https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 25 Apr 2026 00:26:36 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/support-network-or-immediate-family-needs#post-2833103 Tue, 10 Jul 2018 08:35:20 +0000 bloved 2833103@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsBucky: That was a great idea, thank you!</p> <p>@JCCovi: That's what I feel would happen too. I think the quality of life would be so improved.</p> <p>Thank you everyone for weighing in. It has been an all consuming decision. Ultimately we decided to pass on the job; my DH was just not excited about the position so he felt it did not make sense to uproot everyone for a career change he wasn't passionate about. I am not quite sure how I feel. I definitely love my family and friends and actually had thought I was leaning towards staying too. But I really think our family could use the change (and I was a little excited about experiencing something new too). But fingers crossed something else will come along soon that ticks more of our boxes and will help make things work for our family! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/support-network-or-immediate-family-needs#post-2832620 Sat, 07 Jul 2018 18:58:41 +0000 JCCovi 2832620@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We recently made this move, away from family and friends, but significantly reduced commute. A little different since it was a desirable work move (maybe lateral in title though?) </p> <p>Having more family time because of shorter commutes has been a HUGE increase in standard of living. I am interested in moving back east eventually, but I know we’ll never go back to commuting like that! So I would say, whether it’s taking this job or looking for something in the same town, make a change! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/support-network-or-immediate-family-needs#post-2832605 Sat, 07 Jul 2018 12:49:57 +0000 MrsBucky 2832605@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bloved: We moved two years ago, and it ended up being a pretty easy decision for us. The situation was a little different, though, since we didn't have family close by (though we did have a wonderful network of friends we loved) and we did have my BIL and SIL, plus a few friends that happened to be in our new area, so we weren't 100% starting over. At the end of the day, I have to put the well being of my immediate family as a whole as my #1 priority- but of course, you're right in that your network materially impacts the well being of your immediate family in non trivial ways!</p> <p>For us, we made a weighted pro/con list. We sat down, and listed every big and small thing we could think of as a pro for moving, and everything we could think of as a con. Then, we went through and assigned each item a weight (so leaving our community was weighted way higher than say, the inconvenience of moving). It was super helpful to then add up the columns and see which way the numbers fell for us, as was the process of hearing from each other how much we valued, say, how unhappy my husband was at work (very) and how scared I was to move (less so). In the end of course, we wouldn't have let the number dictate a decision, but when we saw the numbers favored moving, and we both felt at peace with that outcome, we knew what to do. Anyway, I offer that as one possible tool for how to help decide! Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/support-network-or-immediate-family-needs#post-2832604 Sat, 07 Jul 2018 12:07:08 +0000 bloved 2832604@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Truth Bombs: This is one of my (and my mom's) biggest arguments for taking it too. We are hesitating now because moving is scary, but literally the week before they reached back out DH said, "I wish I had taken the job at ___". My fear is that if he passes up this opportunity, he's going to regret it again. And the being unhappy at work is definitely taking its toll. I think that's why I am anxious for the change.</p> <p>@DesertDreams88: agreed. And I worry that the next opportunity could be a long way away. </p> <p>@gotkimchi: That would be great! I had actually started a thread about Milwaukee when the first position came up and your enthusiasm for the area (and others too) definitely helped sway me. It seems everyone from there really feels passionately about the area.</p> <p>@Pollywog: I'm a teacher so my job is pretty flexible. And honestly, summer happens to be the ideal time to move for my career.</p> <p>@youboots: I have to admit, that sounds exciting to me too!</p> <p>@2littlepumpkins: The kids are 2 and 5, so no one has started school yet. The Big is supposed to start Kindergarten in the fall, and this move would be before then.</p> <p>@ChiCalGoBee: My parents just moved out of state, so in some ways that makes it easier for me. But DH's parents help out IMMENSELY and would definitely be missed (although I think we would at least see them often, even if they did not move out). It's my friends that give me huge pause. I get together with the once a month for a girls night, and we get together once a month as couples as well. Not counting all the other little times we manage to sneak it. I have to say the thought of not being near these friendships is what makes the move most difficult to contemplate for me. </p> <p>@muffinsmuffins: Holidays are another good point. Right now, DH and I host all the holidays because we are the most centrally located (and have the most space) to host our large families. Not sure how it would work if we moved. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/support-network-or-immediate-family-needs#post-2832603 Sat, 07 Jul 2018 11:43:37 +0000 muffinsmuffins 2832603@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ChiCalGoBee: that’s a good point about holidays. We also have to travel every holiday to see family and it’s such a PITA. We’ve tried to say we are staying here and people come to us but my grandparents are elderly and can’t make the trip and cousins live much too far and would need to stay in a hotel. So, we end up travelling as we are the ones that are far with everyone else clustered together. We are also having our second baby due start of September and arranging care for our 3.5 year old has also been stressful as someone needs to get here possibly at any time of day or night. There’s no contest to me, family close by is invaluable. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/support-network-or-immediate-family-needs#post-2832597 Sat, 07 Jul 2018 10:42:37 +0000 ChiCalGoBee 2832597@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bloved: Hard call. We are currently the opposite-my husband's commute is typically no more than 20 minutes for a very good job, but we have no family here, save for a cousin we see maybe once a month. My immediate family is a 3.5 hour flight away, and my husband doesn't really have any family support network, unfortunately. I'm having my second baby on Tuesday, and my parents are coming out Monday. I cannot tell you how much anxiety has been brought on at the thought of this baby coming before my parents get here to help with our 3.5-year-old. I know this is a very specific circumstance, but my point is, even with good friends we've made in the area, you can't really replace family (that you're actively close to) IMO. We're actually trying to find a job near my family, which would mean giving up an awesome climate and excellent job just to have the support network close by. It's taking us a while to find a good job, but the thought of my son and daughter growing up near a huge network of family would be too incredible to pass up. Not to mention not having to spend every major holiday traveling out to extended family, rather than going on fun family trips we want to go on with vacation time. Anyway, just to put a different perspective out there since it weighs on my mind frequently. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/support-network-or-immediate-family-needs#post-2832596 Sat, 07 Jul 2018 10:13:03 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2832596@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have no real "support network" just people we know and one family member that helps an hour away. We stayed here for dh's job so I get it though. It's not easy. How old are your kids? Are they already in school? Because as a kid I also moved for a temporary "let's see if it works" kind of situation and that sucked a lot. It doesn't sound to me to be enough to motivate me to move unless you seriously can have a future in your job there. But it's really about preferences. I think if possible my solution would be finding a place closer to your husband's current job. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/support-network-or-immediate-family-needs#post-2832564 Fri, 06 Jul 2018 20:13:12 +0000 youboots 2832564@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We are choosing to move cross country away from everyone we know. I’m excited to live on a new coast and have adventures as our own little family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/support-network-or-immediate-family-needs#post-2832561 Fri, 06 Jul 2018 19:16:13 +0000 Pollywog 2832561@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>How specific is your job? Can you realistically find something in your field? </p> <p>I'd move and try it for 18 months. Then make a decision. I encourage your in-laws to do several long stays (like pay for an AirBnB) before they move. FWIW, my grandma retired to WI and we thought age was nuts, but she loved it. And I loved Milwaukee. It's a good place to move. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/support-network-or-immediate-family-needs#post-2832553 Fri, 06 Jul 2018 18:25:46 +0000 lamariniere 2832553@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We made a lateral move last year for my DH, who also changed organizations, and moved to a place where we also had to start all over. It was a 180 degree change in every possible way. But it has been extremely positive overall and I consider us very lucky to have this opportunity. We’ve never lived close to family though, and both of us are somewhat used to a nomadic lifestyle with little support, so it works for us. Additionally, this is not permanent. We’ll probably move somewhere totally different within 5 years. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/support-network-or-immediate-family-needs#post-2832551 Fri, 06 Jul 2018 17:52:33 +0000 gotkimchi 2832551@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bloved: we can be neighbors :silly: wall me if you have specific questions about area or the company etc </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/support-network-or-immediate-family-needs#post-2832545 Fri, 06 Jul 2018 17:01:27 +0000 DesertDreams88 2832545@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That key phrase of DH being "miserable" means something needs to change ASAP. New job in town or elsewhere. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/support-network-or-immediate-family-needs#post-2832536 Fri, 06 Jul 2018 16:21:49 +0000 bhbee 2832536@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think there’s a lot to be said about getting out of a miserable commute / position. Also to trying something new! But I’d want dh to be excited about the future there. If this is lateral, what opportunities may be there in the next few years? Is it the kind of place he could move up? Does the COL help you out financially? What other opportunities might there be in the area if this doesn’t pan out as he thought it would in the future? </p> <p>We moved across the country to a place with no support, but we already didn’t live near family and were used to moving a lot so it’s hard for me to factor that piece in. It was a great bump for dh and it gave us the chance for me to stay home between the bump and improved COL, something we both wanted as we got to kid #2. The company and job kind of stalled though so after about 2 years he switched to a new company - this area has a ton of growth which is a great perk. Unfortunately now he has a bad commute and is rarely home when kids are awake, so I’m hoping another job change comes up eventually, but it works for now. I will say though, although I don’t see this as a forever home or area for us I’m also hesitant to move again, even to the other side of the metro area. It’s hard to start over making friends for you and the kids. I don’t regret the move we made but it has to be worth it in the big picture which doesn’t sound clear for you yet. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/support-network-or-immediate-family-needs#post-2832514 Fri, 06 Jul 2018 14:25:00 +0000 Truth Bombs 2832514@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bloved: I think the fact that he regrets passing up the original opportunity is very telling, so I would give a lot of consideration before turning them down again. He likely won't get a third chance. Maybe this will be a stepping stone but if he's really unhappy, I would be anxious to do SOMETHING different. For what it's worth we live half the country away from all of our family in a city where neither of us knew anyone when we moved here. We have made AMAZING friends and have the most incredible support system. So don't think that no family means no support system. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/support-network-or-immediate-family-needs#post-2832512 Fri, 06 Jul 2018 14:20:48 +0000 bloved 2832512@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JJ2626: that’s the tricky thing. The new job is in Milwaukee which is totally not something I thought I would ever consider (born and raised NJ). That being said, when we went out to look I really liked the city and neighboring areas. I am not a huge fan of winter though so that is definitely a factor!!</p> <p>@muffinsmuffins: agreed! We depend so much on his parents. That being said, they have offered to move with us (not live with us, just to the area) because they want to be with the grandkids. But that adds a whole additional wrinkle because neither of us wants to make his parents move to WI for their retirement years! That’s why I did not mention it in my original post because not sure how likely it is they will actually be with us. </p> <p>@superkate: that’s what we are leaning towards. There are just too many “not quite perfect” things about the move. I think both of us our intrigued by the idea of a big move (we both have always lived in basically a 25<br /> Mile radius of where we are now, including for college) but it’s not the perfect job or place. I think we are both just impatient too about wanting a change right now (well we’ve felt this way for a while) and scared at how long it could be until the next opportunity comes along. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/support-network-or-immediate-family-needs#post-2832509 Fri, 06 Jul 2018 14:01:46 +0000 bloved 2832509@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira: @PawPrints: so unfortunately DH is ina super specific industry, so not a lot of other opportunity in the state. He can change fields and is open to that, but has not found a ton available at his level. Moving closer is not an option because more expensive COL and DH does not like the area.</p> <p>@autumnleaves: he likes the position but it’s not a dream position. Basically it’s the exact position he has now but he would be creating it (and the whole department). Unfortunately this company had also offered him a position in December that he was more enthused about, but he turned it down. He regretted that which is what made him reach back out to them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/support-network-or-immediate-family-needs#post-2832504 Fri, 06 Jul 2018 13:38:54 +0000 muffinsmuffins 2832504@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We live hours from my parents and rest of my family, hours from my DW’s siblings and 45 mins away from the in laws. With little kids there is no way I would want to be further away. Sick days, babysitting, etc is super hard without family there. We have lots of friends with young kids but everyone is kinda doing their own thing and busy themselves so I think for us, the ‘village’ is not super helpful. Meaning, I am not comfortable getting my friends to babysit to have a date night when they already have their own kids and jobs to look after, or to come help if my kids are sick. I would look for something close to where you are. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/support-network-or-immediate-family-needs#post-2832502 Fri, 06 Jul 2018 13:26:55 +0000 superkate 2832502@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd turn down the offer and have him look in your area, just a little closer to home. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/support-network-or-immediate-family-needs#post-2832500 Fri, 06 Jul 2018 13:16:42 +0000 JJ2626 2832500@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We live away from family to live in area we love and have slightly better work life balance. To me, it would depend on whether I was excited about the new city/region in general. Moving just for a job/work life balance wouldn’t be enough but I would do it to live somewhere that appealed to me otherwise. Do you think you’d like the new area in terms of activities, types of people, etc? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/support-network-or-immediate-family-needs#post-2832499 Fri, 06 Jul 2018 13:02:22 +0000 KT326 2832499@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I voted immediate family first. I agree with poster above, if one spouse isn't happy it can really affect the family. We are planning on moving out of our area in the next 5 years and will probably not have a network at all. We really don't have much of one now and family lives within an hour of us or closer... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/support-network-or-immediate-family-needs#post-2832498 Fri, 06 Jul 2018 13:01:21 +0000 autumnleaves 2832498@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bloved: I know you said it is a lateral move for your husband but is he excited about the new position? If he is not excited about it, I would not move away from family and friends. I would definitely consider the move if it was a dream job for him. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/support-network-or-immediate-family-needs#post-2832497 Fri, 06 Jul 2018 13:01:10 +0000 snowjewelz 2832497@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If there is no 3rd option, I think I would lean towards moving. Having a happy spouse/father would be important to me and my kids. But of course, you'd have to weight if YOU'd be happy after the move since you have to uproot, get a new job, figure a lot of new stuff out, and of course be away from your support network. If it's just traded off that DH becomes happy but you become miserable, then there has to be plan C. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/support-network-or-immediate-family-needs#post-2832495 Fri, 06 Jul 2018 12:58:24 +0000 JennyLayneAZ 2832495@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I voted for immediate family comes first. Depending on how bad your DH hates his job, it really can affect everything with your family. Good luck with whatever you choose! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/support-network-or-immediate-family-needs#post-2832493 Fri, 06 Jul 2018 12:54:30 +0000 PawPrints 2832493@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The move does not sound like a great solution. I would hold out for something better in your area. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/support-network-or-immediate-family-needs#post-2832490 Fri, 06 Jul 2018 12:33:53 +0000 Adira 2832490@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didn't vote because I didn't like either of those options. Is it possible for your husband to look for another job in the area? Maybe you guys can move closer to his work, but still be within 1-2 hours of family and friends. I wouldn't want to move across country away from family and friends, but 1.5 hour commute for a job you don't like also sucks. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/support-network-or-immediate-family-needs#post-2832489 Fri, 06 Jul 2018 12:19:57 +0000 bloved 2832489@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What do you value more: increased immediate family time or increased access to support network?</p> <p>Unfortunately DH and I find ourselves in a 1 or the other situation right now.</p> <p>Option 1: stay where we are. Amazing support network. His parents and my sister are within 40 minutes and we live walking distance to my two best friends. Other friends all within a 20 minute drive. However - DH currently has a 1.5 hour commute each way and works crazy hours. Basically out of the house from 6am-7:30pm most days. Plus unhappy at job. That means watching our 2 kids falls almost entirely on me (although the aforementioned support network does help out often!)</p> <p>Option 2: DH got a job offer in the Midwest. The position is entirely lateral although they will pay for our relocation. Opportunity to reduce his commute to about 20 minutes, plus he would have every other Friday off. I would have to find a new job, or possibly stay home at first when we move out. We know one other couple in the area, otherwise no support.</p> <p>I feel like neither option is great but curious what strangers would do, and possibly get some good insight! </p>