https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 11 Apr 2026 06:10:09 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talk-to-me-about-your-baby-blues#post-1872153 Sun, 21 Sep 2014 18:53:34 +0000 gingerbebe 1872153@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SweetiePie: I think my husband is a little more understanding about the baby blues stuff because I've struggled with anxiety and depression in the past and he's always been very cognizant of it in our relationship. If he sees me starting to withdraw or feel sluggish or just seem apathetic, its a warning sign to him that I'm starting to get depressed and tries to be really proactive about taking me for walks or making sure I get enough rest to keep my serotonin levels up. So for him, PPD and PPA was a big concern during my pregnancy. He was actually super enthusiastic about placenta encapsulation for the same reason - if it could help with preventing PPD, he was all about it. So I think he realizes my baby blues and freaking out about stuff is part of that hormonal process, so he takes it all with a grain of salt. </p> <p>That's awesome that your husband is being so helpful at night. I told DH that he'll probably need to do more once my mom leaves next week but by that point the baby will be over 3 weeks old, a little less fragile, able to nurse a little more efficiently, and hopefully sleeping with a little more predictability. DH says he's on board with whatever I need, so hopefully things work out. He knows how to change a diaper, burp, and give a bottle, but he's still trying to figure out how to soothe a screaming baby and needs to learn how to prep a bottle (either formula or breastmilk). I don't even know how he'll deal with frozen bags of breastmilk, but we'll cross that bridge when we get there I guess! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talk-to-me-about-your-baby-blues#post-1871651 Sun, 21 Sep 2014 04:48:55 +0000 SweetiePie 1871651@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: I can't believe how similarly we feel! It makes me feel better to know that.<br /> My only difference is my husband. He's not a mushy emotional "let's talk" kind of guy. Actually I struggle all the time with how to explain him. Because he IS really sweet and affectionate and playful with me. But he's not good at serious emotional stuff. He is more like your mom right now - doesn't understand how or why I'm crying so much and if I said to him that sometimes this feels like a mistake, maybe we would have been perfectly happy childless and the panic I feel when I realize that we can't give this baby back, we're in it for life....he'd be so so so mad at me. He wouldn't understand that this is (hopefully) just temporary hormonal stuff. He thinks that if I KNOW that the hormones are making me crazy and I'm aware of it, I should have the ability to control it.<br /> He is also a big believer in "we made this decision, now we can't complain about it". He HATES complaining and so do I - but he thinks that the baby blues, explaining my fears, telling him how tired I am, etc is complaining and gets mad. He doesn't understand that this is common and I just need to talk. So, I've been relying heavily on my mom and sister and they've been awesome since they've felt similar things.<br /> He's been very supportive in other ways. Tonight, for example, I'm only up because I had to pump. I went to bed early while he and baby were still in living room. He's handled both f the night feedings and Changes so far and didn't come get me. On one hand the emotional me is sad that he isn't next to me in bed like before baby. On the other....dang I needed this sleep! Haha. And maybe just maybe he'll realize what I've been doing for the last 1.5 weeks and appreciate it more? Right now he kinda has this "yes you're tired but this is your job" mentality.<br /> He really sounds like a jerk in this post but I assure you he's not. :-) I'm sharing my frustrations with him right now, but he really is the best person I've ever known. We just need to get through this newborn phase that everyone warned me about and I diligently shrugged off :-) I know that once we can both start enjoying him we'll be fully us again.<br /> And btw, I LOVE your mantra with your husband. "I loved you first, I love you more". We always say "you're my favorite". We still tell each other that we are each other's favorite. Because right now he still is. I love the baby but he hasn't taken my husbands first place in my heart. At least not yet. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talk-to-me-about-your-baby-blues#post-1871634 Sun, 21 Sep 2014 00:45:31 +0000 gingerbebe 1871634@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SweetiePie: OMG DH has been my rock through this. My mom has been here for the 20 day confinement or whatever and every time she catches me crying she is like WHAT ARE YOU CRYING ABOUT?? I NEVER CRIED - THIS IS THE HAPPIEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO YOU, LOOK AT THAT CUTE BABY!</p> <p>Um yeah. So I have to hide if I'm having a total meltdown and usually it's in the evenings in our room with DH. I'm doing most of the baby care because DH is supporting us and he didn't have any paternity leave (he teaches and has his own business) plus there's not much he can do when they are so tiny so it's really lonely and isolating to care for the baby. I really did feel the first week we had made this huge mistake and just verbalizing all my feelings to DH without fear of judgement really helped. We had tried for so long to get pregnant and yet we were so happy just being married that DH had always said if we never had kids he would be fine. We loved our life together and suddenly this baby was turning my life upside down and I just felt lost. Every day I feel a little more bonded and loving towards our son but it's hard six hours into a clusterfeed to feel like it's worth it. </p> <p>I'm thinking of writing a post on this but I really do worry about my relationship with DH a lot more than the baby these days. One nice thing about the baby chaos is that DH and I feel so much more in love with each other, just because of how much support DH is giving me and how hard DH sees me working to care for our babe. We are experiencing a weird delirious and hormone driven honeymoon period and we have even talked about how this ambivalence about the baby has bonded us. DH says he is also warming up to the baby slowly because he sees how hard it's been on me and we're both realizing that for us personally, our relationship comes before our kid. That seems to be at odds with what a lot of parents think, but we have both expressed that what preserves our marriage is ultimately what's best for our baby. So it's influencing our decisions in different ways. For instance, we are starting to get the hang of breastfeeding but that first week nursing, pumping, and for a few days, weight gain issues and supplementing with formula was keeping me up all night and giving me anxiety and so much stress that DH was like "breastmilk is great and I support whatever you want to do but what if instead of which feeding method is better, we think about what's better for us as a couple?" He was saying this because I was up all night and I really don't handle sleep deprivation well and I basically need to be sleeping at the same time as my husband to sleep deeply. In the same way, I get up with the baby at night and try to keep him quiet so DH can sleep as much as possible. Sure father son bonding and sharing the load is important but I won't do it at the expense of DH's safety on his long commutes into work. Our mantra lately has been "I loved you first, I love you more" and its put an unexpected spin on our decision making. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talk-to-me-about-your-baby-blues#post-1871618 Sat, 20 Sep 2014 23:02:02 +0000 Grace 1871618@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SweetiePie: PHONE ATE MY POST!!! Urg!!! Ok, I'll try to remember what I said:</p> <p>You aren't a monster. It really is the hormones and they really are a bitch. I think part of the problem is that no one tells you how bad they are. They even give it a cute name - "baby blues" which makes it sound like it's no big deal. Should be called "f*** with your mind blues". Definitely talk to your OB and definitely get a concrete day when they have to be getting better or you'll go back. The OB should be able to tell you how long is ok and how long is not. In the meantime (because you do still have to live through the next week with this), here's what helped me:<br /> 1) talk to DH. Especially when you are crying and thinking horrible things. He won't really understand, but having someone to lean on helps. 2) give yourself permission to not do things that are stressing you out. For me, it was "sleeping when the baby sleeps". I couldn't fall asleep and trying was making me crazy. But it gets better. I promise. Eventually those good moments even in the bad days get longer and longer until they are good days. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talk-to-me-about-your-baby-blues#post-1871551 Sat, 20 Sep 2014 21:10:24 +0000 SweetiePie 1871551@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: I will for sure! I think it's so important for us to realize that other women DO feel the way we feel. It felt good just to find this thread and know that I'm not a monster. I found this thread too and it felt like a breath of fresh air. </p> <p><a href="http://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-have-the-baby-blues#post-647607" rel="nofollow">http://boards.hellobee.com/topic/did-you-have-the-baby-blues#post-647607</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talk-to-me-about-your-baby-blues#post-1871535 Sat, 20 Sep 2014 20:40:54 +0000 gingerbebe 1871535@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SweetiePie: girl I have been feeling the exact same way, esp RE: my relationship with DH - and this is after 3 years of TTC! Baby blues suck! Wall me if you need to commiserate! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talk-to-me-about-your-baby-blues#post-1871476 Sat, 20 Sep 2014 19:40:57 +0000 SweetiePie 1871476@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Grace: I know this is an old thread but I just did an HB search for baby blues and this came up. Your explanation of how you felt is precisely what I'm going through. Mine started 9 days pp and it hits hardest in the evening, around 5pm. After I've been with him all day and I feel like I just need some relief. It's so monotonous and he's still so little that I feel like I give give give and there isn't a whole lot in return (yet). Just more diapers and pumping and feeding. I'm awful. I have the same feelings of "why did I do this, we were so happy as a couple, maybe we should have stayed a couple". And then feeling guilt for even thinking it after all we went through to have him. My husband has been great with helping but he doesn't get why I'm already burnt out after not even 2 weeks. His life hasn't changed THAT much yet. Not like mine has so he can't relate.<br /> We have such immense love for each other and I get scared every day about the lack of "us" time we have and will have.<br /> I have good days and bad. And good patches even in the bad days. So really hoping it's just the hormones working their way through my system. I have my 2 week checkup on Tuesday and plan to tell my OB what I've been feeling to make sure it's ok. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talk-to-me-about-your-baby-blues#post-1463545 Mon, 03 Mar 2014 12:22:57 +0000 Grace 1463545@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Mine started around 10 days PP and lasted about 2 weeks. It always started when the sun went down (around 7 PM). There would be a hot flash and then I would burst into tears. It was the weirdest thing (but that's how I knew it was hormones - there was such a predictable pattern). And if LO was crying at the same time (which was often), then it was also accompanied by thoughts that I'd ruined my life and made the hugest mistake and of course that was accompanied by guilt and more tears. It sucked. The dr said if it wasn't a little bit better by 3 weeks, that I should come back and get checked out. Damn hormones. I agree with nursemommy, if you are worried, go in. I've heard way too many stories (at the time I asked every mom that visited me how their baby blues were) of women living with it for months and that's far too long. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talk-to-me-about-your-baby-blues#post-1463477 Mon, 03 Mar 2014 12:03:47 +0000 NurseMommy 1463477@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think that if you're at all concerned I would reach out to your doc or nurse. Better to catch something early. Hope you're doing all right. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talk-to-me-about-your-baby-blues#post-1463476 Mon, 03 Mar 2014 12:03:45 +0000 Adira 1463476@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would say mine lasted until 6-7 weeks. And I had so much anxiety that when my husband returned to work after 4 weeks, he had to work from home half of the time because I was such a wreck! But by 8 weeks, I definitely was feeling mostly back to normal! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talk-to-me-about-your-baby-blues#post-1463432 Mon, 03 Mar 2014 11:49:25 +0000 Mamasig 1463432@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The really hard baby blues (crying all of the time,etc) lasted maybe 3 weeks. I started feeling more like myself at around 8 weeks. By then, DS had dropped one night feeding so I was getting at least one large chunk of sleep (around 4-5 hours). That made a world of difference. I think the lack of sleep affected just as strongly as the hormones. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talk-to-me-about-your-baby-blues#post-1463420 Mon, 03 Mar 2014 11:46:01 +0000 singingbee 1463420@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I honestly don't remember, but maybe 3-4 weeks? I know there was some anxiety thrown in there. I didn't do well when lo was around 3 mths old and I wasn't at work yet. I struggled staying home with her day in and out. Don't hesitate to talk to your dr about any concerns or worries. I know by the time I was at my 6 wk check-up I felt normal. </p> <p>Hang in there, momma! The fluctuating hormones are no joke! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talk-to-me-about-your-baby-blues#post-1463396 Mon, 03 Mar 2014 11:42:40 +0000 MrsH 1463396@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If you've seen my other posts you know the first week of LOs life was not fun, that I had an emergency c-section, and that we've had to supplement heavily with formula because of low supply, etc. I'm type A and the Breastfeeding has been really hard on me because I really want it to work and it just isn't.</p> <p>Admittedly I have cried a lot over the breastfeeding but I don't know that I am unreasonably sad. I'm hoping it is just normal baby blues.</p> <p>How long did your baby blues last? What were they like? </p>