https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 21 May 2026 18:49:21 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tantrums-wtf#post-2485694 Sun, 06 Mar 2016 15:49:05 +0000 MrsSRS 2485694@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We kind of do this<br /> <a href="https://daycaredaze.wordpress.com/the-tantrum-series/" rel="nofollow">https://daycaredaze.wordpress.com/the-tantrum-series/</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tantrums-wtf#post-2484978 Sat, 05 Mar 2016 05:56:17 +0000 illumina 2484978@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JoJoGirl: @.twist.: omg you guys! I just made a similar post and then found this one from a few days ago and I completely commiserate with what you guys said! It's crazy! How do you keep smiling through it and not lose your shit 20x a day??? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tantrums-wtf#post-2481755 Wed, 02 Mar 2016 15:21:00 +0000 Raindrop 2481755@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hilsy85: Ditto what she says! :)</p> <p>We had a terrible time when LO#2 was born too. Definitely was the main reason for LO#1's huge tantrums. He was just having a hard time processing his feelings about having a new sibling. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tantrums-wtf#post-2481706 Wed, 02 Mar 2016 14:53:00 +0000 Ms maths 2481706@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What @HILSY85 said. And this is actually what I found Janet Lansbury most useful for. I generally find her podcast on the preachy side and her tone condescending--my husband regularly yells things at her from the other room when I am listening :silly: --but her constant reminders that tantrums are ok helps me to accept that. That is, toddlers have a lot of big emotions that they don't know how to deal with, and tantrums are part of them figuring it out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tantrums-wtf#post-2481621 Wed, 02 Mar 2016 14:08:03 +0000 hilsy85 2481621@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: I think you also just have to be ok with the tantrums to some extent--they are very normal and age appropriate. So I found it helpful to focus less on stopping the tantrum and just on making sure that what needed to get done got done. So I am ok with him screaming and crying through bath time, as long as he lets me put him in the tub. Same thing with getting dressed. And once those things are done, he's free to roll around on the floor and kick his blankets around if he wants to. Free expression and all that :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tantrums-wtf#post-2481611 Wed, 02 Mar 2016 14:01:03 +0000 PurplePeony 2481611@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My DD is a few months younger and there's no baby, but we're dealing with the same thing. Poor DH can do nothing right, either I have to do it or she has to do it herself. Part of it actually is on DH, as he doesn't have enough patience to let her dawdle and do things at her own pace, so he tries to hurry her along, and cue screaming and tears. To be fair, sometimes we really do need to get going...but a lot of the time, a few more minutes won't make or break things. And we end up spending more time dealing with the tantrum than it would have taken her to do it herself. But sometimes she's just dead set against having DH help her and we haven't figured out how to address that appropriately. DH isn't really on the Janet Lansbury bandwagon so I don't know how much I can press him on that...but I'm reading this thread with interest! It's so hard. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tantrums-wtf#post-2481375 Wed, 02 Mar 2016 11:50:03 +0000 Trailmix 2481375@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I like 1,2,3 Magic </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tantrums-wtf#post-2481366 Wed, 02 Mar 2016 11:46:38 +0000 .twist. 2481366@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JoJoGirl: YES! I turn the light on to his room. MELTDOWN. I ask him " :shocked: what???" and he replies "IIIIIIIIIIII WAAAAAAAANT TOOOOO TURNNNN ITTTTT OOOOON". So I have to turn it off and let him. LOL Like dude, just ask. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tantrums-wtf#post-2481361 Wed, 02 Mar 2016 11:40:13 +0000 JoJoGirl 2481361@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@.twist.: LOL seriously. LO will *not* go to sleep until she puts her baby duck to sleep under her lovey in ONE EXACT WAY. She tried 9 times last night before she'd go the F to sleep. She'd have thrown a tantrum and not slept had I made her stop trying. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tantrums-wtf#post-2481350 Wed, 02 Mar 2016 11:35:23 +0000 .twist. 2481350@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JoJoGirl: Pretty much this! No big changes in his life, but 2.5 changed him and he's a tornado now. Anything will trigger a tantrum, from not getting a treat that he expects to wanting to jump up the stairs to the daycare a SPECIFIC way and if we do it wrong, meltdown, let's try again. </p> <p>The other day we had to go up the daycare stairs 5 times. Give me all the wine. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tantrums-wtf#post-2481334 Wed, 02 Mar 2016 11:25:50 +0000 hellobeeboston 2481334@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>yes to JL and everything that @hilsy85: said!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tantrums-wtf#post-2481025 Wed, 02 Mar 2016 08:02:15 +0000 looch 2481025@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's the age, we didn't have another child but my son still threw tantrums. I learned that my reactions were not helping the situations, so I work on controlling myself while my son works out his emotions. We talk about it after everyone's calmed down. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tantrums-wtf#post-2481022 Wed, 02 Mar 2016 07:59:43 +0000 Modern Daisy 2481022@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We don't have another baby, but depending on his mood and why I think he's tantrumming I use different tactics. If he's overtired almost nothing works so I just have to be prepared to calmly force him into the car or ignore his screaming at home. If it's about a power struggle usually telling him that he's upsetting mommy will get through to him. If we see an opportunity to successfully threaten with consequences that will actually make an impact on him and be easy to follow through with (like when he is currently watching TV and we need him to take his medicine or sit in his chair and finish dinner and the threat of turning the tv off will actually make him listen) then we go ahead and threaten. For us it's all about reading the situation and using the right tactic, but we always at least try calmly explaining first. Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tantrums-wtf#post-2481009 Wed, 02 Mar 2016 07:39:16 +0000 JoJoGirl 2481009@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Things went massively downhill for us right at 2.5, and we don't have another baby. So yes part of it could be the baby, but it's also the age. We haven't found anything that's really helped so I'm mostly here to follow :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tantrums-wtf#post-2480998 Wed, 02 Mar 2016 07:17:15 +0000 Foodnerd81 2480998@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ok I will try listening to the podcasts. Maybe it was my own voice in my head that annoyed me. :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tantrums-wtf#post-2480910 Wed, 02 Mar 2016 00:02:36 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2480910@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@winniebee: @hilsy85: I like JL too. Even her voice itself is so calm! I was listening to a podcast with ds in the room and he even seemed drawn to her voice! ;) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tantrums-wtf#post-2480853 Tue, 01 Mar 2016 22:33:32 +0000 Pumpkin Pie 2480853@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I haven't read it, but someone recommended the book how to talk so kids will listen. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tantrums-wtf#post-2480816 Tue, 01 Mar 2016 22:00:18 +0000 hilsy85 2480816@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@winniebee: I am always kind of holding my breath, like--this won't work this time, will it?! But then it usually does! :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tantrums-wtf#post-2480815 Tue, 01 Mar 2016 21:58:36 +0000 winniebee 2480815@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hilsy85: yeah I agree. She makes it seem easy breezy when in fact it can be SO HARD. But, when I keep my cool through a tantrum like her, and the tantrum is then over almost as soon as it started....I feel like super mom! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tantrums-wtf#post-2480810 Tue, 01 Mar 2016 21:56:43 +0000 hilsy85 2480810@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: ha yes he once tantrumed bc he ate half his banana and was upset bc he wanted to be big again... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tantrums-wtf#post-2480808 Tue, 01 Mar 2016 21:56:00 +0000 hilsy85 2480808@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: I feel like she can be kind of repetitive and I feel like it is impossible to be as calm as she advocates being. But I agree with the basic premise that these kinds of tantrums are emotional rather than behavioral ones that we saw at 18 months (tantrum bc Lo wants to walk and I won't let him). These are different, or at least they were for us. I will also say that 2.5-3 was also a brutal time for us--leo was so oppositional and it was so hard to do anything with him--everything was a fight. So it may be partly just the age as well! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tantrums-wtf#post-2480797 Tue, 01 Mar 2016 21:50:20 +0000 Foodnerd81 2480797@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@winniebee: ok I will try out the podcast! @hilsy85: oh and I had to laugh about your banana example- she had a small fit the other day because she tried to pull her banana out of the peel and it broke and wouldn't go back together. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tantrums-wtf#post-2480794 Tue, 01 Mar 2016 21:48:08 +0000 Foodnerd81 2480794@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mae: well I know your LO just went through big changes too, so maybe it's more similar than you think. Though these last couple weeks... New level of tantrums. </p> <p>@hilsy85: I definitely know it's related to the baby. And we try so hard to be patient and understanding until we just can't (hence needing a book or whatever). And we really also try to be consistent- Daddy is changing your diaper, period. It's hard because I know she would stop freaking out if I just did it but we have to draw the line. The only time we don't is when Dh has just had it and reaches his breaking point.<br /> I have read a few Janet Lansbury posts and sometimes it feels preachy. Maybe I need to give t another shot, though, because this isn't working. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tantrums-wtf#post-2480791 Tue, 01 Mar 2016 21:46:10 +0000 winniebee 2480791@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We had a really bad spell from 2.5-3.....which coincided with a new baby in the house! But I agree with @hilsy85: as I always do when it comes to tantrums. Janet Lansbury has helped us SO MUCH. I listened to her book No Bad Kids and it was life changing for me. Her podcasts ("Unruffled") are awesome too. She recently did a podcast on parental preference that I think could be helpful to you! I haven't found her preachy. I find her pretty practical -- and I like listening to her versus reading her -- because I like hearing the tone she uses when she demonstrates how to speak to toddlers. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tantrums-wtf#post-2480753 Tue, 01 Mar 2016 21:14:46 +0000 hilsy85 2480753@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Janet Lansbury! Basic premise--the baby is a HUGE change in her life, and it is likely that much of her behavior is stemming from her feelings around that (anger, sadness, rejection, confusion, etc). Unfortunately, she doesn't have any quick fixes--just let them feel their feelings and let them know that you are there for them (there was a lot of repeating "we love you all the time. It's ok to be angry. We know you're angry right now. We love you when you're angry too!".). But also, you need to do what you need to do--so another words, I actually think giving in to her and letting you do stuff because she doesn't want DH to do it is making the situation worse and giving her too much power/not enough boundaries. She doesn't need that control. She knows DH, I'm sure loves and adores him and vice versa. If you say that he is going to do something, he shoudl be the one to do it. It might suck for a while, but consistency is key. </p> <p>Also, one thing that really helped me--recognize that the tantrums are NOT about what they seem to be about (i.e. the cabinet). That was driving me crazy--like how could my kid be freaking out this much because his banana broke in half?! But it's not about that, they just have all these feelings and they kind of leak out in little upsets like that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tantrums-wtf#post-2480747 Tue, 01 Mar 2016 21:08:54 +0000 Mae 2480747@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No idea on books and this might be totally pointless because my LO is younger (21 mo)... but we have a lot of tantrums about her dad doing things with/for her. She's a mama's girl and she gets upset when her dad tries to take her away from me to do things with her (to give me a break lol). For us nothing has solved the problem but the severity has been drastically decreased by just basically ignoring it. We don't give in when she wants me to do something for her and they used to be majjooorrrr tantrums but now mostly she cries for like 20 seconds and is over it. </p> <p>But 2.5 year old tantrums might be a whole other category we haven't experienced yet :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/tantrums-wtf#post-2480668 Tue, 01 Mar 2016 20:11:18 +0000 Foodnerd81 2480668@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>C is 2.5, we have a 2 month old baby. The tantrums are just out of control. And as I've mentioned here before, the biggest trigger is when DH tries to do anything- this morning I got her ready, diaper changed, dressed, ate breakfast with her, got shoes and socks on. DH tried to put her coat on as we were leaving and it was total meltdown. But I really think she is throwing tantrums just for the sake of throwing a tantrum- we fought over her pulling everything out of a cabinet, calmed down, and 15 minutes later, out of nowhere, she yells, No! I want to go in the cabinet! We were on the other side of the room. </p> <p>Anyway, any books or resources you recommend for dealing with toddler tantrums and general irrationality? As soon as it starts getting preachy I get turned off and don't want to read... </p>