https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 14 Apr 2026 05:13:27 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/support-for-my-sister-and-the-loss-of-her-son#post-1982489 Fri, 12 Dec 2014 14:33:44 +0000 CsMama 1982489@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Torchwood: I completely agree. So many people tell me that they are so sorry for my loss. While it is a loss for me, it is nothing like hers. I dont want anyone to feel sorry for me. need all of the prayers, thoughts, feelings, etc to go to her and her husband.<br /> Of course it does bother me and I know it is comforting for her to feel the empathy from others but I would never want to make her feel like I grieving more than her. The thing that hurts me more than the loss of the baby is that my sister is hurting so much. :(<br /> I am sorry for your loss as well. I cant even fathom what it must be like to lose a child. It is a pain I wish I could take away from everyone who has experienced it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/support-for-my-sister-and-the-loss-of-her-son#post-1980755 Thu, 11 Dec 2014 15:36:14 +0000 rachiecakes 1980755@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@CsMama: (((hugs))) this happened to my cousin :crying: so many conflicting emotions - you're trying to be strong and mourning at the same time, celebrating the birth of one and allowing yourself to grieve for the other. </p> <p>I think just being there for her will help :heart: love to you and your family </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/support-for-my-sister-and-the-loss-of-her-son#post-1980707 Thu, 11 Dec 2014 15:03:52 +0000 Torchwood 1980707@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So glad to hear he's doing well!</p> <p>I did want to chime in with one thing. When we lost our daughter, my mom was just over the top about how upset she was, and it was really hard on us. We literally felt like she was more sad about it than we were, and it kinda pissed us off. I think maybe she thought talking about her grief might help me open up to talk about mine or something? Or that I needed to hear that other people were sad too, since there was no funeral or any opportunity for anyone mourn with us? I don't know. But it really made it harder on DH and me. So I don't have any additional advice about what to do, but I can say do not do that (and try to stop anyone else who does). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/support-for-my-sister-and-the-loss-of-her-son#post-1980653 Thu, 11 Dec 2014 14:32:49 +0000 beachbee 1980653@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@CsMama: I'm happy to hear that Colt is doing so well!! Sounds like the funeral was very nice. I've been praying for your sister and family and will continue to keep you all in my thoughts and prayers. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/support-for-my-sister-and-the-loss-of-her-son#post-1980411 Thu, 11 Dec 2014 12:44:07 +0000 edelweiss 1980411@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>many hugs to your sister, you and your family. it sounds like the funeral service was lovely and a touching way to remember jameson. glad to hear colt is doing better--i know he will provide much joy and comfort to your family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/support-for-my-sister-and-the-loss-of-her-son#post-1980387 Thu, 11 Dec 2014 12:34:27 +0000 CsMama 1980387@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank you all so very much for your kind words. I appreciate all of the insight and support. For those of you who have gone through this, I pray for your continued peace. </p> <p>As an update we had a funeral for Jameson on Tuesday. It was a very nice service followed by a balloon release. Each member of our family released a blue balloon for Jameson and it was a really touching moment.<br /> I went to see the surviving twin, Colt, and he is doing so well. He was moved from level 3 to the level 2 NICU as he is able to breathe on his own. This is a huge achievement for a baby not even 32 weeks. He will stay in the NICU until he is fully eating on his own without a feeding tube and until at least 35 weeks which will be sometime around New Years. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/support-for-my-sister-and-the-loss-of-her-son#post-1971419 Thu, 04 Dec 2014 18:33:59 +0000 Mrs. Tiger 1971419@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am so sorry, my heart breaks for all of you.</p> <p>I follow this preemie blog, she lost one of her early twins after a few weeks, so not quite the same, but maybe her story will be helpful or familiar at least to your sister. <a href="http://josephathome.blogspot.com/2014/11/five-years-since-saying-goodbye.html" rel="nofollow">http://josephathome.blogspot.com/2014/11/five-years-since-saying-goodbye.html</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/support-for-my-sister-and-the-loss-of-her-son#post-1971324 Thu, 04 Dec 2014 17:01:13 +0000 Boopers 1971324@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am so so sorry for your loss.</p> <p>My situation is a bit different from yours, but my seven year old nephew died in a car accident the day after my sister had my niece. He was on his way to the hospital with the rest of my sister's kids to meet the new baby and got in the accident. He never met his little sister.</p> <p>I'd say the biggest support I knew I could offer her was making sure that her other kids were being taken care of. She was recovering from a c-section, planning funerals arrangements, caring for a newborn, and grieving all within that first week of his death. I think it helped her knowing that she could focus on those immediate needs while her other kids were still ok.</p> <p>As far as later on and even now, just being a support system and being someone she can come talk to whenever needed is helpful. The four year anniversary is actually coming up next week and while the pain isn't as great as it was in the beginning, we still talk about him and she still gets emotional, of course.</p> <p>Other people gave her jewelry to remember him by and made meals, but once the immediate and overwhelming sadness and grief simmers into something else later is when she really needs someone. So just keep being there for her.</p> <p>Also, I say this as a sister and aunt, please take care of yourself too. </p> <p>Big hugs and love to you and your family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/support-for-my-sister-and-the-loss-of-her-son#post-1971305 Thu, 04 Dec 2014 16:44:10 +0000 LAZB 1971305@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@CsMama: I also lost a son, although he was 5 weeks old at the time, so a different situation, but I totally get the pain. I am also in Houston, and can assure you that Texas Children's Hospital (which is I am sure where she is) is the best place to be.<br /> As far as how to support her with her surviving little one, that is tough. I would say just listening and sharing in both her excitement and in her grief.<br /> Maybe not right now, but soon you might get her something little to recognize both of her boys. The girls in my birth month group got me a necklace that had my son's name and birthstone, and I wear it almost everyday.<br /> Other's suggestions about food are good. If she doesn't already know, tell her to check out the Ronald McDonald House. It is on the same floor as the NICU, and has space for her to eat and/or make food. We slept there every night after we could no longer sleep in our son's room, and are forever grateful for the time that allowed us to have with him. She won't be able to have her daughter there with her, but it might be a good option for her sometimes. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/support-for-my-sister-and-the-loss-of-her-son#post-1971285 Thu, 04 Dec 2014 16:34:26 +0000 Blueberry 1971285@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@csmama: I am so sorry for your family's loss. I have not experienced this but it is one of my biggest fears as a mother. My heart breaks at the thought of anyone losing a child. I am sorry that I do not have more to say but I noticed that you are in Dallas. I am in Dallas also, please let me know if there is anything I can help you or yours with in this terrible time. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/support-for-my-sister-and-the-loss-of-her-son#post-1971017 Thu, 04 Dec 2014 14:30:10 +0000 beachbee 1971017@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@CsMama: I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet nephew and to hear your other nephew is still in critical condition. I was pregnant with triplets and my identical twin boys were delivered stillborn (their sister was born alive and amazingly healthy). The pain your sister is feeling right now is unfathomable. She is feeling a mix of emotions, from absolute sorrow to cautious joy for her surviving baby. Honestly, there is not much you can do right now to make her feel better other then to make sure she knows you are there for her. The guilt she feels is real, it will feel real to her for a long time and no amount of words will make it go away. We all know it is not her fault, and so does she on some level, but the guilt is all consuming and will likely be around dr a while. I, two years later, still question myself nearly daily. Now even though you can't make her feel better, you can help in other ways like helping to take care of her daughter, the household tasks, meals, etc. all of those things that will take her focus away from where it needs to be. You can also help by seeking out resources for your sister. I'm not sure where you are located, but check your local hospice chapter for a perinatal loss program. Our local chapter had an amazing program and I credit them fully for the fact that I am still standing today. Also look for any other pregnancy/infant loss resources in your area. Therapists, support groups, etc are amazing. She might not want the info now, but it will be wonderful for you to have it ready for her when she's ready to talk to someone. Also, be kind to yourself and the rest of your family. Yes, your sister has suffered a tremendous loss that no one understands, but you all lost a nephew, grandson, cousin, brother, etc. Your loss deserves mentioning also and you should all recognize that you will be going through the grieving process as well. Be kind to yourself and make sure you give yourself time to mourn the loss without focusing solely on your sister.</p> <p>I'm sorry for the novel, this hit very close and I know I'm rambling just trying to get out anything I can think of. Please message me if you would like some specific resources or any additional information. Lots of love to you, your sister, and your entire family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/support-for-my-sister-and-the-loss-of-her-son#post-1970997 Thu, 04 Dec 2014 14:23:18 +0000 CsMama 1970997@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Ms.Badger: I am so sorry for your loss. I was just reading your posts about your son and my heart weeps for you. Thank you for your advice and for giving support to those going through these hard times. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/support-for-my-sister-and-the-loss-of-her-son#post-1970969 Thu, 04 Dec 2014 14:15:12 +0000 Ms.Badger 1970969@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@CsMama: I'm so, so sorry. I lost my son recently after a long hospitalization, but I can't imagine dealing with a loss at the same time dealing with hospitalization of another child. So hard. </p> <p>If you and your family are local, I would suggest doing everything you can to be with the child that she isn't with at that time (when she is at the hospital, watch the 20 month old, when she needs time with her 20 month old, sit at the hospital). I couldn't bear to leave my son alone when he was in the hospital, like it meant we didn't care about him, so my mom ended up living with us for 4 months to make this happen. If it's possible give her time alone/time alone with her husband so that they can grieve and let go in a way that is difficult with others around. Try to keep her fridge stocked with easy stuff (we had a lot of frozen trader joe's food and a boss that sent over restaurant food). Listen to what she says she wants (a memorial, donations in his name, support/minister to talk to) and ask if its ok if you make it happen and, if it is, just do it. I wanted a memorial but I couldn't imagine planning it myself, so my dad did all the work and it ended up being perfect.<br /> Mostly just know that listening and being present is all you can do right now, there is no perfect thing to do or say, but you will all get through this awful time. Hugs </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/support-for-my-sister-and-the-loss-of-her-son#post-1970963 Thu, 04 Dec 2014 14:10:55 +0000 Greentea 1970963@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am so sorry for your loss. In person support if possible! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/support-for-my-sister-and-the-loss-of-her-son#post-1970961 Thu, 04 Dec 2014 14:10:49 +0000 CsMama 1970961@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank you! She is staying with family while the baby is in the NICU as the hospital is much closer to them than to her home. They had to move him to another hospital following his birth because the one she was at didnt have the level NICU he needed. ugh even worse!<br /> I am in a different city than them. They are in Houston, I am in Dallas. I am sure I could find a delivery service for a meal or even just order a pizza for them. I will be back for Christmas in a few weeks so we will be able to do more in person then. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/support-for-my-sister-and-the-loss-of-her-son#post-1970953 Thu, 04 Dec 2014 14:08:09 +0000 lamariniere 1970953@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry. </p> <p>Do you live close to them? Maybe you could offer to babysit the older child from time to time so your sister can spend more time in the NICU? Or drop off meals, offer to clean or hire a cleaning service if it's in the budget? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/support-for-my-sister-and-the-loss-of-her-son#post-1970943 Thu, 04 Dec 2014 14:04:12 +0000 BabyBoecksMom 1970943@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh man, I can't even imagine. I'm so sorry! It seems that the best thing that has been suggested is to bring meals to them. Don't bring flowers because, once those die, they can remind the parents of death of their LO. Also, a "just thinking of you" text every now and then can mean a lot. That way they feel your support but they don't have to respond if they don't feel up to talking.</p> <p>ETA: Helping with laundry or cleaning the house would be a big help - basically taking the extra work off of them until they get adjusted. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/support-for-my-sister-and-the-loss-of-her-son#post-1970928 Thu, 04 Dec 2014 13:59:12 +0000 autumnlove 1970928@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am so sorry. I hope you get some good suggestions. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/support-for-my-sister-and-the-loss-of-her-son#post-1970926 Thu, 04 Dec 2014 13:56:49 +0000 CsMama 1970926@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hello,<br /> This is my first post here. I am trying to find any information or support from those who have gone through a similar situation.<br /> My twin sister gave birth to her twins one week ago today. They are identical twin boys. One was still born. The other is on a ventilator and will be for several weeks. They were delivered at 30 +6 days.<br /> This has been an overwhelmingly emotional time for my family as you can imagine. My heart breaks for my sister. I can't even fathom what it is like to lose a child. Not only that but she has another one that is still in critical condition and a 20 month old daughter at home to care for.<br /> I know there are many of you that have experienced some sort of loss, maybe not the exact circumstance but anything can help.<br /> What did you do after loss? What did you need? We all want to help but cant seem to find the words.<br /> She feels so guilty right now thinking that she did something wrong. We all know that isnt true and she does too but cant help but feel that way. She also feels bad for being excited and loving the new baby in a way that she can't with the one that passed.<br /> Please help. I would be forever grateful. :crying: </p>