https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 14 Apr 2026 05:24:51 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tactics-for-dealing-with-unruly-children-of-family-members#post-2216639 Tue, 23 Jun 2015 16:24:12 +0000 Mama Bird 2216639@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If he's not too big to carry, maybe pick up the three year old every time he misbehaves, bring him over to one of his parents, and tell them "he was not behaving. Please talk to him." It would get him away from your son, and force the parents to pay attention! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tactics-for-dealing-with-unruly-children-of-family-members#post-2216566 Tue, 23 Jun 2015 15:13:28 +0000 mediagirl 2216566@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't really think talking to the parent about disciplining their child will go over well. I would do what others have said and treat the child like you treat yours. We recently had a week with a child who is disciplined differently than ours (aka: not disciplined at all) and my husband and I ended up telling him things like "we don't use our hands" and "pushing is dangerous in the pool" (after he pushed my daughter who can't swim yet under and his father did nothing about it...) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tactics-for-dealing-with-unruly-children-of-family-members#post-2216563 Tue, 23 Jun 2015 15:11:10 +0000 looch 2216563@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira: even then, if the cousin wasn't stepping in, I would just remove my son. I didn't realize I felt so strongly about not disciplining a child other than my son. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tactics-for-dealing-with-unruly-children-of-family-members#post-2216560 Tue, 23 Jun 2015 15:07:14 +0000 Adira 2216560@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: Ahh, I can totally see that then. Presumably in your case, another adult really wouldn't need to step in since you would be there! It sounds like in OP's case, the cousin doesn't do much disciplining, and that was the case in my situation too, so that's when I'd advocate stepping in, since no one else is going to! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tactics-for-dealing-with-unruly-children-of-family-members#post-2216557 Tue, 23 Jun 2015 15:05:19 +0000 looch 2216557@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira: I think you're right, it depends. But I know my son and I choose what kind of discipline to apply to my son for transgressions. Time outs are meaningless to my son, not because he doesn't understand them, but because we don't use them as they only rile him up further. A person imposing one could do more harm than good. I just ask people to think about that before they attempt to apply discipline to children other than their own. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tactics-for-dealing-with-unruly-children-of-family-members#post-2216519 Tue, 23 Jun 2015 14:34:29 +0000 Bubbles 2216519@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If my DS was behaving roughly or in danger of hurting another kid, I would be happy for another trusted adult to intervene in the moment and do what needed to be done to prevent the other kid from being hurt, but I would rather they did not take it further than that and referred him to me to sort out the problem from there on. I don't think there's anything wrong with them explaining why he shouldn't do xx thing - but I would be livid if someone else put my kid in a time out. But i think it all depends on the attitude of the parent in question - I think in your situation I'd have to have an up front discussion beforehand and find out whether the cousin would prefer that you step in.<br /> I'm sorry you are having to think about this on holiday! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tactics-for-dealing-with-unruly-children-of-family-members#post-2216514 Tue, 23 Jun 2015 14:28:35 +0000 Adira 2216514@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: I feel like it would depend on the situation. If the parent is right there and actively monitoring their child and disciplining, then obviously I wouldn't step in and take over. But if I'm the one interacting with the child and they do something that requires discipline, it only makes sense that I handle it as I'm the adult in the situation. I don't think it would make sense to have their parent dole out discipline some time later after the event. Of course, depending on the age of the child. With toddlers, I feel like you need to react immediately. Even 5 minutes later, they probably won't really understand that you're putting them in timeout for something that happened earlier. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tactics-for-dealing-with-unruly-children-of-family-members#post-2216383 Tue, 23 Jun 2015 12:58:28 +0000 looch 2216383@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@CakeLady: in my case, there would be no need, because I am right there. But if I weren't, just tell me what happened and I will handle it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tactics-for-dealing-with-unruly-children-of-family-members#post-2216109 Tue, 23 Jun 2015 09:27:02 +0000 CakeLady 2216109@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: would you prefer that other parents bring up problems with you and ask you to handle it?</p> <p>My concern in this situation is that this boy's mom tends to be pretty wrapped up in her own activities or conversations and his dad is glued to his ipad. They aren't engaged in what is happening, so they aren't on top of it when issues arise. In the past, on shorter visits, I just scoop up DS and move him out of the way. I don't want to have to do this for several days, especially if DS is playing nicely and they other boy gets in his face, grabs things from him, etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tactics-for-dealing-with-unruly-children-of-family-members#post-2216108 Tue, 23 Jun 2015 09:26:04 +0000 Peasinapod 2216108@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it depends on how close you are to the family. I have redirected my niece and stopped her from doing things I know she shouldn't, but I am close with her and her mother is my sister. </p> <p>With my husbands nephew I do not address the child directly. I intervene where necessary to protect my child but do not attempt anything beyond that. He just doesn't know me as well so I don't think it's appropriate. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tactics-for-dealing-with-unruly-children-of-family-members#post-2216097 Tue, 23 Jun 2015 09:14:31 +0000 looch 2216097@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I disagree, I actually do not appreciate it when my brother and SIL reprimand my son. That is my job and I handle it with consistent words and consequences. I make it a point not to intervene in my nephew's actions and let his parents handle it. I handle my son. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tactics-for-dealing-with-unruly-children-of-family-members#post-2216016 Tue, 23 Jun 2015 08:17:28 +0000 Mamasig 2216016@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So we have a nephew who is a total wild child with no discipline. My MIl and FIL are basically raising him but his my mother is involved so she basically undoes any type of discipline and structure his grandparents give him. </p> <p>When he is around, we keep an eye on him and my boys to make sure he is not being a bully or mean. It's sad but we don't trust him. We step and correct him if needed. My in-laws let us and don't say anything. I think they know he needs it. I'm sure my SIL would not always be pleased by it, but we don't care. If he is misbehaving around us, we say something. Especially if it could harm our kids. And as my son has gotten older, he doesn't like to play with him so he'll actually avoid him. Kids are smart - he realized early on that his cousin could be mean. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tactics-for-dealing-with-unruly-children-of-family-members#post-2216000 Tue, 23 Jun 2015 08:06:41 +0000 CakeLady 2216000@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So it turns out the MIL actually invited them a few months ago without asking anyone - I can't really blame her because she has a brain tumor which impacts her judgement and memory. However, the cousin did not make a decision or mention it to anyone else until right before the trip. There is enough room for them it is just not going to be the relaxing, quality time with the ILs that we were hoping for. Not that it's ever relaxing with a one year old... </p> <p>I think DH and FIL are going to try and shorten their stay to a few days. And if they do come I think talking directly to the kid is a great way to handle things. Thanks! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tactics-for-dealing-with-unruly-children-of-family-members#post-2215993 Tue, 23 Jun 2015 07:58:07 +0000 LuLu Mom 2215993@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>IN this situation I would handle the child as my own and make sure to say "you need to have soft touches" or "that's too rough, he's just little." ect. at 3 he can grasp the concept of not being rough </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tactics-for-dealing-with-unruly-children-of-family-members#post-2215985 Tue, 23 Jun 2015 07:52:07 +0000 Anagram 2215985@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I absolutely remind my nieces/nephews and my husband's niece and nephew how to be gentle with our LO--none of them are unruly or naughty kids at all--but they are KIDS, so they are unaware that they are bigger and stronger and can knock LO around more easily.</p> <p>I also have no issue calling them out--DH's niece and nephew are 4.5 and 7, so they are at the age of "tattle taling", but being old enough to conveniently leave their own actions out--so for example, the 4.5 year old would run to me and say "M hit my arm!" (M being my 22 month old), and I have to gently say, "well, honey, you grabbed her toy from her and you pushed her, so at her age she's doing the only thing she knows to get her toy back. Can you practice asking for a toy, rather than grabbing it from her hands?". </p> <p>And yes, we have these conversations right in front of their parents.</p> <p>And I redirect the older ones a LOT--they lovvvvve playing with my LO but don't leave her alone--like, they constantly get up in her face, pinching her cheeks, rubbing her hair quite roughly, "hugging" her constantly--and LO gets tired of it. So I find an activity to engage the older ones and get them away from LO for a while.</p> <p>I don't think their parents are purposely ignoring it-I think they are out of the stage of parenting where they have to constantly monitor their children, so they just aren't used to it anymore. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tactics-for-dealing-with-unruly-children-of-family-members#post-2215973 Tue, 23 Jun 2015 07:38:26 +0000 Smurfette 2215973@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>First who invites themselves on a vacation? </p> <p>Second, if they are family or close friends, I totally parent their children if it is needed. I totally would in this case if they are going to come on my vacation. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tactics-for-dealing-with-unruly-children-of-family-members#post-2215927 Tue, 23 Jun 2015 06:30:59 +0000 Adira 2215927@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cchoi4: This.</p> <p>We went on a vacation with my in-laws a few years ago, back before we had kids. My SIL's 5 year old was there. He's a sweet boy now, but at that age, definitely acted up more. When SIL didn't immediately handle it, Hubs or I did! We treated him as if he was our own (even though we didn't have kids at the time) and gave warnings and even put him in time out! SIL wasn't offended and probably was glad someone was handling the situation (I assume - she was there and didn't interfere at least).</p> <p>But I also agree that it's super rude to invite yourself to someone else's vacation. Tell her there's no room for her and her son and they can't stay with you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tactics-for-dealing-with-unruly-children-of-family-members#post-2215866 Mon, 22 Jun 2015 23:06:07 +0000 Cchoi4 2215866@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would treat the little guy the same way as if my own child were acting up. You are family so if you don't see the parents saying anything to him (during a time he is acting up), I'd be right in there and tell him "hey sweetie X, we don't do that" or "hey X, let's not do that, let's do this." I think you have every right as a family member and parent to tell him what is and is not acceptable, particularly if it involves the safety of your child. In fact, it may be more effective if a non-parent says something to him...might scare him a bit straight! </p> <p>I say that bc my DS1 was a bit of a challenge...he's so much better at 4 yrs old but when he was 2.5-3.5...OMG, he was difficult. The mother may appreciate the help. </p> <p>Good luck! Let us know how it turned out! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tactics-for-dealing-with-unruly-children-of-family-members#post-2215801 Mon, 22 Jun 2015 21:30:56 +0000 regberadaisy 2215801@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So...I'm assuming you paid for the cabin and/or splitting with in laws? Um is the cousin paying to stay at the cabin too?</p> <p>If her son is that big of a bully I doubt she doesn't know. If they do end up coming I would just intervene when necessary! I'm sure your mama bear will come out! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tactics-for-dealing-with-unruly-children-of-family-members#post-2215798 Mon, 22 Jun 2015 21:26:54 +0000 mrbee 2215798@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@CakeLady: I agree with @Truth Bombs: , I would just ask them not to come - or to come much less. Vacations are important, and it would be a huge bummer to not relax because the cousin is around! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tactics-for-dealing-with-unruly-children-of-family-members#post-2215797 Mon, 22 Jun 2015 21:26:21 +0000 gingerbebe 2215797@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would definitely try to have her disinvited or if not, say frankly to her that you've seen your son nearly get hurt in past interactions with her child and so you are concerned - would she please have a chat with her son about being gentle with the baby before they come (I'm sure it's because he's not used to being around such small babies, etc). If all else fails, I have no problem correcting the boy in person. Just don't be squeamish or awkwardly passive about it - just do it matter of factly but friendly no big deal way. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tactics-for-dealing-with-unruly-children-of-family-members#post-2215793 Mon, 22 Jun 2015 21:23:02 +0000 Truth Bombs 2215793@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Even without the issue of the bully son I would want to tell her not to come. Who invites themselves on someone else's vacation?? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tactics-for-dealing-with-unruly-children-of-family-members#post-2215777 Mon, 22 Jun 2015 21:06:02 +0000 CakeLady 2215777@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: I think (hope) DH or FIL will have chat with her prior to the trip. I am also hoping that they may ask her to come for a shorter amount of time (or not at all) because we were hoping to have some quality time with the ILs since we don't see them often and MIL is in bad health. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tactics-for-dealing-with-unruly-children-of-family-members#post-2215743 Mon, 22 Jun 2015 20:38:05 +0000 mrbee 2215743@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@CakeLady: You definitely should be able to enjoy your vacation without worrying about your kid's safety!!</p> <p>Is your DH comfortable saying something to his cousin about the situation? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tactics-for-dealing-with-unruly-children-of-family-members#post-2215726 Mon, 22 Jun 2015 20:28:33 +0000 CakeLady 2215726@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have a vacation coming up that we planned quite a while ago. We rented a house on the ocean for a week with my in laws. Last week DH's cousin invited herself and her 3 year old son to join us. :bummed: I like the cousin, she is nice, and generous. The problem is her son is a bit of a bully, he plays very rough, whines constantly, and his parents don't do much about his behavior at all. Honestly, they don't even seem to pay much attention to what is going on. DS is 1 and when we've seen these cousins before he's very nearly been hurt by this boy - grabbed tightly around the neck, nearly smashed in the head with a toy... you get the idea.</p> <p>I have very little experience dealing with other parents in situations like these. Any advice for how to handle the mom or the boy when issues inevitably arise, or before they do? I don't want to create unnecessary conflict within DH's family, but I also don't want my kid to get hurt. Is there a nice way to say "get your kid under control" or "keep him away from my kid if he can't be gentle"?</p> <p>Sorry for the long post - I want to not feel stressed out about my vacation, so I'd like to have some ideas in my back pocket. </p>