https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 08 May 2026 13:06:18 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talking-about-racecolor#post-2760062 Wed, 19 Jul 2017 15:36:48 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2760062@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@DesertDreams88: I will write more later, but for now facts based sex education should absolutely be taught in school. Good touch/ bad touch should be taught as well in the younger grades. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talking-about-racecolor#post-2760048 Wed, 19 Jul 2017 15:12:55 +0000 DesertDreams88 2760048@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: "No offense to teachers, but I don't want race/ color explained to my kid by someone who may hold bias or not be entirely comfortable discussing race. "</p> <p>That's a hard comment for me to address, as I am a middle school teacher with a master's degree in history and social studies education. But I appreciate the issue. I am NOT an expert on racial matters. I am guilty of doing too much of the "speaking" in my class, and not letting primary sources speak for themselves as often as I should. I realize I am not the arbitrager of all knowledge, the unbiased enlightened "sage on the stage," and sometimes I slip into that role without thinking. </p> <p>and yet.</p> <p>SS teaching IS my job. Race plays a huge role in SS. I can't ignore it. I also can't leave it up to my kids' parents or the media, to teach them these critical concepts. Some parents, like you, might do an awesome job, because I know from your posts that you take a lot of time and care with the decisions you make for your son. But sadly, not all parents are like that, and sometimes teachers have to stand in the gap. I also am of the belief that if "school" teaches your child something you disagree with, that is a prompt to have conversations and learning experiences with your child in order to reconsider their school learning... not just decide that the school shouldn't even address such matters.</p> <p>I find your way of thinking, similar to those who don't support public schools having honest, holistic, fact-based sex education, because they don't want the "schools" teaching the "kids" something they don't agree with. If that's an unfair or unequal comparison, could you help me understand why?</p> <p>I'm sorry if people think I am thread-jacking. But the title DOES implicate race, even if the situation was a child "just" asking about skin color. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talking-about-racecolor#post-2760044 Wed, 19 Jul 2017 15:00:43 +0000 DesertDreams88 2760044@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MaryM: " I think it can be hard for kids to fully grasp it. But that doesn't mean I don't think they should try." Exactly. I think it's a process of growing in understanding. see my next response :)</p> <p>@Anagram: That sounds like an awesome class, I'm pretty envious! I teach 8th grade SS, which is one semester of Revolution &amp; Constitution and one semester of 1940s-1970s. "A surprising amount goes over their heads, no matter what their race or background is. Even in 8th grade, it's hard for them to REALLY get it and internalize it all." I 'm not sure if I agree fully, based on my experiences. I mean, it's hard, for sure! My students have no dedicated SS time until 6th grade, and 6th grade is just Ancient Civ, so when they come to me in 8th grade they don't have formal "schooling" on the matter, except for bits and pieces about MLK Jr &amp; Rose Parks &amp; basic slavery. But isn't the purpose of education, to help students develop an understanding? Especially middle school education, to start working on honing those critical thinking skills and applying their knowledge to understand the world around them? So even if it seems like young students aren't "getting it" yet, it's valuable to start that conversation. And I think by the end of my class, my students really have started to "get it"... though they are NOWHERE near fully understanding it (though, who is)? They are starting to ask the good questions, and see effects of racism, and question issues of race outside of American black/white, etc etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talking-about-racecolor#post-2760030 Wed, 19 Jul 2017 14:28:06 +0000 lamariniere 2760030@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@DesertDreams88: Very valid point. In our situation, we have family on 3 continents, and each country has its own set of different racial problems. I've tried to gently broach the topic about race with my older LO, but it's hard to know the right way to do it, how much to simplify it and what can be left out for now. It's definitely on my mind though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talking-about-racecolor#post-2759994 Wed, 19 Jul 2017 14:04:10 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2759994@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Freckles: I feel the same especially at the stage were at now. That's what I meant by we don't take it "seriously." We are mixed, our family is mixed, it's all just been very matter of fact for us so far. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talking-about-racecolor#post-2759992 Wed, 19 Jul 2017 14:00:06 +0000 looch 2759992@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@DesertDreams88: When do you think it's appropriate to bring up? I mean, my son is 6 and he's satisfied with simple answers. I don't want to get into a complicated discussion about how skin colors evolved and why there are people of those colors all over the world now...he's not going to pay attention or understand, at least I don't think he will. I do try to be more aware, though, and I am open to changing my discussions as appropriate, so I would love some honest feedback! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talking-about-racecolor#post-2759986 Wed, 19 Jul 2017 13:54:22 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2759986@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@DesertDreams88: No offense to teachers, but I don't want race/ color explained to my kid by someone who may hold bias or not be entirely comfortable discussing race. Heck, I am not even sure how to just answer the innocent hair/ skin color question without adding the why. We use race as an identifier for practically every everyday discussion. Sometimes it just helps imagine the players in the story and sometimes it explains the actions/ motives.</p> <p>ETA: @ Freckles: just saw your post. Guilty of your last point. :sad: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talking-about-racecolor#post-2759985 Wed, 19 Jul 2017 13:52:28 +0000 Freckles 2759985@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@DesertDreams88: If my 5 year old daughter is asking an innocuous question about skin colour, i'm not going to take that as a cue to delve into something deeper. We have had discussions about race inequality when she was reading about MLK Jr. but i think it was hard for her to understand why segregation existed. I agree with anagram that it's a complex topic - for now i want my kids to understand people can have different skin tones and not have an emotional attachment or think these differences are a big deal. I think we also need to be cautious as to whether we reference others by their skin tone or ethnicity. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talking-about-racecolor#post-2759975 Wed, 19 Jul 2017 13:38:35 +0000 Anagram 2759975@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@DesertDreams88: so my oldest just turned 4 last week, and has learned since birth where my husband is from and we have a giant world map in her room, and we have taught her to also identify with his culture since, frankly, she doesn't look white or mixed at all. However, she doesn't really get it at all, doesn't understand the concept of other countries or even other states just yet, doesn't understand the concept of other races or different races, even though we have pointed things out to her and talk about it frequently since it comes up frequently. For example, my husband and his whole family speak a different language, are a different religion, are a certain ethnicity of that country (their country has a vast history of its own and multiple ethnic/cultural background that most westerners have no clue about)....and with all of that that she has experienced first hand, if I were to ask her questions about "race" or history of race in the US, she would have no clue.</p> <p>I think crayon colors for skin tones and answering any questions that come up honestly is good for now. As she gets older, she'll learn more. I actually teach an entire class on the history of intolerance in the US to middle schoolers, and a surprising amount goes over their heads, no matter what their race or background is. Even in 8th grade, it's hard for them to REALLY get it and internalize it all. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talking-about-racecolor#post-2759921 Wed, 19 Jul 2017 12:27:04 +0000 MaryM 2759921@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@DesertDreams88: I agree with this. </p> <p>It's part of why I'll leave the majority of the conversation up to DH. </p> <p>His dad was in Washington DC during the riots in the 60s. I feel like him sharing his family's stories will be so much more impactful than anything I could ever say (I grew up in a rural area knowing maybe 2 black families and 2 asian families)</p> <p>But, DH admits that when his dad talked about the riots and such things, it didn't really affect him like it should have (looking back on it). It wasn't until recent events that he really understood what his dad was trying to get across to him. His sister is a police officer, so issues of police brutality have been really hard for his siblings to digest. Because they do respect police, but they also can't ignore what's happening to people of their race. So even if parents do broach the deeper issues, I think it can be hard for kids to fully grasp it. But that doesn't mean I don't think they should try. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talking-about-racecolor#post-2759900 Wed, 19 Jul 2017 11:51:27 +0000 DesertDreams88 2759900@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>almost all comments above discuss only skin color shades, except for @lamariniere: 's, which touches on race/ethnicity in relations to historical locations around the world. When do you think it would be appropriate to start actually teaching about racial concepts and history? Maybe I'm just biased bc I'm a history teacher, and I think there's a lot more to the discussion than just shades of skin color. "Skin color" has dramatically affect people's lives for a very long time, affecting value, relationships, economics, etc. Are people waiting to address these with their children until school teaches history? Because then they're only going to get a very skimpy gloss over touching on slavery, Native American cultures, and civil rights and that's about it. Sadly schools teach almost nothing about racism outside of American blacks/whites, 1700s-1960s. I feel that if we want our children to have a robust understanding, we have to be proactive and go beyond just "shades of brown".... when developmentally appropriate? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talking-about-racecolor#post-2759836 Wed, 19 Jul 2017 10:10:22 +0000 snowjewelz 2759836@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Freckles: I know! DH is pretty tan year around, and when I'm not tanned, I don't feel like I look yellow either. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talking-about-racecolor#post-2759827 Wed, 19 Jul 2017 09:37:49 +0000 MaryM 2759827@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My first instinct would be to reflect back to the child to ask what they thought. </p> <p>My nephew was about 3 when DH and I married. He learned about race when he very innocently asked DH why he was black. DH said it was because his parents were. (and my nephew accepted that)</p> <p>My godson was about 5 or 6 when he declared DH and I would have 10 babies and five would be white and 5 would be black (I think he thought babies were like puppies and could come out either color). </p> <p>For the most part though, I'll lean on DH to handle race discussions with our own children (especially if they're boys). </p> <p>I know there's absolutely no way that I will ever understand what it's like to be black. And I don't think it's exactly fair as a white woman to paint of picture of "colorblindness" when I haven't had to deal with bias or racism directly myself. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talking-about-racecolor#post-2759821 Wed, 19 Jul 2017 09:27:06 +0000 lamariniere 2759821@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: very interesting. I did a little more digging because I wanted to read more about the idea, but didn't find a longer explanation or deeper thoughts on it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talking-about-racecolor#post-2759815 Wed, 19 Jul 2017 09:08:58 +0000 looch 2759815@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lamariniere: </p> <p><a href="http://www.salon.com/2015/05/05/bill_nye_on_the_science_of_racism_were_all_the_same_from_a_scientific_standpoint/" rel="nofollow">http://www.salon.com/2015/05/05/bill_nye_on_the_science_of_racism_were_all_the_same_from_a_scientific_standpoint/</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talking-about-racecolor#post-2759813 Wed, 19 Jul 2017 09:07:13 +0000 catlady 2759813@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We've talked about this at length. My almost 4 year old is increasingly aware of the differences between her and other people, especially her preschool buddies. We've talked about how everyone's skin is a different color but how we are considered "white". She always wants to know what other people are, and it's complicated by the fact that several of her friends are biracial in various ways (black, Indian, Chinese, etc). I'm actually half-Chinese so we've talked about how her grandpa is different. But mostly we try to stress that everyone is different, that's the way life is, and it's ok. It can be uncomfortable (especially when she will point at someone and say loudly "Is he African American?") but we are getting the hang of it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talking-about-racecolor#post-2759812 Wed, 19 Jul 2017 09:07:10 +0000 ShootingStar 2759812@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@catomd00: What I mean is that right now he knows nothing about race and why people are different colors. He doesn't give any more thought to it than he would to why his hair is a different color than mine. But someday he'll identify himself as "white", whether we teach him that or not. And to me, there's a loss of innocence that goes along with that. To no longer just see skin as a color on a spectrum, but to see it as a characteristic of race. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talking-about-racecolor#post-2759806 Wed, 19 Jul 2017 08:50:42 +0000 lamariniere 2759806@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: Do you have a link to the Bill Nye thing? I did a quick google and there seem to be a couple of possibilities.</p> <p>@T.H.O.U.: good point. I've really been trying to figure out how to frame/explain things since my kids will soon be a minority. I wonder if they will even notice, though? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talking-about-racecolor#post-2759776 Wed, 19 Jul 2017 08:05:08 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2759776@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lamariniere: We also talk about how everything is different on every person. Yes, skin color can be varying shades, but so is hair color, and height and weight. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talking-about-racecolor#post-2759757 Wed, 19 Jul 2017 07:13:09 +0000 looch 2759757@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My son never asked, but we were coloring one day and he brought up the fact that his friends are all different colors and that he was peach, like this crayon, and his friend was brown like this other one. </p> <p>I think that's perfectly normal, and I really like Bill Nye the Science guy's explanation of it all. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talking-about-racecolor#post-2759742 Tue, 18 Jul 2017 23:11:02 +0000 lamariniere 2759742@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Great question. We are very close to a family from Africa and we say that they have dark brown skin, and we are peach or pink. I've tried to explain to my LOs that people look different when in different parts of the world, and the older one gets it. We are moving to Asia soon, so I am trying to be very conscious about perception of race and color and how to explain it, especially because where we currently live is not very ethnically diverse. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talking-about-racecolor#post-2759737 Tue, 18 Jul 2017 22:41:40 +0000 catomd00 2759737@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's perfectly normal at this age for them to categorize people by their skin color and other physical traits. I don't really understand your statement of you love he doesn't do that yet. To me that implies there's something wrong with the fact we are all different and kind of unintentionally bringing things up that aren't on a toddlers radar yet, even if they are noticing skin color differences. There are lots of great resources out there for having these conversations with kids of all ages. </p> <p> I usually would turn it back on her and say what color do you think you are? Then have a conversation about how there's something in our body that makes our skin all different. I point out even. Estee. Her, myself and her father that we are different shades. And now that it's summer I show her how the skin on her legs is getting darker from the sun. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talking-about-racecolor#post-2759734 Tue, 18 Jul 2017 22:21:37 +0000 littlejoy 2759734@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>"Your skin is like a light peach color. Isn't it interesting that we all have different color skin? You know your friend, E? She has dark brown skin. Your friend T has lighter peach skin than you have." - at 3.5, this is a normal conversation. We don't say "black" and "white" right now, as I've had POC friends express they wish children celebrated them as brown instead of black. That vernacular will come with time, as LO hears more from the outside world. </p> <p>Related: she's asked what our "black lives matter" sign says, so I've been using that as a jumping off point in discussing equality and justice (age appropriate - but we are definitely talking about it). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talking-about-racecolor#post-2759731 Tue, 18 Jul 2017 22:00:15 +0000 Mrs Green Grass 2759731@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This made me think of an article I saw this week that it's important to talk about race and not say something like I don't see race. This seems like a good place/age to start... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talking-about-racecolor#post-2759727 Tue, 18 Jul 2017 21:21:39 +0000 Anagram 2759727@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My oldest says she is tan, dad is brown, and I am peach. Crayon colors.</p> <p>One interesting thing she said the other day caught me off guard. She said I don't put sunscreen on her sometimes and she is getting very very brown and I need to put sunscreen on more often. This is all true but Inwas trying to figure out if this was a simple observation, or if she had learned about sun/skin care at school (I really should do a better job of using sunscreen but my kids don't really burn they just get super dark, as she noticed), or if she didn't *want* to be darker and was expressing that...at which point I started wondering why she would think that.</p> <p>Anyway, it was random and I might be overthinking it all. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talking-about-racecolor#post-2759726 Tue, 18 Jul 2017 21:19:48 +0000 Trailmix 2759726@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My kids have brought this up multiple times over the last year or so and we always then have a conversation about skin colors (I ask them what color their skin looks like and sometimes they say pink-ish, sometimes light brown, etc) and then we talk about how skin comes in a wide range of colors (So-and-so has very dark brown skin, So-and-so has very light or white skin, etc). I then talk about how some people don't like other people with darker skin colors or aren't nice to them because of it and that's not fair and hurts people's feelings and that it's our job to acknowledge how beautiful all skin colors are. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talking-about-racecolor#post-2759724 Tue, 18 Jul 2017 21:00:24 +0000 FancyGem 2759724@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I told my son that we are brown. It was funny when he first asked because he would say that our relatives were different colors like pink, orange, etc. lol Now that he is older he will say light brown, dark brown, etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talking-about-racecolor#post-2759722 Tue, 18 Jul 2017 20:41:45 +0000 ShootingStar 2759722@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@caterw: I really like the concept that everyone is a shade of brown. It's more unifying (and accurate) than putting people in stark buckets (white, brown, black, etc). </p> <p>@atoz: I did ask what he thought but he said he didn't know. </p> <p>Apparently he's very into what colors things are, he asked DH what color the songs they were listening to were. Aka what color the cover is- I have one song on my phone he calls the green song. Anyways, I didn't want to make a big deal about the question and I didn't want to gloss over too much either. I guess we'll just keep talking about these things as we go along. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talking-about-racecolor#post-2759721 Tue, 18 Jul 2017 20:40:45 +0000 Mrs. Tiger 2759721@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My biracial kids struggle with this some. In the first drawing my older son told me he was white like me and his brother was brown like his dad. We talked about how both he and his brother are light brown since they are mixed and literally the next day he brought home the 2nd drawing. We say brown/white since my (Indian) husband happily describes himself as brown and white is the most common description for white people, haha. After seeing how easily my comments swayed him I am trying to be careful to just listen to what he thinks instead of telling him what to think. Family photo provided for reference 😊 </p> [attach=1630/17/otbdzx.600x365.Screenshot_2017-07-18-21-35-48.png] [attach=1630/17/otbdzz.600x584.Screenshot_2017-07-18-21-35-38.png] [attach=1630/17/otbe00.600x450.IMG_20170514_123020_480.jpg] https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talking-about-racecolor#post-2759703 Tue, 18 Jul 2017 19:28:00 +0000 StrawberryShortie 2759703@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My daughter hasn't talked about colour yet but she is very fair, golden blonde and green eyed. I on the other hand am olive, dark haired. Many people have asked if I'm her nanny :meh: </p> <p>She tells me all the time that I look like Elena and she looks like Rapunzel so it's cool cause we are both Princesses...</p> <p>She seems to comment on hair texture more than skin colour. A friend of hers has a tight curly Afro and hers is loose curls. So she always says "my friend with the whirly twirly hair"</p> <p>I like the idea about the crayon colour. Really curious on how to discuss race with her as she grows </p>