https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 13 May 2026 17:38:48 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talking-to-people-without-kids-do-you-argue-with-them-or-just-let-it-go#post-73475 Mon, 13 Feb 2012 07:29:56 +0000 mediagirl 73475@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I will state my point. If the other person wants to start a fight about it ala: I'm always right, I'll normally just say something like, to each their own and try to change the subject. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talking-to-people-without-kids-do-you-argue-with-them-or-just-let-it-go#post-73472 Mon, 13 Feb 2012 07:25:39 +0000 Lozza 73472@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Please don't tell her "just wait till you're a parent." It may be true ... and it may not- she may become a parent and have a totally different parenting style and a kid with totally different needs, and while some of her ideas and plans will probably change, this one might not. (I'm a parent, and I can't imagine myself missing a friend's wedding so I could be home for bedtime)<br /> But telling her that she just can't understand because she's not a parent is like telling a teenager "you'll understand when you're older." It's condescending, and there's nothing she can do with that statement- it's not helpful, it's not informative... and it may just tick her off.<br /> The bride shouldn't get to be mean or judge-y about this mom's choice, but I think it's fair for her to be sad. The easiest thing might be to not go into the back-and-forth of whether a decision that isn't up to either of you is right, and just say "Yeah, it sucks that she can't be there, and I know she's sad to be missing the event." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talking-to-people-without-kids-do-you-argue-with-them-or-just-let-it-go#post-73401 Sun, 12 Feb 2012 22:21:04 +0000 SAHM0811 73401@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@artbee: ah yes I totally understand. well as parents, we learn to adjust. i flew my 3 yr old and 4 week old (!) to hawaii to not miss my sister's wedding. i was her MOH and LO was a flower girl too. I missed most of the reception because I was breastfeeding my newborn. of course my sister didn't plan a kid-friendly wedding, but I was going to attend and made the adjustments in my life to do so. I know a majority of moms would've just passed up on the trip, and that's perfectly understandable in my eyes, but it was my sister and I just couldn't fathom missing it so we made it work. my LOs did fine but yes I hear ya... it's not easy to balance parenting and going to weddings or other late night events! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talking-to-people-without-kids-do-you-argue-with-them-or-just-let-it-go#post-73398 Sun, 12 Feb 2012 22:18:54 +0000 BSB 73398@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm not even pregnant yet and I already know that having kids is totally different and I really don't know what I'm talking about. Which is why I don't try to say anything about parenting. I know if you would have asked me back in college or high school, I would have annoyed some of you. I hoping we were all immature and naive as high school and college students. :/ </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talking-to-people-without-kids-do-you-argue-with-them-or-just-let-it-go#post-73386 Sun, 12 Feb 2012 22:06:59 +0000 heffalump 73386@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@NYCaliMama: I try to sympathize with her too... but I think I'm a little bitter because her wedding is so late at night. I'm her moh, lo is flower girl. She'll be 11 months. I know it's her wedding and she can do as she pleases, but it's obvious she wasn't thinking about kids when planning her wedding. Now I'm the bad guy because I'm worried about what we'll do about lo so late and my other friend is the bad guy because she's worried about her lo's bedtime. I just don't think that's fair. Our kids come first, no matter what. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talking-to-people-without-kids-do-you-argue-with-them-or-just-let-it-go#post-73374 Sun, 12 Feb 2012 21:53:21 +0000 SAHM0811 73374@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>yeah there's definitely no point. they really just don't understand because they haven't been there yet. they are entitled to their opinions, yes, but usually it's best to just leave it at that. </p> <p>I sometimes feel this way about other parents too though. parents who have younger kids or less number of kids than me also can't FULLY understand why I do certain things the way I do with my kids. When in comes to parenting, whatever works for one family is their own business anyway... That's fine that another person would rather it be done a different way, but it shouldn't go so far as to bother someone else to hear about it. If it does, that's the disagreeing party's issue. </p> <p>In this case, sounds like the bride is probably hurt a little on some level that her friend isn't attending her wedding. It's actually somewhat understandably upsetting... In this situation, I would just sympathize with the bride, listen, and try to keep my mouth shut :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talking-to-people-without-kids-do-you-argue-with-them-or-just-let-it-go#post-73361 Sun, 12 Feb 2012 21:31:01 +0000 Rubies 73361@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I never argue - there's no point. I just know that when THEY have kids, they'll realize. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talking-to-people-without-kids-do-you-argue-with-them-or-just-let-it-go#post-73346 Sun, 12 Feb 2012 21:13:02 +0000 pastemoo 73346@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@cupcakemama: :P lol. Not a bad mother at all--just different priorities! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talking-to-people-without-kids-do-you-argue-with-them-or-just-let-it-go#post-73342 Sun, 12 Feb 2012 21:09:57 +0000 heffalump 73342@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@cupcakemama: I think like you said -to each their own. Different things work for different people, and it doesn't make one.person more right then the other. My lo has major stranger anxiety and it took a.lot of work to get her to let her dad put her to bed. If we went out late and had a grandparent put her to bed id just worry all night that lo has been screaming for hours and I wouldn't enjoy my night at all. Plus, we're not late night people anyway so it's not a big deal for us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talking-to-people-without-kids-do-you-argue-with-them-or-just-let-it-go#post-73338 Sun, 12 Feb 2012 21:01:35 +0000 cupcakemama 73338@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@artbee: I think you hit the nail on the head. Clearly I am a bad mother as I would get sick of always doing an early dinner and want to sometimes put my needs first! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talking-to-people-without-kids-do-you-argue-with-them-or-just-let-it-go#post-73334 Sun, 12 Feb 2012 20:56:33 +0000 heffalump 73334@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@cupcakemama: I agree, I make sure lo is comfortable with her dad for bedtime because if something happens like I get sick or have an emergency, I don't want to worry that lo will be screaming for me all night long. Her daughter is 2 1/2 now, will be 3 the time of the wedding. They go out to early dinners and are back in time for.bedtime. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talking-to-people-without-kids-do-you-argue-with-them-or-just-let-it-go#post-73331 Sun, 12 Feb 2012 20:53:29 +0000 cupcakemama 73331@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>To the main point about arguing with childless friends. I am generally vague and usually utter something along the lines of everyone having to work out their own way of doing things, no right way, things get complicated. yada yada. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talking-to-people-without-kids-do-you-argue-with-them-or-just-let-it-go#post-73330 Sun, 12 Feb 2012 20:51:15 +0000 cupcakemama 73330@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think the odd thing here is more that the 3 year old has never done bedtime without Mum. Never? in 3 years? I get that LO might go through a phase of wanting Mum instead of Dad and vice versa but to miss out on the wedding of a friend because your 3 year old can't/won't go to bed without Mum? I have a child and think that that is a little out there. Yep, every one is different and kids sure do go through phases but this seems like the tail wagging the dog. The friend hasn't been out on a date with dad since toddler was born 3 years ago? or do they put LO to bed and then go out? How do you get into the habit of Mum always putting LO to bed? I am probably missing something here, I will be the first to admit.</p> <p>None of my business, I know, and we all have to do what works for us but I would still like to have some freedom of movement, even if I am a Mum. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talking-to-people-without-kids-do-you-argue-with-them-or-just-let-it-go#post-73327 Sun, 12 Feb 2012 20:49:22 +0000 Andrea 73327@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I totally don't argue. It is SO pointless as they don't get it at all. I don't waste my time. They'll know how complicated things can get one day .... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talking-to-people-without-kids-do-you-argue-with-them-or-just-let-it-go#post-73314 Sun, 12 Feb 2012 20:38:43 +0000 chopsuey 73314@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn't argue, but I would try to get them to see it from a different perspective. I'd just end it with a "just wait until you're a parent." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/talking-to-people-without-kids-do-you-argue-with-them-or-just-let-it-go#post-73312 Sun, 12 Feb 2012 20:35:08 +0000 heffalump 73312@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My friend is getting married soon and is upset that her friend might skip out on her wedding because her 3 year old has never done bedtime with anybody but her. My (childless) friend says she's old enough to have her dad put her to bed. We went back and forward with her stating her opinion and me saying its not that easy to just change things up, kids love routine. My lo is too young to know by experience, but I've read enough posts on here about toddlers wanting their mom's during bath and bedtime to know its not that easy. </p> <p>Finally I just gave up. I know I used to have opinions on parenting that were so wrong and I didn't know that until I had a lo of my own. One day she'll have a kid of her own, remember our conversation, and realize how wrong she was.</p> <p>Do you argue with your non parent friends or do you just let it go? </p>