https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 24 Apr 2026 00:41:47 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talk-to-me-about-ferber/page/2#post-777473 Mon, 13 May 2013 10:13:23 +0000 looch 777473@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That's awesome! So glad it worked out for you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talk-to-me-about-ferber/page/2#post-777467 Mon, 13 May 2013 10:12:18 +0000 edelweiss 777467@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>that is awesome news, so happy for you all! sounds like everyone is getting some more sleep. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talk-to-me-about-ferber/page/2#post-777322 Mon, 13 May 2013 09:04:12 +0000 hilsy85 777322@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrsjyw: thanks!! I really am so happy we decided to go for it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talk-to-me-about-ferber/page/2#post-777316 Mon, 13 May 2013 09:00:10 +0000 mrsjyw 777316@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hilsy85: hoooooooooooray, go L!!!! So happy for you mama, been thinking about you guys since reading this post... so glad it's going well!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talk-to-me-about-ferber/page/2#post-777271 Mon, 13 May 2013 08:33:16 +0000 hilsy85 777271@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I just wanted to update on our sleep training experience!! It has gone REALLY well...the first night, LO cried for 20 minutes (with checks at 3, 5, and 7 min) and then went to sleep...he woke up at 1am, cried for 3 minutes and then put himself to sleep (and then I accidentally woke him up but that's another story...) and slept til 6!</p> <p>night 2, he put himself to sleep no problem, woke up at 130, I nursed him, woke up at 5, cried for 23 min (with checks at 5 min, and then he was mainly just fussing), and then slept til 715. </p> <p>night 3, he put himself to sleep no problem (at around 7pm) and slept til 5! He then went back to sleep til 730, when I woke him up for the day. </p> <p>I by no means think that every night will be like last night, but I feel SO positive about the whole experience and am a total Ferber convert :) So if anyone is debating, I say go for it!! There was so much less crying and fussing than I thought there would be. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talk-to-me-about-ferber/page/2#post-769861 Thu, 09 May 2013 11:00:02 +0000 hilsy85 769861@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. High Heels: @edelweiss: I guess we'll just have to see! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talk-to-me-about-ferber#post-769859 Thu, 09 May 2013 10:59:39 +0000 hilsy85 769859@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@kml636: I did something like that for naps, and it worked super well...he's now able to put himself to sleep no problem. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talk-to-me-about-ferber#post-769417 Thu, 09 May 2013 08:54:46 +0000 kml636 769417@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I tried the stay in the room method to get my LO weaned off the paci. It worked better than I ever could have imagined. I sat next to her crib the first night and sang to her, rubbed her head, rubbed her belly, gave her her lovey over and over, etc while she cried for about 20 mins. Once she was calm, I left the room. She started sleeping without her paci from then on, and now and then she does protest a few mins (usually less than 5) and goes to sleep on her own. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talk-to-me-about-ferber#post-769383 Thu, 09 May 2013 08:46:49 +0000 edelweiss 769383@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hilsy85: we are by no means an exemplary story of sleep training, but as to your question about how you will know whether the checks are good or bad for him--i agree with runningelley that you'll be able to tell pretty quickly. during extinction CIO, i went in once to pick LO up. after i put him down, he freaked out. i'd never heard him cry like that and it was good motivation not to go check on him again.</p> <p>of course, about a month later, i lost resolve and went in once, and while he didn't freak out this time, it didn't help him at all (i.e. he wasn't soothed or "reset"--he was still pretty pissed that he wasn't sleeping). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talk-to-me-about-ferber#post-769008 Wed, 08 May 2013 23:18:39 +0000 Mrs. High Heels 769008@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@TurtleDoves: @Running Elley: we did the same thing with our monitor! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talk-to-me-about-ferber#post-769007 Wed, 08 May 2013 23:17:48 +0000 Mrs. High Heels 769007@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hilsy85: Our method is pretty much what Turtledoves did. We did the extinction method too with mostly no checks (we check at least once) because if we checked, she would escalate. Since all babies are so different, I do think some babies work better with some checks though... just not our.</p> <p>What we did was do our sleep routine, put her down... and leave the room. If she started escalating, we'll go in once just to make sure she didn't poop or spit up or need to burp. More often than not, we'd pick her up and she'd immediately stop crying, so that reassured us that she was fine. So we'd put her right back down again without anymore checks. After a couple days she slept like a dream, and we never looked back. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talk-to-me-about-ferber#post-768819 Wed, 08 May 2013 20:31:39 +0000 hilsy85 768819@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@FutureMrsMcK: Thanks! I'm also totally fine with 1-2 night nursings...but the 3-5 wake ups we've had just have to stop. He's used to sleeping in his crib (takes all naps in there, has slept there since 1 month old), so hopefully it'll be easier on him? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talk-to-me-about-ferber#post-768779 Wed, 08 May 2013 20:16:01 +0000 lovehoneybee 768779@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We did a modified Ferber, sort of. Like some pps, DS would get more pissed off when we'd check on him at 5, 10, 15, etc, so we ended jumping right into 15. I'll let him cry for up to 15 minutes then go in and rock him until he's calm, then put him back down. If he starts crying again I'll let it go for another 15 minutes. And so on. </p> <p>I also paid close attention to the type of cry. If it was 10 minutes and he was hysterical I'd go in sooner because usually that means something else is wrong--a wet diaper, for instance. If he was just sort of fussy-crying, like he was really tired and just fighting it, I'd let it go until he fell asleep. </p> <p>We started this in mid-Jan, and I think that maybe 2-3 times I went in early, and probably a dozen times I let it go longer, but the bulk of the time he was either asleep within 10 minutes with little to no fuss, or he would lay quietly in his crib and play with his giraffe until he fell asleep. </p> <p>It was awful to listen to him cry, especially the first night. I sat on the floor outside of his room and cried. The second night I taped a piece of paper to his door that said: "This is for him."</p> <p>Good luck!</p> <p>ETA: I didn't sleep train to STTN. Until we did this he refused to sleep anywhere but in my arms, so the purpose of sleep training for us was primarily so he would sleep in his crib. We don't CIO through night-wakings (partly because we live in an apartment complex at the moment and he shares a wall with a neighbor. No complaints, but I feel really guilty about it anyway). His bedtime is at 9, he usually wakes up around 4 or 5, I nurse him, he sleeps until 9. Some nights it's only one wake-up, some nights (when he's been teething or hitting a growth spurt) he can be up every hour, but for the most part it's 1-2 and I'm okay with that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talk-to-me-about-ferber#post-768689 Wed, 08 May 2013 19:38:34 +0000 hilsy85 768689@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jacks: haha it's just one of those things--no right answer!<br /> @photojane: ahh I don't even know what that would feel like!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talk-to-me-about-ferber#post-768669 Wed, 08 May 2013 19:26:22 +0000 photojane 768669@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hilsy85: No advice, but just wanted to say good luck! He'll do great. When you're about to break, just think of how wonderful it will be to sleep ALL NIGHT LONG! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talk-to-me-about-ferber#post-768666 Wed, 08 May 2013 19:25:59 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 768666@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hilsy85: I'm supportive of whatever works beat for your little one. My scientific bias would be that extinction would be more effective... But I think that again it would depend on the LO. Horrible non answer, right?! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talk-to-me-about-ferber#post-768644 Wed, 08 May 2013 19:13:24 +0000 hilsy85 768644@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jacks: I guess I didn't mean better from a personal standpoint, but more from a technical standpoint. I guess we'll just have to see..we're pretty desperate over here! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talk-to-me-about-ferber#post-768641 Wed, 08 May 2013 19:12:24 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 768641@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hilsy85: I take no position on what might work better, since we never did it. Probably depends on the child and their temperament. My LOs would never extinguish and were on to the intervals, getting far worse each time we went in. </p> <p>I know it works for many kids though. I'd say play it by ear, but I know when we went into a night without a firm game plan, it was much worse :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talk-to-me-about-ferber#post-768620 Wed, 08 May 2013 19:01:50 +0000 hilsy85 768620@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Freckles: hm ok I guess we'll have to feel it out...<br /> @Mrs. Jacks: so it sounds like you think extinction is better? I get what you're saying, and I agree--it seems like LO would just think ok if I keep crying they'll come back...I think Ferber even says that the checks are just as much for the parents, if not more.<br /> @zippylef: generally I can tell the difference...and I guess if he calms down if I go in there then he's not really in pain, just angry?<br /> @scg00387: thanks :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talk-to-me-about-ferber#post-768615 Wed, 08 May 2013 18:59:43 +0000 hilsy85 768615@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@TurtleDoves: ha yeah we already discussed having movies to watch this weekend to distract ourselves. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talk-to-me-about-ferber#post-768482 Wed, 08 May 2013 17:31:20 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 768482@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My feeling is that intervals are essentially setting up an intermittant reward system and seems to undermine the purpose of sleep training by going in there. I've discussed this with a developmental psychologist and he was onboard with my thought process... but hey, people say it works. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talk-to-me-about-ferber#post-768474 Wed, 08 May 2013 17:29:33 +0000 Running Elley 768474@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@TurtleDoves: I just came back here to mention the turn the monitor down/off thing!</p> <p>When we did it we turned the monitor volume all the way down, brought our video monitor into the living room and watched a show (and the monitor). That way we knew he was fine but we tried to keep ourselves from freaking out and going in. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talk-to-me-about-ferber#post-768368 Wed, 08 May 2013 16:24:03 +0000 immabeetoo 768368@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just wanted to say good luck, I hope it goes well! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talk-to-me-about-ferber#post-768346 Wed, 08 May 2013 16:11:41 +0000 loveisstrange 768346@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When we started sleep training, we did 5 minute intervals. Like @Running Elley: it was quickly apparent to us that the checks were doing more harm than good. She would calm down when she heard us open the door, we'd go in and pat her and as soon as she realized she wasnt getting picked up, she would be hysterical. It would get worse when we left the room. </p> <p>So, we switched to extinction and it worked so much better for us. Her cries of sleepy/angry are much different than her cries of pain/actually needing something, so I wasnt too worried about being able to tell the difference.</p> <p>I dont regret it. She has been STTN (12-14 hours, straight through with no wakeups) since 6 months old. The first few days were ROUGH but it worked. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talk-to-me-about-ferber#post-768327 Wed, 08 May 2013 16:02:28 +0000 Freckles 768327@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hilsy85: This is where DH and i differed. I wanted to start the 5 minutes from when she started to fuss/cry, whereas he wanted to start the timer from when she REALLY started to cry. I think at one point i yelled, "we don't have to go EXACTLY by the book!" When i went into the room, i stayed until she calmed down, which sometimes would be 5 minutes instead of the recommended 2-3 minutes. She normally started crying like crazy after i left, but it subsided soon after.</p> <p>Really, it's whatever you are most comfortable with! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talk-to-me-about-ferber#post-768253 Wed, 08 May 2013 15:33:27 +0000 PrincessBaby 768253@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have no advice but wanted to tell you good luck! I think Modg is using this to sleep train her daughter that is the same age as your son so at least you can check her blog for some humorous posts about it:) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talk-to-me-about-ferber#post-768206 Wed, 08 May 2013 15:18:53 +0000 CupQuakeWalk 768206@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hilsy85: oh...and you might have to turn the baby monitor off for those 10mins, or put headphones on, or shower? Because its hard to sit through but remember that it will only be a few mins and a few days until you see the light!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talk-to-me-about-ferber#post-768197 Wed, 08 May 2013 15:16:55 +0000 CupQuakeWalk 768197@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You have to be at your wits' for this method to work. I really think you have to go in 110% and don't give in!!! If you half-a** it, it won't work. When we did it, we both stuck to it and encouraged each other. There would be times is stand outside LO's bedroom and DH would be like "do not go in!!! Do not give in!" And vice versa.<br /> We did check ins every 10mins. Usually we only ha to go in once! Now he doesn't even cry for a min. In the middle of the night, it's the same. We've been so incredibly happy ever since and so has LO. Everything else fell into place after he started sttn. Our life had a schedule, naps had a schedule, bedtime was smooth and relaxing rather than a time when DH and I would want to pull our hair out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talk-to-me-about-ferber#post-768177 Wed, 08 May 2013 15:10:43 +0000 Running Elley 768177@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hilsy85: Good luck!!! You can do it and once he's sleeping better and more well rested during the day (and you too!!) it'll feel so worth it :) Feel free to post to my wall if you want to commiserate during the process! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talk-to-me-about-ferber#post-768164 Wed, 08 May 2013 15:03:10 +0000 hilsy85 768164@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Running Elley: nice!! Sounds like it's going to be successful :) I hope nap #2 is even better! </p>