https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 28 Apr 2026 07:26:35 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talking-to-kids-about-grandparent-cancer#post-2890033 Thu, 04 Jul 2019 13:37:49 +0000 Mrs. Champagne 2890033@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We recently had to tell our son about a family death, and during our research we learned to not use the word “sick”. It can give kids anxiety around their own sickness (like when they get a cold). </p> <p>I would use the word cancer or problem or issue. Make sure they know they do not have it and neither do you, etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talking-to-kids-about-grandparent-cancer#post-2890021 Thu, 04 Jul 2019 09:00:10 +0000 Mrs Green Grass 2890021@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I just had an uncle die rather suddenly. I told my 6.5 year old the day he went in the hospital (with very poor prognosis) because I didn’t want to shock him with him just being gone. My son is inquisitive and asked a thousand questions including will he die. Who is going to die next. A ton of why... He did feel sad when I told him he passed but he was ok to the next activity and question within a minute. I’m glad I was upfront with him because it was helpful for me to just tell him how I was thinking:feeling. I don’t believe I’ll take him to the memorial though. He did know this uncle, the 3 of us stayed with him last spring break. We saw him about once a year. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talking-to-kids-about-grandparent-cancer#post-2889485 Sat, 29 Jun 2019 14:10:29 +0000 bhbee 2889485@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@muffinsmuffins: that’s a good point that she will talk to others about it. I think we’re going to have to take this one conversation at a time, but on the plus side she’s old enough that we can ask her not to say things in front of other people and she understands that. I definitely plan on the need-to-know for 4.5yo. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talking-to-kids-about-grandparent-cancer#post-2889476 Sat, 29 Jun 2019 12:54:33 +0000 muffinsmuffins 2889476@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bhbee: we bought this book called ‘lifetimes’ and it’s really nicely illustrated about life cycles of plants and animals and then humans. It doesn’t say what happens after I don’t think.<br /> <a href="https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/113067/lifetimes-by-bryan-mellonie/9780553344028/" rel="nofollow">https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/113067/lifetimes-by-bryan-mellonie/9780553344028/</a><br /> Both our dog and my grandpa were cremated and I just could not bring myself to tell him what that was when he asked what happened. So I said that a lot of times when we die and our body doesn’t work anymore that we bury the body in the ground and eventually it becomes like the soil and can grow flowers and trees, etc. He was good with that. I said that we can remember them with pictures and stories forever even though we can’t physically see them anymore. We have a stone in our garden for our dog and he waters the flowers around it. We aren’t religious though that might be easier to say they are with Jesus or in heaven I think.</p> <p>I dunno, maybe it’s because my son is younger than your oldest but I found that most of what I read online was to just keep it super ‘need to know’ for kids. If you do tell your kids more about cancer and sickness, prepare your MIL to talk about it with them. My son asked for a long while where great grandpa was even though we told him a billion times. It was hard for my grandma and mom to hear that or talk about it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talking-to-kids-about-grandparent-cancer#post-2889474 Sat, 29 Jun 2019 12:28:40 +0000 bhbee 2889474@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've been thinking back to when my own grandmother died of cancer (brain tumor), I was the same age as my oldest so I have more impressions than strong memories. I have no idea what we were told, but probably most of the details since I remember visiting when she had a wig, when she didn't remember who we were, etc. </p> <p>I also remember being a little scared of the adult emotions involved, so that's probably something to prep them for and keep them talking about. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talking-to-kids-about-grandparent-cancer#post-2889473 Sat, 29 Jun 2019 12:16:19 +0000 periwinklebee 2889473@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't have any firsthand experience but am so sorry :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talking-to-kids-about-grandparent-cancer#post-2889472 Sat, 29 Jun 2019 12:16:11 +0000 bhbee 2889472@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@DesertDreams88: I agree, I think it may make sense to talk to her separately about it because she will want and understand a lot more detail vs the 4 yo. We've actually spoken once about whether you get better from cancer, in reference to a school friend (who had already gone into remission). but I didn't expect to be on this side of it :(</p> <p>@muffinsmuffins: did you use any books or anything to talk about what happens after someone dies? they know great-grandma died (only family death since they were born), but that one didn't hit them much at all since they were younger, she was really old and they barely knew her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talking-to-kids-about-grandparent-cancer#post-2889457 Sat, 29 Jun 2019 08:04:39 +0000 DesertDreams88 2889457@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have no firsthand experience. But my best friend has 6 &amp; 7 year old girls and I know they'd handle it much better being told about the cancer and possibility of death in advance, vs. just being told grandma is "sick." I don't think you need to go in all the details but it's not just a cold. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talking-to-kids-about-grandparent-cancer#post-2889450 Sat, 29 Jun 2019 06:05:50 +0000 muffinsmuffins 2889450@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would be super simple as well like @crazydoglady said: we are going to go visit and have a great time but grandma is sick. She might be tired or not feeling well but we will still have fun visiting her and grandpa. Surprisingly, kids usually just take that info and go with it. They might not ask anything at all. For now I wouldn’t get into it’s terminal or really add much about cancer. If your older asks when she will be better just say you’re not sure but the doctors are working hard to help her feel better. If they ask if she’s contagious or if they’ll get sick like her you can explain that this type of sickness is different than a cold or flu and leave it at that.</p> <p>When my grandpa died, I had done a ton of research of what to tell my son. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad I was prepared, but he basically hugged me and went on with his day. While he was sick I actually didn’t tell him anything because I thought it would be confusing. When our dog died he asked more about what happens after, where he goes now he is dead, etc so I had that info ready. He was almost 4 when great grandpa died and 4.5 when our dog died this spring. Sorry you are going through this. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talking-to-kids-about-grandparent-cancer#post-2889448 Sat, 29 Jun 2019 00:27:28 +0000 crazydoglady 2889448@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bhbee: I'm so sorry. My son was just a baby during my mom's battle with cancer so I don't have personal experience, but I would just be as honest but as concise as you can be. "Grandma is sick and we don't know if she will get better, but we are going to go visit and spend time with her and grandpa." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talking-to-kids-about-grandparent-cancer#post-2889444 Fri, 28 Jun 2019 22:44:33 +0000 bhbee 2889444@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Looking for any advice on how to approach this. My older kids are 4 and 7. They love their grandparents but we do live far away and see them only 4x a year maybe. </p> <p>My MIL has what looks like terminal cancer without a great prognosis (she has been in remission for 12 years but it’s back with a vengeance). We’re visiting in about a month - getting an Airbnb so they won’t have to cook or clean and can just visit with us as they feel up to it. </p> <p>I’m thinking we should say something to the kids ... they will surely know something is off even though I don’t know how physically visibly it will be yet. My oldest has a passing knowledge of what cancer is, she is a pretty matter of fact kid. Right now though things are still being figured out ... what treatment will be, etc. So we may have to talk about it in a general way. I think what I least know how to address is the question of will she get better. And of course I don’t really know what the kids will want to ask about. </p> <p>Kind of rambling but you get the idea - appreciate any thoughts! </p>