycare drop off and pickup times. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/stupid-jealousy-about-wohm-vs-sahm#post-725097 Thu, 18 Apr 2013 11:44:32 +0000 Bookish 725097@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I went ahead and deleted my post because I think I may have come off as more whiny/complainy than I intended. Thanks all for your responses, I do feel better than I did last night :) </p> <p>I think pregnancy is just wreaking havoc on me right now, and it is nice to come on here since IRL I don't have anyone to vent to about these things! Thanks again y'all! </p>