https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 21 Apr 2026 04:20:50 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/taking-criticism-about-parenting#post-2831494 Sat, 30 Jun 2018 03:19:03 +0000 Ms.Mermaid 2831494@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@periwinklebee: at some point in my marriage I snapped at my husband, “I don’t want her to see the way you treat me and think it’s okay to treat women this way.” I am a slob and my husband is hypercritical of my housekeeping and is a neat freak and gets tired of cleaning up after me and it was taking its toll. Things got better after that. So yeah, you need to have a very real conversation. We try to not criticize each other in front of our kid, and having to wait until after bedtime to bring up your complaints means sometimes you forget the petty ones. </p> <p>Would straight up divorce my husband over the singing thing. I’m tone-deaf and can’t carry a tune and for 5 months, me singing nonstop was the only way to keep my daughter quiet in the car. She would scream at him if he tried to sing. Kids. Don’t. Care. About. Tune. Like, that alone indicates a need for counseling. The other option I recently learned about is meeting with a parent educator to help both of you be better parents (because someone who makes you leave at bedtime because you are out of key is also not being a good parent or partner!) if he isn’t open to counseling. But I think a third party is going to be helpful. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/taking-criticism-about-parenting#post-2831142 Thu, 28 Jun 2018 16:10:42 +0000 periwinklebee 2831142@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ChiCalGoBee: @thepaperbutterfly: @Mrs. Carrot: @MamaBear87: Thank you guys :heart: we will work on it. I know kids are really perceptive and don't want to set a poor example for our son. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/taking-criticism-about-parenting#post-2831130 Thu, 28 Jun 2018 15:00:40 +0000 MamaBear87 2831130@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@periwinklebee: it is totally doable to co-parent and to do it well. But currently your husband seems really inflexible and like it's his way or not at all, that's not healthy and I would lean towards finding a way to get him to go to therapy or something. Kids are amazingly perceptive and your little will start noticing that your husband doesn't support you much sooner than you think </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/taking-criticism-about-parenting#post-2831124 Thu, 28 Jun 2018 13:54:09 +0000 Mrs. Carrot 2831124@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wanted to share my perspective, as someone who was your husband when my daughter was born. I was incessantly and incredibly critical of my husband for the first 2 years of our daughter's life. And ironically, he has way more experience with kids than I did because he has a brother 11 years younger and helped raise him. </p> <p>In my case, I was definitely struggling with PPA, but I don't use that as an excuse. I was an asshole to him, plain and simple. I was convinced he did everything wrong, I refused to leave him alone with our daughter, convinced he'd mess up her sleep schedule or something ridiculous like that, and even told him that I didn't want him to take our kid to his parents house without me over Thanksgiving (we celebrate differently so we tend to split up holidays), because he couldn't take care of her properly. I want to cry just thinking about how much I demoralized him. </p> <p>After a come to Jesus from my mom (something I also noted in my response on the mom criticism thread), and a realization that I needed some serious help for how I was managing my relationships in general, I worked through most of this in therapy for 2 years, and I have become very intentional about how I talk to my husband now. We definitely do things differently, but not only have I learned to accept that, I have also become much more focused on how I approach him about things we disagree on. While we're not perfect, we definitely don't criticize each other. </p> <p>I say this because I hear a lot of myself from those years ago in your husband, and you are being incredibly tolerant of this and frankly, you shouldn't be. He needs to be in therapy for these issues. You will grow to resent him, and your child will notice how he treats you and he will learn from it as well. I know how hard this is, and I really don't mean to make you feel badly, but if you want to model healthy relationships for your son, you or someone needs to convince your husband to get help, asap. You both deserve more than this. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/taking-criticism-about-parenting#post-2831044 Wed, 27 Jun 2018 23:56:26 +0000 thepaperbutterfly 2831044@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I got upset at your husband just reading your post &gt;:( Seriously, kicking you out for singing in the wrong tune?! I'd then sing even worse to annoy the crap out of him. What he's doing is emotionally abusive, and it is very damaging to a relationship. The worst part is that when you confront someone about being emotionally abusive, they will turn it back on you like you're too SENSITIVE. It's kind of a form of gaslighting. I had a best friend that did this and I had to end the friendship because it was damaging me so much I nearly relapsed into anorexia. I was especially vulnerable to emotional manipulation because I'm a self-hater. Hopefully, you aren't quite as sensitive as me. I'm better now, but at this point in my life I won't put up with it anymore. Your husband needs help because he is emotionally abusive.. You are not too sensitive to criticism. That's not the problem. There are a few things to consider. You can live with things the way they are. You can try to get him to go to couples counseling, and give him an ultimatum if he won't go. You can try to call him out on his emotional abuse and fight back. If you take anything from this post, just know that you're not too sensitive to criticism. He's emotionally abusive, and it's very hard and painful to live with someone like that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/taking-criticism-about-parenting#post-2831040 Wed, 27 Jun 2018 23:16:09 +0000 ChiCalGoBee 2831040@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@periwinklebee: Echoing what many above have said above. It's playing on your emotions to suggest something like singing a lullaby out of tune is in any way, shape or form you "not wanting to be a better parent." The newborn days are hard, but I believe you're past those, and if he's criticizing the "small" stuff, it'll only make the much bigger decisions that much harder to make. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/taking-criticism-about-parenting#post-2831026 Wed, 27 Jun 2018 20:29:16 +0000 periwinklebee 2831026@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MamaBear87: I hope we can learn to be decent at co-parenting... it is encouraging to me that so many people here make it work well...</p> <p>@LBee: I need a mommy time out, not right now in response to my kid (I'm sure I'll get there) but in response to my husband. I do worry about the undermining dynamic. I hope how harmful this can be will start to sink in more if I keep emphasizing it and as our son gets older and he sees the effects it can have. </p> <p>@ElbieKay: I hear you on the logistic/cost/husband not on board hurdles to counseling. We would obviously do it if it came to that, but the thought of getting my husband on board, finding a baby-sitter, and finding someone who would actually be helpful is pretty overwhelming... </p> <p>I'm glad others here feel I'm justified in being upset, as I was worried I'm just overly sensitive about the whole parenting thing... definitely going to work on implementing these suggestions. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/taking-criticism-about-parenting#post-2831005 Wed, 27 Jun 2018 17:43:39 +0000 MamaBear87 2831005@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@periwinklebee: i didn't read all the above but making you stop singing to your kid because you're out of tune is seriously a**hole behavior. I would be livid if my husband told me to stop singing to our daughter. Baby doesn't care and neither should he </p> <p>In a broader sense parenting has a giant learning curve for everyone. I feel like I learn every day but the most important thing has been learning to support my husband and that he will support me. Sometimes we don't agree and that's OK, we can talk about it and come to an understanding or compromise </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/taking-criticism-about-parenting#post-2830991 Wed, 27 Jun 2018 15:58:19 +0000 LBee 2830991@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mama Bird: Great question! If my husband (or, more commonly, me) is being mean I usually ask to talk aside for a second or physically remove one party or both from the situation. For instance, my husband and son fought about something super dumb this week. I wanted to micromanage the situation so bad as I could see it spinning out. Instead of swooping in, I just said I thought that we all needed to take 5 and provided no opinion. Our son went to his room and my husband stomped off to the den. I spoke to my husband first and then spoke to my son - explaining that both needed to see things from the other person's side and that my son needed to respect his Dad even if he disagreed with him. This caused my husband to soften / regain some composure and my toddler (who, let's face it, doesn't soften) felt I supported my husband. The fight also was immediately diffused. </p> <p>We often talk about during our breaks whether what he is "discipling" over is truly shaping our child (which we view is the point of parenting) or is just a battle of wills. </p> <p>I view it similar to a "mommy time out" - something I give myself a lot when I feel myself starting to yell.</p> <p>ETA: Admittedly my husband is more on the irrational than mean side, but I think diffusing the situation immediately is the best answer. Not providing commentary, just saying "okay, let's separate." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/taking-criticism-about-parenting#post-2830990 Wed, 27 Jun 2018 15:55:37 +0000 ElbieKay 2830990@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@periwinklebee: Based on your anecdote, your husband is not just being critical. He is being a dick. Sorry not sorry. That is a shitty way to treat anyone much less an exhausted new mom much less YOUR WIFE.</p> <p>My husband can be fastidious about certain things (and then he does things like leave his dirty clothes all over the apartment). At this point I just roll my eyes at him or ask exactly what he was trying to accomplish with his jackass comment. Our relationship is far from perfect and went through a rocky period around my son’s birth. But I will not tolerate being bullied and I do not care how my response makes him feel when he is being obnoxious.</p> <p>We are in a much better place than we were a few years ago but if things has persisted I would have demanded marriage therapy. I still think we could benefit from it but the logistics and cost are hurdles, plus he is not really on board with the concept. Since things are better I have not pushed it yet. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/taking-criticism-about-parenting#post-2830989 Wed, 27 Jun 2018 15:53:35 +0000 Mama Bird 2830989@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@periwinklebee: he said what? No, this is definitely just plain jerk behavior. If he makes a habit of that, he's failing to deal with his controlling side big time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/taking-criticism-about-parenting#post-2830988 Wed, 27 Jun 2018 15:46:50 +0000 Mama Bird 2830988@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LBee: I'm kind of struggling with the untied front thing lately. Like, if DH is being just plain irrational, I can roll with it and talk to him after bedtime. But if he's being mean? How do you handle that one? I can not stay quiet in front of the kids if that happens, the best I can do is pretending to agree with DH and coming up with some "compromise"</p> <p>Incidentally, DH doesn't say anything in front of the kids if I'm the one being an a-hole. I think this is also not right, and I've told him many times that he should just forget looking like a team and tell me off on the spot. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/taking-criticism-about-parenting#post-2830981 Wed, 27 Jun 2018 15:16:20 +0000 Truth Bombs 2830981@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with @LBee: this isn’t criticism, this is being an asshole. How in the hell does your ability to sing in tune or not negatively affect the baby? That’s just crazy control freak behavior. And yeah, it’s mean. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/taking-criticism-about-parenting#post-2830979 Wed, 27 Jun 2018 15:08:08 +0000 LBee 2830979@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would either find a way to address this between the two of you or seek counseling. What you just described above is not being critical, it's being a jerk. Who cares if you sing out of tune. As PPs said, it's going to get worse as your son gets older. We have couple friends that very apparently struggle with this. We have stopped hanging out with them because they are constantly bickering about handling stuff - even little things like how food is served (she says he's opened the hummus the wrong way or provided the wrong utensils). A simple dinner with our kids goes from one hostile conversation between them to another. The worst part is that the wife (who is the critic) ends up being the "bad guy" in our head when in actuality I don't think she is - they are just in a bad pattern and he's never stood up to her. It also leaves their relationship seeming so contemptuous because she's constantly correcting him (IN FRONT OF US). Last time we left we both said it was a good reminder of how important it is to support your spouse and never make them look bad in front of others... which oddly both did, him for doing "everything wrong" and her for being so critical. </p> <p>Beyond the rule that was previously stated in posts above, we feel very strongly about presenting a united front. If he tends to think his way is the right way, this is going to become an issue. Even if I think my husband is being completely irrational, I NEVER question his authority in front of our child. I will sometimes ask him if we can take a quick side bar. This "critical" attitude is going to spin out into your husband undermining you since he thinks he knows best. You all are a team and he needs to realize that and respect that you are an equal say. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/taking-criticism-about-parenting#post-2830978 Wed, 27 Jun 2018 15:04:58 +0000 periwinklebee 2830978@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Autumnmama79: :heart: Yes to the need to control. DH's mother and grandfather are controlling in the extreme and he doesn't want to be like them - and has worked to an extent not to be - but it still comes through. I get it, some of my worst and hardest behaviors to manage are ones that are deeply ingrained in my parents but I think I need to somehow get him on board with recognizing it and trying harder to change it, acknowledging that i will also do the same...</p> <p>And yes @lindseykaye: to worrying he will be hyper critical of our son, causing problems as LO gets older. In some way it is a cultural divide. His family is full of tiger parents who are hyper-critical of everything. My parents were the opposite. When I voice my concern it's just "that's how Asian families are...american kids are too sheltered; I will have no problem telling my kid he's done a horrible job at something, it's just the truth..." blah, blah, blah... I understand that kids need to be allowed to fail and learn from their mistakes but I also want to provide a supportive environment... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/taking-criticism-about-parenting#post-2830971 Wed, 27 Jun 2018 14:30:46 +0000 looch 2830971@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I haven't read any of the responses, but my response in these situations is always that while the destination is the same, the journey is different for everyone.</p> <p>So basically, when I am seeing red in how my husband is executing a task, I ask myself if the end goal will be the same no matter the method. It helps me to regain my perspective. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/taking-criticism-about-parenting#post-2830962 Wed, 27 Jun 2018 14:11:17 +0000 Autumnmama79 2830962@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@periwinklebee: Are our husbands the same person? Not here with any advice, just offering a sense of understanding. In my case, I feel like the criticism comes from his controlling nature, which, when it comes to parenting I very quickly get my back up about. I'm doing the very best I can, back off! And yes, as kids get older it most certainly does become increasingly difficult. Our oldest is 9, and its a whole new set of struggles, disagreements and painful criticisms. </p> <p>Big hugs to you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/taking-criticism-about-parenting#post-2830958 Wed, 27 Jun 2018 14:01:32 +0000 shabang 2830958@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think you've received some good advice here, so I'm just going to weigh in and say kicking you out during bedtime for singing out of tune and then getting annoyed when you say that's mean (it is REALLY mean) is awful. Beyond criticism of parenting awful. Is that what it's like most of the time? Maybe someone has some resources for you, but I just want to say I'm sorry that's happening to you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/taking-criticism-about-parenting#post-2830956 Wed, 27 Jun 2018 13:58:42 +0000 lindseykaye 2830956@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@periwinklebee: First - tons of great advice above. And I want to echo all the comments that say you are doing a fantastic job, especially in the face of this kind of constant criticism.</p> <p>Second - kicking you out of bedtime routine for singing out of tune?! Yeah - a baby does not know what's in and out of tune. What's really best for a baby? Two loving involved parents. Parents who are caring and sweet enough to sing lullabies at bedtime. No matter how off-key they might be.<br /> What's also best for a baby - and especially a kid who is growing and who will eventually see and hear and take in this behavior of your husbands - is to have parents who work as a team and are not undermining each other like your husband seems to be. If this kind of petty criticism continues, your LO is going to pick up on it and it is going to affect them. Could be that they then are more critical of Mom's choices, doubting your decisions or your authority and acting in a similar way to your DH. Or they could see that Dad is kind of mean to Mom and respond by being afraid of Dad's criticism being pointed towards them, pulling away from him. These are hypotheticals of course but in my opinion a unified front is the strongest approach to parenting. And if you disagree, you politely and quietly say nothing while it's happening (unless it's truly a matter of safety) and you bring it up later NOT around the kid when you can have a reasonable and constructive conversation about it.</p> <p>It sounds like this has been something you've had a hard time with for a while but have been able to kind of suck it up. I'd say that he needs to really think about the impact it's going to have on your LO in the future so that he can modify his approach (or at least his timing) as well as the impact it's having on you right now.<br /> All the best - hope you can have some positive conversations about this and he can work on listening to your needs and putting actions behind them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/taking-criticism-about-parenting#post-2830954 Wed, 27 Jun 2018 13:50:31 +0000 MaryM 2830954@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think spouses should ever "critique" or be critical about how the other person parents. </p> <p>I think I'm lucky that DH is willing to do a lot with our baby. Does it bug me when he complains about how awful things are when I know they would be better if he didn't do them "wrong"? Absolutely! [like feeding the baby in the middle of the night. He used to feed the baby, THEN change him. Then complain about how he'd be wide awake...um...maybe change him first?]</p> <p>Instead of being "critical," I started presenting things by saying "So, I've noticed if I do things this way, they seem to work a lot better. Have you tried it that way?" </p> <p>Maybe you could talk to your husband about HOW he presents things to you? Let him know that if he thinks there's a better way, you'd like for him to try it out and see how it goes and then let you know. Maybe make it a rule that you'll only be "critical" of each other if the babies physical health and well being are on the line (if the car seat isn't buckled right or the baby might fall from somewhere, etc)</p> <p>I was pretty critical of DH when we first got married. He didn't work the first year, but he did a lot of the household chores. When putting clothes away, he didn't understand that there's an underwear drawer and a shirt drawer and a PJ drawer... He just put things where they fit. </p> <p>Even though my mother would have told ME that that was the "wrong" way of putting clothes away, when I complained to her, she said "Just because it's not done your way...is it necessarily the wrong way?" </p> <p>Talk to your husband about how much you're doing. Let him know that you'd appreciate it if he wants to help (or do it himself), but if not, he can cut out the critique! At the end of the day, is the baby clean, fed, and asleep? Then you're not doing anything "wrong"! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/taking-criticism-about-parenting#post-2830952 Wed, 27 Jun 2018 13:42:27 +0000 periwinklebee 2830952@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks everyone, these are great suggestions! @bhbee: I'm sure you're right that these dynamics will only get worse when there are more substantive things to disagree about, which sort of worries me... I would really like to get to a better equilibrium. He's just so opinionated, and sometimes he's right, sometimes he has no idea what he's talking about, and sometimes it just doesn't seem worth worrying about...</p> <p>I agree with the approach of saying "why don't you do it" Which seems to help for things like critiquing how the dishwasher is loaded. Oftentimes it seems to come up in the midst of doing what should be an enjoyable family activity. Like last night he kicked me out during the baby's bedtime routine for singing out of tune. I'm sure true, but seriously, it should be my kid who ultimately complains about that. :silly: I avoided lashing out, but he was still really annoyed when I told him it was mean, claiming he just had the best interests of the baby in mind and I should think about the baby and stop making it about me (for the record, I'm pretty sure the baby could have care less about the quality of the singing). This is after critiquing the lotion (which is at the dermatologist's recommendation), and I could go on... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/taking-criticism-about-parenting#post-2830938 Wed, 27 Jun 2018 13:04:46 +0000 Mama Bird 2830938@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hmm, I can take criticism from people whose parenting I respect, but from anyone else, it makes me ragey.</p> <p>And then there's my husband. I wish he wasn't so hands-on, because he has an opinion about every single thing and his is always "right." I let the kids pick their clothes? They have to change, it's "not a good look" or "wrong for the occasion" or "was worn yesterday." I feed the kids? It's either too much food, or too little food, or the wrong food. And it's OK to question my choice in front of everyone, but goodness, the mantrums he throws if I'm not backing him 100%. I've got half a mind to tell him to move into his office and boss people around over there, but I'm giving him a break for now cause his mom is so sick. For now. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/taking-criticism-about-parenting#post-2830928 Wed, 27 Jun 2018 12:04:43 +0000 codeitall 2830928@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>And I just want to add that you sounds like a very patient mother. Kudos to you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/taking-criticism-about-parenting#post-2830927 Wed, 27 Jun 2018 12:03:52 +0000 codeitall 2830927@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Something that I've appreciated in my marriage is a frank discussion about things we want to do better and the other spouse can help.</p> <p>We're having a pretty interesting transition to two full-time WOH parents while DH is still doing full-time school. It has been a little rough.</p> <p>I can't tell you how many times we have looked at each other and said, "I'm sorry, but my patience is a little short because I'm tired, let's go to bed early tonight." Or "I'm sorry, I just want to do this in peace, can you take the kids out for a little bit?"</p> <p>I won't say we never criticize, but we try really hard to recognize our own limits and work with each other.</p> <p>Perhaps you could try responding to his criticism with an "I'm sorry, but I'm prioritizing this over that right now, so I need you to...."</p> <p>And no one is ever going to be a perfect parent, is he planning on criticizing you the rest of your life!? Plus, I'm willing to bet that a lot of his criticism is just his way of saying 'well if I did it, it would be this way because that's the right way'.</p> <p>@Silva: I completely agree, we try to never offer criticism without offering to help. In response to DH buying happy meals after daycare every day :shocked: , I started prepping snack trays in the fridge he could just pull out when he got home to hold the kids off till dinner was ready. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/taking-criticism-about-parenting#post-2830926 Wed, 27 Jun 2018 11:49:03 +0000 crazydoglady 2830926@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I want to echo @bhbee: that you are seriously one amazing mama! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/taking-criticism-about-parenting#post-2830921 Wed, 27 Jun 2018 11:40:33 +0000 bhbee 2830921@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. There is so much good advice above. We pretty much have the if you’re not going to do it yourself you don’t get to complain rule. And i do think there’s a lot of gender bs tied up in it. </p> <p>At one of my jobs they taught us to give interpersonal feedback like “when you X it makes me feel Y” which could be an approach to try. Also being reallllly direct over and over about what you need. I don’t think anyone in a marriage gets to think someone else’s love language stuff is dumb - that’s selfish. I don’t always understand my husband because ours are totally different, but I’ve learned things I can say/do that are meaningful to him. And then when I see it work that’s positive for me too. </p> <p>I think it’s great you are thinking about it now even though it’s hard. My take so far is that this kind of stuff only gets worse as you deal with less physical care issues and more behavior or other issues as they get older (and I’m pretty sure that parenting a tween/teen is really going to stretch us). So if you can get to better modes of working together now it will be a big help. </p> <p>And last but never least, you are an awesome mama! No one is doing everything right (because it’s an impossible standard) but I have no doubt you are exactly what your baby needs. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/taking-criticism-about-parenting#post-2830898 Wed, 27 Jun 2018 10:03:44 +0000 Sams Mom 2830898@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I get that some people seem to be more critical than others. but then there is just being an ass. You're a team, not a coach/player; if he won't do it himself especially, he doesn't get to be hypercritical about it. </p> <p>I don't take parenting criticism well from anyone. My son is just over 2 and still sleeps with us, so there is plenty to be said by plenty of people about that. My husband also had very little experience with babies before our son was born, so he has a hard time with some of the things I do, and was honestly an ass about how I did somethings in the beginning. Once I talked to him (multiple times) and said why I am doing this, and if he thinks he needs to be done differently then he could do it, everything got a lot better. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/taking-criticism-about-parenting#post-2830890 Wed, 27 Jun 2018 09:47:48 +0000 Silva 2830890@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>"being a critical person" doesn't give you free reign to be an asshole. we all want to be good parents. I'm sure you have googled a million times how to get better at something.<br /> In my mind, its kind of like telling someone they need to lose weight. Everyone is very aware of how they look. Its not helpful. </p> <p>There are definitely times when we need some support. For example, when I've noticed my husband is getting short with our daughter and its become a pattern, I've brought it up and said "usually this happens when you are tired. Do you need a break? Why dont you sleep in tomorrow." Or whatever.<br /> My husband observed that I was kind of becoming a bitch about keeping the house clean and yelling at everyone about it, and encouraged me to get someone to come clean every other week to help take the stress off. </p> <p>Disregarding your feelings, disregarding your requests, and acting as though he is "helping you become a better parent" by scolding you are all very disrespectful. I'm sorry that you are dealing with this. You are doing a really great job, I'm certain of it. Parenting is hard and I'm certain you are an involved and caring mom. I wish that your husband could lay off and appreciate all that you do a little more. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/taking-criticism-about-parenting#post-2830886 Wed, 27 Jun 2018 09:41:11 +0000 crazydoglady 2830886@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sorry, that sounds incredibly frustrating. :sad: One rule we try to live by is: if you want it done "right," do it yourself. Otherwise, zip it. </p> <p>I agree with @snarkybiochemist: that you should push for these "suggestions" to be phrased more like "I noticed we have been doing x, let's try y to see if it works better."</p> <p>While the book was a great resource, I think you are going to have to be painfully direct and tell him instead of hinting (maybe you have?) that these critiques make you feel inadequate and that they need to stop and he either needs to do things himself or phrase things in a more constructive way. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/taking-criticism-about-parenting#post-2830878 Wed, 27 Jun 2018 09:22:36 +0000 snarkybiochemist 2830878@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That sucks and I'm sorry he is being critical. Is it possible to say to him politely "If you don't like how I am doing this you may do it yourself?" and if he agrees then let him do so without comment but if he declines to do so then say something along the lines of "unless you are willing to do the task yourself you need to stop telling me how to do it" Does it work to brainstorm solutions together for a problem instead of him saying you should do X better, could you come together and say X is a problem how do we make it better?<br /> My husband is not super critical but he likes to understand the logic or reasoning behind something so for some of my parenting choices he questions what I am doing until I can provide him with an explanation and sometimes even research for what I am doing. It can be a pain to defend things but he is then much more willing to go along with what I am doing if he understands why. </p>