https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 09 Apr 2026 13:49:07 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/suburb-dwelling-but-city-at-heart-people-anyone/page/2#post-2808917 Sat, 10 Mar 2018 09:48:33 +0000 Alba4 2808917@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LCTBQE: Congrats! The adjustment to living in the burbs might take some time, but as someone who did it 5 years ago, I like it and don’t look back. My brother and his family chose to stay in the city and raise their boys, and they pretty much leave every weekend. </p> <p>I love having a house, a big yard, hiking, and nature at my fingertips. With two active boys, I love having a basement and a neighborhood to romp around in. I do however miss the NYC restaurants (Westchester is majorly lacking). I don’t commute to the city and I’m sure that will suck some days. You are sill super close to the city so your kids can still easily access urban activities. Good luck. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/suburb-dwelling-but-city-at-heart-people-anyone/page/2#post-2808789 Fri, 09 Mar 2018 14:55:58 +0000 Anagram 2808789@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LCTBQE: I don't know how I missed this before, but congratulations! Are you looking for daycare or thinking nanny? My closest friend that lives in Maplewood has her older son in a preschool and her younger son at home with a nanny. I could ask her about daycares? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/suburb-dwelling-but-city-at-heart-people-anyone/page/2#post-2806506 Tue, 27 Feb 2018 10:02:50 +0000 lioneyes 2806506@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lctbqe CONGRATS! I do not think the commute will kill you, it's so straightforward and close enough that in an emergency you could Uber if you had to.</p> <p>ALSO- LOL about the NYTimes. You're totally right, there was that article this fall about Justin Bieber in Montclair and they were waxing rhapsodic about how amaaaazing it is there. It IS nice though, but everyone who works there lives there. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/suburb-dwelling-but-city-at-heart-people-anyone/page/2#post-2806435 Mon, 26 Feb 2018 21:50:51 +0000 Foodnerd81 2806435@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LCTBQE: I really truly think loving your house will help ease the pains of leaving the city. Like even on the days when your commute sucks, you get to come home to a home you love, that's yours, you get to make the changes that you want. Like, when we found our house, I could see my girls walking down the (very 90's carpeted) stairs in their prom dresses. Congrats! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/suburb-dwelling-but-city-at-heart-people-anyone/page/2#post-2806430 Mon, 26 Feb 2018 21:01:27 +0000 Littlebit7 2806430@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LCTBQE: haha I figured.... “but always look on the bright side of death”!<br /> We are thinking about buying something next year and I’m already losing sleep over it </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/suburb-dwelling-but-city-at-heart-people-anyone/page/2#post-2806427 Mon, 26 Feb 2018 20:54:26 +0000 LCTBQE 2806427@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Littlebit7: haha, that is not at all how I feel about it, but I appreciate that :) :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/suburb-dwelling-but-city-at-heart-people-anyone/page/2#post-2806420 Mon, 26 Feb 2018 20:41:17 +0000 Littlebit7 2806420@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LCTBQE: congrats!! What an exciting adventure </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/suburb-dwelling-but-city-at-heart-people-anyone/page/2#post-2806419 Mon, 26 Feb 2018 20:39:22 +0000 LCTBQE 2806419@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lioneyes: I have been meaning and meaning to write you privately on your wall to thank you for your comment, which I realized later I missed when this thread was active. I did see that article, and I think there was another one on Thursday, too. I don't know why the NYT has such a hard-on for Montclair and Maplewood, it must have some staff writers that live out there and think their center hall colonial is the Playboy Mansion or something. </p> <p>@Littlebit7: @maddyz: @ElbieKay: @Foodnerd81: @Anagram:<br /> My update is that about four days after this thread wound down, we saw a beautiful house that we loved in Maplewood, we decided to bid, someone outbid us by a lot but had worse terms, and we won (?!) I love love the house and am glad to have some resolution, am under no illusion whatsoever that this will be less money, but the taxes on this particular home aren't that bad (even compared to my family in Texas), and I'll have a place to put this baby that isn't 14 inches from my head. and I'm pleased to spend the money that I was going to have to spend anyway on something that I own instead of an overpriced ikea box that isn't mine and still isn't enough room long-term. Flat-out *terrified* of the commute eating me alive and being sad/bored, which I think is realistic. Supposedly we'll move in April and until then I'm stressing out about childcare out there. If we find it untenable I think after a couple years we will call it and get organized to leave the northeast completely, but everything is in motion for this right now. I'm on my computer or I'd do the emoji face that looks anxious and has all the teeth showing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/suburb-dwelling-but-city-at-heart-people-anyone/page/2#post-2806332 Mon, 26 Feb 2018 14:51:07 +0000 maddyz 2806332@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: The same apartment with the same rent just plus a bedroom. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/suburb-dwelling-but-city-at-heart-people-anyone/page/2#post-2806173 Sun, 25 Feb 2018 19:58:48 +0000 Littlebit7 2806173@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lioneyes: exactly. It’s one thing if you are paying ridiculous taxes and your municipality has good infrastructure, offers good and plentiful town or city events and activities, is safe, and your schools are bomb. Where I live, taxes are super high, our roads are crumbling and our schools are a work in progress. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/suburb-dwelling-but-city-at-heart-people-anyone/page/2#post-2806161 Sun, 25 Feb 2018 17:18:30 +0000 lioneyes 2806161@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@litlebit TOTALLY, i think they alluded to it once but didn't dwell. also didn't touch on the school rankings, like if they are worth those high taxes (some towns I would say no). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/suburb-dwelling-but-city-at-heart-people-anyone/page/2#post-2806156 Sun, 25 Feb 2018 15:52:31 +0000 ElbieKay 2806156@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: Not to mention the time value of a shorter commute. That is really what does it for me! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/suburb-dwelling-but-city-at-heart-people-anyone/page/2#post-2806153 Sun, 25 Feb 2018 13:55:11 +0000 Foodnerd81 2806153@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: needing a car or a second car too! Property taxes, yes, but sometimes that means public school va private school in a city (sometimes). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/suburb-dwelling-but-city-at-heart-people-anyone/page/2#post-2806146 Sun, 25 Feb 2018 11:11:12 +0000 Anagram 2806146@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Littlebit7: yesssss, property taxes, plus the much higher commuting cost, plus the high maintenance cost of owning a home (lawn, snow removal, more space to clean)....it definitely means a move to the suburbs isn't cheaper. Just maybe more space. Monthly expenses are so high in some suburbs though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/suburb-dwelling-but-city-at-heart-people-anyone/page/2#post-2806145 Sun, 25 Feb 2018 11:06:55 +0000 Littlebit7 2806145@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lioneyes: I read that too although was disappoint that they didn’t discuss the elephant in the room much: property taxes. I thought they were high where I live in Hudson county until I looked up the NJ towns..holy shit. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/suburb-dwelling-but-city-at-heart-people-anyone/page/2#post-2806138 Sun, 25 Feb 2018 08:38:15 +0000 lioneyes 2806138@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lctbqe check out NY times today- front page article of real estate section is very relevant to this convo, and might give some more good ideas! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/suburb-dwelling-but-city-at-heart-people-anyone/page/2#post-2803780 Mon, 12 Feb 2018 20:28:23 +0000 Pollywog 2803780@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I live right outside of DC is a very urban suburb. It is more urban than my SIL who lives in the District. I love it because I have more space--a 3 bedroom townhouse with a communal yard. I can easily walk to 5 playgrounds, a grocery store, and 10 restaurants. My commute is a 8 minute uber or 25 minute bus ride. </p> <p>My advice is to find the right suburb. We spent a week living in a distant suburb between apartments and I was miserable. I hated having to drive every where and having a long commute. I preferred less space and a more urban environment. My DH was adamant when looking at houses that we found a neighborhood I'd be happy in. We turned down many dream houses for an expensive, functional place with access to things that make me happy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/suburb-dwelling-but-city-at-heart-people-anyone/page/2#post-2803771 Mon, 12 Feb 2018 19:08:54 +0000 808love 2803771@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I miss town once a week. I drive there once a month. We live in a semi-desirable (not best, not worst) suburb but it is still not close enough to the big city for me. We have friends, interests, restaurants, playgrounds, solid community etc here but it is just a personal thing and the hearts what the heart wants....sometimes. Of course when we bought, I was 100% in love. But now, nearly 10 years later... I sometimes think I would be just as happy on a farm so perhaps it is a bit of grass is greener mentality. So anyway, our main thing is we wanted to live near work, less than 10 minute commute. We also wanted to buy below our means so we could have lots of spare cash. We had no idea we would be getting raises soon after buying. Also if I could do it all over, I would pick a lifelong job (I attach to the people and the history) in town and a husband who worked in town. That would have made everything line up. So yes, we have made a sacrifice in location to keep marriage, jobs, bank account, lifestyle intact. so that is how I cancel out my dissatisfaction (or quench my yearning)—-with purpose. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/suburb-dwelling-but-city-at-heart-people-anyone/page/2#post-2803749 Mon, 12 Feb 2018 16:43:00 +0000 MrsSCB 2803749@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LCTBQE: it is so crazy! my mom and I went to check out two houses for sale in her neighborhood (where we're currently living) this weekend. One of them was two bedrooms, tiny, not super updated -- $860K. Ummm, no. Regarding Brooklyn: my mom's friend bought a brownstone in Park Slope directly across from Prospect Park decades ago, before people had really started to move over to BK. :shocked: Sooooo, good for them. Not so much for those of us who want to buy now... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/suburb-dwelling-but-city-at-heart-people-anyone#post-2803669 Mon, 12 Feb 2018 13:34:12 +0000 Iced Tea 2803669@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am a city dweller at heart, and I moved out of NYC while pregnant with our first. While we didn’t make the same move as you (we left the region completely), I can confidently say I’m happy to be raising kids elsewhere. It’s just so much easier in a lot of ways. And one of the biggest is that our financial pressure is way lower. Our life in New York had become unsustainable because of rent prices. Now we are saving for the future and traveling, for the first time ever, really. We have been surprised to find a lot of “our” people and events and places that fit with our interests. We even found good food, it just took some digging!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/suburb-dwelling-but-city-at-heart-people-anyone#post-2803138 Fri, 09 Feb 2018 08:42:38 +0000 Littlebit7 2803138@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LCTBQE: I’m in Hoboken as well; I think the ship has sailed as far as it being a better deal/getting more for your money. Maybe incrementally but it’s not a huge savings. We are weighing renting here longer or buying; but buying what we want and what will last us long term is $$$$$$. My momma friends who have moved to maple wood/Bloomfield etc all LoVE it there. They all said their biggest change they felt was driving to run errands. Their momma tribe and everything else fell into place because all of their neighbors are nyc transplants.<br /> I’m there with you on lamenting what we “could have bought”. I was hard pressing my husband to buy a two family in bed stuy back in 2009/10. The area was very much in transition. But I look at what it sells for now 😳 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/suburb-dwelling-but-city-at-heart-people-anyone#post-2803134 Fri, 09 Feb 2018 08:32:24 +0000 LCTBQE 2803134@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ElbieKay: I am so excited for your twins!! Such an amazing life update :) it sounds like you guys have a really solid plan. Do you have basement storage or anything to help ease the stuff overflow? Also maybe it'll help a bit that you can very safely get rid of baby gear the split second your girls outgrow it. We have definitely thought about Hoboken or JC but my husband feels pretty strongly that it isn't that good of a deal coming in now given that we ultimately would need better schools and it would be a stop-gap solution. We always look at zillow and kick ourselves that we totally could have afforded what all these brooklyn places went for when they sold in 2011 🙄 I think it's the same where you are--it's just not that great of a deal anymore. Plus, we do feel like if we're already leaving Brooklyn we might as well go whole hog and have a nice house and a yard. I am obsessed with dogs and we haven't had one since our girl died two years ago (landlord bs) so it does make sense to just get out there. That said I really like where you and anagram live and if we were already there we'd try to make it work. The free pre k is amazing and I'm sorry to miss out on it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/suburb-dwelling-but-city-at-heart-people-anyone#post-2803123 Fri, 09 Feb 2018 07:10:08 +0000 LCTBQE 2803123@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@wrkbrk: I think this is such a good point, but I just can't get my head around living in a space the size we do now with 2 kids, especially if they're both boys, and having them grow up. All the places we can afford have tiny second bedrooms and one small-ish living space, and winters last 7 months here. I could see it during young kids years, but part of why we want to buy is to have a long-term solution and not just stave off moving for a few years while the market keeps escalating. </p> <p>@Anagram: ugh, that work situation sounds HARD, and quitting and becoming SAH when you don't want to just to deal with logistics and then your girls only see their dad weekends is such a sad solution, i.e. not a solution :meh: Are you out of space? Aren't you done at two? If so and you have both girls, is there really an urgency to leave, or are you just thinking long-term here? </p> <p>We have no family, either, I can't even imagine having a mom around who I could rely on. Our deal is more evened out, we both work 9-6 in midtown and are both in-house, so the pressure and hours aren't a cake walk, it's still New York, but it's a hell of a lot easier than working at a firm/agency. My husband can actually get in at 10, so he could do morning duty like yours does. I just made a huge log of train schedules and I guess it could be worse... eh. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/suburb-dwelling-but-city-at-heart-people-anyone#post-2803120 Fri, 09 Feb 2018 06:57:16 +0000 LCTBQE 2803120@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hi, sorry I dropped the thread yesterday, huge work deadline, but thank you for your thoughts, everyone :heart: </p> <p>@Mommy Finger: @skipra: The baby in a hallway/bathroom logistics are not great. I'm glad you felt like it was worth it even if you miss the city. I kept thinking I'd suffer through the city schools zoning/assignment insanity until I went to a lecture about it and got a reality check that it's not up to me if I'm in a not-good zone--DUH. All sounds fine when you're young and just talking about TTC :) It must be nice to not be constantly trying to figure out a work-around to space, schools, how to burn off kiddo energy, etc.<br /> @youboots: @Nutella: I hear you completely that it needs to be the right suburb and not the wrong one--we have done a ton of research and where we are looking has the best balance of commute, schools, housing stock, walkability, culture (relative, we are still talking NJ here..) and affordability (also relative, ouch). There is nothing at all bad about it, it's just still so far away. Also youboots you work from home, right? Feels like that would be a nice lifestyle improvement to not commute, maybe I should switch careers ;)<br /> @Nutella: hi lady, thank you! no no, these towns are full of young families with similar types of jobs and situations to us, I don't think it'll be isolating. </p> <p>@hilsy85: I was dying to move to Philadelphia--we could have done it with my husband's old job which he wasn't that happy at, but then he got a new job that he LOVES, which is great. I love my job too, but our industries don't exist outside of New York, so we've chosen to stay for practical reasons. Part of what makes it hard to swallow is that in my heart I want to GTFO of New York, but instead we're looking at leaving the part I love and keeping all the stuff I hate--commuting to and working in midtown :meh: I hear you on all the ex-pats out in NJ, I think part of my problem is that I just haven't really met any who I'd be good friends with--I'm sure they're out there. You have SUCH a good point that young baby/kid years are a short stage in life and everything is going to change whether or not I want it to. Friendships and dynamics have already changed so much and our baby is only a year and a half old now. Anyway, thank you for your thoughtful advice :heart: </p> <p>@Ms.Mermaid: @looch: @youboots: see above--my solution to this whole thing was to leave the city completely, but we gotta work for a living :bummed: I like where your head's at though. </p> <p>@Beehive: I have looked at that to try and justify staying so many times! We'd have to move and our rent would literally more than double, and the fact that we have down payment money just sitting rotting right now and we'd have to actually use it to pay for rent while still struggling with space just makes me feel ... not good. My husband *really* doesn't want to do this. Plus, I want to own a home so I can fix it, I actually really like that stuff. Of course the home I'd like is a brownstone, but that isn't happening. I think it's awesome that you're settled on your decision though, the back and forth waffling is the worst.</p> <p>@MrsSCB: your area is soooo $$$$$$$. I looked up my childhood home on zillow the other day and it sold for a million dollars more than my parents sold it for in the 90s, damn. good luck finding the right balance! I feel so bogged down in baby years that I can't even imagine my career moving forward right now and making more money, haha. It's a good point though--I wouldn't want to be house poor but people say they grow into their mortgages sometimes, right? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/suburb-dwelling-but-city-at-heart-people-anyone#post-2803023 Thu, 08 Feb 2018 15:31:04 +0000 agold 2803023@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LCTBQE: Hi, fellow august 2016 mama! Congrats again on your pregnancy. I have no real advice because I've been a suburb girl my whole life. I was thinking I was in a city for college, but realized that, really, its actually a suburb, too! I echo the comments about having things in walking distance. It really helps. My own criteria includes staying within walking distance of a park, an elementary school and a restaurant with a full bar. :silly: It may be an uphill 1-mile walk one of those ways to that bar (hopefully not the return walk), but as long as I can get there on foot if I want to, I'm happy. I hate being stuck with a car. But there are tow-trucks in suburbs, just so you know. :silly: Good luck with whatever you do! House hunting can be fun!! (unless you are like me, 27 weeks pregnant with number 2, bidding on houses that have like 13 offers within one day of being on market and having your well-over-asking price rejected because your offer is contingent on selling your own condo that is listed as a hot home by redfin and already has offers... ugh. someone help me!) Good luck with whatever you do. Try not to stress out too much.It will all work out. </p> <p>@Anagram: It truly sounds like a dream to me to watch my kids play in the back yard while I"m alone, maybe sipping a glass of wine and glancing at a magazine, and someone is landscaping my yard!!!!!!!!!!! :grin: :silly: :grin: :silly: Isn't it so funny how many different housing options there are and what different people like??? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/suburb-dwelling-but-city-at-heart-people-anyone#post-2803019 Thu, 08 Feb 2018 15:15:57 +0000 wrkbrk 2803019@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LCTBQE: Didn’t read the responses but your comment about not wanting to get out into nature or “whatever other people like” made me laugh. I’m exactly the same way. Not NYC, but we live in the city proper. Smaller space but it’s just what we wanted. If you really feel this way I’d suggest looking into a way to make a small condo work for your family! I have lots of friends with kids who live in NYC apartments! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/suburb-dwelling-but-city-at-heart-people-anyone#post-2802935 Thu, 08 Feb 2018 11:14:57 +0000 Anagram 2802935@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LCTBQE: I forgot from before, what are your work situations like? General hours, commute to where, etc.</p> <p>My biggest sticking point is: My husband already works semi-long hours in a job that isn't very flexible with working from home. I have a job where I can't work at home at all (education). Last night, for instance, he walked in the door at 8:23 pm. So about 25 minutes after I'd put the kids to bed. And he has a 30 min door-to-door commute right now. If we lived further out and the commute was say an hour, or more like an hour 15, or 1.5 hours, he wouldn't have been home till 9 or 9:30. That's just crazy.</p> <p>And right now, I'm the one that leaves early in the a.m. He doesn't leave till 8. But again, if we moved further out, he'd have to leave at 7:30 or even 7:15. I would be working full time and solo parenting every single morning and evening and I just don't want to do it. I have friends that do that and they don't seem to mind, but I would be 100% resentful of that. Like, whose going to take the kids to sports as they get older? Just me, for the rest of forever? Whose doing all the school pick ups and drop off? Just me? We don't have any family around.</p> <p>I could quit my job.....but I don't really want to, for a variety of reasons. My kids are OBSESSED with their dad. They are both totally daddy's girls. Right now, my husband walks my daughter to school every single morning, and he dresses her, and he makes breakfast for all of us. He's on morning duty. </p> <p>I don't want to give all of that up. if he had a more flexible work-from home-policy, or shorter hours, or....it would be different. But with our current jobs, I'd rather have less space and more husband. haha. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/suburb-dwelling-but-city-at-heart-people-anyone#post-2802930 Thu, 08 Feb 2018 11:09:44 +0000 MrsSCB 2802930@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No great advice, just commiseration. We lived in Jersey City/worked in NYC, and then lived in Houston, in the middle of the city. We've always been able to walk to restaurants, coffee shops, etc. We recently moved to a much higher COL area than Houston and are househunting. MAJOR sticker shock here...my commute will probably be much longer, and I'll miss the walkability. My hope is that this will be a starter place for us, and as our kids get older, we no longer have to pay for daycare, and we hopefully make more money, we can move somewhere closer to the city. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/suburb-dwelling-but-city-at-heart-people-anyone#post-2802926 Thu, 08 Feb 2018 11:00:10 +0000 Beehive 2802926@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LCTBQE: I understand your reluctance to move to the suburbs! I grew up in the suburbs (of Chicago), and it was a wonderful place to grow up, but I have zero interest in suburban living for my family and me. I really don't think we'll ever leave the city (we're in downtown Manhattan). For us, that means continuing to rent indefinitely, but I'm okay with that. You might want to take a look at this "rent or buy" calculator the NYT published a few years ago - it's very interesting to see at what point it becomes financially better to buy vs. continue to rent. <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2014/upshot/buy-rent-calculator.html" rel="nofollow">https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2014/upshot/buy-rent-calculator.html</a></p> <p>If you do decide to move to the suburbs, I'm sure you'll be able to find an area and friends that suit, and I imagine it's very nice to have more space! I just wanted to offer up the other perspective, that sometimes sticking with the city is a viable choice, even if it means renting long-term, if that's really where your heart is. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/suburb-dwelling-but-city-at-heart-people-anyone#post-2802911 Thu, 08 Feb 2018 10:27:44 +0000 avivoca 2802911@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is us. I'm actually excited to move to the burbs, but my husband is really resistant to leaving everything he loves. Our city is much, much smaller than NYC and has a lower cost of living, but we are still priced out of owning a larger home unless it's in a much less desirable area of the city. So we are moving 40 minutes outside of the city to a town with a great downtown area that is walkable, but we can have a larger home with a nice yard and still be close to the city. </p>