https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 11 Apr 2026 22:51:00 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/supporting-new-big-sib-with-new-baby-in-nicu#post-2866351 Mon, 14 Jan 2019 05:48:29 +0000 pachamama 2866351@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lilyofthewest: how are you and the little guy? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/supporting-new-big-sib-with-new-baby-in-nicu#post-2866349 Mon, 14 Jan 2019 05:00:48 +0000 QBbride 2866349@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lilyofthewest: wow so exciting you guys are home! Congrats!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/supporting-new-big-sib-with-new-baby-in-nicu#post-2866142 Fri, 11 Jan 2019 12:16:24 +0000 lilyofthewest 2866142@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@pachamama: Yup, pretty close. Discharged at 39+1 (or +3...both datings are in my chart and his). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/supporting-new-big-sib-with-new-baby-in-nicu#post-2865927 Thu, 10 Jan 2019 09:10:54 +0000 pachamama 2865927@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lilyofthewest: That is so great about the BFing working! I know you were really committed to that. If I'm not mistaken, his due date is right around now, right? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/supporting-new-big-sib-with-new-baby-in-nicu#post-2865873 Wed, 09 Jan 2019 21:54:22 +0000 lilyofthewest 2865873@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>He got the hang of feeding. </p> <p>Once he was off all respiratory support, breastfeeding could count towards his feeding goals. But, I still didn't usually try for more than one feeding a day because the staff all kept telling me that bottle feeding was easier and lower energy-expending. However, he kept being willing to breastfeed after only making it halfway through his required mLs by bottle. </p> <p>So, I camped out and breastfed on demand for 9 hours a day three days in a row. He gained weight at a faster pace than ever before and started doing better with his bottle feeds as well. They pulled his NG tube and he kept it up -- so we're going home!</p> <p>The genetics workup included a microarray and baby does have a small duplication. We won't have any way of knowing what kinds of affects it is having (if any) until they play out over the months/years. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/supporting-new-big-sib-with-new-baby-in-nicu#post-2865869 Wed, 09 Jan 2019 21:13:22 +0000 jhd 2865869@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lilyofthewest: awesome news! Best of luck with the transition to home! :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/supporting-new-big-sib-with-new-baby-in-nicu#post-2865864 Wed, 09 Jan 2019 20:32:38 +0000 Mama Bird 2865864@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That's great! I hope he's doing better! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/supporting-new-big-sib-with-new-baby-in-nicu#post-2865840 Wed, 09 Jan 2019 18:08:18 +0000 LAZB 2865840@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Fantastic news! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/supporting-new-big-sib-with-new-baby-in-nicu#post-2865838 Wed, 09 Jan 2019 17:42:31 +0000 pachamama 2865838@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lilyofthewest: oh I'm so glad!!! He's feeding well?!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/supporting-new-big-sib-with-new-baby-in-nicu#post-2865832 Wed, 09 Jan 2019 17:15:59 +0000 Pollywog 2865832@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lilyofthewest: yay! That's great news! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/supporting-new-big-sib-with-new-baby-in-nicu#post-2865822 Wed, 09 Jan 2019 15:58:53 +0000 erinbaderin 2865822@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lilyofthewest: YAY!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/supporting-new-big-sib-with-new-baby-in-nicu#post-2865820 Wed, 09 Jan 2019 15:53:38 +0000 lilyofthewest 2865820@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Well...a bed is finally opening at the new facility tomorrow...but he’s being discharged instead! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/supporting-new-big-sib-with-new-baby-in-nicu#post-2864265 Tue, 01 Jan 2019 10:01:40 +0000 jhd 2864265@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lilyofthewest: that’s great news the new facility has some positives especially that lo1 can visit. Hang in there! I hope you get some answers and baby continues to make good progress. ❤️ </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/supporting-new-big-sib-with-new-baby-in-nicu#post-2864255 Tue, 01 Jan 2019 08:35:45 +0000 lilyofthewest 2864255@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@QBbride: Today makes 37+6 or 38+1 depending on which dating we use. </p> <p>There's no bed available yet at the lower acuity facility, so, we're still at the NICU for now. </p> <p>We had an MRI a few days ago and another neuro consult yesterday. The MRI found problems, but, not ones that explain the weakness, low-tone, and resultant feeding problems. MRI found a small cerebellar bleed and possible reduced white matter (hypoxic injury). These things may have mild, major, or absolutely no ramifications for LO's development and functioning. So, don't really know more, just more things to worry about. </p> <p>We've got a geneticist consult today. Unless the geneticist recommends further workup, transfer to the new facility will be as soon as they have a bed open. </p> <p>I am feeling better about the pending transfer. My partner and I visited there on Friday and there are a lot of ways it would be better even though it is farther away: semiprivate room rather than open ward, bathrooms on the unit, fridges and microwaves available for us on the unit, those fold out chair/bed things for parents to spend the night (or nap), siblings allowed to visit. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/supporting-new-big-sib-with-new-baby-in-nicu#post-2864193 Mon, 31 Dec 2018 13:16:55 +0000 QBbride 2864193@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lilyofthewest: oh no! I’m sure it won’t be long now. How many weeks is he corrected? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/supporting-new-big-sib-with-new-baby-in-nicu#post-2863736 Thu, 27 Dec 2018 19:57:11 +0000 pachamama 2863736@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lilyofthewest: girl, can you get a break 😫?! An hour is tough. But maybe he will make gains and be out sooner than you think? You sound like you're holding up well. You actually sound way better than the whining shit show I'm sure I would be in your shoes. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/supporting-new-big-sib-with-new-baby-in-nicu#post-2863732 Thu, 27 Dec 2018 18:15:51 +0000 jhd 2863732@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lilyofthewest: re parking do they have a weekly rate? We saved money that way. That’s great news that baby is making progress. But the increased commute stinks. Can LO1 visit at the new hospital? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/supporting-new-big-sib-with-new-baby-in-nicu#post-2863725 Thu, 27 Dec 2018 17:01:19 +0000 lilyofthewest 2863725@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just found out that insurance will no longer cover NICU now that feeding is #2’s only life-sustaining challenge. We’re being transferred to a lower acuity facility sometime in the next few days. This is a good news/bad news situation. Hurrah for progress, but, the closest step down facility is about an hour commute for us. The hospital is only 15-20 minutes. We’ll also go from paying $20/month to park at the hospital to $8/day at the new facility. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/supporting-new-big-sib-with-new-baby-in-nicu#post-2863715 Thu, 27 Dec 2018 15:38:30 +0000 jhd 2863715@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lilyofthewest: thinking of you :heart: we had a six week NICU stay this spring 3 hours from home and big brother was about to turn 4. It was a tough season. Just do what you have to to get through it. If that means extra screen time, gummies, fast food. I will tell you that nine months later big brother is thriving and none the worse for this experience. He was so glad to get us all home together he even helped wash bottles for the first two weeks! Please reach out if I can help in any way. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/supporting-new-big-sib-with-new-baby-in-nicu#post-2863675 Thu, 27 Dec 2018 08:20:12 +0000 lilyofthewest 2863675@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@pachamama: Thanks for checking in. :heart: He's still in the NICU, still a ways out from discharge. Eating isn't really happening yet; he'll take 1/2 to 3/4 of 3-5 bottles a day and the rest is still going by NG tube. In order to have the NG tube pulled he needs to get up to &gt;80% of all 8 feeds. Then he needs to keep that up and maintain or gain weight for another two days for discharge. So, we're still a long way away. </p> <p>We also still don't know if we will ultimately be taking home a kid who was early and initially critically ill but will be healthy and normally developing in the long run...or if there may be a hypoxic brain injury and/or long-term respiratory problems, and/or an underlying genetic disorder contributing to his difficulties (and possibly the abnormal placentation). </p> <p>I'm up and down. We've got a better handle on getting our house ready. I think I'm doing a better job of being present with and focusing on LO#1. Christmas was a nice distraction. </p> <p>OTOH, I'm feeling demoralized that we're now in the upper quartile for NICU stays for 32 weekers. And more than half of babies in that upper quartile were extremely low birthweight babies -- which mine absolutely wasn't. </p> <p>I've long since used all my PTO. I'm 5 weeks into 8 weeks of STD pay. My partner's boss had been allowing my partner to telecommute every day for 1/2 to 3/4 days...but that was largely feasible and allowed because their project cycles account for so many people out of the office between Thanksgiving and New Years. OH will probably have to go back to work FT and in person on Jan 2. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/supporting-new-big-sib-with-new-baby-in-nicu#post-2863643 Wed, 26 Dec 2018 20:10:15 +0000 pachamama 2863643@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lilyofthewest: how are you and baby? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/supporting-new-big-sib-with-new-baby-in-nicu#post-2862859 Wed, 19 Dec 2018 21:34:02 +0000 Mrs. Tiger 2862859@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Sorry you're going through this. K was just over 2 when D was in the NICU for months 0-2 and 4-5. Maybe the one month in the middle he was home made it easier for him, I'm not sure...</p> <p>For the first stretch, I had him draw a picture for his baby brother, put it in his crib and took pictures with him next to it, he liked that. Does your NICU do anything special for Xmas? Ours had Santa visits (outside of the NICU but in the hospital) that siblings could participate in, and I was allowed to pick out toys for both D and K that people had donated, which he loved. You may want to ask if you have access to a child life specialist or family advocate who could also provide suggestions, books, etc.</p> <p>Good luck mama, hang in there. Sometimes I felt guilty for all the extra attention my little guy needed, but then I remember my big boy got a few years of undivided attention himself! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/supporting-new-big-sib-with-new-baby-in-nicu#post-2862765 Wed, 19 Dec 2018 13:30:13 +0000 tiramisu 2862765@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lilyofthewest: I'm so sorry you're going through this. As PPs mentioned we all really struggled during the NICU time. My daughter was just about 2 when my son was born. He was in the NICU for over 3 months. I honestly dont know how i made it through, but just took it day by day.</p> <p> I tried to keep my DDs weekly schedule as normal as possible but did take her on special outings when I could. She would also often sit next to me and play while I pumped. If you don't have a hands free pumping bra, I'd recommend getting one. That way I could still kind of play with her while pumping. We spent so much time in the spare room pumping, she still refers to it as "the pumping room" even though it's been about a year and a half since I pumped in there.<br /> Hang in there. I promise later on that the NICU will be a distant memory. </p> <p>@caitcat: aww that's really sweet with the bear idea! Wish I thought of that when my son was in the NICU. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/supporting-new-big-sib-with-new-baby-in-nicu#post-2862685 Tue, 18 Dec 2018 20:34:13 +0000 pachamama 2862685@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ugh I'm sorry. This whole thing has been so hard! What's worse than NICU? Having older children and dealing with all the logistical and emotional struggles it entails.<br /> I can't pretend to give you advice but I will say from my friends whove had babies in the NICU (I did too for DS 1 but it was very short) is it seems so long and miserable BUT it's over soon and will seem like a blip in the radar. Not to say the situation will be perfect but you'll be home being like damn, that sucked!<br /> I just read this quote in a book the other day... "hard things are hard". Sounds so obvious and even cliche but it has actually helped a lot in recent tough situations.<br /> Hope that helped? Xoxo </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/supporting-new-big-sib-with-new-baby-in-nicu#post-2862684 Tue, 18 Dec 2018 20:31:38 +0000 Ms. RV 2862684@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DD wasn't yet 3 when DS was born and spent eight weeks in the NICU/hospital. I really don't have any advice because as a family we really struggled during this time. I just wanted to send love your way and let you know I think it is ridiculous that your NICU doesn't allow young sibling visitors. Maybe I am missing something, but that seems like an antiquated policy.</p> <p>One thing I wish I would have done is had snacks (that didn't have to help with) and special toys available while I pumped for DD to distract her. Pumping was the hardest part for her because I could not really do anything to help her.</p> <p>Funny story. Once DD found a ribbon on the floor once amidst all this. She held it up to her belly and closed her eyes. When I asked her what she was doing she said "Shhhhh... leave me alone, I'm pumping". </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/supporting-new-big-sib-with-new-baby-in-nicu#post-2862654 Tue, 18 Dec 2018 13:52:51 +0000 Mrsbells 2862654@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>:heart: at 3.5 you can start by talking to him about the situation and even reading to him about it. Also giving him a big sibling gift and giving special big sibling duties help him to feel connected to the new addition. Simple things like putting him in charge of pressing the start button on your breast pump can feel like important duties for him to do. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/supporting-new-big-sib-with-new-baby-in-nicu#post-2862641 Tue, 18 Dec 2018 12:26:29 +0000 caitcat 2862641@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Aww, this sounds so hard. I don't have any firsthand experience with the NICU with my kids, but I remember my little brother being in the NICU when I was a kid and he was born. I was 4 at the time, and my memory of it is patchy. I remember him coming home from the hospital and I remember bits and pieces of him being in the hospital, though nothing about the day to day stuff. He was there for about about three months, and as I look back on it through a mom-perspective now, I realize how incredibly hard that must have been for my parents. I do remember my mom started taking me out to lunch periodically for special mommy-daughter dates sometime through that time, and I thought that was super special since it's not something we did often. And my parents had a stuffed bear that they carried back and forth from the hospital for me to play with at home and to let the baby "have" while they were there. Thinking back to the kind of paces and germy adventures I put that bear through, my hunch is it never made it near my brother - but as a kid, I never questioned that and just thought it was neat that we shared the bear. </p> <p>I hope your son gets to come home soon so you can settle in at home to a new normal all together. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/supporting-new-big-sib-with-new-baby-in-nicu#post-2862633 Tue, 18 Dec 2018 11:45:21 +0000 poppygirl15 2862633@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Aw! I'm sorry you're going through this. It sounds like you're doing an amazing job and doing the best you can.</p> <p>I second the idea to see if other relatives/friends can take him out for special outings. Also, see if someone can go to the dollar store and buy a whole bunch of random gifts. Keep them in a basket and pull one out when you feel like your son needs a little extra loving/attention, including when the baby is home. </p> <p>Also, I'm not sure if you can squeeze this in, but if you could find time to do a special mommy-son lunch, I bet he'd love that. I *still* remember going to Friendly's with my mom while my sister was in the hospital with the flu....34 years ago! My mom had been staying with my sister and I just felt so special to be taken out for some special time to my favorite restaurant. </p> <p>Most of all, remember you're doing GREAT!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/supporting-new-big-sib-with-new-baby-in-nicu#post-2862630 Tue, 18 Dec 2018 11:38:25 +0000 misolee 2862630@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My daughter was 3.5 when little bro was born. Not nicu so don’t have any ideas there but she got a present from her little brother and she still talks about that thing (she’s six). We got her a camera (Vtech) that actually works and she took pics of baby, visitors, gifts that were sent, etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/supporting-new-big-sib-with-new-baby-in-nicu#post-2862619 Tue, 18 Dec 2018 10:50:30 +0000 snowjewelz 2862619@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Aww mommy don't feel guilty! You are doing the best you can given the circumstance! No actual experience but some ideas: </p> <p>- Take pictures/videos of baby &amp; show him<br /> - Have one task for him to do for baby as help (write baby a card, help put things away, pick out a toy for you to bring to hospital and maybe you just take a picture of said toy next to baby as proof)<br /> - One on one time. I know this will be hard but maybe try to come up with a more set schedule of when you are at the hospital and when you will come home and do something special with him at least once a week?<br /> - Def big sibling gifts. Don't have to be extravagant, maybe just small gifts but tell him specifically how he has been helpful/patient/loving etc </p>