https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 08 Apr 2026 17:46:24 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tantrums-1#post-2870877 Thu, 07 Feb 2019 17:16:11 +0000 kiddosc 2870877@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We used timeouts at that age for our defiant second child. It was really the staring is in the eye and doing exactly what we just told her not to do that cemented the idea that she was testing boundaries vs. not understanding. We do 1 minute for each year of age rule and have her face the wall (standing or sitting with her when we first started). She's seen her older brother do it, so she got the drill. We talk about what she did wrong after timeout is over and give apologies and hugs. </p> <p>We redirect, or take away the offending object for minor infractions, or moments where communication are an issue... but man, those stare you in the eye and deliberately disobey totally get a timeout. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tantrums-1#post-2870871 Thu, 07 Feb 2019 15:47:44 +0000 castilrm 2870871@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks all! It’s so interesting to hear the response that this is such a typical “second child” situation. My husband and I have been adamant that we’d do our best to treat the kids equally/raise them similarly, so we wouldn’t have that “typical” dynamic. He’s the oldest sibling and was frequently frustrated that his parents never disciplined his younger sibling as strictly. I was the youngest child in my family but there was a huge age gap, so I had a different experience than the usual second child. </p> <p>To a certain degree, I think we’ve been successful with doing things the same way we did with our first, but our second child is just a very different person than her older sister. And I’m sure there are some things I’m more lax on with her than I was with her older sister because now I know what to expect. So all that to say, I’m just crossing my fingers and hoping for the best when it comes to parenting. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tantrums-1#post-2870863 Thu, 07 Feb 2019 15:01:22 +0000 josina 2870863@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Another 2nd child who throws horrible tantrums... she will be 2 in 2 weeks and lately throws huge crying tantrums if I PUT HER IN A DIAPER. It has to be on her terms or she rips it back off. Putting clothes on her is 50/50 the same because she wants to do it herself. </p> <p>We have started with short timeouts (2 minutes) in her room to let her calm down. Following along to hear other options though.<br /> I do think a lot of it has to do with vocabulary also, she has very few words so can't express herself other than No. Which is also her favorite word. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tantrums-1#post-2870853 Thu, 07 Feb 2019 14:16:47 +0000 Lindsay05 2870853@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ugh sounds like a typical second child. Unfortunately our 5 year old still has this behaviour and we have had to try many different ways to discipline. At that age I think redirection/ignoring was the best way to deter that behaviour because they are so young still. Good luck and I commiserate. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tantrums-1#post-2870852 Thu, 07 Feb 2019 14:10:38 +0000 gotkimchi 2870852@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That’s how my son is/was. For his personality and that age I just remove/ignore/redirect </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tantrums-1#post-2870851 Thu, 07 Feb 2019 14:00:43 +0000 MrsADS 2870851@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My 3.5yo has always been like this and is very challenging and still has a lot of tantrums (especially when he is tired). I find when he is having a tantrum, he is out of control and reasoning/talking no longer works. Prior to the tantrum, I try to fend it off or give warnings. And I do a lot of sportscasting his feelings (a la Janet Lansbury). And natural consequences, but not punishment (if you throw a toy, I have to put the toy away because it can hurt someone). </p> <p>Or when he has a tantrum he will try to hit me. I try to block his arms with my body and just repeat (as calmly as possible) "I won't let you hit me." This makes him rage and scream even more, but I think it's all I can do. If at that moment I was to say, "I am taking away your fire truck for a week if you keep hitting me", it would not stop him from hitting me because it's like he's not in control of himself when he's doing it, if that makes sense. </p> <p>Example: earlier this week, he was watching a Daniel Tiger episode. He had been at daycare all day, no nap, and he was super tired. I was sitting with him and doing a few things. He stood up and started jumping on the couch. I told him you have to sit on your bottom on the couch, or you can jump with your feet on the floor. He jumped again. I repeated the options again and said you will need to stay on the floor if you can't sit safely on the couch. Of course he did it again. I picked him up and put him on the floor. And he FLIPPED OUT. Screaming, crying, kicking, hitting. I just blocked him with my body and waited for the rage to subside. I bet it took 15-20 minutes. And I always offer a hug/to hold him during and after the tantrum. Usually he won't while he's upset, but almost always after. </p> <p>But for him, it wasn't really not being allowed to jump on the couch that he was upset about. I think it is his way of venting about his day - he's on his best behavior at school, he's tired, probably missed mommy, probably a little hungry, etc. and it's so many big emotions for a little person. It's almost like he does something to incite a tantrum so he can get those big feelings out, if that makes sense, so I try to give him a safe space to do it. (That's not to say I don't want to jump off the roof of my house when he does it!) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tantrums-1#post-2870838 Thu, 07 Feb 2019 13:26:39 +0000 castilrm 2870838@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hi all! Looking for some actionable advice here that can assist with addressing and managing the tantrums of a very .... expressive 17 month old. Her older sister of course had the usual tantrums (still does to a certain extent as a 3 year old), but she was and is very consequence driven. She does not like to be “in trouble” and as a toddler, generally took instruction pretty well if she was told that she couldn’t do something. She also wasn’t much a risk taker so that was helpful since I wasn’t constantly telling her “no” because was climbing something she shouldn’t.</p> <p>My younger one is much more mischievous. She knows she shouldn’t throw food, drinks, climb on tables, scoot behind the blinds.....but she will still look you in the eye, do it while you’re watching, and giggle about it. If she’s called out for her behavior, she just smiles and goes about her way (her older sister would have been immediately upset about being in trouble). How the heck do you discipline if this response? I’ve tried being neutral and non reactive (just removing her from the situation or taking away what she threw down with a calm no), I’ve tried using a louder voice (particularly if she’s doing something possibly dangerous like climbing the table or slugging a heavy cup that could land on the dog or sister), we even tried a time out (but that’s relatively useless on a one year old!). I imagine she’ll outgrow this especially since many of tantrums start when we can’t understand what she’s trying to communicate, and that should improve once she has more words to work with, but in the interim, is it better to be non reactive? Or does that lead to her thinking she can do what she wants with no consequence? I also want her older sister to see us being consistent with punishments since I don’t want her to think we’re unfairly harsh with her while her younger sister gets away with murder.</p> <p>And edited to add, when I say “punishment” I really just mean “consequence” or “reaction.” Discipline is a different beast at such a young age so I know certain reactions are unproductive when so young. </p> <p>Thanks! </p>