https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 22 Apr 2026 15:32:48 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/surprise-dinner-guests-how-would-you-react/page/2#post-2764366 Wed, 02 Aug 2017 10:56:40 +0000 Boogs 2764366@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This happens to us regularly with a members from both sides of the family. I almost always double recipes so I have leftovers, so we thankfully usually have enough for all. (Just don't have lunches for ourselves the next day anymore). Our problem is that it's just adults this happens with, so we can't just pull our mac and cheese or chicken nuggets lol. I always feel awkard myself and push dinner back a bit thinking they'll leave, but they usually don't. Then, we get the oh it's okay we don't need to eat, but it's the awkward, so you're just going to watch us eat? Nope, they usually end up making plates also.</p> <p>We never do this to anyone, so I don't understand it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/surprise-dinner-guests-how-would-you-react/page/2#post-2764169 Tue, 01 Aug 2017 21:55:52 +0000 gingerbebe 2764169@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>New idea: can you guys have a standing dinner every week and rotate? Say it's hard to accommodate them when they just drop in but if you can plan for it, it would be way less stressful and it would be more enjoyable for everyone. That makes clear u don't like it when he drops by but doesn't make you inhospitable. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/surprise-dinner-guests-how-would-you-react/page/2#post-2764099 Tue, 01 Aug 2017 19:46:06 +0000 DesertDreams88 2764099@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Sorry I don't have enough money to feed 6 guests every week unreciprocated. Sorry..... not sorry. </p> <p>In other words, this situation is SO weird to me. We grew up down the street from my cousins (family of 5) and we would have never come over as a family unannounced, even though we were decently close. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/surprise-dinner-guests-how-would-you-react/page/2#post-2764088 Tue, 01 Aug 2017 19:19:46 +0000 FannyMae 2764088@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@josina: I think it might be time for you to return the favour and visit them unannounced one night.....pack a picnic in the car just in case they're not as hospitable though!! haha </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/surprise-dinner-guests-how-would-you-react/page/2#post-2763745 Tue, 01 Aug 2017 08:34:56 +0000 josina 2763745@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@FannyMae: That actually sounds really great, and like a great childhood being able to do that and have an open-door policy with family.<br /> @ElbieKay: I actually can't imagine just turning them away, like sorry, we're eating, get your four kids back in the van and drive 30 minutes back home. Eek. I wouldn't do it to my own siblings, so I can't expect DH to do it to his. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/surprise-dinner-guests-how-would-you-react/page/2#post-2763722 Tue, 01 Aug 2017 04:51:21 +0000 ElbieKay 2763722@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would not be ok with people showing up unannounced. I need time to prepare and plan for guests. My place is usually a mess. We have two full time jobs. The family calendar is crazy. My husband and I are both introverted and value down time. The food prep, while annoying, is secondary to the lack of invitation.</p> <p>It is unfortunate that you didn't turn them away politely the first time, because now there is a precedent. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/surprise-dinner-guests-how-would-you-react/page/2#post-2763719 Tue, 01 Aug 2017 00:38:19 +0000 FannyMae 2763719@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have a Greek mentality - if you stop over at my house unannounced I'm gonna feed you til you can't eat no more. Whether that means picking up a take away, putting some frozen pastries in the oven, making some salad, cheeses, pickles and olives. When I was a kid it was always a given that uncles, unties and cousins would ring the bell in the late afternoon and stay for dinner - we did the same thing to them! In fact, if someone came unannounced and I didn't prepare a quick dinner for everyone I'd be totally embarrassed . </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/surprise-dinner-guests-how-would-you-react/page/2#post-2763669 Mon, 31 Jul 2017 19:25:30 +0000 Ina85 2763669@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Josina: You are very patient and a Big person for being able to say you will try to let it go. I would freak out if this became a common occurence, just my personality. A couple times is fine, I get it can happen, eventhough I would never do such a thing unannounced and unplanned and I never go to anyone's house empty handed, it's the proper thing to do to bring something to whomever's house one goes to visit, even if it's family. After a few times of this happening I would flip out at my husband that he needs to fix this and if BIL kept doing it despite what my husband said to him, I'd probably end up saying something to him myself, if I feel someone has pushed me to it, I have no problem with confrontation. I hope things will get better for you, hopefully they'll stop with the surprise visits or bring dinner for all of you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/surprise-dinner-guests-how-would-you-react/page/2#post-2763667 Mon, 31 Jul 2017 19:01:17 +0000 Synchronicity 2763667@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This would give me so much anxiety. It is not hard to send someone a text and ask if it's a good time! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/surprise-dinner-guests-how-would-you-react/page/2#post-2763652 Mon, 31 Jul 2017 17:27:28 +0000 arosebyany 2763652@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Maybe it is a southern thing? It's completely normal for people to just pop in and vice versa where I live. My MIL always cooks extra as if she expects people to just show up, and they do all the time lol. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/surprise-dinner-guests-how-would-you-react/page/2#post-2763632 Mon, 31 Jul 2017 16:18:34 +0000 birdofafeather 2763632@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>i love random drop ins and also do the same to peeps in our neighborhood as we wander the neighborhood a bit, but not at dinner time and if they were eating, i WOULD NOT STAY! and not if it happened at dinner, more than once. that's rude/weird and i would definitely have DH talk to them. also weird because they live 30 minutes away, so it's not like they're walking by! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/surprise-dinner-guests-how-would-you-react/page/2#post-2763586 Mon, 31 Jul 2017 14:39:45 +0000 daniellemybelle 2763586@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I do not understand this "dropping in" thing. It happened when I was visiting my mom recently after she had surgery. We all have cell phones now! Can you not call or text, "I'm in the area - good time to swing by?"</p> <p>The dinner part is one thing but I'd be inclined to just say, "Hey, please shoot us a text before you drop in unannounced next time." Maybe it is regional/generational/etc. but I would be so grumpy to host anyone unplanned no matter the time of day! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/surprise-dinner-guests-how-would-you-react#post-2763554 Mon, 31 Jul 2017 13:41:33 +0000 Mrs. Microscope 2763554@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@josina: ok, good, just making sure it's etiquette, not a need based/embarrassed to ask for help thing! Still a crappy situation, I would be mad too! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/surprise-dinner-guests-how-would-you-react#post-2763550 Mon, 31 Jul 2017 13:34:03 +0000 josina 2763550@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@alphagam84: They live about a half hour away.<br /> @Pancakes: They come on the weekends and we're not super strict with bedtimes then so not a huge deal. But they have shown up at the end of nap time before and THAT was not fun. </p> <p>I'm going to start to plan for their surprise visits and keep something quick in the freezer, and 'try' to let it go. I think it's more that I don't want to be so annoyed when they come b/c it puts me in an awkward position with dinner and being social. </p> <p>I guess in a perfect world it would be nice to have that mentality of hey, stop over anytime, I've got plenty to share.</p> <p>ETA: I'm glad I'm not being irrational when I do get annoyed by this! Thanks ladies. ;) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/surprise-dinner-guests-how-would-you-react#post-2763531 Mon, 31 Jul 2017 13:08:12 +0000 Pancakes 2763531@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@josina: I think for me the frustrating thing would be if I couldn't make or eat what I had already planned. If I need to make a certain recipe to use up ingredients before they go bad and then I didn't have enough to feed everyone, I would feel like I couldn't/shouldn't make it. Sure, I could just make chicken nuggets or meatballs for the kids, but maybe that's not what I want them to have for dinner all the time. I think if that were the case, I'd probably just say, "I made X but I don't have enough for everyone. I wish I had known you were coming so I could have planned to make more! You're welcome to help yourselves to PBJ/chicken nuggets/meatballs/leftovers, though!" Maybe have DH suggest a weekly dinner if that would stop them from showing up randomly? When they stay that late does it interfere with your kids' bedtimes too? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/surprise-dinner-guests-how-would-you-react#post-2763517 Mon, 31 Jul 2017 12:45:57 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2763517@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It may be a bit of a southern thing. Kind of a keep up the hospitality and open your house up to guests thing. </p> <p>We keep meatballs in the freezer and spaghetti stuff in the pantry </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/surprise-dinner-guests-how-would-you-react#post-2763505 Mon, 31 Jul 2017 12:27:30 +0000 youboots 2763505@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Microscope: this was also one of my first thoughts. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/surprise-dinner-guests-how-would-you-react#post-2763504 Mon, 31 Jul 2017 12:25:37 +0000 IRunForFun 2763504@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@josina: It's one thing is BIL is genuine in saying you don't have to feed them but I agree, if they don't want to be fed, don't show up and hang around at meal time. Then it's just awkward for you guys to have your meal while they...what, watch you eat? And of course if their kids see your kids eating they're going to want food. So strange all around. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/surprise-dinner-guests-how-would-you-react#post-2763502 Mon, 31 Jul 2017 12:23:26 +0000 IRunForFun 2763502@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I mean...I think the drop-in thing is rude at any time, but especially at meal times. And particularly if it's a repeat situation! If I were you I'd probably ask your DH to have a conversation with your BIL to gently let him know that, while they are welcome to visit, it throws off your schedule/routine with the kids when they come by at meal times and stay until bed time and ask him to give a heads-up first. Maybe sort of blaming it on your own kids would soften the blow and have the desired effect? </p> <p>It seems like it would be common sense, but I guess not! </p> <p>It my ILs did this (if they lived close enough they probably would!) I'd probably be rude and say oh sorry we haven't got any food and hope they got the hint. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/surprise-dinner-guests-how-would-you-react#post-2763498 Mon, 31 Jul 2017 12:22:12 +0000 LemonJack 2763498@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can't fathom this. There are SIX of them and they're okay with you paying to feed all of them?! If this were a rare situation it wouldn't bother me, but it sounds like it's pretty typical. It's incredibly rude, because you are put in a very awkward situation where you can't feed your own family without offering to feed them. I don't know what I would do. I think having your DH talk to them is probably a good idea. You could even have him phrase it in more of a family time issue. "We love to see you guys, but we need you to ask us ahead of time when you want to come over. Dinner is the time when we have a chance to reconnect as a family. If you would like to come over after dinner, please text me and let me know, but we want to have dinner together just as a family since the weekdays are so hectic." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/surprise-dinner-guests-how-would-you-react#post-2763488 Mon, 31 Jul 2017 12:02:31 +0000 justjules 2763488@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I also think it can be cultural. I grew up in a majority white place so it was considered courteous to call and scheduale. My husband is Filipino and it's VERY common to stop by with no notice just to hang out (and often eat). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/surprise-dinner-guests-how-would-you-react#post-2763484 Mon, 31 Jul 2017 11:57:12 +0000 alphagam84 2763484@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow that is so crazy! Who just pops over to someone's house with no plan in advance? I don't think we've ever done that! That's really rude. How far away do they live? If it happens again, I'd probably eat our meal as planned and let them watch and give them snacks. And probably point out their kids are hungry so they need to feed them dinner. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/surprise-dinner-guests-how-would-you-react#post-2763477 Mon, 31 Jul 2017 11:32:43 +0000 jhd 2763477@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PawPrints: @looch: I agree that this is generational. FIL says he misses the good old days when people just stopped by to see you. He tried it with us a couple times when LO was a baby and we were always welcoming but I think it became clear we preferred some notice when one time LO had just gone down for a nap and we did not offer to wake him for them to visit with him. Also my ILs live 2 hours away in the middle of nowhere so there's no way we would ever surprise them with a visit. They usually stop by to see us because they came to our city for shopping or something. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/surprise-dinner-guests-how-would-you-react#post-2763474 Mon, 31 Jul 2017 11:30:02 +0000 looch 2763474@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PawPrints: If that was my mom, she would have kept the kid at our house, fed them dinner and then drove them home later that night. That's just how my parents are, though! </p> <p>To this day, when I pull up to their house, there is usually a car in the driveway, and my mom's entertaining someone. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/surprise-dinner-guests-how-would-you-react#post-2763473 Mon, 31 Jul 2017 11:23:35 +0000 PawPrints 2763473@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: I know those houses existed when I was growing up, but ours sure as hell wasn't one of them - one time after our school let out early in an emergency snowstorm, my best friend rode the bus home with me, and when I called my mom to tell her the FIRST words out of my mom's mouth were "Is her mom going to come pick her up?" We were a pretty hermit-style misanthropic house.</p> <p>[ETA] LOL and I just remembered - only about one year ago, my mom's sister called her and said they were on a road trip and could swing by that evening to visit one night with my mom &amp; dad, and my mom FREAKED OUT about how rude it was to only give one day's notice. To see her own sister, whom she hadn't seen in quite a while! So yeah maybe I just grew up in a people-phobic family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/surprise-dinner-guests-how-would-you-react#post-2763472 Mon, 31 Jul 2017 11:21:10 +0000 looch 2763472@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: Agreed, I have bags of frozen fries , chicken nuggets and mixed veggies in the freezer. Putting those on a sheet pan and popping them in the oven isn't putting me out at all. I can also boil a couple of pounds of pasta and open some jars of sauce, no big deal. But it's the idea that they do it on purpose that I can't get behind.</p> <p>@PawPrints: I don't think it is necessarily regional, but I do think it's generational. My house was like Grand Central Station growing up, people popped in all the time, unannounced. No one had a cell phone, you were out and you drove by someone's house, you stopped in. Times have changed. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/surprise-dinner-guests-how-would-you-react#post-2763469 Mon, 31 Jul 2017 11:18:54 +0000 wrkbrk 2763469@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@josina: Who does the pop in?! Absolutely not. Haha. I love visitors but they must be planned! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/surprise-dinner-guests-how-would-you-react#post-2763465 Mon, 31 Jul 2017 11:13:35 +0000 PawPrints 2763465@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This whole thread is jaw-dropping to me. If someone came to my door when I wasn't expecting visitors (and it wasn't a package delivery or solicitor) we would be completely gobsmacked. Is this regional? Around here, just showing up at someone's house unannounced - or even with a 5 minute heads-up text - is so far beyond the pale I can't even fathom someone being that rude. Let alone sticking around and forcing you to provide dinner for their entire family! All of our get-togethers with family and with friends are planned, usually at least a week in advance, with multiple emails and texts. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/surprise-dinner-guests-how-would-you-react#post-2763464 Mon, 31 Jul 2017 11:13:13 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2763464@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would not react to this well at all. I need time to plan and buy. Except for crackers I really don't have things to just whip up at moments notice. More than likely I wouldn't turn them away. Someone else said it, but I would feed the kids the prepared dinner and order pizza for the adults. At some point the kids would want to eat pizza too. </p> <p>This kind of happened on Saturday. My dad brought over my 12 yr old cousin after I told him not too when he came to babysit. LO was just getting up from his nap and ready for a snack. I took care of my kid and didn't offer anything to anyone else. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/surprise-dinner-guests-how-would-you-react#post-2763458 Mon, 31 Jul 2017 10:59:17 +0000 MaryM 2763458@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would talk to your DH about this. </p> <p>I have horrible social anxiety so anyone coming over unannounced is a huge deal to me. If his siblings did it, I'd ask him to talk to them about giving us a heads up, bringing dinner with them, or spelling out for them when it is or is not appropriate to stop by. </p> <p>We used to just pop in to family members' houses when I was growing up, but if it was near a meal time, we'd call first to see when they'd be done and offer to bring dessert. </p>