https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 26 Apr 2026 23:25:23 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tantrums-based-on-happiness-of-the-child#post-2743439 Sat, 03 Jun 2017 19:49:22 +0000 Mae 2743439@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sure that being prone to tantrums is part of a kid's personality, but I don't think it is necessarily how happy/not happy a kid is. I feel like my 3 year old has sort of a lot of tantrums, but she's also a super happy smiley kid. She's just very passionate and opinionated and she has a hard time dealing with disappointment or frustration. </p> <p>We don't do time outs, and we don't discipline for tantrums. I feel like a tantrum is just an outpouring of emotion that she hasn't learned how to process appropriately, and I don't want to punish her for her feelings. We do try to head off tantrums by giving alternatives and redirection/distraction... but once she's in full on tantrum mode we pretty much just ride it out. I try to talk to her, I verbalize that I understand whatever it is she's upset about. It doesn't mean the answer is going to change, but I understand she is upset and its okay to be upset. I ask if she wants hugs or cuddles. Sometimes she does, often she doesn't. A lot of times we pretty much just let her do her thing. I feel like we had a really rough time more around 2-2.5 when she had more opinions but less language and patience. Now that she's 3 we do still have tantrums but they are more rare and quicker. We're able to reason with her much better, explain things, and negotiate. For some reason "another day" works great with my daughter. In the past she'd want to do x, and we'd say no, and we'd have a tantrum. Now she wants to do x, we tell her not today but we can do it another day, and that generally works. Sometimes we have to commit to a specific day, but we just pick a day that makes sense. (like when she really wanted to wear a monkey costume for bedtime thursday, and then asked if she could wear it friday to school, and we finally settled on her wearing it on saturday morning when we had nothing else to do). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tantrums-based-on-happiness-of-the-child#post-2743396 Sat, 03 Jun 2017 13:17:07 +0000 SweetCaroline 2743396@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My child is 27 months. When she gets frustrated we make sure she knows she has a safe, quiet place to process her feelings. We ask her if she'd like to "calm your body" and offer her blanket (A&amp;A swaddle). She will usually go lay in bed for a few minutes and come back ready to resume life. Daycare also handles tantrums in the same manner. </p> <p>We never force her to lay in bed, but rather acknowledge her feelings (rational or not, she is feeling all the feelings) and allow her to process them safely however she may choose.</p> <p>Don't get me wrong, it's a shit show, not all zen and peaceful. Either way, forced time outs at this age feel like a punishment to me. Two year olds throw tantrums to express and process big emotions. Our job is to help them through it and teach other ways to do that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tantrums-based-on-happiness-of-the-child#post-2743362 Sat, 03 Jun 2017 08:20:35 +0000 Portboston 2743362@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My son is extremely shy in public, very serious (always seems to be analyzing) so difficult to make laugh, etc. seems a lot like your daughter. He'll be 2 in July. I wouldn't even call his tantrums true tantrums. He'll get upset and cry/whine/yell for about 5-10 seconds and get over it. We do a lot of talking with him about what he's upset about and a TON of preparation. For example, if he's watching tv and it's almost time to turn it off we'll tell him well in advance. Yesterday we were at Home Depot and he was playing in their water fountain display. He reeeallly didn't want to leave (he's obsessed with water) so I told him he could play for another minute and then it was time to go. Normally he'll go willingly but he just didn't want to leave the water. So I had to pick him up and he got pretty upset. I told him that I understood it was hard to leave something when you're having fun and we would come back another time. He got over it by the time we walked out the door to the parking lot. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tantrums-based-on-happiness-of-the-child#post-2743322 Fri, 02 Jun 2017 19:05:46 +0000 MrsADS 2743322@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Please read Janet Lansbury about tantrums and big emotions in toddlers. I am such a huge believer in not using time out for toddlers. :crying: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tantrums-based-on-happiness-of-the-child#post-2743320 Fri, 02 Jun 2017 18:53:59 +0000 wrkbrk 2743320@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bluestriped bee: It may not be happy, it may be that she's easy going. My son is super easy going/go with the flow and so far, no tantrums (I'm jinxing it!!) although several of his classmates have them frequently. I truly believe he it's luck of the draw. I'm a very anxious person and he's not at all! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tantrums-based-on-happiness-of-the-child#post-2743281 Fri, 02 Jun 2017 16:43:09 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2743281@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My daughter is like your daughter and son like your son, coincidentally. I absolutely think tantrums are tied to temperament. When my dd was this age I read a lot of Raising Your Spirited Child and it helped a lot. All kids tantrum but kids like my daughter can go on and ON. Imo time outs should not be punishments. I exercise time out when they need to be away from the rest of us to calm down. I allow my kids to throw a fit if they aren't happy (and we aren't on an airplane or in a restaurant, etc, haha) and I find that allowing them to express that actually shortens the overall tantrum. There's no reasoning with them during the tantrum, for the most part. But having firm boundaries and allowing them to cry (while still being available for them) has worked better for us. It is REALLY hard to be consistent and I struggle a good amount with that especially when we're rushing around trying to do other things!</p> <p>Hugs mama, tantrums from only semi verbal people are tough! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tantrums-based-on-happiness-of-the-child#post-2743275 Fri, 02 Jun 2017 16:27:09 +0000 youboots 2743275@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Eh, my kid is happy and sociable and has tantrums. I pick her up or remove her from the situation if it's not safe- like in a parking lot. She will lie on the ground and refuse to walk. It's developmental- I don't consider it 'bad' unless it's a safety issue. She's 2 y 3 mo.</p> <p>I'd check out the unruffled podcast byJanet Lansbury. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tantrums-based-on-happiness-of-the-child#post-2743271 Fri, 02 Jun 2017 16:20:16 +0000 Anagram 2743271@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bluestriped bee: I don't think there's a connection between those things. At least in my experience.</p> <p>My second tantrums 20x more than my first ever did. Her tantrums started early (8 months) and are frequent, louder, and over smaller, "more ridiculous" things. But she's also pretty outgoing, quick to laugh, a very happy girl outside of her tantrums, very physical, very independent, and very competitive with older sister (that fuels a lot of the tantrums).</p> <p>It's just a personality difference. Some kids tantrum more than others. My LO2 is 22 months, so we haven't done time outs for tantrums--we do more redirecting, connecting, etc. FWIW, she seems to finally be calming down a bit--as her physical and verbal skills increase, her tantrums have been decreasing. But also, I've been home from work for only 45 minutes, and she's already had 1 huge tantrum, haha. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tantrums-based-on-happiness-of-the-child#post-2743269 Fri, 02 Jun 2017 16:19:40 +0000 PawPrints 2743269@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>21 months is way, way too young for time out or any kind of punishment, especially for tantrums (which are completely developmentally normal and not a "bad" behavior). Yes, you are totally correct that you should be trying to connect with her emotions and read back to her what you think she's feeling, and acknowledge &amp; validate those feelings. That will help a lot. Then if she still has a tantrum, just stay close by and keep validating and acknowledging or just say "I hear you."</p> <p>[edit] This is a good one from Janet Lansbury on tantrums: <a href="http://www.janetlansbury.com/2016/03/how-to-calm-an-angry-child/" rel="nofollow">http://www.janetlansbury.com/2016/03/how-to-calm-an-angry-child/</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tantrums-based-on-happiness-of-the-child#post-2743267 Fri, 02 Jun 2017 16:13:18 +0000 MenagerieMama 2743267@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think there is a correlation. LO1 is super happy but also has a lot of strong opinions :wink: Around that age she wasn't quite verbal enough to communicate effectively which was super frustrating to her and was the root of a lot of tantrums. Now when she melts down (she's 2.5 yo) we can at least figure out why and usually work through it. We do a lot of "emotion coaching" to help her. I'm also married to a child psychologist so that helps :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tantrums-based-on-happiness-of-the-child#post-2743265 Fri, 02 Jun 2017 16:07:20 +0000 BSB 2743265@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So my twins are 21 months and I'm noticing my daughter is having more frequent and emotional tantrums. My son had some about a month ago but they aren't that bad. </p> <p>I do wonder if it has to do with their personality and/or how happy/serious they are. My son is a happy baby. Easier to make smile or laugh. A bit more social in public settings. Now my daughter is more serious, we can get her to laugh but it takes a bit more effort. In pubic setting she is more shy and serious. The scientist in me thinks she's analyzing the world, already. </p> <p>We've had to start putting her in timeout because she will get upset and lay on the floor and kick and scream. The timeouts seem to be working for now. </p> <p>I do wonder if we are punishing her because she isn't as happy, like my son. My son does have tantrums but they aren't as dramatic. If he gets upset, we can usually distract him with something else. Distracting her doesn't seems to work. Or maybe we need to try other things. </p> <p>Maybe we can try to redirect or really try to understand why she is getting upset before she gets to the kicking and screaming part.</p> <p>Any other suggestions? </p>